Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Merlin it all belongs to the BBC all I own is the twisted plot XD

A/N: This fic was inspired by my I Want Santa In His Chambers, Hop On Mister Easter Bunny, Mother Nature Bless Us This Year and You make a good fairy, sire Fics. You do not have to read them first but it might be a good idea lol. You know for amusement sake.

Warnings: Slash some humour...uh that is about all I think.

A/N: For those of you who do not know there are two main origins of Humpty Dumpty. The first is a 15th century term for a 'podgy' person. It was also the name of a cannon mounted on the St. Mary's Wall Church in Colchester, England. It fell off the wall in the 1600's and could not be replaced.

A/N2: This came to me replying to a review by femaleSpock so at the moment i dont have another idea. i will take requests until i find another nursary rhyme/childrens story i feel like slaughtering

What if there was a Humpty Dumpty in the 5th century?

"Sire!" Arthur looked up as a knight rushed in with Alia attached to his hand. The girl had defiantly grown on the people of the castle. "Sire!"

"What is it?"

"Sire, your servant he..."

"Merlin's sitting on the wall!" Alia cried, "a-a-and he might fall"

"What on earth is he doing up there?"

"S-some kids were being mean and threw the toy Merlin got me over the wall b-but it got stuck!"

"Idiot" Arthur muttered picking Alia up and letting her direct him.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

"Merlin you fool get down from there!" Arthur shouted up at his moronic lover as Alia whimpered and held him tighter around the neck.

"I would...but uh...the ladder fell" Arthur gave the knights a 'is he serious' look and they shrugged

"Just sit still. I don't want you to fall"

"Yeah I'll try!" he threw down a hay and cotton stuffed bear that Merlin had made for Alia and it had her name stitched on a paw. It had cost him a bit but it stopped her having nightmares and Arthur had secretly paid for most of it.

"Thank you"

"Welcome" he chuckled and Arthur closed his eyes seeing his arms flail about.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

"Owe" Merlin groaned Arthur looked down at him and winced seeing his arm at a strange angle and a bleeding gash on his head. He gave a knight Alia and sent them all off to get Gaius and whatever he may need.

"You idiot"

"She wanted her bear," he groaned

"I could have got it"

"Oh yeah that would go well" he coughed and groaned

"Lay still"

"Yes" he sighed Arthur lent down and kissed him softly

"Never do something so stupid"

"Alright" Arthur looked up as the Knights came back with Morgana, Gaius and armfuls of supplies and ingredients

All the King's horses, And all the King's men

"What have you done now foolish child?" Gaius tutted

"Fell" Merlin coughed. Gaius checked his neck then to see if he had a back injury before checking his ribs and Arthur smirked as the guards sniggered at Merlin's love bitten chest, there had been a reason he always wore a scarf.

"That much is obvious," he drawled as Merlin lifted his head and Arthur slid under it letting him lay his head in his lap

"I'm getting dirty for you" Merlin smirked up at him

"But you know I'm the one cleaning it...owe!"

"Well your arm is broken and you might have concussion so Arthur, sire, make sure he doesn't sleep and if he gets delusional tell me."

"Gaius...he's always been delusional"

"More so then normal" he chuckled feeding Merlin a pain potion that did not quite cover the pain caused by moving the arm.

Couldn't put Humpty together again!


"Merlin went thump really, really hard into the ground!" Alia said to Gwen worriedly

"He is fine child" Arthur chuckled "Aren't you humpty dumpty?" he smirked and Merlin glared lying on Arthurs bed.

But luckily, Gaius could.

Tell me what you think? if you feel like it!