Hatred and Desire

All I have known is hatred. It is the only thing I have ever believed in. All other emotions are completely useless; a waste. They amount to nothing in the end.

As someone who knows only hate, I was startled when I found a new, different feeling deep inside of me. Desire.

It was desire for the redheaded Love Angel, Angel Lily. There was something very striking about her. She was elegant and refined. So unlike her two annoying companions.

At first, I rejected this emotion. It is true that it wasn't as catastrophic as feeling love would be, but I still did not want to feel any kind of passion for anyone. It's useless. I hated myself for it.

But after awhile, I had to accept it. How can someone lie to himself forever? Imagine the stupidity if I would have kept denying my feelings. I did not want to feel that stupid, like a moron.

Every time I had an encounter with Wedding Peach, I would look for Lily. If she was, in fact, present, I would steal glances at her whenever I could. How revoltingly satisfied I felt just by sneaking glimpses at her. I felt sickened with myself, but at least I had grown to accept how I felt.

It made me feel better to see that the desire I felt also added to my hatred. I suppose that the advancement of my hatred was a redeeming quality of the desire. The fact that it added to my hatred made it easier for me to live with myself.

It truly did add to my hatred. This feeling brought out so much anger in me. I felt angry knowing that my feelings will never be reciprocated. That all of this was in vain. I felt bitter knowing that I felt such an emotion only to be denied of it. And my desire for Lily only made my hatred for Lemone increase. I hated the way Lily's eyes sparkled every time he appeared. The admiration she had for him was disgusting. Lemone always had a habit of interfering…

What a useless emotion desire is. It is even more useless if you are doomed to being rejected, and even despised, by the one you want the most. It is painful, and that is possibly the reason why I turned to hatred. When you are cold and unfeeling, you don't have to go through all of the pain and unrest that you would be put through if you were too emotional, too passionate. Feeling certain emotions too strongly can turn your whole world upside-down, and I am not comfortable at the idea of putting myself through all of that for nothing. I don't believe in the value of love and any other emotions relating to it.

But even us devils are not completely capable of protecting ourselves from emotions such as desire and passion all of the time.