AN: Apparently this being ill business is working well for my muse. Here's another oneshot. Please let me know what you think, if you don't mind. Thanks.
He'll tell her that he doesn't love her and she'll throw him across the table. She'll sit back down and drink her wine, like nothing happened, while everyone else will stand in stunned silence. She won't allow the tears to sting her eyes so badly that she has no choice but to cry. She won't let him see how much he has hurt her.
She'll only speak when spoken to. She'll put on a brave face because it's Turk and Carla's night and she doesn't want to spoil it. She won't leave the party early, even though her head is killing her because she has drank too much wine, because people will ask her if she's okay and she really can't face that.
She has to go home and see him. It's her own apartment and she doesn't want to go there because he'll be there. She won't be able to look at him because all she'll think about is what he said to her.
She'll walk through her apartment door and he'll try to talk to her, apologise to her and she'll ignore him. She'll walk straight to her room and slam the door behind her. She'll sit on her bed and listen to him as he says his apologies through the door. She'll hear his voice break with tears. She'll wait until he gives up and tries to sleep.
She won't let him hear her cry.
In the morning she'll get up and she'll try to erase any signs that she cried. She'll replace the hurt she feels by anger. She'll use the anger to protect herself. She'll use the anger to stop herself from asking how the hell he could do this to her.
She'll walk out of her bedroom and see him sleeping on her couch. She'll pretend that she didn't feel that stabbing pain at her heart.
She'll drive them across town to Turk and Carla's and she'll turn the radio volume up loudly so she doesn't have to hear him apologise.
She'll walk up the stairwell of Turk and Carla's building so as she doesn't have to stand in an elevator with him because she fears that if she doesn't have something else to do, to concentrate on, she'll just completely crumble and she can't do that.
It'll hurt her to see him act so happy and carefree with Turk. He'll act like there's nothing going on and it'll make her livid because all she can think about is what's going on.
She'll go to the church with Carla and help her get ready for her wedding. She'll smile and she'll say all the supportive friend stuff. And when Carla asks her how she's doing, she'll cry. She'll say it's because she's touched that Carla would actually think of her on such an important day.
She'll help Carla into her wedding dress and her eyes will fill up again. She'll say it's because Carla looks so beautiful and because she's so happy for Carla. She won't say that it's because she feels so guilty in herself because Carla's special day makes her ache.
As Carla gets her hair styled, she'll walk over to her bag and pull out a sachet of painkillers. She'll throw back two of the tablets and gulp down some water from her bottle. When Carla sends a disapproving look her direction, she'll say she has a headache.
She won't say it's because she drank so much wine last night she has a hangover.
When Turk and Carla's wedding seems to collapse, she'll feel relieved. She'll feel relieved because she doesn't think she'd have had the strength to stand at the altar as Carla's maid of honour and keep her composure while the man who she threw her whole life away from is standing opposite her.
And she'll feel guilty. Guilty because Carla is devastated because that her perfect day is ruined. She'll stay away from Carla while she freaks and stresses out, because she act sympathetic and caring and feel like a two-faced bitch.
She'll feel guilty because there's a guy out there who's heartbroken because she left him on the day they were supposed to be moving in together. She'll feel guilty because she cheated on that guy not even a week ago.
She'll wonder when she became such an awful human being.
An hour or so later, she'll see Sean. They'll talk and it will almost be easy, if it wasn't for the aching remorse she feels with everything he says. She'll know she hurt him badly and she'll hate herself for that.
She'll be honest with Sean and tell him that she didn't leave him because she was panicked. She'll tell Sean that she left because she got some crazy idea in her head that he was the one for her. She'll tell him that she just wound up getting her heart broken. He'll agree with her that it sucks, and she'll look down at the ground, because here she is, complaining because she got hurt when she hurt Sean just as badly.
They'll share one last kiss. For Sean, it'll be closure. For her, an apology. She'll watch as he walks away and Jordan's sister puts her hand on Sean's ass.
He'll sneak up behind her and tell her that she can't let Sean drive Danni home. She'll turn round and snap at him and say that if things were meant to be between her and Sean, she would never have sabotaged what she had with Sean by going home with him that night. He'll ask if they're going to be okay and she'll rhetorically bark back at him.
He'll ask her to tell him when they are okay. She'll tell him not to hold his breathe.
She'll walk away, and she won't let him see that her eyes are filling up with tears.
For a while after that, she'll sit on the bathroom floor, crying. She'll hope to God that nobody sees her in this state.
She'll cry because she wants to be able to blame him for everything, but she's knows she can't. She'll know that she's equally, if not more, to blame for all this. She was the one that went round to his place. She was the one that initiated the sex. She should have stopped it. He could have stopped it. They both knew exactly what they were doing. She had a boyfriend; she was in the wrong. And, yes, he was a clown for her, but there were a million way she could have thanked him without sex. She went to him after she left Sean, because she didn't want to be that woman who had cheated on her boyfriend. And she went to him, because she really did believe he loved her. And never in a million years did she think it would all end up like this.
She's angry with him, but more than anything she's angry with herself. And she'll think that she deserves everything she's feeling right now.
She'll hear footsteps walking towards the bathroom. She'll stand up quickly and try to regain her composure because she can't let anybody see her like this. She'll glance in the mirror quickly and thank God that she has waterproof make-up on. When whoever it is walks into the bathroom, she'll walk out, keeping her head low and avoiding any eye contact.
Outside the bathroom door, she'll raise her head and plaster a fake smile on her face. She'll try to act happy, for Turk, for Carla, so she doesn't let him see how hurt she is.
She'll do this even though her eyes are burning.