(A/N: ab so sarree pleaze forgive i for da hiatuz but I wuz distracted n jezuz wuz at burnin man with Ke$ha)
Jezuz crawled out uv da cave. "Wtf happened 2 mi neck" he wondered to himzelf. He put hiz brain n skullz bak 2 gether with hiz thorny crown. He kleaned semen out uv hiz earz with cue tipz n turned it in2 PCP to get high real quik.
Jezuz cried lsd tearz on da wai to hiz momz houze. He went home n hiz mawm wuz high on crack n thawt he wuz a zombie. "Mawm wtf stawp" jezuz said when mary wuz sawin off a shotgun riflez. "Wut happened" "Nigga u be crucified up in here, I dun want no devil zombie runnin round mi houze, hell naw" "mom ab jezuz" "i dun giv a fuk hoo u are, u taek da munny up frunt next tiem" "Wut?" I sed she juzt smoked some more crack so I went to find Judaz.
I found dem n da back of bootiful dodobirdz(dei were alive bak den) houze n dei were hidin easter eggz. "Wut r u guize doin" "o, hi jezuz" said judaz "lewk, ab sarree about given our luv awai. Ur dad bribed me with a million dollarz n lazer visionz, can thou ever forgive I" "yeah mi dad said i had 2 forgive everione or i'll get raped. Whi r u hidin eggz"
"we saw u come back to life" said bootiful dodobirdz(dei were alive bakk den) so we hid eggz n da bakk yard.
"Wut duzz dat hav 2 do with me comin bak 2 life?" I didnt undastand
"ur rite" said Judaz "dare shud be a bunni 2" I think dei were higher dan i wuz
before i had time 2 find a gud spawt romanz came n started whippin me! WTF i wuz 2 high 2 run n sum jewz knocked me unconsciouz n da romanz kept beatin i. lash aftuh lash with a bull whip thingz da jewz kept beatin i da lazt thing i saw before goin unconsciouz wuz judaz n mel gibzon eatin sammichez.