Naruto of the Smash.
Chapter 13: Chuunin Exams Start! The First Test is a…WHAT!!!
Naruto groaned as he woke up the next morning. Considering that the sun was rising, it was about six in the morning, but he was still bruised from last night.
The reason why he was like that was because of the sleeping cat with a stereotypical witch's hat on.
'I didn't even know Blair could be that flexible,' he thought.
"WELL, IT PROVED SOMETHING," Rao said. "ALTHOUGH YOU CAN HEAL FROM CUTS AND BROKEN BONES, BRUISES ARE STILL CONSIDERED MINOR."
Naruto groaned. 'Better get ready for today. But first, has everything been set up?'
"FOR THE EXAM, YES…"
Before Naruto could retort, a scream of anger can be heard from the Uchiha Complex…again.
"OH, THAT. SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, THESE EXAMS ARE NO JOKE." There was a bit of silence. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THE UCHIHA BRAT THIS TIME?"
On the way out, he ran into Sakura, who was still uncertain about the whole thing. Sasuke joined afterward, GLARING at Naruto the whole trip.
"What happened to your pants?" Sakura asked Sasuke. "I've heard of bad hair days, but those pants look worn."
"Let's just say that I'm going to double-lock my closet after this is over," he replied. 'As well as fox-proof it.'
Naruto shook his head. "We're here," he said. 'And your pants are going to be the LEAST of your worries, Uchiha-Teme.'
"DID YOU RAID HIS…"
'Yes, I did, and I also got my hands on some…pink tye-dye.'
"GOOD WORK, MY YOUNG PADAWAN. WHICH REMINDS ME, DOES THE UCHIHA WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?"
'Tighty-whities…well, not anymore.'
The conversation was halted by the arrival on the second floor. There was a bit of a crowd facing the door to the classroom, and the cause was that it was being blocked by two Genin…or if they can be CALLED that…blocking room…301?
'Okay, I don't know who is the worst on these things,' Naruto thought. 'I'm pretty sure Konohamaru's more convincing, but Snake's is incognito unless someone picks up the box.'
Before he could convince his teammates to move on…
"Drop the Genjutsu," Sasuke said, in a bravado tone.
"How did you know it was a Genjutsu?" one of the Genin asked him.
"It's simple enough for Sakura to sense it," he replied.
Normally, Sakura would blush at a compliment from Sasuke, but her feelings were conflicted at the time.
"So," the other Genin said, "you can see through it…but are you tough enough to bypass us?" Before Sasuke could retaliate against the kick, a familiar spandex-clad Genin had stopped the supposed fight from taking place.
"Way to blow our cover, Lee," the girl with the buns said. "Wasn't it your idea for us to hide our true skills?"
Lee was embarrassed, but he noticed Naruto trying to sneak out. "If it isn't my Eternal Rival!"
'Busted,' the blond-haired Ninja thought. "Hey, Lee," he said. "Sorry if I didn't join you, but I've had some…interesting developments arrive in the past few days."
"No kidding," Neji said. "After the fight, you basically dropped off the radar. What happened?"
Before Naruto could reply, Sasuke interjected. "Naruto, how do you know these guys…and why does the guy with the outfit call you his 'Eternal Rival'?"
"I had a match with Hyuuga-san while taking shelter in the rain," Naruto replied. "As for Lee..."
"I call Naruto my Eternal Rival because he can be a good ninja without using chakra," Lee said, embarassed. "You should see his Taijutsu. Capoeira, was it?"
"Capo-what?" Sakura asked him.
"It's a mix of kicking, break-dancing, and grace that's a foot version of the Gentle Fist," Naruto said, sighing. "It's also foreign to the Continents for personal reasons."
The rage Sasuke had for Naruto turned into one of revelation. 'Okay, so Naruto has a freak with giant eyebrows who considers him a rival,' he said. 'Suddenly, I'm not as envious of him as I was the past few months.'
"You're Sasuke Uchiha, am I correct?" Lee asked Sasuke.
'Oh boy,' Naruto thought. 'Looks like Sasuke's going to get his ass handed to him. And I've seen Lee fight without his weights before, so it's going to be more embarassing once he finds out…'
Sasuke gave out a scowl. "You know the Uchiha name?" he asked Lee.
"I challenge you to a match!" Lee yelled.
"Go ahead, Sasuke," Naruto said. "But make it quick. The exams start in a half-hour."
"This will end in fifteen minutes, dobe." 'Plus, it will give me the opportunity to use my bloodline.'
What the Uchiha didn't know was that Naruto had planned this, minus Lee's interference. Hence the amused look the young man tried to hide.
Sasuke, being more of a punching bag rather than a good opponent, had activated his Sharingan…and noticed something was amiss.
'Wait,' he thought. 'This guy's not using any chakra. How is it possible for him to…wait. Naruto didn't use any chakra during the fight we had…but his was suppressed! This guy…' "What happened to your Chakra?" he asked Lee.
"That's the thing," Lee said. "My techniques are pure Taijutsu, and I only have enough to keep me alive. And although it's an honor to see the famed Sharingan, I'm afraid we're running out of time, so I'll finish this quickly!"
That's when Lee attempted to use the Whirlwind Lotus…only when a kunai had stopped them in place, the pants of the Last Uchiha…were ripped to shreds.
There were mixed reactions. Sakura's was basically that of mild surprise, Tenten's was amusement, Neji's was a mix of disgust and amusement, Lee's was that of complete astonishment, and Naruto's…on the floor. Laughing his ass off, but not for the ripped pants.
"NARUTO!" Sasuke yelled. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
Sasuke's underwear…were briefs, but it wasn't the choice that set him off. It was the color itself that made Sakura's hair look darker.
Yes, it was pink. Bubblegum pink to be precise.
Someone could just point and yell "Look everyone! Sasuke Uchiha wears Pink Underwear" at this moment.
"Naruto," Sakura said, growling, "you at LEAST brought him a spare pair of pants."
Getting up, Naruto reached into his sealed scroll and took out a spare pair. "To execute a good prank," Naruto said, "you have to remember an aspect of comedy that's vital: Timing. Got it memorized?" He was quoting Axel at that moment.
Sasuke just swiped the pants before anyone from his class (other than Sakura) would notice. "When the exam is over," he said, "I'm gunning for you, dobe."
Naruto scoffed. "Good luck on THAT one, girlpants," he said.
"Guys," Sakura said, "the Chuunin Exams?"
"Hang on a second," Naruto said. He then waved his hand in front of the crowd. "You never saw Sasuke wearing Pink Underwear."
In an eerie fashion, the crowd said the same thing, unanimously.
"Move along," Naruto said. With that, Team Gai (after Gai gave Lee a lesson) and Team Seven went into the exam room, avoiding Kakashi, who was wondering what had happened.
"What just happened?" he asked Gai.
"That's what I'm trying to figure out myself," the spandex-clad Jounin replied. "It seems your student is capable of manipulating minds."
Kakashi groaned. "I already knew THAT. What happened BEFORE he used the Jedi Mind Trick?"
Gai was surprised. "Oh, Naruto pranked Sasuke again."
No surprise there. "By any chance did it involve animal waste?"
"I think your student got off easy. Either that, or I don't know my own strength."
"The Pink Underwear prank, then." Kakashi groaned. "Maybe it was a bad idea to give him a list of pranks both parents did." To answer to the confused look on Gai's face, he then said, "Minato-sensei did the same prank to Fugaku, only it was during a council meeting. However, the Jedi Mind Trick was Kushina's work of art at the time."
"Should we call the Naras again?"
"From what I can see, one's already there." Gai nodded, remembering the meeting concerning the exams.
Sasuke was livid, to say the least. Although he was relieved that Naruto had erased their memories, he was STILL wearing the pink underwear, and out of them, five genin (including a Hyuuga, his own teammate, and the guy that he lost to) and a Jounin-Sensei had been out of firing range.
'Naruto's back on the top of my kill list,' he thought.
"Sasuke-kun!" they heard someone yell. A blond-haired woman with a ponytail and green eyes hugged him from behind. "I'm so glad to see you."
Sakura may have cut ties with her, but she still cared for her friend. "Ino, step away from Sasuke," she said. "It's better for your health."
"Don't tell me you're still after him…"
"Actually, I got to see him for what he truly was, but that's not why I said that."
Ino still wasn't convinced.
"Ino, you might as well step away," Shikamaru said. "If anything, attention from a fangirl is the LAST thing he needs after what just happened."
"Fine," Ino said, growling. "And I'm pretty sure it's Naruto's fault."
'You have no idea,' Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura thought.
'From the looks on your faces,' Shikamaru thought, 'it's basically a re-enactment.'
"Looks like the gang's all here," Kiba said, entering the room. "Especially Mr. High and Mighty himself."
"Kiba," Sasuke said, "I don't have time for your empty threats right now."
"Don't mind him," Naruto said. "How's Hinata doing?"
In response, Naruto got a full rendition of an Amazon Glomp.
"That answers my question."
"Hey, Naruto-kun," Hinata said. "Nice work on the calling card."
Naruto was chuckling. "Well, timing is everything, my dear."
"Enough about the prank already!" Sasuke yelled.
"What prank?" Ino asked him. "Did it involve Audrey again?"
Everyone gave her a blank look.
"You mean the flytrap that doubles as a guard dog?" Naruto asked her. "No."
"Wait," Shikamaru said. "You have a fly-trap that's named after the main monster in that horror movie Asuma-sensei has?"
"Yeah, although it doesn't eat people…which reminds me…" He then turned to Chouji. "You know about Clucky, right?"
"You mean your attack chicken?" the Akimichi asked him. "We don't eat pets. If we did, we'd have a feud with the Inuzuka."
"Actually," Kiba said, "I'm quite surprised. That thing made even Kuromaru piss himself."
"You know," an unfamiliar voice said, "you rookies should be a LOT quieter."
Sasuke glared at the newcomer, forgetting Naruto's collection of…pets…at the moment. "And you are?" he asked the man.
"Where are my manners? I go by Kabuto Yakushi, and I have vital information."
Naruto glared at him because of the appearance alone. Silver hair with glasses. 'That's the guy that Sheena refused the hit from,' he thought. 'Why does he smell like snake?'
"HE'S PROBABLY WORKING FOR OROCHIMARU, NARUTO-KUN," Rao said. "IF ANYTHING, THIS GUY KNOWS MORE THAN HE LETS ON."
"Is this your second time?" Sakura asked him.
"Seventh actually," Kabuto said.
"You suck," Kiba said, bluntly.
"That may be true, but I have information about every competitor in the Chunnin Exams."
That caught Sasuke's interest. "Every competitor?" Kabuto nodded at that. "If so, can you show me the stats of Subaku no Gaara, Rock Lee, and Naruto Uzumaki?"
Naruto grimaced. 'This cannot be good,' he thought.
Kabuto sighed. "You know their names already," he said. Pulling out three cards, he then went through the information. "Subaku no Gaara. 20 C-Ranks, eight B-Ranks, and, the kicker, One A-Rank, all without a scratch. His teammates are Temari and Kankuro, who are also his siblings."
That made everyone tense.
'Looks like I might accept his challenge,' Naruto thought.
"Rock Lee," Kabuto continued. "Apparently, no skill in Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, but his Taijutsu is off the charts. Teammates are Neji Hyuuga and Tenten and his Sensei's Gai Maito, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha." He then took out the last one. "And finally, Naruto Uzumaki." He then took a good look. "That's strange."
"What's strange?" Sasuke asked him, glaring.
"It only shows his name, age, teammates, Missions, and jutsu chart, but nothing else."
'Thank God,' Naruto thought. 'I thought I might rip the card in two.'
Kabuto slightly glared at the young Uzumaki. 'Looks like we've got a wild card on our hands here…' "Anyone else?"
"Yeah," Naruto said. "Who's the girl with the Kumo hitai-ate?"
"Oh, her." Kabuto then flipped through the card list. "Yugito Nii. She's basically given around 15 C-Ranks, 4 B-Ranks, and 2 A-Ranks. Her specialty involves Lightning Jutsu, but she uses an original technique called the Neko Shunshin Jutsu, or the Cat Flicker Jutsu."
'Well, that's useful enough,' he thought. 'Rao, I think we've got another Gaara in the room.'
"WELL, HER KI'S MORE FOCUSED ON HER TEAMMATES," Rao said. "EITHER WAY, I THINK WE'VE GOT A BIJU THAT'S STRONGER THAN THE SAND-NIN'S. NIBI, I PRESUME?"
'Gaara and Yugito. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me.'
Before anyone could ponder, a voice yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN, BRATS!"
In a hurry, everyone found a seat.
"Now, my name is Morino Ibiki," the man said. "Welcome to the first part of the Chuunin Exam."
In the midst of everything, Naruto was paying attention to the man while looking at the other Demon Vessel with concerned eyes, but was shocked at the basis of the First Exam.
'A written test?' he thought. 'Dear God, I SUCK at those!'
"Now, you'll start off with ten points. If you miss one question, you lose two points. If you're caught cheating, you lose a point. If you're caught cheating five times, you're kicked out of the exam, your teammates going along for the ride. The Tenth Question will be revealed before the last fifteen minutes of the exam. That is…if you can make it by then. Now…" That's when the minute hand of the clock hit the 12 mark. "BEGIN!"
Now, Naruto may have been crafty, but he wasn't all-seeing. Doesn't mean he couldn't read underneath the underneath. 'Wait, doesn't cheating result in a full zero in normal exams?' he thought.
"HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE LINK WE HAVE," Rao said. Naruto gave out a blank stare. "WELL, HE DOES KNOW, BUT HE'S INTERROGATED THOSE WHO ATTACKED YOU DURING THE FESTIVAL."
'Doesn't answer the question. He's giving me five chances to cheat. From what Iruka-Sensei told me, cheating results in a full zero during the Genin Exam. You don't think…'
"I COULD HELP WITH THAT."
'Right. Tell me what you know about these questions.'
"ALL OF THEM ARE SIMILAR TO STRATEGIES USED IN MY ACCIDENTAL ATTACK. DECIPHERING THE EQUATIONS IS THE HARD PART."
After about forty-five minutes (and Naruto thinking he was getting hit by the kunai), Ibiki then took attention.
"Pencils down, maggots!" he yelled. Everyone did so. "Now, before I give out the tenth question, you must choose whether or not to take it!"
That brought a bit of surprise to everyone.
"If you refuse to take it, you'll take your teammates with you, but if you take it and choose the wrong answer…YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO EVER TAKE THE CHUUNIN EXAMS AGAIN!"
That shocked everyone to the core.
"What kind of question is that?" Temari asked him.
"You're just unlucky that I'm proctoring," he replied.
Naruto knew the answer to THAT one already. 'He's basically asking us whether or not we'll die,' he thought.
"JUST LIKE A MISSION, KIT," Rao said. "HOWEVER, YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO BYPASS THE MAN'S THREAT. ALTHOUGH YOU MAY WANT TO GET SOME TIPS FROM HIM IN INTERROGATION AND INFORM HIM OF THE SPY LATER."
The blond ninja rose his hand, much to the surprise of Sasuke and Sakura (who was about to do it herself)…and slammed it onto the desk, halting all activity in the room.
"DO YOU THINK I GIVE A CRAP ON WHETHER A QUESTION DETERMINES MY FATE!?!" he yelled. "EVEN IF I'M A GENIN FOREVER, I'LL FIND A WAY TO BECOME HOKAGE, AND NOT EVEN GUYS LIKE YOU WILL STAND IN MY WAY!!!"
Everyone was surprised at his bravado.
'Kid's got balls the size of church bells,' Temari thought. 'Then again, anyone who can stand up to Gaara would be crazy.'
'Typical Naruto,' Sakura thought. 'He just kept us in the Chuunin Exam.' "You were thinking of quitting and then training yourself over the next six months, were you?" 'Mostly, but Naruto shot that idea down like the Naras with their deer. Also, Sasuke's killing intent subsided.'
Sasuke, however, smirked. 'Looks like Itachi's back to number one,' he thought. 'Even though Naruto kept us in the exam, I still want to kill him for turning all of my underwear pink.' Yeah, he was still insane…mostly.
"You sure you want to continue?" Ibiki asked him. "Know the risks you're taking here."
"I never break my word," Naruto replied.
"If that's the case…" They then waited for the conclusion, but the surprise was this next statement: "…YOU ALL PASS!" Ibiki, although he didn't show it, was impressed at Naruto's pep talk. 'Sounds like that Pliskin guy taught him interrogation, although he didn't restrain his voice.'
As Ibiki had explained the reason why he said they passed, there was a crash coming from the window. From the ball, four kunai had spread it out, revealing a banner that said 'Anko Mitarashi, Second Exam Proctor, has arrived.'
'Just what this exam needs,' Sakura thought. 'Another Naruto.' "She's hiding her true pain. If she were Naruto's age, they'd be the best of friends."
Anko then did a headcount. "26 Teams?" she asked Ibiki. "Looks like you let them off easy."
"Not likely," Ibiki said. "We've just got some spiritied ones today."
"Well, by the time of the second exam, they'll be cut in half." She then turned to the teams and said, "If you want to see what the Second Exam is like, then follow me."
After the teams left, Ibiki then started collecting papers…yet stopped at one in particular.
Nice job with the killer intent. The exam paper itself had me going. However, there's something you should know: That Yakushi guy knows too much. Only indication of treason I could smell is that he has the odor of a snake. Also, you've got three Jinchuriiki in the exam: Myself, Gaara, and Yugito from Kumo. I doubt Yugito would start something, but leave that factor to me. After all, I AM stronger…well, my tenant's the strongest.
Ibiki smirked. 'Looks like you'll make an excellent tracker nin,' he thought. 'I might have to report this to the Hokage, though.'
Outside the Academy, Anko led the participating Genin to a weird-shaped forest that only looked scary.
"Alright, maggots!" she yelled. "This is Traning Ground 44, also known as the Forest of Death. Your Second Exam is a simple retrieval mission."
'That's not what everyone else thinks,' Naruto thought.
This exam just got a lot harder…
To be continued…
(A/n: Long time, no see. Well, sorry about not updating this story, but college and writer's block caught up with me. Best bet for me would be to re-read the other twelve chapters, because I kind of rushed the ending.
The term 'Amazon Glomp' came from Ranma ½ (copyright Rumiko Takahashi).
The joke about Sasuke wearing pink underwear didn't come from any anime in particular. I got the idea from Doug where the pink underwear joke was mentioned twice, but mixing whites with red seem to have that kind of effect.
I'm not exactly in the mood for an omake right now. I've been playing Banjo-Tooie for a while and am now up to Grunty Industries, which is an annoying level…
See ya later!)