I got the idea for this story from the Drawn Together episode 'Clum Babies'. Rated for sexual content and language.

And I still don't own Naruto. But I do own a Palm Centro… which got confiscated by my school's principal yesterday =.= -sniffle- Now my mom has to go all the way to the district office to get it…

Enjoy responsibly!


Temari woke to what sounded like a landslide of metal down stairs. Her body's first impulse was to jump out of bed, but, being in her current state, her body settled for shooting straight up in bed.

"What… the fuck… was that…?" she said, slowly getting out of bed. She put her slippers on and went downstairs.

As she got closer to the source of the sound, she could hear small whimpers, which she recognized as Gaara's. Her sisterly instinct said that Gaara was hurt, so Temari hurried, stepping over the pots and pans that had fallen .

"…Okay, ew."

In the room adjacent to the kitchen, Gaara was…

"Can't…stop…" Gaara said in an exhausted voice. "Been…doing…this…all…night… Help…Temari…"

"Gaara," she said calmly, staring at her little brother with half-open eyelids, "why the hell are you humping that poor, defenseless lamp?"

"Shukaku…sex…crazy…don't…know…why…"

Temari sighed. "KANKURO!!!"

She got a tired "What'd I do this time!?" in return.

"Bring down your porno magazines, hentai, and lestai videos you know you have!"

"I don't have any porno!"

"You can't play dumb with me, Kankuro!"

She heard him shifting around, knowing that he was probably grumbling long strings of curses. He came heavily down the stairs, his steps tired. Temari tried to separate Gaara and the lamp, trying to get Gaara into a more…(ahem…) decent position…

"Whaddya want, Temari."

"I think Gaara's hit puberty, and Shukaku's going nuts. No pun intended…"

Gaara simply looked innocently at his feet, poking his fingers together and looking very Hinata-esque in the process.

"Urgh, why do I have to deal with this…?" Kankuro said, running his hands through his hair.

"Because you're the man of this dysfunctional family," Temari said plainly.

Gaara looked at the porno mag in Kankuro's hand. He started to drool. "Naked… women… seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!" Shukaku said, using Gaara as a medium for his voice.

"Oh dear Lord…" Temari said, putting her forehead in her palm.

"TITTIES!!!!!" Gaara lunged for the magazines, which Kankuro easily held above his reach. "If you grab them like that," he said, "you're gonna rip them. Then neither of us are gonna be happy."

Gaara used his puppy dog face, sticking his bottom lip out to the perfect position, his bright blue pupiless eyes becoming orbs of shimmeriness. "Pwease?"

Kankuro sighed. "Let's start with the videos, ne? Your choice, guy on girl, or girl on girl?"

"What about guy on guy?" Gaara asked innocently. It's not that he wanted to watch it, he was just wondering if Kankuro had any.

"…Are you queer?"

"No."

"Then you're not watching that," Kankuro said, sticking out his tongue. "It's nasty."

"I beg to differ…" Temari pouted.

"WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?" Kankuro yelled. "Temari, I though you were anti-porn!"

"I am. It's disgusting. Except gay porn."

"…Okay, now that Temari's moral values are down the toilet, which one will it be?"


ZOMG!!!!! Which kind of pronzorz will Gaara-kun choose? Lolol, I don't even know yet. Hope I can think of some more ideas before y'all turn on me… that's what's good about one shots. You can put it all there and not worry about your fans biting your head off ^^ Hmmm, how about I let y'all choose! And hurry! Gaara's getting happy in his pants!!!

Ja ne for now!

~Rabid Shikime Uber Yaoi Fangirl Katon-chan