Title: Funyuns, Tuna and Lessons Learned
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine
I just like to take them and play with them for a while.
Author's Notes:This is a little of Friday
afternoon silliness. I've been craving Funyuns. I can't eat
them at home because my husband whines too much and makes gagging
This is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine. Sookie's POV.
Spoilers: Through Book 8 of the Sookie Stackhouse Series
I checked my watch again. Eric would be here soon. Eric Northman, the magnificent Viking Vampire and my current boyfriend and blood-bonded. Eric Northman, pig-headed idiot that is going to get it when he gets here. We've been doing pretty well over the last few months since Felipe de Castro took over Louisiana and Arkansas. Eric and I finally talked things out. He loves me, I love him. We've had a few bumps along the way, but we've worked them out. However, tonight, I was going to make him as miserable as possible. Stupid controlling jerk.
As I put the mayonnaise back in the refrigerator, I can't help but grin at the torture I'm going to inflict on him. Oh sure, a year ago I would have just screamed, bitched and pouted. But I've seen a lot in my two and half years of dealing with the Supernatural community. A girl's gotta grow up a little, right? Eric and I are supposed to spend the night in tonight; just the two of us. Amelia and Octavia had made other plans so we jumped at the opportunity to spend some 'alone-time' together. I was excited all afternoon. Right up until the point Sam handed out our work schedules. Apparently, my bonded took it upon him self once again to dictate my work hours to Sam.
I let the smirk spread across my face as I hear Eric come up the back steps. He has no idea what's about to hit him. I busy myself at the counter but steal a sideways glance at his face when he walks in.
I see his nostrils flare slightly and try my best to school my features. Before he reaches me I take a big bite of my sandwich. He takes a step closer and before he reaches my lips I let out a small breath. He flinches. Ha!
"Evening, lover." He leans in and gives me a small kiss just as I swallow the last of my bite.
"Hey. You hungry?" I place my plate on the table along side the bright yellow chip bag. I walk to the fridge and pull out a TruBlood.
"Thank you. What are you eating?"
"Oh, just a tuna fish sandwich and some Funyuns." I hand him his blood and sit down beside him. I open the bag of Funyuns and see him lean away from me a little as the pungent aroma of the bag floats through the air.
Crunch…cru..cru..cruuunch. I pop a few in my mouth and sigh at how good they are.
"Mmm. I haven't had these in forever."
"They…um…" His nostrils flare again and it's all I can do not to laugh. But this is payback, mister. I made the mistake of eating a tuna salad sandwich before Bill came over once, and he refused to come in the house. So I guess when I drained the can of tuna a few minutes ago and the juice streamed over my fingers I should have washed them off instead of wiping my hands across my neck. Huh, oh well. I'm sure Eric won't mind.
Eric can't hide his disgust as I open the bread on my sandwich and intricately arrange the circular Funyuns on top of the tuna salad. He looks away as I smash the bread back down and take a huge bite.
"Mmm. I was starving. I didn't get a chance to eat after my shift. I hope you don't mind?"
"Um…what are those chip things?"
"Funyuns. They're like onion rings, but not…I love them."
"Sookie, the smell is worse that the rotting corpse of a rhino."
I face him and laugh. He recoils from my breath. If it were possible for a vampire to gag, I think Eric just did.
"And that fish? Sookie, let's open a window."
"It's too cold outside. Besides, it's not that bad." I trail my fingers down his arm and lean in to kiss him. I can tell he's purposefully not breathing or smelling for that matter. He dodges my lips and places a kiss on my neck. He launches himself away from me and wipes his hand across his mouth before grabbing the bottle of blood on the table.
wrong?" I ask sweetly. He chugs the blood and glares at me over the
rim of the bottle.
"Sookie, you…." Before he can finish I lean forward and blow in his face.
"Arrgggh!" He growls before moving to the other side of the room. I grin and then my face changes to one of controlled rage. He sees the look in my eyes and drops his head.
evil." He laughs.
"You're an ass." I pop another Funyun in my mouth before I stand from the table.
"I'm sorry, lover. Please just stay over there."
ignore him and advance slowly toward him.
"You and I talked about this. You don't dictate my hours." I reach out for his wrists and he looks from side to side wondering if he should just run for it.
"I've missed you and the shifter is working you way too much. Please, dear one, go brush your teeth and take a shower."
"Oh I don't think I will."
"But tonight…you and I…"
action has a consequence…lover." I breathe the last part as I
stand on my tip toes in front of him. He turns his face away and
closes his eyes.
"What if I…" He pushes me at arms length and I can't help but giggle. "…make it up to you."
"Better." He crosses his arms over his chest and smirks.
"Angelic Sookie, I am sincerely sorry for angering you and causing you to torture me so with the most disgusting human food on the planet."
"Apologize to Sam."
"No." He glares at me and I cross my arms in response. I walk back over to the table and hold the offending ring of processed food stuff between my fingers.
"Don't." He begs just before I hold it to my mouth and lick it seductively before sticking my tongue through the center and taking it in to my mouth. His eyes widen and I move to stand in front of him again.
it or you can just go on back home for the night." His eyes widen
and his hand clench into fists. "But, that's a shame though. I
thought you would…." I slip my shirt over my head and expose the
black lace bra I bought over the weekend. "…enjoy this." I
wiggle out of my pants and toss them toward the back porch. The black
thong causes him to lick his lips.
"You can't manipulate me like this Sookie." He grinds out and I have to force myself not to scream at him.
"But you seem to think you can manipulate me…and Sam."
"You're what? Sheriff? Master? What?"
"You're infuriating." But I can see the twinkle in his eye when he knows he's been outwitted. "And you stink."
can't do that."
"You can and you will. Just tell him you made a mistake and that I will be responsible for all communication regarding my shifts from now on."
"Lover…." He attempted.
I turned to walk away and gave him the full effect of the thong as I walked down the hall to the bathroom. I stopped at the door and smiled at him.
"Bring your cell phone in here. When you've apologized, I'll let you give me a bath." I emphasize my point by slipping the bra down my arms and throwing it at him.
I laugh to myself as he drops his head in defeat and follows me into the bathroom.
"Please brush your teeth."
"Dial the phone first." He growls at me as I stand in front of the sink with my toothbrush in my hand.
"When did you become so wicked?"
be the company I keep. Now dial the phone." He pulls his phone
from his pocket with such force I thought he'd rip the seam of his
pants. He punches in a few numbers and glares at me while I start to
brush my teeth.
"This is Eric…Sookie will be responsible for her shifts from now on…." I walk towards him as I continue to brush my teeth and reach out for him with my free hand. "…I…" He hesitates at the words so I stroke him gently through his jeans. "Say it." I whisper around my toothpaste.
"…I apologize for any inconvenience or confusion." He slams the phone shut and tosses it on the counter scowling at me. I add a little more pressure and he closes his eyes and groans. I bet Sam's just scratching his head over that phone call. Ha!
"Thank you." I turn my back on him again to rinse my mouth and he grabs me from behind. I barely get the toothpaste out of my mouth before his hands are covering my breasts.
"You still reek!" He laughs as he pulls me toward the shower.
"Sometimes I've just got to teach you a lesson." I smile as his laughter fills the house. He playfully pushes me in the shower and turns on the spray.
"AH! It's cold!" I jump and he holds me in place.
"I think I'll teach you a few lessons tonight. Now clean that foul smelling food off yourself, woman." I clutch at the shower knobs and sigh as the hot water thrums against my back. I slide my wet thong from my hips and toss it at Eric's face. He catches it before it hits his forehead but grins as the water splatters his face.
"Maybe you should make sure I get all the smell off." I leer at him.
"That's probably a good idea." He quickly removes his clothes and is in the shower behind me before I can get the soap good and frothy. He takes the soap from me and works it between his large hands. He pins me with a look and rubs his hands gently around my neck.
me you'll never eat tuna fish and those disgusting onion things
"Promise me you'll think before you start dictating my life." He slides his hands down my back and pulls me closer to him.
It seems I've met my match."
"Mine too." I lean forward and kiss him gently. He deepens the kiss and soon we're starting a very long and satisfying night.