House - Humbug – fishtank36

Warnings: I've lost my mind :D Oh, um real warnings? Vague spoilers for 5x11 I think, House/Cam.

A/N: Ah, well – I think I've somewhat mastered the ability to turn any spoilers into House/Cam – I am that good at denial, ho yeah! This isn't supposed to be a parody, but I do (try) and poke fun at some... happenings... It's probably a little early for "Christmas!fic" but it snowed here today, so there! :)


Hey you're my weakness
Still my lover in my mind
And you still control me


There is a lover down inside all of our gates that we cant protect forever cause
He's sucking at the air from our lips
I felt him tremble when I first picked you up driving honey
We drove for hours I remember when I first let him kiss
You and your mouth the taste of love if filled me up to the tips

I couldn't sleep for weeks fevered at one hundred and six

Never Again – The Midway State


House barged in having finally spotted Chase scrubbing in for surgery. "What's this?" He demanded, glaring at the offending item tucked under his free arm.

"A... box?"

"I get that you'd want to screw with me for being such a miserable bastard to you but this is-"

"I – didn't do... that," Chase said, cutting him off. "I don't care enough to want to... screw with you."

House rolled his eyes and disappeared with a grumbled, "Whatever."


He found Foreman sharing a laugh in Thirteen's hospital room and secretly enjoyed the way they both jumped as he forcefully pulled the sliding door open. House stood there for a long while, eyeing them, trying to deduce if it was one of them. "So?"

Foreman quirked an eyebrow, "So... what?"

House restrained himself from rolling his eyes again, "Which one of you did this..." He elaborated, shifting the box underneath his arm.

Thirteen glanced at Foreman and frowned, "Did what exactly?"

Foreman shook his head, "We have no idea what you're talking about."

House scoffed, "Right, cause you've been at each other's side since-"

"We have been," Thirteen added quickly.

"I find it hard to believe you've been here the whole time."

Foreman shrugged, a smile creeping into his features, "I actually... like-"

"Save it," House growled, abandoning the two new love birds before they had a chance to get mushy.


He limped down the hallway past his office, scowling at everyone he passed. He knew it wasn't Cuddy – couldn't have been – she was locked away most of the day explaining away all the mess that had transpired at the hospital. And after their spat over sharing an office he was certain she wasn't exactly in a particularly giving mood... even if it was a gag gift.

House slowed as he neared Wilson's office, he could hear laughter. There were two voices, one of which was distinctly female. He growled inwardly, not bothering to pause as he flung the door open. "You..." He paused, frowning when he saw that Wilson's companion was not who he assumed it would be, "traitor."

"Yes, well... excuse me for enjoying someone else's company."

He watched as Cameron suppressed a smirk and set her carton of noodles down. "Sharing trade secrets with the enemy Jimmy, that's strictly forbidden." Kissing Cuddy in his office was one thing (after all Wilson's act of treason did get her out of his office), but now he was sharing takeout with Cameron?

Wilson sighed and leaned back in his chair, "I'm sorry, was there some sort of non-disclosure agreement on Chinese food?" He quirked an eyebrow, wondering if House thought he was stealing "his" women away from him.

"You did this, didn't you?" House accused, tightening his grip on the box. Something inside hissed its displeasure, causing Cameron to raise her eyebrows.

She got up and headed for the door, "I'll leave you two to quarrel in peace."

"Ah!" Wilson called, pointing to the ceiling above their heads, "It's tradition."

Cameron would have simply ignored the mistletoe but House was standing in the middle of the doorway, blocking an easy exit.

"See this is why I always think it's you – it screams 'Wilson' – you can never le-"

Cameron yanked him down with a firm grip on his shirt and cut his ranting off with her lips. She would have given him just a quick peck to get him out of the way, but he gave in almost immediately. His coarse hair scraped against her chin as he angled his mouth against hers to deepen the kiss. His occupied hands flexed in an aborted attempt to grasp her as she pulled away. He blinked in confusion as Cameron breezed by him, wondering exactly he was supposed to do now.

"You planned this didn't you?" House probed, squinting in suspicion.

Wilson just smirked.


"You, in my office. Now." He growled, jabbing in her direction with his cane before he stalked off.

Cameron rolled her eyes and grabbed her cup. Foreman snorted, "You decorated his office, didn't you? Explains why he didn't rip them down like he did with Kutner's."

Chase watched as Cameron pushed her chair back, intent on following House as he had requested. "Wha – you're not actually going are you?" He frowned at Cameron's indecisive head bobbing, "We're not his pawns anymore." Cameron shrugged, leaving them with a quick smile.

Foreman shook his head, "You're just bitter cause she dumped you..." Foreman got up also and grabbed his tray, "Stop being so obsessed with House."


Cameron pulled the door open and hovered on the outskirts of his office, "You rang?"

"You put this here." He said eyeing the box he had carried around with him for some time.

Cameron shrugged, slowly making her way towards his desk, "That doesn't sound like me."

House sighed, "This is exactly the type of thing you'd do." He frowned at the contents of the box, "What is it?"

"It's a hedgehog, though I'm sure you knew that already," she smiled, coming to stand opposite of him at his desk.

House grimaced as she picked up the small animal, it instinctively curling itself into a spiky protective ball, "Why?"

She held it close to her stomach, and waited for it to uncurl itself, "I know... you liked Steve and he – passed away. I thought maybe you'd like something with a little longer lifespan."

House snorted, "Yeah, because I've always wanted something that would try and stab me when I picked it up."

Cameron kept her eyes on the little animal in her hands, carefully avoiding his penetrating gaze, "They remind me of you... they're grumpy and prickly on the outside – not to mention nocturnal – but they have a soft belly hidden underneath." It was useless fighting the blush that rose to her cheeks, it seemed sillier now than it did at the time she had thought of the gift.

The ball of prickles uncurled and four tiny feet settled against her palm. The spikes on its head remained uneven and low over its face, almost as if it were glaring, but Cameron's easy touch soon had the little thing laying it's quills down. He could see why it reminded her of him.

"See?" She grinned. Delicately she set the creature on the mat on his desk.

He stayed perfectly still as it wandered over to investigate his hand resting on the table. "What's his name?"

"Her name is Harley... you can change it if you like."

House moved to touch it but it recoiled, hissing as all of its quills stood end. "Fantastic," he muttered, "what am I supposed to do with this?"

"It'll take time but she'll get used to you, just don't make too many big sudden movements... Wilson helped me put the cage in your apartment – I figured you'd be home before she ran out of food."

House sighed, it was rather unexpected – but very thoughtful. He wanted to thank her for all the time he would waste mulling over what such a gift meant in terms of them. "You miss me." He rumbled, ignoring the sudden erratic thumping of his heart at her blossoming smile.

She didn't see much point in denying it anymore, "Is that such a bad thing?" She asked, before turning and heading for the door.

"Wh-What am I supposed to do with this thing?" He called.

"I left you books, it's not rocket science..." Cameron turned back, stopping at the door. "Merry Christmas House."

House nodded, dropping his eyes. "Merry Christmas Cameron." He replied softly, adding a mental note to wrap the present he had gotten her. Maybe this Christmas wouldn't turn out to be all bad...



Extra A/N: I didn't put this at the start so I wouldn't ruin the "surprise"... We had a hedgehog for 7 great years when I was younger, she was a fantastic pet. She would snuggle (lay all her quills down and sleep on you) and run around the kitchen, she was trained not to go on the floor, she would eat cat food and loved to shove herself in your sleeves. I still miss her :) Her name was Harley.