I'm missing something.
My mom has a lot of fears.
She's afraid that I'll pierce my ears or that I'll have dairy without taking my pill for my lactose intolerance first and My mom always said that she was afraid my crush on Carly made me blind but I don't think she meant entirely left out of something like I think maybe I am.
I think she meant blind as in blind to other girls, other fish in the sea, but in all fairness when I said "Well, I guess I could always ask Sam out." half joking, half something else entirely it made my mom cry.
Regardless, something's going on around me and I feel like that kid that doesn't know that they're about to get there butt kicked until half the school is around them chanting 'Fight! Fight!' and some behemoth is punching them in the teeth.
Its probably has something to do with Carly's crush.
I try to imagine the guy, probably tall, because they're always tall, with charming smiles and perfectly crafted messy hair and I really don't see what's so great about all of that when she could have a guy like me. Smart, handsome in a completely non threatening way and willing to sell their soul for her.
It's not a big deal, really, because we're in high school and high school girls fall in and out of like with guys all of the time. So, statistically speaking, my turn has to be coming soon. It's just a matter of time before the odds are in my favor. When she'll look at me one day and suddenly realize that we're meant to be together…
Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?
I glance up from my tech cart absently, my eyes finding Sam across the studio, sunken into a bright yellow bean bag and picking aimlessly through a bowl of red seedless grapes, plucking them from the vine and squishing them between her fingers and she looks upset, a frown creasing her forehead a little but that look has become sort of normal.
Probably because she and Carly still aren't getting along. And maybe its Carly and Sam's fight that I'm sensing because they're still awkwardly cordial to one another and the web shows have been awful, the chemistry practically non existent. But when we're not doing something for the show Sam is practically missing in action and its sort of weird because I always figured that Sam was the needy one in the relationship, needing a rock solid alibi or a ham supplier but without Sam, Carly has practically fallen apart.
I wonder if its always been like this.
I wonder if Carly misses me like this when I'm gone…not that I spend a lot of time outside of Carly's general area.
I still don't know exactly what their fighting about. I'd asked Carly and she only gave me a vague answer.
That it was her fault. That she'd done something stupid and hurt Sam's feelings and I'd laughed jokingly, "Sam has feelings?" and Carly had just frowned, her eyebrows tilting inward a bit.
"Yeah, Sam has feelings."
Either way I'm taking full advantage of what will inevitably be a temporary rift between them because when Carly is curled up on the couch in her pink cowboy pajama at two in the afternoon on a Saturday, sulking, I'm right there, passing her the Cheese Doodles.
I don't realize I'm starring at Sam until a grape bounces off of my forehead with deadly accuracy.
"What're you looking at dork?" she questions, pelting me with another grape.
"Nothing." I shrug, fiddling with the laptop open in front of me. "Just wondering if you know whoever it is that Carly has a crush on." I say, in my opinion, nonchalantly and extremely smooth and Sam just blinks at me, grape hovering near her mouth.
"She said she had a crush on someone?" Sam asks and I find it hard to believe that Carly hasn't told her about whomever it is because those two usually tell one another everything.
"Yeah she said she liked him but that it wouldn't work out." I shrug, tapping a few keys in attempt to stop the video of a kangaroo eating oatmeal from freezing after the first minute and a half on the computer screen.
"And she didn't say who it was?" She asks around a handful of fruit.
"No." I shrug again, peering at Sam and she gazing at the door of the studio where Carly disappeared in search of cold drinks, thoughtfully for a moment before looking back at me.
"Well she wasn't talkin' about you." She snaps quickly and I scowl at her.
"I know." I spit quickly, hiding my dashed hopes.
"So how did your and Carly's date go?" Sam questions after a moment with lazy air quotes and I try not to blush at the memory of spending the night dancing with Carly after an initially rocky start.
"I'd say pretty good." I boast just a little and Sam narrows her eyes, making me shift a little foot to foot uncomfortably.
"Did you guys kiss?" she asks sitting up slowly, elbows resting on her knees. "
Maybe..." I brag and Sam arches a slow eyebrow. "No." I mutter dropping my head and Sam eyes me warily. "But I'm gonna ask her out again and I think she'll says yes." I say confidently and Sam picks at the knee of her jeans, pressing her lips into a hard line.
"What if she turns you down? Says she likes you but she doesn't want to mess up your friendship?" she asks oddly serious and I frown.
"I'd tell her that we should just take a chance because maybe we're meant to be together. Why? Did she say something to you?" I ask urgently and Sam blinks at me, taking it in just as the studio door opens and Carly comes in, all dark beauty, juggling bottles of iced tea and Sam slumps back into the bean bag with a Styrofoam whoosh.
"I can make you happy!" I blurt and Carly sets one of the bottles on the corner of my cart, very very slowly.
"Uhm, no thank you?"
Voices wake me up.
Its after midnight and my Mom spending the night at my sick aunts and her begrudging acceptance of the fact that I'm 16 and thus old enough to stay at home alone has resulted in an all night binge of R rated raunchy teen comedies and junk food but voices outside my door drag me out of a coma induced by sugar and adolescent sex escapades.
I roll off of the couch quietly, edging towards the door cautiously and regretting all of the double chocolate fudge ice cream I consumed the entire time, before reaching the door and standing on my toes to look through the peep hole.
Its Carly and Sam in the hall and its kind of late for them to be out and about but I can tell something important is going on because Carly is pacing a little, three steps right, three steps left while Sam watches and Carly only paces when she's making a very important point.
Sam is characteristically languid, watching the other girl with just her eyes even though it seems like Carly is possibly ranting in that way that she has but then Sam says something that stops Carly mid pace.
And it has to be something spectacular because even from here I can tell it is from the way Sam's eyes are soft and her mouth straightens into that line that means she's being serious and honest and for a moment there's a standoff. Carly watching Sam and Sam watching Carly before Sam pushes off the wall she's leaning against and takes a single step down the hall before Carly reaches for her which she tends to be doing a lot lately.
I push up higher on my toes, leaning more into the door as Carly grabs Sam's wrist, the gesture oddly intimate and she speaking and though it's just a bubbling of words I catch "Please..." and "…scared." and "Don't leave…" as Sam lets her pull her, turning and falling into Carly a little bit like she's exhausted and Carly catches her with a hand on her shoulder and one hooked around the back of hr neck and its so…personal.
I pull away from the peep hole a little, licking my lips because really, what the hell is going on, and then suddenly there's pain. Sharp, toe curling pain, that shoots up my foot and I cry out a little as the cramp races upwards and I fall into the door with a loud thud that probably woke up the entire floor.
I cover my mouth to muffle another cry of pain and try to freeze while simultaneously trying to work the cramp from my foot through my sock.
There's silence on the other side of the door, no mumble of voices or movement, and maybe they didn't hear me because watching for Carly through the peep hole is creepy enough in the middle of the afternoon but it takes on a whole new level in the middle of the night.
I stand slowly, cautiously, and I peer through the peep hole again, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of the empty hallway but it quickly turns into a yelp of pain as Sam's hand slams into the peep hole from the other side.
Carly is staring at Sam.
Like staring hard.
Her chin resting on her palm and her elbow resting on her thigh while she watches Sam frown and guess her way through her homework right beside her on the couch, probably because the day we went over it in class Sam was drooling on her desk with her head down and buried under her hood.
I watch Carly lick her lips in and absent and absolutely appealing way from the leather chair before looking back at my laptop resting on the chair's ottoman.
I mull over how strange it is to actually see Sam doing homework and figure it has something to do with her and Carly making up. I figure its also the reason the two of them have been nothing but smiles today and why I couldn't even get Carly's attention if I turned into a tap dancing monkey and started dancing on the coffee table. Man, sometimes I feel like a third wheel around these two.
"Sam?" Carly's soft voice grabs my attention too and I lift my head in time to see Sam meeting Carly's gaze. "Can you come upstairs with me? I wanna show you something…in my bedroom."
Sam looks back at the stairs dumbly for a moment. "Can we take the elevator?" She asks and Carly lifts a shoulder.
"I don't care." She says standing and then her dark yet warm eyes, eyes that I could get lost in and actually do on occasion, slide to me. "We'll be right back, Freddie."
"Okay. I'll be here." I say with a painfully awkward wave and I'm in the middle of cursing myself when Sam's hits me in the chest with a spiral notebook.
"Make yourself useful and finish my homework." Sam yawns, stretching a little before following Carly to the lift.
I watch them disappear behind the doors with a ding and toss Sam's stupid notebook on the table.
I'm still typing away on my laptop when I hear a crash and a yelp that is distinctly Spencer. I scramble to his room, skidding to a stop when I see a giant mechanical shark head, its shiny jaws open and Spencer's upper half disappearing behind the teeth.
"Spencer!" I cry and Spencer's long legs flop around helplessly, his shoe flying off in the may lay. "What happened?"
"Freddie?! Get! Help!" He screams and I turn, sprinting up the stairs towards Carly's bedroom. I hesitate a little at the sight of her door because I was banned from going anywhere near it when I was 12 years old but these are special circumstances.
"Carly! Sam! Spencer's being eaten by his shark sculpture!" I cry pounding on the door and either the doors not shut all of the way or those push ups I've been doing before bed are working because the wood door swings open and suddenly everything makes sense…
Because Carly and Sam are on the bed, together, which isn't unusual because even I know that Sam stays over enough to have her own side of Carly's bed. The unusual part is that they're twisted together and my mind tries to rationalize the tangle of legs. Maybe they're fighting, maybe Sam finally lost it and attacked Carly who is fighting for her life but that's not right either because it doesn't look like their fighting, unless you count their tongues.
Because Carly is on top of Sam and they're kissing and Carly's the one with her hand shoved up under Sam's tee shirt and its not like it looks like either one of them don't want to be there if the visible slide of tongues is any indication.
And everything clicks into place in my mind.
It never occurred to me that Carly's crush and her fight with Sam were connected. That Carly and Sam were fighting over their relationship and that's what I walked in on that day in the studio and the resolution was what I witnessed through the peephole last night and wow…not only am I an idiot but I'm a moment killer.
And how could I have missed everything because its painfully clear now.
Time must've slowed or stop because suddenly everything is moving again with the sound of the door banging open and Sam and Carly jump apart, Carly pulling her and free while they scramble off of the bed.
Sam adjusts her tee shirt while Carly turns bright, bright red.
"Oh my god." Carly gasps, wiping at her mouth and I blink at her stupidly.
"'Sup, Fredward." Sam greets lamely, her lips bright pink and I know my mouth is working but no sound is coming out and just…
"Your brother is being eaten by a metallic shark in his room." I say hoarsely marveling at how having your heart ripped out of your chest feels. "…He needs help."