DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM
Warning: Some of the humor may offend you.
A VERY LATE HAPPY FUN TIMES MEISTERS THANKSGIVING SPECIAL!!!
Aaaaargh! I'm very sorry! I was supposed to publish this story before November 27 but I caught a nasty cold. I'm still feeling feverish as I write…or type…this. Again, a very special Happy Fun Times thanks to Ominae and Cielo for pitching in some cool ideas. Also I apologize in advance in case I made a few mistakes about Thanksgiving. If you haven't notice from my craptacular English, I'm not from the US, so I'm not really that familiar with the holiday. At first I wasn't planning to write a Thanksgiving special but since there are some people who enjoyed the Halloween one shot, which I was pretty surprised since I'm a very awful writer, I decided to do this. Well I hope y'all enjoy the story.
"I'm glad you guys made it." Saji Crossroad greeted Lockon, Allelujah and Tieria at the front door.
"Thanks for having us." Allelujah smiled while scratching his head.
"I'm sorry to hear about the bar exploding…again." Saji said politely, trying his best not to offend or irritate Lockon, who has a very menacing scowl on his face ever since his establishment became nothing more than a smoldering crater on the ground yesterday.
"Oh mouuuuu…I thought I was already a master chef after all the training I did." Tieria lightly bonks his head, acting all…moe. "I guess I still have much more to learn. Am I right, Lockon-chan?" He tugged the arm of the Irishman.
"Tieria." Lockon said coldly. "Playing Cooking Mama on the Wii for four hours a day is not what you call training."
"Well!" Allelujah tried to brighten the mood. "Let's all go inside and relax. I mean its Thanksgiving…so we gotta be thankful we're still alive." He ushered both Neil and Tieria inside the house.
"Shinn and Setsuna are already here. They're on the living room, playing some video games." Saji said.
"Maybe some games will brighten my day." Lockon sighed as he takes off his coat. "I hope it's a violent one, I need to let off some steam."
"Do you guys need help in the kitchen?" Tieria asked. "I mean I could-
"NO!" Saji grabbed him by the collar and pushes him away.
THE LIVING ROOM
"Hi guys." Lockon waved his hand as he enters the room. Shinn and Setsuna are both sitting on the couch while playing a video game. "Watcha guys playing?" He asked and sits next to Setsuna.
"Resident Evil 4: The Super Director's Cut Edition Remake Zero." Shinn replied. "It's Resident Evil 4 with more levels, more gore, more weapons, a special Sherry Birkin strip poker mini-game and more Albert Wesker!!! Also there's a new feature where you can beat Ashley and order her to go back to the kitchen to make Leon a nice ham sandwich."
"I hope Capcom will make the next Gundam 00 game." Setsuna said nonchalantly as he munches on some pocky.
On the TV screen, Albert Wesker, disguised as the Vice President, appears in front of Leon Kennedy. "The President's daughter has been kidnapped by some weird Spanish ninjas! Agent Kennedy, are you a bad enough dude to save Ashley from those terrorists?"
"Rain or shine, they're going down!" He waved his gun around. "Also Mr. Vice President, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"
"This has "Game of the Year" written all over it." Lockon said sarcastically.
"I'm coming!" Saji ran towards the front door while wearing an apron.
Saji is shocked to see Mr. Bushido, Daryl Dodge, Howard Mason, Billy Katagiri and Joshua standing on his doorway after opening the door. "Wha…uh…umm…" He tried to say something but is too surprised to form a complete sentence."
"Who was that, Saji?" Louise called out from the kitchen.
"Uh…Louise…there are some Union soldiers here. I think one of them is a member of A-LAWS. Did Shinn blow up another ship? Because I don't mind surrendering him to the authorities." Bushido's intense stare is scaring the crap out of him. Even though he dresses weird, his figure and stance is quite imposing to the young man so he can't help but cower away from the doorway.
"We're here for Thanksgiving." Mister Bushido said. His voice sounded gruff and full of authority.
"Yeah…just like what the otaku said." Joshua snickered. "For some odd reason he wants to have Thanksgiving dinner here."
"Joshua, show some respect!" Daryl berated him.
"It's because of that boy." He closes his eyes and nodded his head.
"B-Boy?" Saji gulped. He wasn't sure what the new Char clone was talking about but he wants them to go away…far away.
"I think he's referring to me." Setsuna suddenly appeared behind Saji.
"You." The masked man pointed to the young Meister from Krugis. "You have captured my heart, Gundam. Wherever you go, I'm sure to follow."
"Right." Saji lowered his head in surrender. "Come on in, guys. We're still preparing the food but feel free to relax at the living room."
"Why thank you, young man." Fon Sparks suddenly barged in while disguised as an A-LAWS soldier. He quickly makes his way to the dining room.
"Gundam!" Bushido raised both his arms. "I challenge you to a fight."
"We're playing video games." Setsuna said. His expression is still dead amidst the impending wackiness that will soon to occur. "We're playing a new version of Resident Evil 4. There's a multiplayer mode where you can dress up Ashley Graham with various S and M clothing."
"Sounds interesting." Bushido smiled.
"Alright! Time to play some video games!" Joshua cheered.
"No!" Bushido suddenly stops him from entering the living room. "You, Daryl and Howard will go to the kitchen and help with the cooking. As your commander I order you to prepare me a delectable Thanksgiving meal."
"Wait a minute!" Howard then drags him to the kitchen along with Daryl. "Graaaaaaaahaaaam!!!"
"Well don't mind me if I help too." Billy said and pulls out a note book. "I got all my grandmother's recipes here. I'm planning to make a nice special pecan pie. I hope you don't mind."
"Oh…not at all." Saji nervously shook his head. "I don't mind at all."
"Saji!" Louise screamed. "There are crazy people here in the kitchen! Oh…you guys are gonna help with the cooking. Wait a minute…Mr. Sparks, please put down the knife. No I don't do that every night. Yes thank you if you loved my work on Girl's Bravo but…wait…no!"
"This is going to be interesting." Saji sobbed.
"Yup." Allelujah agreed as he appeared out of nowhere. Bushido then grabs Setsuna's hand and they happily marches towards the living room, eager for a game where you can sodomize a digitized girl. Allelujah just pats Saji on the back, hoping to comfort him from the imminent horror and hilarity that will about to ensue. Unknown to the two, Bernie Wiseman sneaks in while hiding under a box. For those who are wondering, I say abandon ye logic and all forms of reasoning.
"Why are Union soldiers here?" Asked a very confused Kinue as the three Flag Fighters take over the cooking. "Did that Shinn boy took out another fleet while bawling about her dead little sister again? Seriously, every time that boy performs a "Kamille Bidan" we're the ones who clean the mess up."
"I don't think that's what's going on here, Kinue-san." Nena Trinity said and makes a V sign.
"Who the fudge are you?" Kinue asked.
"Nena Trinity! Ojou-sama sent me here to help with the cooking." She giggled.
"I think she meant Miss Wang Liu Mei." Louise whispered to her. "Oh and apparently Gundam 00 is now infected with the Rie Kugimiya fever."
"The what fever?"
"Alright!" Howard readied himself. "Let's start with the turkey."
"But…we're already done with the turkey." Louise pointed to the oven where the turkey is slowly being cooked.
"Daryl, take care of that please."
"Roger!" He then opens the oven, grabs the turkey and throws it outside through the window.
"What in the hell!?" Both Louise and Kinue gasped. Nena was still acting cute and still doing more V signs with her hands. "But…we…that…I…"
"While Daryl takes care of the turkey, me and Joshua will chop some vegetables. I'll take the scallions and Joshua will take the tomatoes." He grabs the ingredients, knives and two chopping boards. "Alright…let's take formation." He said after setting things up.
"Screw this." Joshua scoffed and grabs a can of peaches from the cupboard. "I'll handle the dessert."
"Joshua, don't break formation!" Howard screamed.
"Oh acting like a captain now, four eyes!"
"I'll get it!" Saji quickly ran towards the front door again.
"Done!" Billy said and quickly produces a pecan pie.
"That…that was fast." A big sweat drop appears above Louise's head.
Saji then comes running in the kitchen, panting and gasping for air. "Uh…it's Shinn's girlfriend. She…she's finally here along with her younger sister. What's her name? Uh…Luna…Luna something."
"Lunamaria Hawke." She barged in along with Meyrin. "Nice to meet you. My name is Lunamaria Hawke and this is my younger sister, Meyrin Hawke. I'm Shinn Asuka's girlfriend."
"I thought Shinn's girlfriend was his pink cellphone." Kinue whispered to Saji.
"Apparently, he has a real girlfriend." He whispered back.
"Anyway." She cleared her throat. "I brought some pecan pie." She pulls out a big Tupperware.
"Wait…wait a minute!" Billy interrupted. "But I also made some pecan pie. It's my grandmother's special recip-
"No, you didn't." Luna said coldly. She grabs his pie and throws it out of the window. Horrified, everybody just look at each other. Billy then retreats to a corner, lamenting about his grandmother's unique recipe. "Here you go." She offered the Tupperware to Louise.
"T-Thank you." She nervously accepted it.
"Now where is my Shinn?" She asked.
"Holy flying Rey Za Burrel in a girly outfit humping Rau Le Creuset!" Shinn screamed from the living room. "My Ashley Graham is on fire! She's on fire for fudge's sakes! She's frantically waving her arms as the flames burns her jailbait flesh."
"Shinn, you really don't have to describe every detail. We can see she's burning." Lockon sighed.
"Shoot her! Mercy kill! Mercy kill!" Tieria squealed.
"Idiots!" Mr. Bushido growled. "Let her burn!"
"I am Gundam!" Setsuna announced loudly.
"Ah. I think I know where I can find him." Lunamaria smiled. But somehow she's giving off a scary and terrifying aura. "Again, it was nice meeting you. Meyrin, let's go punish Shinn. Did you bring the taser?"
"I like her." Fon Sparks said after both girls left. He has food stains all over his face and hands.
"Oh my God! Fon, have you been playing with our food?" Louise angrily shouted.
TWO HOURS LATER…
"The seafood pasta is done!" Daryl reported after preparing the dish. "The sweet potatoes are also done."
"Excellent, Daryl." Howard smiled. "I'm almost done with the green beans. What's your status, Joshua?"
"I think I put too much butter on the gravy." He frowned.
"Don't worry. There can't be too much butter on gravy." The bespectacled Union soldier assured him. "The commander likes it when the gravy has a lot of butter."
"The commander likes it when the gravy has a lot of butter." Joshua mimicked him in a mocking way. "Anyway, I'm worried about the turkey." He glances over Nena and Fon as they pluck the feathers of the live turkey they stole while laughing like a bunch of psychotic ninnies. The young member of Fereshte then brandishes a butcher knife and decapitates the poor bird, spraying blood all over Louise and Kinue.
"At least the turkey I prepared is doing well." Daryl pointed to the oven where his turkey is slowly being roasted to perfection.
"Why are we having two turkeys anyway?" Saji asked nervously as he prepares the mash potatoes and bread rolls.
"Because, young Crossroad, our captain prefers to have two turkeys during Thanksgiving. Besides, its better this way since there's a lot of us. There's plenty of turkey for everyone." Howard explained.
Suddenly, Fon threw the turkey's liver at Joshua's face. "Son of a bitch!" The arrogant Flag Fighter screamed. He lunges at Fon and before the two started fighting, everyone tried to restrain them. With all the commotion going on, Bernie sneaks inside the kitchen and grabs a few bread rolls.
"Joshuaaaaaaaaa!!!" Howard screamed as he pulls him away from Fon.
THE LIVING ROOM
"No!" Shinn begged to Lunamaria as she repeatedly beats him with a steel bat wrapped in barb wire. "Mayu-chan, please think this over. Onii-chan is bleeding! You're hurting Onii-chan!" He pleaded.
"I am not Mayu-chan!" Luna savagely beats him with a crazed look on her face. "You need help, Shinn and this is the only help you need! I am tired of you forcing me to act like your dead little sister!"
Ignoring the two love birds, everyone in the living room watch the intense multiplayer fight between Setsuna and Mr. Bushido. "Gundam, I got you now!" The masked man laughed as he tries to beat the young Krugis boy. Setsuna still has his stoic expression even though he's losing the match.
"I don't understand the rules of this game." Meyrin pouted.
"It's simple." Lockon said. "Both players must wrapped Ashley Graham with explosives and guide her to a theater full of Twilight fangirls. The player who first blows the theater up is the winner." He explained.
"I see." She nodded.
"So…uh…what's this has to do with Resident Evil's plot?" Allelujah asked while smiling nervously. "Never mind that, I wonder how the others are doing in the kitchen. I'm kinda getting hungry now."
Suddenly, Nena Trinity, who is covered in blood and feathers, cheerfully passes by while dragging a badly beaten Joshua. "I'm sure they're doing fine." Lockon massaged his temples.
"You sure look cute when you're stressed out, Lockon." Meyrin clung to his arm as she giggles.
"Hey back off, sister." Tieria pushed her away. "Lockon-chan already has me for his lover. Why don't you go back to your little Assram Zala."
"It's Athrun, not Assram." She corrected him. "And what do you mean by lover? It looks like you're the one who wants to have his ass rammed judging from the way you act. Besides, I already gave up on Assram…I mean Athrun! Look what you did, you purpled haired twink. You made me say Assram instead of Athrun."
"Whatever!" Tieria sneered. "Lockon is mine." He then starts cuddling him like crazy.
"Please stop doing that, Tieria." Lockon tried to pull Tieria away from him.
"Stop doing that, you freak." Meyrin stood up from her chair. "You're bothering Lockon."
"Piss off, Miss Assram."
"Don't you dare call me Miss Assram!" She then grabs Tieria by the hair. "I'll show you ass ramming, bitch!" Both of them rolled on the floor as they engage in an intense catfight. Lockon watches in horror with his mouth gaping wide open. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His misery only grew as he continues to watch the pathetic catfight.
"Hey Allelujah, do you hear that?" He asked.
"Thousands of UC fanboys wailing in sorrow and grief." He lamented. "The franchise has fallen so low." He said as the purple haired Gundam Meister squeal in anger and continues to scratch Meyrin's face in a girly fashion. "Gundam used to be manly."
"There, there…" The pilot of Arios Gundam patted his back. "I know you still suffer the horrors you saw when you watched the eighth episode of Gundam 00 season two. I mean an androgynous person who always thinks about you dresses up like a woman. You got it tough. The fandom is gonna eat you guys alive."
"Yahoo!!!" Mr. Bushido cheered and starts jumping with joy. "I won! I freaking won. Take that, Mr. Gundam!"
"I…I…" Setsuna dropped the controller as he sadly lowers his head. "I couldn't become Gundam."
"Well at least I'm looking forward to a very delicious and joyous Thanksgiving dinner." Lockon smiled, trying to be optimistic.
"Hey come back here, you box bastard!" Nena passes by again as she tries to chase Bernie, who is still hiding under a box. "Nobody invited you!"
"Goddammit." Lockon then repeatedly bangs his head on the coffee table.
"But mama!" Louise cried out while talking to her mother on her cellphone. "You mean you can't spend Thanksgiving with us."
"I'm sorry, dear." Mama Halevy apologized. "I really can't leave my job here. I mean we're on the middle of an important case…err…I mean…uh…project."
"Mama, you don't have to hide it from me. I know your "other" job. I've known for years now." She frowned.
"Oh don't be silly…what "other" job? I mean…I'm a…goodbye!" She suddenly hangs up.
"It looks like your mother can't make it today." Saji said. "It's really unfortunate…I mean you worked so hard on preparing Thanksgiving dinner."
"Say I don't remember Mama Halevy having another job." Kinue wondered. "Isn't she basically just a bored housewife and a doting mother. Since your papa is an important figure in the fossil fuel export regulation, I don't think she needs to work."
"Geez…that's it!" Louise cried out in frustration. "Fon Fon!"
"Yes ma'am?" Fon Sparks suddenly popped out of nowhere. His face is now covered with gravy sauce.
"We're picking up Mama from her workplace." She ordered and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses. "We'll bust through and drag her back here."
"Roger!" Fon Fon replied with a salute.
BOKUTO POLICE STATION
TRAFFIC CONTROL DEPARTMENT
Louise Halevy kicks open the door and takes out several police officers. Imitating Arnie from the Terminator, she efficiently finishes off the attacking cops. Removing her dark sunglasses, she approaches the desk where her mother is sitting. "Louise, what are you doing?" She asked. Mama Halevy was wearing a black wig and a police uniform, it seems being a police officer is her "other" job.
"We're going home, Mama." She said and takes off her wig. "Whether you like it or not, you're going home." She then proceeds to drag her away.
"Wait a minute!" Yoriko Nikaido, a female bespectacled police officer, blocked her path. "You can't just kidnap one of our officers like that!"
"Sic her, Fon Fon!" Louise pointed to the petite young woman.
"Yes ma'am!" Fon shouted as he pounces on poor Yoriko. The remaining officers watch in horror as Fon…well…uh…the point is Louise managed to successfully carry her mother away.
"Welcome back." Saji greeted Louise and her mother. "The food is ready. Everybody is already at the dining room."
"Oh Saji-kun my dear!" Mama Halevy grabs the young man and presses his face on her chest.
"Mama, get your paws off my boyfriend." Louise cried out in protest.
"Man, I am so starving." Fon said as he makes his way into the dining room. He is now wearing Yoriko's glasses. God knows what he did to her. And so the Thanksgiving dinner is finally going to begin.
"And so now that everyone is here, I think we should all begin by saying Grace." Mr. Bushido announced, acting like he's the host. "Now I want everyone to express their words of grace by telling us the things they are thankful for this year. I'll start first of course. Now I am very thankful for the Gund-
"I am so thankful for my good looks." Joshua rudely interrupted him. "The blonde hair, nose, perfect teeth and whatnot. I am also so thankful that Graham is now a joke of a character. I mean c'mon! Mr. Bushido? What is he, an otaku or something? Oh and whatever happened to his vow where he's going to defeat the Gundams using the Flag? He's now piloting that stupid looking thingy they call an Ahead. I mean geez-
"Joshua, don't break formation!" Howard lectured him. "The Captain first!"
"Oh blow me!" He throws a pea at Howard's face.
"Well I'm also thankful for a lot of things." Lunamaria stood up.
"Miss Hawke, I am not done yet." Bushido told her.
"Yes, you are." She glared at him. Again, a scary and terrifying aura surrounds her whole body.
"Yes, I am done now." The masked man sat down, obviously frightened.
"I'm thankful that I didn't snap this year after receiving all those mental tortures from Shinn." She continued. "I am thankful that I still have some determination left to wake Shinn up from his made up delusional world where he thinks his parents and sister are still alive."
"Wait a minute! My parents are dead!?" Shinn was shocked.
"Okay my turn!" Kinue raised her hand. "I'm thankful for having a really cute younger brother. I am thankful that my bust is growing so I can further seduce Saji so he can leave his girlfriend and her demented cow of a mother. Oh and I'm thankful that I have a cute younger brother. Did I mention I'm thankful that I have cute younger brother?"
"Okaaaaaaay." Lockon said. "That was disturbing."
"I'm next." Setsuna stood up. "I'm thankful for having neighbors like Saji. I'm thankful for comrades like Lockon and Allelujah. And finally, I'm thankful for Gundam."
"Well that was somewhat normal. Who's next?"
"Me!" Tieria stood up, nearly jumping off his chair.
"Oh God." Lockon face palmed in exasperation. Chuckling, Allelujah pats his back to comfort him.
"Of course I'm thankful for Lockon-chan!" He then sticks his tongue out at Meyrin. "I'm thankful that I can be with Lockon-chan. I'm thankful that I can smell Lockon-chan's hair when he's sleeping. I'm thankful that I can smell his dirty laundry. I'm thankful for all those Lockon X Tieria fan fictions, where both of us savagely ravage each other…or having cute and romantic moments."
"Somewhere out there, Yoshiyuki Tomino is crying buckets of tears." Joshua joked.
"I'm thankful for always seeing Lockon-chan's face every time I wake up in the morning." He continued. "I'm also very thankful for episode eight of Gundam 00 season two where I finally showed everyone that-
"NO!" Everyone said in protest.
"Next please!" Mr. Bushido pleaded. "For the love of everything that is still good in the Gundam franchise, will the next person please start saying their thanks!"
"I guess that would be me." Saji smiled nervously as he stands up. "I'm thankful for-
"ITADAKIMASU!!!" Everyone interrupted poor Saji.
"I shall carve the turkey!" Mr. Bushido then brandishes a samurai sword.
"Wait a minute!" Saji waved his hands. "But I'm not done saying what I'm thankful for yet. And what's with the samurai sword? Use a regular knife, for fudge's sakes."
Louise then grabs the collar of his shirt. "Shut up and eat!" The blonde girl growled and pulls Saji down back to his seat. And so everyone hungrily devoured the food like a pack of starved locusts on a wheat field. Growling and tearing apart what food they can grab a hold to. Oh and Billy Katagiri is still lamenting about his pecan pie in the kitchen, missing the Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Bernie is under the table, grabbing any food he can as everyone viciously stuff their faces.
Adjusting his codec, Bernie calls his superior, Captain Steiner Hardy. "Captain, I have successfully infiltrated the building." He reported.
"Infiltrated what?" A baffled Steiner asked.
"The residence of Saji Crossroad." He answered.
"Who? Listen, kid. I really don't care what you do in your free time but leave me out of it, okay? I'm enjoying my Thanksgiving here. Go out or something. Grab a burger with your girlfriend."
"Burger? Girlfriend?" He then grabs his face and experience a very bad flashback involving the last episode of Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket. "Noooooooooooo!!!"
OKAY MAYBE NOT THE END YET…
TWO HOURS LATER…
"Thank you." Mr. Bushido bowed his head in thanks. "That was scrumptious. The best Thanksgiving dinner I had." He and his three Flag Fighters are the last one to leave.
"Be sure to drop by next time, Mr. Bushido." Saji waved goodbye.
"Gundam." He pointed to Setsuna who is standing behind Saji. "Since it's a holiday, you're off the hook. But next time I see you, you're finished."
"Let's play again sometime." The young Krugis Meister said.
"Sayonara!" Bushido shouted. He and his men then boarded their mobile suits and flew away into the sunset.
"A lot of things happened but today was a good day." Louise said and grabs Saji's hand.
"Yeah." He nodded in agreement. "It was a good day."
"I also agree." Setsuna said with his usual deadpan tone. "I had a lot of fun…and a few laughs."
"I wonder what's next." Saji mused.
"Christmas, of course." Louise squeezed his hand. "And the things I'm excited about that holiday are Christmas presents and mistletoes." And with that she kissed him on the cheek and ran off inside the apartment.
"A good day indeed." Setsuna smiled at him.
"Indeed." He repeated.
Suddenly, in a puff of pink smoke, Tieria Erde magically appeared while wearing a silly looking magical girl outfit. His hair is tied up in ribbons with bells attached. His outfit is so disturbing that both young men turned pale as snow. "Take this." He handed them a couple of brochures. "Sparkling Magical Rainbow Tieria-chan will debut soon so please look forward to it." Waving his wand, pink smoke appeared again and he magically disappears.
"WHAT THE (BLEEP) WAS THAT?" Asked a very confused and disturbed Saji. Pocketing the brochure, Setsuna F. Seie just shrugs.
And that's it. Again I am sorry for publishing this story late. I really hope I didn't go too far with the jokes. I really suck at this…
Fon Sparks is the main character of the 00 side story manga, 00F. He's a demented yet intelligent person. Of course I portrayed him differently here. What's important is he's demented. Heck, I love Fon Fon. I really hope I could read 00F Volume 2.
Bernard Wiseman is one of the main characters from Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket. An excellent OVA set near the final stages of the One Year War. I made him act like Snake here because his English VA is David Hayter, the guy who voiced Solid Snake. Steiner Hardy is also another character from 0080 and he's Bernie's superior and the captain of the Cyclops Team.
Of course y'all should have noticed the You're Under Arrest parody, since it's very blatant. Sakiko Tamagawa, the seiyu of Louise's mother, voiced Natsumi Tsujimoto, one of the main characters of the You're Under Arrest anime. Sakiko is also married to Shuichi Ikeda, the seiyu of the famous Char "Mr. Lolicon" Aznable. Yoriko Nikaido is one of the supporting characters in You're Under Arrest.
Anyhoo, that wraps it up. I hope y'all enjoy this one shot. Until next time. Oh yes, Sparkling Magical Rainbow Tieria-chan is an upcoming story of mine.