Title: Fat Bottomed Girls

Author: landofthekwt

Rating: PG-13

Prompt: Miroku (a giftfic for luxken27)

Genre: humor(?)

Word Count:1003

Universe: Canon

Warning: sexual innuendo

Summary: Mushin tells Miroku how his father and mother met.

Miroku sat with Mushin at his favorite geisha house. They always came here on Mushin's birthday. Miroku could never understand the attraction. The girls were fat and could neither sing or dance. The sake was watered and the food was terrible.

Yet Mushin insisted on coming here year after year. Miroku had to know what the attraction was. while Mushin was still lucid. And so he asked the fatal question.

" Why do you insist on coming back to this place year after year?"

"Miroku, are you not pleased with the entertainment and the food and the drink?"

"Not really. Nothing is good about this place. Not the entertainment, not the food, not the drink and certainly not the girls. Where do they find girls that like?'

" Aw, Miroku. You just do not appreciate the finer things in life. At my age, I appreciate the sight of any woman, fat, thin, young old. As for the food, it is edible and the sake will get me drunk eventually."

" But why this particular geisha house."

"At last you have asked the right question."

" I am still waiting for an answer."

" I come here to remember and forget.:"

" Remember what? Forget what.?"

" I remember that I used to come here with your father. When I am here I remember him. I come here to remember him I drink to forget him and what happened to him, so that I will not have to live with his memory. I come here to remember your mother. She met your father here you know"

" Tell me about her. I must know how he met her."

"It has been twenty years you know"

" Just tell now before you drown yourself in this cheap sake and I have to have you carted home."

" Your father and I were drowning our sorrows after your grandfather had passed on. He was quite the drinker and womanizer in those days. Not the man you saw at the end. We were always

looking for ways to entertain ourselves with sake, women and song"

Miroku sat back. Father had never talked about mother. All he knew was she had died in child birth. He did not know if Father had loved her or simply asked her to have his child. The idea that Father had met her in a geisha house intrigued him. He bade Mushin to continue with the story.

" We had just driven out a demon from the geisha house. It had been coming at night and possessing the girls. Its behavior toward the customers nearly drove him out of business. The owner was so grateful that he offered your father a choice of three girls The first was a girl no more than eleven. The second was a well rounded beauty similar to the worthies you see before you.. The third was your mother. A muscular woman. A good bottom, but a little on the thin side

for my taste."

" What was my mother like?"

"Like I said she was skin and bones, strong as an ox with a sharp wit and a nasty temper and those were her good qualities."

Miroku stifled a laugh. He knew someone who fit that description so well..

" So what happened next."

" Your father decided to have a contest between the three girls to determine his choice. The first contest was a cooking contest.""

"Each girl was to make a pot of porridge. Your father would determine who made the best porridge. Your mother's porridge was too cold and looked like grey slop. The big girls porridge was too hot and burned his mouth. The little girl's porridge was just right and he ate it all up."

" The second test was to determine each girls attitude toward children. He approached the little girl first. When he asked her to bear his child she was so excited that she broke the chair. When he asked the second girl she tried to grab your father to hug, but she found that she was stuck in the chair. At last, your father came and asked your mother to bear his child. She gave him a smirk and retorted 'And why would I do that?'."

" The last test was to be in bedroom. He rubbed the butt of the eleven year old, but it was too little. He rubbed the butt of the larger girl, but it was too big. Finally, he came to your mother's room. She fought like a wildcat, but finally he was able to rub her butt. It was just right. Just when he thought that he would reach Nirvana, she whacked him over the head with a vase."

" When he came to she was gone, but your Father knew who he wanted. He had the owner assemble the girls. He dismissed the little girl and the large girl with a kiss. He was left alone in the room with your mother and the owner.

" He told the owner that ' This is the woman I want to bear my children, this is the woman I want to be wife, this is woman I want to be with to the end of my days.' The owner bowed and the woman was so overcome that she went with him willingly."

" I don't understand, Mushin. My mother could not cook. She did not want to have children and repelled his advances with violence. Why did my father choose her."

" Your father explained it this way. He did not need someone to cook for him. He could cook himself. He did not someone to bear his child. He had found that many women were willing to bear his child. It did not bother him that your mother was sarcastic and violent. What he wanted was a woman who would be there for him in the end."

"Hence the butt rubbing contest."

" Precisely."