All I Want for Christmas is You
When Dean returned from hell, he found out a lot of things. One was that an angel by the name of Castiel had saved him and told him God had work for him. The second was that Ruby had taught Sam how to use his powers and Dean wanted to kill her for it, he really did, but she had saved Sam from losing his way and his life. The third thing he found out was that Lililth was planning to release Lucifer, the devil himself and the apocalypse was swiftly approaching. He and his brother were quickly thrown into war but there was one more thing for Dean to learn. He loved Sam, not just brotherly love, he was in love with Sam and that scared him more the demons, angels, the devil and the end of the world.
At first Dean thought he was going crazy, it started so suddenly, it was right after he returned from hell, he saw Sam standing there and God he'd missed him and he felt a strong pull towards him. The next thing that happened was a dream that left him needing a cold shower and a feeling that would not leave. The feeling of being in love. He tried to tell himself that that dream meant nothing, that he was under way, way too much stress but now, now he couldn't take his eyes off Sam and he just kept dreaming.
And it went on and on and after awhile it wasn't so scary anymore, it felt almost normal. Like Dean had a crush on a schoolgirl but he was to shy to ask her out but Dean was never shy and this was not a crush on a schoolgirl. Yet after a few weeks of avoiding eye contact with Sam he felt himself relax but the feelings were not leaving. Not now, not ever. He just learnt to live with it and after awhile it just felt normal. Ok, so it was far from normal, but hey, since when was Dean Winchester normal?
So Dean learnt to live with his feelings but by Christmas time he was ready to explode, it was only one week to Christmas and he didn't know why but something told him that it was the right time to tell Sam. But he couldn't seem to find the right words to say because telling your brother you were in love with them was hard to do, really hard. So Dean being Dean came up with an idea to 'help' Sam find out how he felt about him. It was a game, a silly game that Dean had come up with while walking down the snowy streets.
And today, today Dean would tell Sam about his little game and then, then he'd wait. It would be confusing at first, Sam would most likely think Dean had lost it but Sam being Sam would do it. He'd play Dean's game. Dean's silly, confusing little game.
Dean stepped into in their shared motel room and shrugged off his coat, for once they were not hunting, they were just waiting. They were just drifting from town to town, not hunting, just waiting. Waiting for what? Lililth's next move of course. The supernatural world was quiet and for once Dean was glad because it had been hard to battle the supernatural while trying to figure out why he was in love with his brother.
It wasn't easy for Dean to control himself. As he looked at Sam, who sat crossed legged on the motel bed, he felt like he would just explode. Sometimes he wondered why the words hadn't just fumbled from his mouth. There had been plenty of times but yet his secret stayed with him. But now the game would begin.
Dean moved towards Sam, taking a seat next to him and he just said it, like he was a kid. "I want to play a game."
Sam looked perplexed "huh?"
"I want to play a game."
"Ok sparky" Sam was joking now, but confusion was visible in his hazel eyes.
"I know this seems weird but I want you to guess what I want for Christmas."
Sam gaped at Dean "what?"
"Just guess Sammy" Dean said with a soft smile.
"Something for the Impala? New clothes? What Dean?" Sam asked baffled.
"Don't start guessing now" Dean said "you have a week but a little hint" Dean winked "it's not something you'd think I'd want" he stood, ruffling Sam's hand then walked into the bathroom for a nice warm shower. Though with the image of Sam on the bed in his mind he might need a cold one.
What did one buy Dean Winchester for Christmas? Sam should know what his big brother wanted but for the life of him he couldn't even think of a single thing Dean wanted and especially if it was what Sam least expected. Sam was wracking his brain for the answer, what the hell did Dean want? Sam sighed heavily and drained his coffee, he was getting a headache. He had only six days to find out what Dean wanted and every minute he wasn't thinking about what he wanted was a waste of time.
He gazed around the snow littered streets and pulled his jacket closer to his body, it was the coldest winter he had felt in years. As he neared the motel, he saw Dean pulling up in the Impala. He walked into the motel room, a brown paper bag tucked under his arm. Sam picked up his pace, eager to see what Dean had bought. He stepped into the motel room, out of the chilly breeze, and closed the door while taking of his jacket.
"What's in the bag?" Sam asked.
"Christmas decorations" he replied with a smirk "we're having a real Christmas this year."
"Are you serious?" Sam asked, "there's a raging war between demons and angels going on and all you're thinking about is Christmas?"
"I thought we could take a week off from worrying about the end of the world and have a nice Christmas but hey" Dean plopped the bag down on the bed and started pulling things out "You don't have to join me if you don't want to but you'll be missing out on all the fun."
"No Dean" Sam stumbled on his words, Dean wasn't acting like himself, was he hiding something? "Are you dying again?"
Dean gawked at Sam "Yeah, it's cancer, it's called 'my brother won't have Christmas with me' and it's fatal."
"Not funny Dean."
Dean bit his tongue; he loved when Sam whined, he looked so adorable and he wanted to have his way with him but not yet, the game had just begun. "Sammy please just celebrate Christmas with me?"
Sam sighed "Ok…" he looked at the bag and saw tinsel and a box of coloured stars "we need a tree."
"Way ahead of you Kiddo" Dean bent down and disappeared behind the bed then came out with a tree "one Christmas tree" he said smiling his sweetest smile.
"Then let's get started" Sam said returning the smile.
Dean stared out at the motel room window, the sun was setting and the sky was lit up with purple, pink and orange. The snowflakes danced in the air and the windows rattled with the breeze. He felt fingers entwine with his own, he could feel hot breath on his neck; it was sending chills through his body. He felt the person behind him bite and nip at his neck. He slowly turned to find himself face to face with Sam, his eyes were glowing in the afternoon sun and he wore a sweet smile.
"Sammy" he whispered.
"I'm gonna give you everything you've ever wanted Dean" he whispered in his ear "going to give you want you want" he nipped at his ear then started to lead a trail of kisses down his neck, leaving marks behind. Sam pulled Dean's jacket off, exposing his firm arms. Sam pushed Dean back but he didn't fall to the floor, no, he fell onto a soft bed.
He opened his eyes and found a half naked Sam lying on top of him, kissing and biting at his exposed chest. Dean moaned loudly, shivers running up and down his spine. He felt like he would explode, but he wanted this so much. No, this was wrong; he couldn't take advantage of Sam like this? Well ok so maybe it seemed more like Sam was taking advantage of him but still he had to stop it, even though it felt so damn good.
Sam slid his hand along the inside of Dean's leg, a moan of pleasure escaped Dean's lips. "Sammy we can't" he breathed, "it's wrong."
Sam crawled up to Dean, a soft smile on his face "not in your dreams it's not" he kissed Dean again and he could hear Sam's words echo around him. This was just a dream, nothing more, just a dream.
Dean's eyes snapped open; his breathing was coming in short pants. The dull morning sun illuminated the small motel room and the window was frosted over with snow. Dean sat up in horror: it was morning. He'd been dreaming that dream and Sam was…? Dean surveyed the room but there was no Sam. Thank god, he couldn't ruin his game just yet, where was the fun in that? He quickly jumped from the bed and ran to the bathroom.
He burst into the bathroom without even knocking and that was a huge mistake. He stood frozen in his spot, his eyes glued to the shower. Sam. Naked. Wet. And did he mention Naked? Dean could see that Sam hadn't seen him; maybe he could leave without being noticed. Dean went to move but it was too late, Sam was looking at him.
"Dude what are you doing?"
"Ahhhh…" he searched his mind for words but he couldn't make sense of anything "I was… I have to" he scratched the back of his head "Never mind" he quickly darted from the room, slamming the door behind him "shit!" he took a deep breathe then laughed at his stupidity. All he had to say was I had a great dream and throw Sam out of the shower but seeing him, naked and wet, God it was too much. He wished Sam would hurry up and guess or maybe this was all silly and he shouldn't be playing this game.
But what else could he do? Well there was just tell him but Dean couldn't, what if he didn't feel the same way, he'd be heartbroken not to mention it'd ruin everything. Because if your brother was in love with you and you didn't feel the same way it'd make you a little freaked out and the last thing Dean wanted to do was freak Sammy out. So he would let Sam play the game, but he'd hint, maybe Sam would guess and if Sam guessed and rejected him Dean could always say it was the wrong guess. A lot easier then just spitting out the truth.
But for now, Dean had do to something about his throbbing erection before Sam emerged from the shower or it would be game over.
When Sam emerged from the shower Dean practically pushed him out the door, saying he was starving and to get breakfast while he showered. So now Sam once again walked to the diner, the snow was getting thicker and soon he'd have to take the car for the short trip. It was only a block away but it was getting colder by the day and soon walking in the snow would just be impossible, especially since a snowstorm would hit in a few days. Most likely Christmas Eve not that it bothered Sam and Dean, they had nowhere to go. It was just them and their 'real Christmas.'
Dean was acting so weird about this, why did he want Christmas so much? He wanted it more then he did last year and he was actually dying then. And what was with 'I want you to guess what I want for Christmas' thing? Dean liked to play games but this was frustrating Sam to no end. What the hell did he want? It wasn't clothes or something for the Impala; maybe it was a separate motel room, since he'd been waking up with hard ons a lot lately. Sam figured it had something to do with spending forty years in hell with no sex.
Sam felt tears burn his eyes as he remembered what his brother had been through while in hell. It wasn't fair, he'd been tortured and forced to torture and he'd wished he felt nothing. Sam wished he could just make it all go away for Dean, just give him a perfect Christmas but he couldn't make Dean forget what happened and he could only try and make this a perfect Christmas. He just wished he knew what Dean wanted. God damnit, he should know what Dean wanted but he didn't.
He walked into the diner and ordered their breakfast, then returned to his thoughts. What did Dean want? Beer? A hot chick? No, it was what Sam didn't expect him to want but what was that? Maybe all he wanted was just a perfect Christmas, no demons, angels and no talk about hell. Well if that's what he wanted, then Sam would give it to him.
"He wants you."
Sam spun around to face two teenage girls standing behind him "Excuse me?"
The petite blonde looked up at him "Wasn't talking to you" she said rudely.
"Excuse her," said the other girl "someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. She was talking to me, sorry."
"No problem" Sam turned back around and went to take his order.
"He wants you for Christmas Samantha" he heard one of the girls say, "That's all he wants."
Sam quickly took his food and turned back to face the girls, the blonde glared at him and he brushed past her and left in a hurry. 'He wants you for Christmas' she had said and that had nothing to do with Dean but maybe that's what Sam wanted for Christmas: Dean. Dean pushing him down onto a soft bed and making passionate love to him. Four months without Dean had really screwed Sam up.
Ever since Dean died all Sam thought about was Dean and at first he thought it was just him missing Dean then it twisted and it hit him, he was in love with Dean. Even his one-night stand with Ruby didn't change the fact he was head over heels in love with his brother and Dean was gone and it hurt like hell to know the person he loved was gone. Then, then he came back and Sam thought, that maybe he and Dean could be together. But that was insane because Dean was his brother and Sam was sure Dean didn't want to go to hell again.
But sometimes Dean looked at him and Sam swore it was love in his eyes, true love. But it was wrong to want Dean, he was Sam's big brother for God sakes and he wanted to screw him senseless. Then again this was all really weird, the sudden need for Christmas, the morning showers, the game, was this Dean's way of telling Sam he wanted him?
Guess he'd just have to play and find out.
Dean glanced up at Sam when he returned from the diner, his cheeks were flushed from the cold and Dean couldn't help but smile. Sam past Dean his food and gave him an odd smile, he looked frustrated and confused. He quickly turned away from Dean and sat down at the table at the far end of the room and started to eat. Dean watched Sam eat like there was no tomorrow and he couldn't help but ask.
"Dude are you ok?"
"I'm fine," he mumbled.
"Well great" Dean smirked then started to eat his own food "Cause I'm going shoppin and I don't want you alone if you're sick."
"I'm not sick," he said avoiding eye contact "just… frustrated" his jaw clenched.
"About?" Dean asked nonchalantly.
"What you want for Christmas."
Dean grinned then walked over to Sam, flopping down in the opposite chair "What I want is something I've always had, but never really needed till now."
Sam slammed his fist down on the table "I don't know what that is Dean!" he was looking at Dean, fierce hazel eyes locked with calm green ones "You want Christmas so much and I want it to be perfect after all you've been through but I can't make it perfect if you won't tell me or give me a hint as to what you want! You said you want to play a game but the only one your playing is a mind game. I don't know what you want!"
Dean stared at Sam, his mouth set in a thin line and his eyes locked with Sam's "Yes you do" he smiled softly "I know you do." He stood up "see ya later kiddo" and with that said he left.
Sam stared at the motel room ceiling; his hands were balled into fist and he ground his teeth together. Why did Dean have to be so… so frustrating? Why couldn't he just tell Sam he wanted him or maybe he didn't and Sam just hoped that's what he wanted? God this was so freaking confusing and this game was so stupid. Why did Dean have to play with Sam's mind like this? Why was Dean making him think he wanted him when he clearly he didn't. Right? No Dean didn't want Sam, why would he be in love with his brother; he wasn't worthy of Dean's love.
He'd lied, he'd gone and used his powers behind Dean's back and he slept with a demon, Sam was sure Dean didn't want a lying, tainted, cheating boyfriend. But what the hell was with the game? What did he want for Christmas, was it… God he didn't know. The only thing that made sense was Dean wanting Sam for Christmas and that should make no sense whatsoever but it made perfect sense.
Sam and Dean had gone through everything together, they were together all the time, every day, every night and every freaking second. So maybe in the end, in some twisted way, they were meant to end up together. They had no one else, just each other, always each other. They knew each other inside out. They were closer then any normal brothers but hey they won't normal so maybe, just maybe this was what Dean wanted.
Maybe all Dean wanted for Christmas was Sam.
And he didn't care that it was wrong. Because Sam would make sure Dean had the best Christmas he ever had and if that meant committing a sin then he'd do it. Because at the end of the day he loved Dean and maybe, just maybe Dean felt the same.
Dean sat in the Impala, a small blue box in his hand. He opened the lid and studied the silver ring that he'd brought Sam for Christmas; he lifted it out of the box and read the engraving. 'My Everything' was engraved on the inside of the ring and that was exactly what Sam was to Dean, everything. His everything. The one who showed him that there was good in this world, the one who kept him believing, fighting, for a better future. Sam was the one and only reason he'd survived forty years in hell. But it was only once he returned that he realised he was in love with Sam and it wasn't right and at first he thought he'd gone mental but then he thought, why not love Sam?
Sam was his everything, his brother, his best friend and now, now after all they had been through Dean saw Sam as a lover, as his lover. And he was sure that he would be going back to hell for this but he didn't care, for once he just wanted something for himself. He'd given up everything to save people he didn't even know and now he would be selfish and have what he wanted. As long as Sam felt the same of course, but this morning, when he looked at Sam, the look in his eyes told him all he needed to know.
"I know what you're doing."
Dean jumped in surprise then looked up to see Castiel sitting beside him. He stared straight ahead, looking more like a stone statue then a person. Dean quickly stuffed the ring back into the box then hid it in his jacket pocket. "What is that?" he asked coolly.
"The game" he said sombrely "It has to stop" he turned to face Dean, his face unreadable.
Dean's jaw flexed "Why?"
Castiel looked away again, a mask of anger on his face "You know why Dean and I will not tell you to stop it once more, this is you only warning."
Dean closed his eyes and ground his teeth together "No. I won't" he reopened his eyes and Castiel was looking at him through fierce eyes but he quickly turned his heated gaze back to the windshield. "I've given up everything I've ever had and I will not give this up" he said composed "I know it's not right but I honestly don't care Cas. I'm sick of giving up good things and I will not give up my love for my brother."
Castiel composed himself but he didn't look away from the frozen road but Dean saw a flicker of remorse in his eyes. "I am sorry to make you do this but if you do not stop this game I will be forced to stop you."
"Oh what are you going to do?" Dean snapped, "Kill me? Cause I'm pretty sure the big guy upstairs wants me for some reason."
"I will not kill you Dean," he remind calm, his eyes glued to the windshield "I will make you forget Sam."
What happened next happened so fast Dean didn't even have a clue as to how it happened. He and Castiel were on the frozen road, Dean pinned him to the ground and he was boiling with burning rage. "There is no way you can make me forget Sam!" he said through gritted teeth "You could erase my memory, put me in another town but I would come back to him. Because I love Sam more then life itself and nothing, nothing will keep me away from him."
Castiel shoved Dean off with little ease then stood back up gracefully "Dean-"
"-Cas please…" Dean stood on shaky legs "I've lost so much, I've given so much, we both have and all I want is this, I ask for nothing else."
Castiel's shoulder slumped "Dean I can't allow you too… I'm sorry."
"Don't say you're sorry," Dean chided, "if you were truly sorry you wouldn't do this."
"I have no choice," he said sympathetically.
"Bullshit" Dean cursed, "You always have a choice. Always."
"I can't disobey God, Dean."
"Well tell the boss if he takes Sammy away from me or me away from him I will let you guys fight your own war because I will not fight without Sam!" Dean said with unshed tears clouding his vision. "He is the only reason I keep fighting Cas, the only reason I have gone so far, without him I would fall apart… can't you see that?"
"Dean I can…" Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat "but I still have no choice."
"You always have a choice" Dean shouted, "you have your own mind, your own thoughts and I know you don't want to do this so I am begging you… I am pleading with you, not to." Dean let a single tear fall; his heart was breaking at the thought of being without Sam, his Sammy.
"God's not going to like me for this" Castiel said looking up the cloud filled sky "But I will let you have this" he looked back to Dean, a soft smile gracing his handsome face "Marry Christmas Dean" with that he was gone and Dean was alone on the side of the iced road. The only sound was the rumble of the engine and the roar of the wind.
A smile graced Dean's face and relief washed over him. "Marry Christmas Cas."
Sam stared at the Christmas tree, the beautiful lights flashed brightly, casting a colourful glow onto the wall. But Sam was not really looking at the tree or the flashing lights; he was deep in thought. Searching his mind for the answer. Ever since Dean said 'I want you to guess what I want for Christmas' Sam had been wracking his brain for the answer. What did Dean want for Christmas? At first he figured it was some sort of joke, maybe see what kind of ridiculous thing Sam got him. But Dean had said 'it's something I've always had but never really needed till now' and what in the world was that?
Sam had been so very confused but it all slowly started to unfold, at first he thought he was nuts to think it, because he was pretty sure he was nuts. But it made sense. What Dean wanted for Christmas was the person he treasured and loved most. What Dean wanted for Christmas was Sam. Sam had been overjoyed with the thought of that, he'd been so in love with Dean since he returned from hell but was it just his crazy love that made him think this way? Was he overlooking this? Was he just imagining that all Dean wanted for Christmas was him?
He'd been trying to figure this out all week and nothing, nothing came to mind. Because what else did he need that he all ready had. Did he not want Sam but need Sam, to love, to treasure? He'd pondered this all week long, was this true? Did Dean want, need, Sam for Christmas? He'd been worrying over this all week but in the end, he decided that he would take a risk. Because he took risks all his life for people he didn't even know so now he'd take a risk for love.
He'd take a risk for Dean.
Sam jumped; startled by Dean's loud voice in the silence of the motel room "Where were you?"
"Out" he said smiling "I got some stuff in the car, can you help me bring it in?"
Sam stood then walked to Dean, studying him, searching for a hint as to where he had been "Sure?"
"Great, follow me" he took Sam's hand and at first he didn't even register but by the time they reached the car, he realised. Dean was holding his hand. Sam looked over at Dean, who gave him a smile but didn't pull his hand away from Sam's. "I got us some real food" he squeezed Sam's hand then let go and walked around to the trunk "We're going all the way this year Sammy."
Sam smiled brightly and he knew, he knew with all his heart that Dean wanted him for Christmas.
Sam woke to the sound of the shower going and the aroma of hot coffee. He rolled over onto his side and smiled brightly, today was Christmas; today was the day he told Dean that he knew what he wanted for Christmas. He yawned loudly then his eyes fell on the envelope on the bedside table, he picked it up and opened it. He pulled out a red card with 'Marry Christmas' written on it in gold. He opened the card and to find Dean's neat handwriting.
Marry Christmas Sammy.
I hope this day is everything you've ever wanted our Christmases to be.
Love forever Dean.
Sam smiled at the card; tears making themselves known but he quickly brushed them away when Dean exited the bathroom. He smiled at Sam who forced a bright smile back, he was suddenly feeling nervous. "Thanks for the card."
"Anytime" Dean said taking a seat on the bed "I really hope this can be a perfect Christmas."
"I… I'm sure it will be" he swallowed the dry lump in his throat "Sorry I didn't get you a card… I was to busy trying to find what you wanted."
"And did you?" Dean felt his heart pounding in his chest, this was it, the moment he had waited for, for so long.
Sam looked away sheepishly then looked back, God he hoped he was right "Me…" he nearly choked on the word but now it was out it was so much easier to talk "I'm all you want for Christmas."
Dean felt his heart beat even faster but he didn't say a word, instead he leant over and pressed his lips to Sam's. The kiss was sweet but riddled with raging passion, passion that had been burning away for so long. It didn't take long for the kiss to escalate, turning into a full-on make-out session and there was no stopping it now.
They became lost in the passion, in the heat of the moment. For so long both brothers had been fighting a war with demons, angels and themselves but now, on this cold crisp Christmas morning, they could stop fighting. As they made love to each other the pain seemed to disappear, the fear, the guilt, the despair was all washed away and replaced with bliss. Replaced with the one moment both had seeked for so long. They fire burned for what felt like a lifetime but they finally reached the end. Resting in each other's arms, breathing as one, two hearts beating as one.
"I love you Sam" Dean spoke into Sam's very messy hair.
"I love you too Dean" Sam sat up and pressed a kiss to Dean's lips "and this is the perfect Christmas."
"Well I have something to make it more perfect" he said smiling warmly.
"How can anything top the sex?" he quipped.
"Well the sex was great but this is better" he sat up, reaching for his jeans, which had ended up on the floor. He pulled a box from the pocket then handed it to Sam, who looked at it with awe.
"It won't bite."
Sam shook his head to clear away the cobwebs then opened the blue box, inside was a silver ring, a shiny, sparkling silver ring. "Dean…"
"Take it out" Dean urged.
Sam did as he was told and examined the ring, finding two word engraved on the inside. "My everything" he recited then turned to Dean and kissed him passionately "Dean this is… this is amazing… this… everything is so amazing."
Dean smiled then kissed Sam lightly on the forehead then took the ring; slipping it onto his finger "You're everything Sammy" he placed a quick kiss to his lips "You're my everything."
Sam had no words for Dean, he couldn't tell Dean how much he loved him or how truly grateful he was for this day, this present and just for having him as a brother. But as Sam gazed into Dean's eyes he knew he never needed to say those things, because he knew, he always knew. "Merry Christmas Dean."
Dean pressed another kiss to Sam's lips and he felt the fire of pure love burn between them "Merry Christmas Sammy."
Marry Christmas everyone and thankyou for reading and I'd love it if you'd leave a review :D