"Edward! It's my turn to decide what we watch, for a change, so give me the remote," I commanded sternly, but he wouldn't give up, he held the remote high above his head, taunting me, "Come on, short stuff! You can get it!" He didn't realise his cruel words only infuriated me further, "Edward," I said sweetly, "Give me the remote now or I'll, I'll scratch your precious Volvo!" He was caving but I didn't care, I was glorifying in the image of it too much, "Oh yes, I can see the shiny silver paint coming off right now!"
"No!" My favourite brother shouted, "Damn you, stupid pixie!" I giggled and snapped at his leg, "Are you going to let me watch what I want now?" He threw the remote out the open window in to a high oak tree, "Grow some wings, fairy!", and leapt out of the window a split second before I did.
We wrestled on the tree branch for a while the rest of the family cheering us on, "Woo! Go Eddie, boy!"
"Alice, Alice, Alice!"
"Do you think we should tell them there are buttons on the TV specifically for changing the channel?" Esme cut in, "Naw!" Emmett replied.
I grabbed the remote and did a celebratory dance on the tree, "I am so great! I got the remote! Yay!" I moon-walked along the branch and suddenly Edward lunged for the remote in my hand but luckily I used my quick thinking and common sense and dropped the it onto the path below, "Oopsies!"
Then I had a vision, Carlisle was about to walk down the path any minute, straight into the precious TV remote, "NO!" I screamed, jumping down onto the path, that remote was mine!
I was walking along minding my own business when I heard the most awful shout, "NO!" I sighed because it was the unmistakeable voice of my adopted daughter, Alice. Before I could even begin to wonder what she and Edward were arguing about I saw the glint of our wide screen TV remote, lying in the mud, I hated to see so neglected and forlorn. I must save you right away, I thought,picking the remote, whom I fondly refer to as Henry and giving him a hug.
"Carlisle! That is my remote!" Alice informed me but before I could hand it to her Edward ran over snatching Henry out of my hand, "Sorry, but you'll thank me when we are watching the piano concert!"
"Edward!" I shouted running after him back to the house, dammit he could run fast!
"Alice, my darling little fairy muffin, why are you running after Edward?"My beloved, my Jasper called, "I wanna watch America's Next Top Model and he won't let me!" I pouted; Jasper could run just as fast as my darling brother, "Will you get the remote off him for me?" I fluttered my eyelashes for extra effect.
Jasper sprinted gracefully after Edward while I skipped behind. "Edward, give Alice, my little antelope, that remote right now or- and I warn you I am thirsty- or I'll eat your darling Bella!" Jasper said hungrily. Edward sank to his knees, "No! Not my beautiful, darling, fragile, little human Bella!"
"Someone talking about me?" Bella asked nervously, as she walked into the room.
"Ooh, Bella!", Edward announced, dropping the remote, "I don't care about the piano concert any more, here you are Alice!"
Ah, sweet success, I smelt it in the air but then Jasper spoke up, "Alice, my little Cornish pasty, can I please watch Controlling The Thirst, 5 Steps To A Better Vampire?" I grinned at him, "Rock paper scissors?" He sighed, "Why don't you just tell me who wins?"
"I do, excellent!"