The ironic thing is that Leah excelled at math when she was in school. Geometry especially. She loved it. She adored the way everything made perfect sense, adored that there were equations that she could memorize and then know that she would always be prepared for the test. Her teacher told her once that she was the best student he had ever had, and on that day, Leah decided that she would study mathematics at some university in California, where the sun never stopped shining. Sam had rolled his eyes when she told him her plan, and, for just a moment, Leah resented him.
[Somewhere between then and now, she realized that she was never going to leave this cold, dark place.]
It's this fucking triangle, 180 degrees of torture, that Leah can't stand now. Because she knows she gets this stupid-happy look on her face whenever Jacob Black brings her flowers or candy and kisses her sweetly on the lips. She couldn't wipe the smile from her mouth the day he suggested they move in together, to a little cabin that's not too far away from the Edward and Bella's cottage. He said they could start a real life there, where he could try to break the imprint that he never really wanted in the first place. Then they could run far away, maybe to Louisiana, and start a new life, far away from vampires and werewolves and memories he can't quite shake when they're right in front of him.
[She had laughed and kissed him, and then cried that night as she watched Jacob teach Renesmee how to change a flat tire.]
Bella knows, of course. Of all the leeches, she's the one who has the most intimate knowledge of imprinting (not her own, obviously, but Bella Swan was never good for first-hand knowledge anyway). Edward knows too, but he'd never say anything to upset the balance they've spent seven years perfecting. Precious little Nessie needs her Jacob, and Jacob has never really had a choice but to need her back, and anybody who tries to care for either one just gets in the way and ends up licking their bloody wounds.
[She didn't have a choice, either.]
Sometimes, when they make love, she wants to bite him until he bleeds, try to damage him as badly as he's damaging her. She'll put her lips to his neck and breathe deeply as he burns inside her body, but she can't, won't do it because as much as he's hurting her, she can't stand to hurt him back.
[She wishes he wouldn't kiss her when it's over.]
He'll pick Nessie in the end. Leah knows that. She's always known that. She reminds herself everyday when Jacob crawls out of their newly shared bed and kisses her gently on the forehand and runs his hand over the plane of Leah's stomach. He's made no secret of the fact that he wants to be a father someday soon. He says that wants to adopt. She wonders if he would pick her if he thought she could have children.
[She somehow doubts it.]
Edward speaks to her one day in hushed tones as she cradles herself over the edge of the toilet. He knows, Bella knows, everyone but Jacob knows, and they're all starting to worry because Leah's been looking sicker and sicker and there's no telling what will happen if two werewolves reproduce. Leah laughs bitterly and tells him not to worry. Edward's eyes flicker as she slumps down, and Leah allows him to hold her as she cries on the cold tile floor
[She will make sure he never finds out.]
Every so often, Jacob asks Leah to marry him. She sighs, never giving him an answer.
[She knows he loves her, but not as much as he loves that blonde-haired monster, so she walks away before he can get another word out of his pretty pink mouth.]
Leah remembers when she craved the chance to imprint. To belong so wholly to someone that she could feel it coursing through her veins and all she could see was him.
[She'd do anything now to break it before it breaks her.]
Jacob doesn't come to their room one night. She tosses and turns in the bed until the sun rises, and as he stumbles into the room smelling like sex and HER and old sheets, she feels exactly the same way she felt when Sam took back the stupid plastic promise ring he gave her from a cereal box when they were eighteen and in love.
[She always hated change.]
The day before his wedding, Jacob asks Leah if she wants to leave, find happiness somewhere else. He can give her enough money to go to college, maybe somewhere warm, like California. She makes up some stupid joke about liking the weather here, and he laughs and kisses her on the temple.
[She wonders if this is what dying feels like.]
Disclaimer: Obviously not mine.
Notes: First attempt at the Twilight genre. Obviously I gave imprinting a liberal view, and I might have a couple slightly AU things here and there. I couldn't force myself to care about Breaking Dawn, and this piece is probably a reflection of that.
Questions, comments, concerns should be directed to: zetetic7 at yahoo dot com