Good morrow fellow FF VII lovers. I bring you grand tidings from the world of Dragonite aka my brain. I've been itching to write a Crisis Core themed story since I finished the game (back in March) and I finally produced something I believe is worth your time.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy as Genesis' POV take your through his rediscovery of love. DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE A PRECIOUS REVIEW!! Those are what keep me going :3
Chapter 1: What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You
warning: adult themes
They say that people who are afraid of commitment are irresponsible and don't accept reality for what it is; that they're too wrapped up in themselves to care about someone else.
But what if that was just the opposite?
What if that person has been exposed to the hardships of other relationships and other people who've had their hearts broken in that everlasting pursuit of true love? What if that person, not willing to stay with one person, is wise enough to know that it'll never be 'happily ever after' and avoids the possibility of heartbreak all together?
I'd like to think of this as being smart and realistic, probably even cynical, but to each their own.
Besides, when you throw away the cultural norm that says you must stay with one person for the rest of your life, many many possibilities open up for you.
Multiple partners, different lifestyles, spontaneous whims; you never have a boring weekend when there's no labels between you and that person.
And this can be taken to a friendship –or even stranger- level.
For example, have you ever sat down at a train or a bus station and started to happily chat with someone you didn't know? You speak of anything and everything as if you were old friends, and the said new acquaintance leaves. You will never see that person again, but for some reason, you could speak your mind, knowing that information. When there's no background –no history- known between two people, you don't lie… you don't restrain yourself.
You can be truly you without judgment or worry of what they'll think.
It's not as if you'll spend the rest of your life with them. Why be someone you're not to do something silly like impress them or tickle their fancy?
No… when you have anonymity… it's a weight of worry lifting off your shoulders to be yourself without the chains of commitment slowing you down.
When you go out with someone you've never met, it can be the most exciting and arousing feeling one could ever experience. It's as you're being touched by a mysterious stranger –a bad guy- and all he wants to do is make your wildest dreams come true for one night.
Such a thrill does not go unnoticed by me and I make it a point to absorb that adrenaline rush every time I lay with my next partner.
It's that rush that keeps me going after I've tolled away at my slightly over-demanding job as a SOLDIER in the most powerful monopoly on the planet; ShinRa company.
Having the status of SOLDIER isn't as luxurious as those looking from the outside may think. Since we're the most powerful of ShinRa's lapdogs, we're the last resort when it comes to mission support. When we're not killing, we're teaching the next generation how to kill in special camps and go half around the world to teach about ground patrolling and mako reactor workings.
It takes a lot of out a SOLDIER such as myself; I have to constantly put on a front of politeness, sternness, and authority (although I have to say that my aura is already soaked in some of these qualities).
I have to be an example of responsibility that is acceptable to the general public of what a SOLIDER should be. I'm sure that Lazard wouldn't find my non-monogyny ways an admirable trait to pass onto the lower ranks of SOLDIER and the infantry men.
Even so… being surrounded by so many handsome and genetically enhanced men on a daily basis is enough to drive me to the streets at night for something to calm that ache in my lower pelvis.
And if there was such a man that pulled at my inner self more and more, it's non other than the great General himself, Sephiroth.
Just the thought of his name gives me the needed visual of that leather clad battle machine: tall stature, carved upper body, slender face, shocking eyes, Wutanese silk hair. Such a man I would have seduced and been on my way a long time ago… if not for his horrible attitude and anti-social behavior.
Sephiroth's sexiness is countered by his complete lack of noticing sex appeal.
The man's a brick when it comes to sexual matters, making me ponder if he was even born with a penis. And I'm not saying the man doesn't know where babies come from –he can explain reproduction down to the act of fertilization- but I'm sure he wouldn't know what to do if a woman flashed her breasts or a man grabbed his crotch in front of him.
In fact, I'm sure he'd kill them both and be on his marry way… which is another reason why I've not made any advances on him. He's a cut-throat SOLDIER who's married to his work and nothing else. But I won't lie:
A much more sex-savvy Sephiroth forever haunts my dreams and clutches onto my list of men-I-want-to-bang-before-I-hit-30.
But as stated before, the fact that I know this man personally makes him that much more distant from my conscious thoughts. He knows too much about me… the thrill of anonymity would be missing.
But its Sephiroth's physical attractiveness and my fantasies of him that is the bulk of my sexual frustrations. Every time I'm forced to be in his presence for the day, my need for touch by a different man is increased. But it's Sephiroth from which I learned the harsh reality that love does not exist.
If there one thing I love more than the high of anonymity, it's my dear best friend, Angeal.
I've known him since childhood and we've been together since. He's the only man in my life of which I have no sexual attraction for and have a respect that outweighs all others. I mean, he even puts up with my man-to-man ways and accepts me for me. And since he's older than me by a few months, I've always kinda looked up to him for guidance… like a big brother.
He's the only man of which I can truly say I love in the sense of family.
Unfortunately, Angeal, like many others in SOLDIERs, was snared in Sephiroth's aura.
He was one of the few men who could actually talk to Sephiroth one of one without being put off by unresponsiveness, zero eye contact, and overall stubbornness. I dare say that it was Sephiroth's negative traits that drew a kind soul like Angeal to him.
And like a kind soul, he was stepped on, taken advantage of.
He came to my apartment one hazy hot evening, his eyes covered by his unusually messy hair. I immediately brought him inside and gave him his favorite drink; iced coffee.
He sat there for what seemed like hours until he shed a tear. It was a manly tear with no fuss and no sobbing.
Just a gentle tear that fell into his iced coffee. It was followed by a solemn and deep voice that seemed steady but I could hear every piece of broken glass in his tone:
"I now completely understand why you're reluctant to fall in love."
I didn't get the whole story from him until the next morning when he had calmed down a little.
Apparently, Sephiroth mistook Angeal's affections for that of material possession and treated Angeal as such.
Not sure who was bottom and who was top (Angeal most likely pitched), but whatever Sephiroth had said to him after the deed was done was more damaging to Angeal than any wound he received on the battlefield. Angeal hasn't told me what he said to this day; it's probably too damaging for him and he –in a true Angeal-style- doesn't dwell on things beyond his control.
And he's even moved onto another beloved, a 3rd class SOLDIER named Zack who's made him very happy. I'm happy for him, but it hasn't changed my mind about love.
It's because of men like Sephiroth that I know love doesn't really exist
There's only anonymity and there's only lust.
But it's men like Sephiroth that continue to get me hot and bothered for more. I hate him… yet I lust over him. If only I knew nothing about him. If only I met him walking down the street and said hello to spark conversation. If only I knew him as a handsome man sitting in a restaurant, and not the pompous General of the ShinRa SOLDIER army.
Maybe… things would be different.