I sighed and rolled over onto my back. This was not working. I had managed to finally go to sleep when Bella walked in an hour and a half ago, after I had been tossing and turning and punching my pillow, wishing it could have been my face. I didn't know why my idiocy decided to take me over and allow me to offend Bella the night before she leaves. I mean, come on, nice timing. I had known she was no where near happy to be leaving, but, I don't know, the fact that she could manage to keep herself so calm during this whole ordeal was…irritating. Irritating because I was being more emotional than she was and, though this might sound sexist, I always thought that was kind of the girls job. But tonight, in that one sentence she said right before we fell asleep, I knew she was missing me as much as I was missing her. I sighed in agitation again.
Bella lifted her head up slightly. "I know not being able to sleep sucks, but there's no reason to wake the whole house with your constant suspiring." She said in a teasing tone. I hastily apologized, slightly embarrassed. I saw her silhouette shake it's head. "It's fine, I was awake anyways." She admitted as she arranged herself so that her head was laying on my stomach, looking up at me. I ran my fingers through her long, soft hair while I tried not to think about what it would feel like if her head went just a little lower…
Shit, I was sick.
I was praying she would just keep looking at me and not turn her head the other way when I noticed the silence was slightly awkward. "Why can't you sleep?" I inquired, searching for a subject. She scoffed and I realized this was kind of a stupid question. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone is dreading tomorrow." I said quietly, to which she nodded her head. My hand wound it's way through her silky hair absentmindedly while I was lost in thought. "Did Carlisle ever find out where you're going?"
"Yeah, Mercer Island. Nearly four hours away from here." She informed me bitterly. My eyes widened. I hadn't really realized just how far away we were from King County. I let out a large sigh and felt deflated. It was seeming more and more of an impossible situation. Bella moved again so that she was lying right beside me, her head on my shoulder, her body facing mine. I rolled onto my side so I was facing her and looked at her with a slightly quizzical look. "I just want to be close to you while I still can be." She said simply, sadly. Her eyes moved over my face, like she was trying to memorize it. "I don't know what it is about you. Never in my life have I been closer to somebody than you are to me." She whispered the words, still copying my face to her memory.
"Don't you worry, I'll be driving in a few months, and you can bet I'll be over there just about every weekend. Then when you're finally back here with us, hell, I'll probably have you holed up here for a week just to catch up with you, and we can get into another fight over why you need to read Harry Potter, and debate over how I just don't like Paramore, then you can hit me over the head and call me a sexist 'll be just like you never left." I said with a soft smile, thinking about how I already just couldn't wait for those days, she chuckled faintly and relaxed a little bit more. I glanced over at the clock and saw with astonishment that is was already half past four. She had followed my gaze to see what I was staring at. "You should probably go back to bed, you've got school tomorrow." She reminded me softly. What was it about the dark that just automatically made people speak in soft tones?
"Ha, yeah, I think I'm shit out of luck in the sleep department." It hadn't slipped past me that she had only said I needed to get some sleep, she knew she wasn't going to be able to get a wink of rest, as did I. As we laid there in the silence, I realized my iHome had turned off, and reached over to turn it back on, gently surrounding us in the sounds of The Temper Trap. We were both humming along to it quietly, but when the time came we both quietly sang the line "We won't stop till it's over, won't stop to surrender."
We spent the next couple of hours listening to calming music, mostly of the encouraging kind. We were wrapped up in the music, hardly talking to each other, though one of us would often sing a single line out loud. Bella was right, this was how I wanted to spend my last few moments with her, happy, facing each other on my bed, listening to the gentle music escape through the speakers. This was a hundred times better then spending the final hours sad and dismal, talking about how much everybody would miss everybody.
The sunrises brilliant colors showed through the few clouds there were. Today looked like it would be pretty clear, a rarity for Forks, especially in early March. I took it as a good omen, starting this whole ordeal out on a sunny day had to be a good sign. We climbed out of the bed and sat in front of the window-wall, staring out at the sunrise. "Do you know how long it's been since I've seen a sunrise?" Bella asked, looking at the magnificent reds and deep oranges. I knew what she meant, the constant overhang of clouds that came with the Olympic Peninsula usually hid the sun from dawn till dusk. At around a quarter past six we both decided we should probably split up and get ready, because, though we didn't really do anything, it'd be awkward if mom or dad walked in and we were…Well, kind of laying on top of each other.
Yeah, that awkwardness scores on up there with accidentally brushing some random ladies breast while trying to push a button on the elevator. That's extreme discomfort right there.
Bella quietly snuck back down the hall way and shut her door with a soft 'click'. I wondered what she was thinking, wondered just what she was saying in her head to keep herself under control. I figured she was probably just doing what I was doing; enjoying the moment. Forgetting the past, not fearing the future, just thinking in the now. If we kept thinking like that, this whole thing might pass before we realize what's happened.
I had been so lost in my thoughts I didn't realize I was in the shower until I was turning it off and stepping out to dry. I didn't know how I was going to get through the day, I really hadn't slept much since Friday night. How I would stay awake during something like American History today was beyond me. I was already seeing that period as nap time.
I brushed my teeth before throwing on a pair of boxers and some jeans. As I was searching my dresser for some kind of shirt to wear, I came upon something black in the top drawer, under some clothes. It was the black piano wire bracelet that Bella had gotten me for Christmas. I had completely forgotten about it, for some reason, I had never put it on. I guess in all of the excitement of Christmas day, it just slipped my mind and, well, you know what they say. Out of sight, out of mind.
I slipped it onto my wrist and threw on my Arcade Fire T-shirt, there was a small stain right above the organ, but you couldn't really see it unless you were looking too close. I threw all of my homework and school books into my back pack, put both my iPod and phone in my pocket, and was headed downstairs for some breakfast by seven.
Much like the day that Alice and Rose left, the table was full of food. I'm talking pancakes, bacon, biscuits, the whole shebang. It was like stepping into a breakfast buffet instead of my own kitchen. Esme must have been cooking down here for at least an hour and a half. I grabbed a muffin and sat at the table. "Morning, honey, sleep good?" Esme asked as she finished cleaning the mess from the counters and sat opposite of me. I just shrugged in response and she gave me an understanding look. Jasper and Emmett walked in at that time.
Jazz was wearing a look I hadn't seen on him in a while. He looked worn and…I don't know, haunted, I guess. It was a look I hadn't seen in a while. I had faint memories from when I was younger, between the ages of five and eight, of this being a constant look of Jaspers'. I think the last time I saw this drained Jasper was when I was thirteen, the morning after the car crash that caused Rose's panic attack. It was the look he got when he had nightmares of his past, of that one year he spent in limbo between his biological father, us, and foster homes. None of us really knew all of the details about what happened to Jasper and Rosalie while they were with Gunther, but it had obviously had a big enough impact to effect them for years. They had both gone to therapy once a week until last year, that was eight years of therapy for what probably equaled five or six months of trauma. Damn.
Jasper grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down beside Emmett. "Bella up yet?" Emmett asked, and Jasper tried to hide the bit of concern that flashed across his face at the mention of her name.
"I think so, I heard her blow dryer as I walked past her room earlier. She'll probably be down here-"
"Now." She cut me off with a quick smile as she made her entrance. "Sorry I took so long, I was doing some last second packing." She explained as she grabbed a plate, being the first one to start filling it. Everyone soon followed, and Carlisle joined us right before we had the chance to tuck in. It was a very subdued breakfast, it wasn't sad, or anxious, just quiet, the silence only being broken by the scrape of a fork here or a small cough there. I saw Bella eyeing the bracelet on my wrist with a small smile, and I felt kind of bad. Had she thought I didn't like the present? I'd make sure to clear that up before she left.
We were all done eating within half an hour and I went up with Bella to grab her luggage. As we were walking up there, she looked over at my wrist again. "I really do like it, I had just kind of forgotten about it. I had put it in my top drawer and clothes kind of…fell on top of it." I explained, feeling more and more awkward as I kept rambling. She had an amused smirk on her face.
"I'm sure, Edward." She teased, winking at me. When we got to her room we grabbed the luggage and headed right back out. It wasn't much, really. She had gotten rid of her old small suitcase and ratty duffle bag and had settled for one that was somewhere between midsized and large, consolidating all of her things into that. I carried the suitcase while she grabbed her guitar case and messenger bag and we trudged down the stairs. It was strange to think that I was carrying just about every item that Bella owned, that all of her worldly possessions fit into one suitcase. I could probably only fit a fourth of my closet in here.
We set the stuff by the stairs and walked back into the kitchen, where everyone was just kind of lingering about. No one was really sure of what to do, we couldn't really say goodbye yet, because we still had about fifteen minutes until that Harks woman was supposed to get here, but what does one do while waiting to say goodbye to someone for a pretty good while? At ten till eight, our elaborate door bell went off and I just wanted to scream, Really? Not only was she taking her away from us, but she was doing so early?
In my minds eye, a meteor fell from the sky and destroyed her on the spot. I smiled slightly. Carlisle went off to answer the door and Esme immediately swooped in on Bella, giving her a hug worthy of Emmett, while a few tears glided down her face. I could see the Harks woman in the Living Room, looking on at the embrace with an eyebrow raised, silently asking 'Can we go now?'. As soon as Esme managed to pry herself off, Emmett was picking her up in one of his classic hugs, swaying slightly from side to side. "Be safe, buddy." Was all he said as he put her back down.
Even Jasper went up and gave her a hug, which is something I'm pretty sure he's never attempted with her before, "Just look to the future, mate." He advised as he pulled away and took one last look at her with his sad, slightly disturbed eyes. She responded with a simple, but thoughtful, "Right".
Carlisle looked worn, and tired as he squeezed Bella in one of his comforting, paternal hugs. No words, just a sad sigh escaped his mouth. Once she was out of Carlisle's arms she immediately dove towards me. My arms wrapped around her shoulders, and hers around my upper waist, her wet cheek rested against my chest just as it had this morning, she had a continuous stream of tears leaking from her eyes. I pulled her tighter. "In no time you're gonna be right back here, laughing at how corny we all sounded today." She let out a small gasp of a laugh. "But until then, if you have any trouble, I want you to call or text us, you hear? If these people are shit, you let us know, and I can guarantee Carlisle will do everything he can to put you somewhere else." I swallowed, knowing by the death glares I was getting from Harks that this was just about over. "I miss you." I whispered in her ear before letting go of her. She whispered the sentiment back before Harks walked in on the moment and said in her manly voice that they really, really had to go. Tight time frame and such things. We all glared at her with as much venom as we could muster, but she didn't even blink. I wondered briefly about the condition of this woman's soul, but dismissed by answering my question with another question 'What soul?'.
Carlisle grabbed her suitcase, much like he had when Bella first arrived here, and walked out the front door with her guitar-laden self. We walked to the front door, like every cheesy farewell you ever seen in a movie, and watched as she climbed in the car and drove off, out of sight, out of town, out of safety. Away from her family and happiness. From all of her friends and loved ones. Out of reach of the stupid, immature fifteen year old boy who had made it his mission to make her laugh as much as possible. The idiotic kid that thought he might just could save her from the demons that had pulled her back in.
"Somewhere down the road I'll see you again
I don't know when and I know you'll be the same
And I know I'll be the same, Unchanged"
Somewhere Down The Road - Feist
AN: There we go, the leave I've been building up to for, what? Four chapters now? Yeah, you'll understand why Edward wasn't extremely broken up in the next chapter, probably. I'm out of town for I-Don't-Know-How-Long, so I'd probably expect a good week and a half to two weeks before the next update. No internet. Yeah, sorry it's short, but, ya know, I suck. -shrugs- Review, yeah? You know you're just aching to say something.