So this is my How To Really Butcher A Romance Fanfic series sequel sort of thing. This is my Naruto series. I'm going to be doing one for Sonic The Hedgehog, Digimon, Bleach and maybe Death Note and Shaman King too. If you haven't read the original How To Really Butcher A Romance Fanfic then go and read it, pretty please. So without further ado, I present...
Warning, OOCness, sarcasm overload, AU highschool
Disclaimer-Yeah, I own Naruto...in my dreams
How to Really Butcher A Romance Fanfic
Naruto woke up and sighed. Damn, today, I have to go to school and see Sasuke-teme. Then his heart palpitated as he thought of his crush since he was, like, born, SAKURA-CHAN. Naruto's heart palpitated. The fangirl has forgotten that she has already mentioned Naruto's palpitating heart and bores us all to death...AGAIN. Then Naruto remembered that his beloved Sakura-chan, who he loved, may I point out, was dating the horrible Sasuke-teme. BOO-HISS.
Sasuke-teme was class president and the richest and most popular boy in school. He had his pick of every girl and unfortunately for Naruto, he had picked Sakura. His first true love. Here the author clearly shows that her writing 'talents' are limited to the cliché 'true love' genre.
So Naruto got up and put on his school uniform. He headed downstairs and took his lunch from his brother, Kyuubi (Now I have nothing against people naming Naruto's AU brother Kyuubi but when coupled with other unimaginative cliché things it makes me want to pull out my hair) and went off to his school, Konoha High. Is anyone else noticing a distinct lack of imagination? Naruto sighed as he saw his beloved Sakura-chan skip by with her best friend, Ino Yamanaka, tittering about their boyfriends, Sasuke and Shikamaru. Yes, Sakura and Ino skip and titter and are generally best friends.
'Omigod, you're so lucky to have Sasuke-kun as your boyfriend, he's so super-hot and smoulderingly sexy with chiselled features and a gorgeous face and I bet he's suuuuuchhhhh a good kisser.' Ino dribbled on for about ten minutes while the reader stares glassy-eyed at the screen. (A/N Really I'm not making this up. Some people actually think the key to good fanfiction is word count) And then, the devil himself appeared. Sasuke. He was wearing a black t-shirt that hugged his body and black jeans and he looked so fucking hot. Insert 12 minute fangirl rave about how Sasuke defines the word 'sex'. Sasuke strolled over to Sakura and murmured sweet nothings in her ear. Oh yes, Sasuke is a smooth talker. Really, he doesn't just open his mouth to criticize people or to say 'hn'. With his arm around her waist, Sasuke swaggered away after smiling at Ino.
Naruto clenched his fists in anger. How dare Sasuke lay hands on Sakura. He had no right to. He stomped into the building and ran straight into Sasuke and Sakura, who had just finished a make-out session. Sasuke whispered 'I love you' quietly in her ear and Sakura smiled and kissed him again. He was quite clearly an excellent kisser, seeing as Sakura seemed to be enjoying it. The kiss was slow but passionate and everyone in the hallway was secretly watching. Stop kissing Naruto thought, mirroring the reader's thoughts exactly. But the couple continue to sicken everyone by continuing their little session for so long that the reader wonders if this is really a NaruSaku or a SasuSaku lemon in disguise. Finally, after the disgusting pash n' grabbing is over, the author continues with the 'story'. Naruto gripped his backpack so tightly that his knuckles turned white and he strode past the pair without looking at them.
Naruto was walking through the deserted hallways at the end of the day, looking for her. He'd had a really bad day. Sakura and Sasuke had been particularly horny that day and had been constantly attached to each other's faces and the one time that they went attached Sakura had punched him in the face. He imagined kissing Sakura. And then he heard crying. Sakura was sobbing bitterly at the corridor as she peered through a window in the janitor's closet. Naruto hurried over to her and after convincing her that he wasn't stalking her (he was stalking her but the naive fangit actually believes that he was doing something incredibly romantic) he asked her what was wrong. Sakura pointed wildly at the window. Of course, the girl who had previously punched him and not in a friendly way was now allowing him to comfort her. Naruto peered inside and saw Sasuke kissing Ino.
'How could he? He said he loved me.' Sakura sobbed. Naruto hugged her and one thing led to another and they ended up kissing. The unimaginative author reads a bunch of other fanfics and deduces that the best way to end her fanfic is to have Sakura slap Sasuke and go out with Naruto.
And so, Sakura stormed into the room and slapped Sasuke, screamed that Ino was no longer her friend and how she was so much better off without either of them. She rushed out of the room and straight into the arms of the waiting Naruto, who she suddenly discovered she had feelings. Naruto who finally had the girl he loved in his arms yada yada smiled.
'Sakura, I love you and won't let anyone ever hurt you again. I will never hurt you in the way that Sasuke did. You're so beautiful it hurts. I have loved you all my life...'and so on and so forth. Never mind the fact that Naruto is loud and incapable of a speech like this, the author wants a romantic moment and so a romantic moment they will have.
As they walk out of the building, Naruto has a happy thought, this has been the best day of his life. He had gained the love of his cherry blossom and that was all he wanted.
Well, I hope that wasn't too nauseating. I prefer my original but I wrote that over a few days and this one was written in 2 hours so I was really bored by the end. I might try and re-write this some time. If you have time please read How To Really Butcher A Romance Fanfic and review that. I think it's better than this one. Please review. Flames will be deleted. Once more I have a little snippet to cleanse you of some of the horrors of bad fanficness.
Sasuke stared in shock as he realised he, THE Uchiha, had been dumped and if that wasn't enough slapped. Then he felt a tug on his arm and turned to see Ino smiling suggestively at him. He grinned. He could have his pick of any of the other girls. He didn't need Sakura. He turned to Ino and whispered in her ear 'I love you'
Next one is: ShikaIno
Next How To Really Butcher A Romance Fanfic series to be started: Digimon