A/N: OKAY, change of plan. Most of you will be all 'Eh wth is this crazy biatch doing now?' but... well, the I hadn't planned the zombie story properly and there were a million and one things I wanted to change about the begining. So I've scrapped it, sorry to everyone who was enjoying/looking forward to it and I WILL use it for my season 2 so you will get a zombie story at some point, so don't worry. And plus, it was kind of screwing up my ending a bit tbh lol.
SO instead of zombies, here's the penultimate episode of series 1 :o I know, madness. One more to go after this one, and then I'll be on hiatus (for probably about a week or something) until the start of series 2. I hope no one's too narked by the sudden change, but like I said, you'll get your zombies. And hopefully in a better setting :D So enjoy!
'I don't like the sound of putting the TARDIS on random, Doctor. It lands in unpredictable places when you're steering!'
'Oh come on! It'll be fun! Don't you think it'll be fun?'
Ashley placed a hand on her hip and cocked her head at the beaming Time Lord standing in front of her. 'Do you even know the definition of fun?'
The Doctor grinned. 'I think I'm the most fun person in the universe.'
'And you know what the important part of that sentence was?' Ashley replied, her eyebrows rising. 'You think. However I think that you're an accident waiting to happen. This time you'll definitely get one of us killed.'
They were currently in orbit around a small, deserted moon that was up for sale at the rather reasonable price of thirty-two Credits, which was the equivalent of about fifteen pounds. Ashley had wanted to buy it, but found herself fifty-six pence short. And looking to the Doctor for a loan was like looking to an ice cube for warmth.
The Doctor moved around the console, tapping his finger on his chin and looking up thoughtfully. 'Well we could always just go and have dinner on Chappex 9…'
'Don't think I can't see you mucking about with that thing!' Ashley frowned, pointing an accusing finger at him. 'You think I'm daft, don't you? You're setting it on random, aren't you?'
Safe from her on the other side of the console, the Doctor grinned broadly. 'It'll be fun, you'll see! In a couple of minutes time you'll be thanking me for this.'
Ashley bounded around the console after him, but he was much quicker than her and she figured she was probably doing him a favour as he could now reach all the other levers and buttons that he needed to without having her blocking his path. After two complete circuits of the console, the TARDIS began to hum and grind. Ashley scowled deeply and stopped.
'I'm so going to mess your hair up.' She warned, pointing warning at him.
The Doctor's grin briefly faltered and he touched his hair, but then quickly grabbed onto the console again as the TARDIS began to jerk around, taking them into the unknown.
Ashley stood with her arms crossed over her chest, a smug smile on her face. The Doctor stood a little behind her, trying to readjust his now skewed hair and pouting childishly. The TARDIS stood behind them, door still open. In front of them, as far as the eye could see, was sand. Miles and miles of sand. And the odd rock. Nothing much else.
'Oh yeah this is so much fun,' Ashley smirked. 'Look at all the fun things we can do. Pity I don't have my bucket and spade or we could have made one hell of a sandcastle.'
The Doctor stepped forward so he was standing beside her. 'Okay, so maybe it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. It's been a long time since I've set her on random. I keep forgetting that the universe is about forty five percent uninhabited planets.'
Ashley turned to him suddenly. 'Quick, Doctor! Desert; one s or two?'
The Doctor blinked at her, and then frantically tried to jump on the answer. 'Oh! Um! Two… no one! One!'
'Too slow!' Ashley patted him on the arm patronisingly. 'You mentioned something about dinner?'
The Doctor looked at her glumly for a moment, but then his brilliant smile returned. 'Well there's no point crying over empty planets, is there?' He turned and re-entered the TARDIS, hopping happily over the threshold. 'And I am quite hungry. I think a nice banana split would go down nice right about now…' He tossed his coat over one of the coral beams and then stopped dead, neck bent.
'Is that all you ever think about?' Ashley chuckled, not yet noticing his sudden stillness. 'Bananas? At least if I ever need to lure you out of anywhere I'll know all I need is a bag of bananas and some hair gel…' She trailed off, noting his paralysis and frowning. 'Doctor?'
'Sshh!' He hissed, half turning and putting a finger to his lips. He remained perfectly rigid, only his eyes moving and his forehead crinkling. Ashley listened with wide eyes. The Doctor finally moved again to point at the open TARDIS door. Nodding his head he mouthed, 'Close the door.'
Slowly, Ashley closed the door and mouthed in return, 'What is it?'
The Doctor pointed at the console. 'There's something in the controls,' he mouthed, and then carried on with too much emphasis on his silent words that meant Ashley couldn't understand what he was saying – or miming, rather. She shook her head and shrugged. He rolled his eyes and repeated the pantomime. He pointed at the console again, and then made the fingers of his left hand crawl along the air.
'Spider?' Ashley mouthed, alarmed, and then made a large gesture with her hands to ask if it was a big spider.
The Doctor waved a hand at her and shook his head, returning his attention to the sound that only he could hear. Ashley strained to listen, but could hear nothing apart from the quite hum of the TARDIS and the sound of her stomach quietly grumbling. The Doctor shot her an irritated look and she only shrugged apologetically.
The next part happened quickly. Ashley's stomach rumbled quite loudly and there was a sudden skirmish beneath the console. The Doctor dived towards it, arms outstretched to grab whatever was about to emerge, and then just as quickly he stumbled back again, his hands raised up. He pranced around for a moment, leaving Ashley just looking on in bewilderment until she saw the black thing scuttling around on the floor.
'Scorpion!' the Doctor practically squealed, dancing away from the creature. 'I hate scorpions!'
Ashley watched as the fist-sized black scorpion scuttled away and disappeared through a hole in the metal floor. Ashley jogged to where it had disappeared and tried to see where it had gone, but it had vanished. She turned and looked to the Doctor, to see him still bouncing from foot to foot and shaking his hands.
'I hate scorpions.' He repeated.
Ashley smirked. 'You bloody great big girl.'
The Doctor frowned and pointed to where the creature had last been. 'They're deadly!' he insisted. 'And they make this horrible noise…' He shuddered visibly, and then finally managed to pull himself together. 'Well we need to find it because it could screw up the wiring. And plus I don't want it crawling over my face when I'm asleep.' He looked to her and nodded with wide eyes. 'They do that you know.'
Ashley glanced around. 'So um… how are we going to go about this then?'
The Doctor sighed and clapped his hands together. 'There's only one thing to do at a time like this,' he announced grandly, and then moved quickly to a small cubbyhole beneath the console. He emerged holding a glass and an old postcard. 'Resorting to extreme methods.' He said gravely, and handed them to Ashley.
She looked at the glass tumbler and the postcard, and then back to the Doctor. He had equipped himself and was now skulking around, peering down through the metal grate floor. Ashley sighed lightly, and then followed in suit.