A/N: Hey guys here's the next chapter. I know it's been forever so thank you to those who are still reading.
Hope you all enjoy it
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or any of the characters
As I lay motionless I couldn't comprehend where I was. There was no light, there was no blackness that encroached on me, there was just nothing. I was stuck in nothingness, my body pulling me in a million different directions. I wasn't dead but I wasn't quite alive. I was stuck in limbo waiting for something to tip the scale one way or the other. Truthfully I wasn't sure which I wanted more.
Things came to me in flashes. I couldn't see anything but I could feel, I could hear, I could sense.
The first thing I was aware of was Edward whispering in my ear. I could hear the words and feel his touch but I couldn't respond. I had no control over my body. I yearned to touch him, I yearned to speak to him but my body wouldn't allow it.
"Bella sweetie can you hear me?" Yes, yes Edward I can hear you. I tried to yell and kick and scream but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't break through the barrier. "Bella if you can hear me squeeze my hand alright." I tried to oblige but nothing. "Ok honey I know you're in there, I know part of you can hear me and I need to tell you to keep fighting. You have to be strong and fight because I can't live without you…you're my everything. You have to come back to me Bella." And I would fight; I would fight for Edward because he was my everything. I waited for the next words but almost as quick as it had come it was yanked away and I was pulled back into the nothingness. I couldn't hear or feel Edward anymore.
The next thing I recalled was one of my hands in Jakes and the other in Edwards. Who had said they couldn't get along? I could feel Jakes warm lips on my hand. When he spoke he sounded so pained, like he had lost all hope. He was a shell of the man he used to be. Jake was always so strong but not at that moment. "I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you and Charlie. I should have done better. I screwed up…but you've got to be ok so I can make it up to you. You're my best friend Bells…I need you." I yearned to squeeze his hand, to take him in my arms and tell him that none of it was his fault, that everything was ok. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't do it. It was silent after that but I could feel that Jake and Edward were still present. Neither spoke but I could sense that they were still there. Then, suddenly there was shouting. I couldn't decipher what they were saying but I knew they were fighting. I tried to yell out for them to stop but I was pulled away again.
As time progressed, how much time I wasn't sure, the flashes became weaker and less frequent. "Our whole family needs you Bella. We don't function without you," Emmett had whispered to me one visit. "I don't think I can handle what would happen to Emmett if you don't make it, he will die. I'll miss you Bella, we all will," Rosalie admitted when she had come to see me one night. The others had come to visit me but I was wrenched away before I could hear what they had to say.
After Rosalie's visit it seemed like an eternity until the next flash. I had almost given up hope. I thought that I was dead but then I became aware of Carlisles presence. "Bella, I'm so sorry," he sighed. A dry sob escaped his mouth, followed by another and he leant his head against my arm, his body heaving. He was so anguished, it was heartbreaking. Carlisle was always so composed, yet there he was mourning me. I tried to fight but I was dragged back into the haze that clouded my mind, body and soul. If I could I would've let out a scream of frustration and pain. Hearing that the ones I loved were in so much pain, yet unable to do anything about it was worse than being tortured by Victoria.
Charlie was next. It was hard to hear him as he spoke. It was like he was speaking through a thick haze. The barrier between us was getting stronger, thicker. I could feel myself slipping away. I clung on, his words coming to me in snippets.
"Oh god, this is all my fault."
"I'm so sorry honey."
"I've already lost your mother I can't lose you too."
"He… he loves you Bells, we all do."
"There's a way I can help Bella." That wasn't Charlie.
At that moment my body was yanked away again. It felt different to all the other times, like I wouldn't come back, like I couldn't. I fought desperately but the haze just seemed to thicken, holding me in place. I gave up hope and then I heard it. My lullaby. Edward was humming my lullaby. It seemed to give me strength and I fought.
"Oh Bella," Edward sighed. "I would give anything to look into your eyes one last time before they are changed forever." Changed forever, was he talking about turning me? "I would give anything to not have to do this. I need you to tell me that this is what you want, that it's the right thing." I want this, I tried to scream. And it was true. Though I'd doubted it, though I'd doubted him, I now realised that we belonged together for eternity. "Open your eyes for me honey." I tried desperately, but I couldn't get through the thin barrier that remained between me and Edward. He placed his lips to mine and I tried squeezing his hand. For a second I thought I had succeeded, that he had actually felt me. But almost instantly he returned to humming. As the time progressed, I remained with Edward. I listened to my lullaby dreading being sucked back into the emptiness. I knew that I wouldn't come back. This would be the last time I would be with Edward. I treasured it, locking it away so I could cherish it for eternity. After what I could only assume had been hours Edward sighed.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered and I knew this was it. Edward kissed me hard and I threw everything I could into it, trying desperately to kiss him back. His lips were soft against mine and I burned it to memory. When he pulled away, I waited for the feel of his fangs against my neck, I waited for the intense pain that was sure to follow but it never came. Instead numbness washed through my body, followed by an intense pain and then there was nothing. I was dead. Edward had waited too long and now I wouldn't see, I wouldn't touch; I wouldn't feel him ever again.
When I opened my eyes the pain returned, shocking me. Every inch of my body screamed out in agony and I let out a small moan. I searched waiting for the blinding light but it never came. Confusion washed through me, I was disoriented. Where was I? What had happened to me? Was I dead? Was this heaven? I couldn't get a hold of my thoughts andI said the only thing I could say at that moment, I called the only name I could.
"Edward." In an instant Edward was there. He was standing right before me. I couldn't believe my eyes, I smiled. It appeared that he'd been wrong about everything. He'd always believed he wouldn't make it to heaven. Carlisle and I believed he would, we had been right. "You were wrong," I breathed. Edward placed his hand in mine.
"Bella sweetie," he whispered his voice dripping with relief. "What are you talking about?"
"Heaven," I mumbled. "You thought you wouldn't make it, but here we are." I sighed in contentment. Edward chuckled.
"Again with the heaven thing," he muttered more to himself than me. "Honey, take a good look around you." I did as he asked, really looking at him for the first time. He was still perfect but there was something about his face that was off. He looked tired and worn, like he'd been to hell and back.
"You look horrible," I exclaimed. He nodded solemnly, smiling down at me. Even his smile looked worn. What had happened to him? I glanced around at our surroundings, letting out a gasp. The action caused me to wince in pain. "This is one screwed up heaven. I thought pain was supposed to leave you when you died and why am I in a hospital?" Edward looked at me through pained eyes. He brought one hand up to stroke my hair.
"Bella you're not dead, this is all real. You've come back to me," he choked out, his voice hoarse. It took me a few moments to process what he was saying. I was alive? I glanced down at Edward's hand, which rested next to mine. He clutched a piece of paper in it. My letter.
"Oh my god, Edward. I'm alive?" Edward nodded his eyes burning into mine. He looked like he would cry. If it was possible I was sure he would have. Edward looked so fragile, like one knock would break him. I could only imagine the pain he had been through. "I'm alive," I almost yelled, sitting up from my position on the bed. Immediately I regretted it. My body screamed in agony, every inch searing in pain. I clenched my eyes shut, crying out. I could feel Edward hovering over me, his hand itching to touch me.
"Bella…Bella," he cried, helplessly. A dry sob wracked through his body. "Oh honey, don't move ok, I'll go get you something for the pain." He sounded desperate. I panicked, he couldn't leave me. I needed him with me. I grasped his hand.
"No…No don't leave me," I whimpered. "The pain will go away just stay with me." He hesitated. "Please." He squeezed my hand which seemed to be the only part of my body that didn't ache. He placed his chin next to my head, kissing me softly on the temple. I bit my lip as tears streamed down my cheeks. Ignoring the pain, I focused on Edward's touch. Very slowly, my body relaxed inch by inch until the pain was a dull ache. With the pain finally subsiding I allowed my eyes to relax. I could feel myself drifting. Before I could however, Edward squeezed my hand.
"No Bella, don't go to sleep…not yet. Keep your eyes open for me ok sweetie," he pleaded, desperately. I forced my eyes open, staring into Edwards. He was now lying next to me, his body completely still. I smiled at his close proximity.
"Ok," I murmured. "As long as you do one thing for me."
"Anything," he replied, resting his forehead against mine.
"Kiss me?" I begged. I needed the familiar sensation. A look of concern crossed his face.
"Last time I kissed you, you almost died. I thought I would never see your eyes, I thought I would never see you smile or hear you laugh…I thought I'd never kiss you again. It killed me," he whispered his voice hoarse. I could feel my heart aching in my chest. I hated that he had to endure such pain. I couldn't begin to imagine what it would feel like if our places had been reversed.
"I'll be fine. I won't die." I needed to feel his lips on mine. My body, my mind, my soul cried out for it.
"You promise?" he croaked. I nodded and he slowly closed the gap. He pressed his lips to mine softly but quickly pulled away. He waited several moments and when nothing happened he kissed me again, this time his lips were more urgent. They moved against mine hungrily.
"Oh Bella," he mumbled against my lips. He opened his eyes gazing into mine. I was mesmerised, even in this state his eyes were hypnotic. "Don't ever leave me again," he begged. He looked so vulnerable in that moment; I had never seen Edward like that before. I wasn't sure if he had ever been like that before. He was usually so in control, so composed. But now he looked so weak, so fragile, in that moment he looked completely human. Though Edward was immortal he was still capable of feeling loss. "I can't live without you," he added almost in a whimper. The scene wrenched at my heart and tears streamed down my cheeks. I yearned to ease his pain. I cupped both his cheek in my hands, ignoring the agonising protest from the muscles in my body.
"I'll never leave. I promise," I assured him. The words sounded weird coming from my mouth. Edward had always been the one to reassure me. I crashed my lips to his, our lips moving in unison. It was like our first kiss and last kiss combined. Neither of us could get enough. When we finally pulled apart, Edward rested his head on my chest letting out a small sigh. Neither of us spoke after that. Edward was listening to my heartbeat and I was enjoying holding him again.
I'm not sure how much time passed. Both Edward and I were so content with each other that neither of us felt the need to speak. We enjoyed the silence. It gave me time, time to think…time to remember. Suddenly I was filled with the need to know more. I needed to know everything.
"Edward," I muttered breaking the silence. "What happened exactly? I mean after I left," Edward cringed against my chest. "How did you get to me so quickly? How did you know that I was lying?" Edward lifted himself up, moving so he was now lying beside me. He took one of my hands in his and squeezed lightly
"Well I didn't, not right away at least. I was a mess at first," he admitted. Even now it was hard to watch him reliving the pain I had caused when I left. I couldn't believe that I'd had the strength to go through with it. If it came down to that again I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I gave his hand a squeeze to assure him that I was there now and wasn't going anywhere. He smiled a sad smile in return. "After you left I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I stayed in Carlisle's office for hours." Guilt washed through me and I looked down. Tears streamed down my cheeks, I hated that I had caused him so much anguish. Edward raised his free hand to wipe away the tears before he continued, telling me everything that had happened.
By the time he finished I was a mess. By trying to prevent everyone from getting hurt it turned out I hurt them even more.
"Oh Edward I am so sorry," I cried, resting my head on his shoulder. "I just," I tried to explain but I couldn't. Edward kissed my forehead.
"Shhh Bella its ok," he murmured. "It's over now." He lifted my head so we were gazing into each others eyes. "None of that matters anymore. All that matters is that you are here with me…I'll never let you go again." His eyes burned into mine as he lowered his head, placing his lips softly against mine. "We'll be together always." I nodded, the tears slowing. And in that moment everything became clear, I would walk through the deepest depths of hell if it meant I could be with Edward. No amount of pain would keep us apart.
"Edward, change me," I whispered, voicing my thoughts. Edward hesitated. He opened his mouth to speak but I placed a finger on his lips, hushing him. Pain jolted through me but I ignored it. "No protests. Listen, you were going to do it anyway when you thought I was dead and I don't want to waste anymore time. I'm not a teenager anymore, I know what I want and what I want is you. That means being a vampire. Please." I was surprised when at the end of my spiel Edward smiled.
"I agree honey, but..." I let out a frustrated groan, there was always a but. I opened my mouth to tell Edward as much and argue but he stopped me. "But," he said emphasising every letter, "I think we should wait until you are recovered and out of hospital." He placed a hand gently on my cheek. "You've already been through so much; I couldn't stand to put you through more pain." I nodded, staring into his eyes. "But," he added, smiling this time, "I promise once you are fully recovered I will change you."
"Ok," I replied, letting out a small yawn. Edward chuckled, placing a small kiss on my forehead. I felt him move but he was back in an instant.
"Sleep now sweetheart," he whispered and started humming my lullaby. And with that I closed my eyes and let myself drift into the darkness that only sleep could bring.
Ok so there it was, hope you all liked it. Review and let me know what you think . For those who haven't read it yet I have another story called, The Way I Loved You. Go check that out and let me know what you think.