Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Characters, all are Stephanie Meyers

AN: Wow, it's been a while! Sorry, sorry, sorry its taken so long. I won't keep you from reading it now, if you have been waiting. I hope you enjoy!! I decided to add this song since I feel it's a really good interpretation. I know it was meant for the first book/movie, but it's so good.

Down to you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you

But I don't know what I-

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

I'm saying something that I should have never thought

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you

But I don't know what I want

No, I don't know what I want

You got it, you got it

Some kind of magic

Hypnotic, hypnotic

You're leaving me breathless

I hate this, I hate this

You're not the one I believe in

With God as my witness

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

I'm saying something that I should have never thought

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you

But I don't know what I want

No, I don't know what I want

Don't know what I want

But I know it's not you

Keep pushing and pulling me down

But I know in my heart it's not you

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

I'm saying something that I should have never thought

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you

I knew, I know in my heart it's not you

I never know what I want, I want, I want

Oh no, I should have never thought

"I Caught Myself" - Paramore

Six: Persuasion


Bella had awoken in the night, distraught and sobbing franticly. I had asked her what was wrong, and she replied that it was a dream. From her expression I figured it was some horrible nightmare, one that included a scene from the many she had lived through since our relationship began. I cringed as I saw the magnitude of damage this dream had caused her. This must have been some nightmare…

But apparently I was wrong.

I peered into her eyes, squinting when I saw something that was out of place. She wasn't horrified, just… disappointed? That was it, an extreme form of it.

Abruptly pressing her lips against mine, I was momentarily confused at what she was implying. Then it came to me in a quick rush of images: Bruises on her body, violent bite marks in pillows, my guilty satisfaction.

A deep but silent growl raged in my throat. There was no chance. No.

I softly pushed her away, holding her shoulder as if to steady her composure.

"No, Bella," I firmly told her, nervous and fearful for what she was asking of me. She stopped as I had hoped; she froze and watched me with a blank, red stare. But more raging tears descended from her cheeks and soaked her lap. Sobbing, she seemed to come to terms with what she had done. Her face dropped and she looked at me with swollen eyes, water still drowning out her vision. Sympathy oozed from my expression and I watched her suffer with the hard fact that I was denying her what seemed to be the only form of consolation she needed.

"I'm s-s-s-orry," She fumbled, taking in short sharp breaths. Cringing, she emptied the gathering tears from her eyes and they spilled down. My chest throbbed seeing how distressed she was and what she was going through, but my mind was still adamant about my decision.

'Imagine what she would look like if you hurt her,' it reasoned with me, ' you know you can't control yourself in those situations. Keep her safe.' The gaping chasm that was my heart ached with the thought of losing her.

I grabbed her shaking form and pulled her to me, hoping it would calm her hectic crying. I experienced the warm trails her tears left when they traveled down my skin. She began shivering against me. This reminded me back to a dark time, a time when I had abandoned her. Left her to live an empty shell of a life while her heart died every second I wasn't beside her. I winced. My memory replayed the moment as if it were happening in front of me.

Mentally shaking myself I focused on Bella, breaking apart in my arms. I promised her I wouldn't hurt her; that I wouldn't let anything happen to her.

This was some sort of devilish loophole. Helping her could hurt her, not helping was obviously also not helping.

Inside my vacant ribcage I could feel a gathering of pressure. It was unusually painful, and with each glance at Bella it grew and lodged in my lungs making it difficult to take in the steadying breaths I needed in order to think clearly.

"I can't, Bella, I can't!" Desperately I pleaded, praying she understood why I couldn't do this again. Her sobs were somewhat composed now, and she softly hugged me while I crushed her close.

"Please," She begged, her hot breath showering over my chest, "Please Edward?" Her misery was so painful for me to watch, I wasn't sure what to do. The stress clouded my judgment. I wanted to just make her pain go away. My conscience debated with me, and my resolve lost. Still not sure of myself, I kissed the top of her head over and over, hoping that might just have enough soothing power.

Her grip on me loosened infinitesimally, but to me it felt like she was giving up. It was the deciding factor. For a split second I thought that her weakening grip meant she had come to the fact that I would not give her what she needed, and she would try to lie her head down on the pillow and sleep knowing she wouldn't be able to. I pictured her gasping for breath as I held her against me, my body pulsing with anger at my incompetence.

This selfish creature was torn between two outcomes. And I chose the one, more or less, that satisfied both of us.

It seemed a little contradictive to ignore my fading will power when I had talked myself up for hours to not do what was about to be done. Inwardly I winced, a brief flash of the purple wounds I had given her fogged my vision again.

Cradled in my arms, she was still quivering and waiting for my response. I shook my head gently in protest, but I had already made my decision.

With sore torture running through my body, I relinquished myself to her. Or more correct, I was about to take her racked body and use it in a way that made me feel like the worst of monsters.

Reaching down, I placed a kiss to her wet lips, tasting the salty flavor her tears had left behind. Her whole frame seemed to relax in my arms, but I was reluctant to touch her. I wasn't completely okay with this. Wanting to help didn't seem to satisfy my conscience.

Suddenly, Bella clutched my face between her hands and stared me sternly in the eyes.

"Edward," She cried, her voice heightened with desperation, "Please. You won't hurt me. You've never hurt me." Very angrily I was about to growl my disagreement, but she placed her finger over my mouth to silence me. My jaw locked at her command. "If you love me you'll do this."

Those words ripped a stitch out of my already bleeding wound. My eyebrows raised in surprise at her serious words. Bella must have been in some form of excruciating emotional pain because I knew strongly that she wouldn't guilt me like that just to get what she wanted. She wouldn't say that to get what she didn't need. Of course she knew it was true, but to use it against me?

But… seeing her like this was better than not seeing her at all. I didn't care how selfish it sounded; I didn't want to do what she wanted. I didn't want to kill her.

Groaning, I pleaded with her, my expression ill at ease. She watched my face and rebuffed with her own sadness, aching the buildup of remorse in my chest. Bella lurched forward; obviously trying to knock me down but was halted by my stiff body.
Instead, she molded to me and placed a delicate kiss upon my lips.

I could have cried out then, her softness pressed tauntingly against me, daring me to do what I desperately was trying not to. My will was no longer strong enough to fend off Bella. Not when she needed me and I wanted her so badly it surfaced my severe weakness and compulsion.

Surrendering finally, I took her into my arms and turned her onto her back. Quickly laying her onto the bed, she was immediately unmoving and collected. I peered frustratingly into her eyes and noticed her body was shaking slightly, as if she were frightened. She stared coolly into my face, showing me she trusted what I was about to do. At least one of us had confidence.

A bit apprehensive, I leaned forward. Her eyes closed, waiting for the kiss she thought was coming for her lips, but at the last second I swerved and went for her neck. Slowly I explored, taking more time than I knew was needed, but I was timid about moving to other places. Areas that might instigate things.

My brow furrowed at my own words. It was sick how much I was lying to myself. Of course she was going to excite me, she was begging for me. And I wanted her. There was no way around this now.

My tongue ran across the pulsing vein in her neck, I could hear the blood rushing through it. Sighing deeply, a draft of her scent crept into my lungs, and I instantly knew that was a mistake. My throat lit up, and my feral sense flooded my brain. I fought against it, the double-team of desires ganging up on me. It didn't help that after the first time we did…this, my hunger became a little painful for a while. It was taking its toll on me now.

Shutting my eyes and moving away from her exposed skin, I took in some non-contaminated air. Calm, stay calm.

Re-opening, the first thing I saw was the bright moonlight. It filled my eyes, now black as the night outside.

Everything was sharper when I was in this state. Shifting around, my body was heavy. The cool air was cleaning my lungs. Simple as I told myself I should make it, it was still difficult to resist Bella. I knew there was no way I would ever bring myself to let go and bite her out of thirst. But I was always so scared, especially after what had happened a few nights ago. I couldn't believe after all I had worked for, a few seconds of unbearable emotion and I was ready to drain every inch of her in one moment.

My drunken body swayed above her as I pinned her to the bed with my straddling legs. Lazily my eyes lolled, and I endured the depleting pain in my throat and lungs. It wasn't so bad. Yet.

Something warm and delicate touched my chest, and I nearly flinched at the sudden contact. Bella placed her hand on me; in the exact spot where the pressure was building every time I looked at her pained face. Opening my eyes and glancing down at her small soft fingers, I began breathing once again. No longer unsure, I removed it and laid it on the bed beside her head.

I thought it a little funny she was trying to help me now, when she had forced me into this. She knew how I felt.

No matter, I was composed.

Trying to read her expression, I traced my eyes and my fingers across the paths her tears had left on her cheeks. Her breathing was normal; heart was beating a little fast. Other than that, she seemed to be better than a few minutes ago.

"Don't Worry." I assured her, smiling at the sleepy expression she had as my fingers soothingly ran over her warm face. Her lips parted, and I took the opportunity, as I was always willing to. Cradling her neck, I brought her lips to mine and kissed them as gently as possible. She relaxed instantaneously in my arms and sighed into my mouth.

The kiss was delicate, as I thought would be best, but the longer I tasted her the more evident was my hunger. Bella's legs wound in-between mine; her feathery skin enticing. Her fingernails ran across my back, causing me to hiss as the light sensation flared electricity through my dormant veins. Bella turned away from me and nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck, breathing in heavily. I closed my eyes and the sweet smell of her traveled through me, her warm skin on the ends of my fingertips.

If everything else wasn't hard enough, Bella decided to torment me with her soft warm lips. But what I thought was a kiss suddenly wasn't. I felt her lips on my skin, and then something hard and rough. It was as if someone had placed a Taser to my shoulder, because my muscles bunched and my nerves pulsed with the overload of the sensation. Electricity surged up my spine, arching my back involuntarily. I ceased to breath as the whoosh of air I had just swallowed caught and sat heavily in my lungs. In a span of time I could not count, for it was so short, I didn't even have time to realize what I was doing. My arm jerked forward to capture Bella's waist and pull her to me. Our mouths crushed perfectly into one, as my electric-fueled need for her was nearly unbearable.

My kisses were not rough, but hard enough to prohibit her from wrenching free. I stopped when she pulled my hair back and took a quiet lung full of air. I took this moment to stare down at the black lingerie she had on. The ensemble had made me furious when I saw she had put in on before bed, it was unbelievably tempting. Now, it angered me because it was in my way. Sliding my hands up her stomach, I came upon the conjunctions of flimsy fabric that was holding her bra together. With no effort, I merely pulled downward and the straps were ripped from their counterpart. The whole thing slid off her body and in to my waiting hands where I whipped it away. She leaned forward, her warm skin on my cold. My stomach tightened with the contact, and I greedily inhaled as much air as possible. Her scent clung to my sense of smell as if it wanted to be the only thing I could breath in. There was her hair, breath, blood, and the slight humid soil smell of the wet sand outside. I could smell all of it, and it was oddly refreshing.

Hands at my side, they brushed against the last remaining boundary on her. I used my fingers, puncturing the lace underwear on both sides of her hips. Careful not to hurt her, I tore the cloth upward where gravity brought it back down and onto the bed. Bella's eyes were closed and she shivered as the cool air touched her bare skin. My own clothing was still on, and I removed it as silently and motionlessly as I could, all I had was covering my bottom half. As equals, we were kneeling face to face on the bed, and I watched her take in a few steadying breaths. The corner of my mouth contracted into a smirk as we were perfectly still for a few moments.

My arms, all but in my control, reached out for her and brought her to mine. Leaning down to push us into a lying position, Bella opened her eyes and stared into mine. I saw an expression I had seen only once before, and her eyes squinted the longer I pondered what was going through her head. Having her confined comfortably underneath me I was confident I had the control.

One upward motion of her hips and I flinched very violently, edging away from her raised lower body. I was a little shocked at her action, and I looked up at her light smile and sincere eyes. She settled back down on to the bed, and her face softened letting me know she would behave. But her legs brushed mine in awkward positions as she tried to weave them together and bring me forward. I resisted her obvious direction and decided I was going to do this slowly.

I found my way to the flushed delicate skin of her stomach and lingered there. My lips brushed over her navel and she shifted as I trailed upward with my kisses. I ran my thumb over every cold kiss I gave her as I found my way finally to her mouth and placed a faint kiss there. She exhaled into my mouth and I tasted the sweet air and flavor she had. Her hands were still at her sides, a sign she was relaxed, as I was intending. This was my moment, and I shut my eyes very tightly as our lips were still pressed, and bowed my hips forward quickly and very steadily.

I caught Bella by surprise, and she jerked upward into me only to be forced back onto the bed by my compressing weight. Cringing not in pain, but in concentration, I clenched down on my teeth so hard I was afraid they would shatter. The first thing I noticed, was how, somehow, I seemed more controlled. Still as I was, something felt different and more expected. The unbelievable warmth and feeling of connection was maddening but I could handle it now. I noticed Bella's uncomfortable rigidity and connected eyebrows, and I unlocked my teeth to say something, but came up short. Watching her mouth bend downward in discomfort, I was very composed and unmoving. Instantly I felt disgusted at what I was doing to her. It was revolting to me. My mouth wound around in a grimace as she finally opened her eyes again and saw my guilt. She brushed her lips against my chin but I remained unconvinced as I sighed.

Wiggling very awkwardly under me, she placed her hands on my shoulders and smiled, very obviously trying to get me to continue. Her face almost said "we've come this far…"

I stopped her movements by placing my hand on her stomach very firmly, and she ceased but stared at the red imprint my hand left there. She still struggled under my arms and me as they held her very securely in place, and every upward shift she made was very, very difficult to ignore. My body was screaming for me to begin, my eyes were rolling around behind my lids as the friction intensified. Suddenly, Bella's arm came free and she sat up, sending me onto my back and her consequently on top. I was a little stunned she had gotten free from me, and she looked to be in the same state of mind. Her hand was on my stomach just as mine had been on hers, and I knew to say nothing more.

But all coherent thought was lost as she shifted her weight very slightly. Our matching gasps were sharp and loud as we both discovered something at once. Sensing a need to move again, she did and it was all I could do to keep from hissing my approval. Before I had a chance to do just that, Bella leaned down to me and locked our lips with a force that silenced the groan I was about to emit as she began moving above me. Her hair spilled and covered any view I would have had if I could've kept my eyes open and effective. As I breathed through my nose I could smell the floral scent of her hair and it was driving me absolutely insane. How did she expect me to keep this up when I was trapped in a bubble of increasing pleasure laced with a powerful and overbearing smell that made my toes curl?

My body, with it's own mind, moved and met with hers thought I tried to stop it. It felt like it had been hours but it had only taken minutes for my stomach to tighten into a ball and bring every other muscle in with it. To soon it would be if this continued, and I felt the frightening and unbearable urge I had the first night. On my back there was nothing to grasp but her, nothing to smell but her, nothing but her. My tendons jutted out unhealthily from my hands as I clenched the blankets on either side of us in a death grip. Our movements were steady but extremely effective, and I was afraid if more speed was involved I would plunge my fingers and hands through the blankets, sheets and mattress and rip out it's contents. Bella broke our kiss to inhale, and then she was pressing very eagerly to me again and I thought I was going to lose control.

Not knowing what I was doing until it was done, I rolled over so I was on top of her and bearing down and breathing heavily. It was her turn to be surprised as I watcher her sweat-soaked features expand in shock. The few seconds we were still was enough to get some composure back, and I began moving above her very softly. She and I were perfectly form fitting and it made our jobs very easy. The fire inside of me was so hot; it felt almost cold and wet. It traveled to my brain and clouded everything. A deep growl escaped my lips as I stared very unwillingly at her exposed neck. My throbbing muscles and uncontrollable gritting teeth were become more prominent as Bella scratched her way up my back with her short fingernails. Propping myself onto one forearm, I did not break stride. The other arm reached for the wood headboard, I thought at first for stabilization. Once there, I couldn't find the top and my fingers clawed mercilessly against it as the wave of heat and liquid rose and engulfed my stomach relaxing it's core, but forcing every fiber of muscle around it to clench roughly. The volume of this warmth diffusing within me increased and increased, and suddenly my hand involuntarily clamped down on something hard and splintery. The resounding crack echoed in my ears as pieces of wood showered and fell in the crack behind the head of the mattress. I forced one eyelid open and peeked down at her, worried, but she was pulling our bodies closer, oblivious to the damage I had now totally forgotten.

Bella's body tightened and she expelled a very hot breath into my face, and I knew instantly that the build up inside of me was exploding. I grasped the mangled headboard with all my might, hearing a few more cracks as the pressure of the bomb in me blew all the air out of my lungs and brought me forward in one last push. My brow contracted and my eyes, still shut, peered unseeingly down at the object of my undying affection. Arms stiff, legs stiff, everything was rigid and aching with the tremendous strength of the molten solace flying too fast through my body. I hissed as it made me feel very woozy and blissful. When it reached my throat, it burned very harshly for a few seconds, and then disappeared very agonizingly. Empty, I could hear the moans my body was making as it was deprived of the one intense human feeling I had ever experienced since my new birth.

My mouth curled into a peaceful smile, I was not sure why, but it felt right. This time felt… better. Somehow. Slumping lazily onto Bella's blazing body, I distributed my weight so she would not carry too much of it. My breaths came raggedly, as did hers. I lay perfectly serene and contemplative, as Bella still hadn't caught her breath. In my head I followed the emphatic beating of her exhausted heart, and when it began to slow I let myself listen until it was in its typical mode. I took this opportunity to remove our plastered bodies from one another and lie tat her side, my arm curled under her neck. She mumbled in annoyance and repositioned herself with her head on my chest, hugging my torso with her flaccid arms.

The undeniable urge to search her body cam over me, and I couldn't help but scan over every piece of flesh my eyes were able to see. Nothing popped out at me, and my mind was that much more at ease knowing I had done better. A grumble of disapproving came from Bella's lifeless body and I smiled comfortingly anyway, knowing well that she couldn't see it, and kissed he top of her hair lightly. She said nothing more. I lifted the bed covers over us, and settled down to wait out the night.

Bella seemed to be undeniably comatose as she was completely limp and I could see the calm facial features she always had when asleep. On the pillow, my head lolled back so I was looking distantly at the ceiling, not really focusing.

"Bella." I whispered, reflecting on the fact she had somehow managed to seduce me to the point where I was willing to risk her life. No, she didn't guilt me into it; because I knew she would never have done that. This was necessary, as much as I wished to deny it. She would have lived if I hadn't given in, but I didn't want to see her wake up and know her dried tears and her self-targeted anger were because I couldn't giver her what she needed. Isn't that what a husband was supposed to do? I had to admit, I was relatively new to this whole relationship thing, but I knew that my sole role in her life was to be there for her. Whether that was as a lover, or a friend, or a protector. And she is mine; no matter who tries to take her from me I will have her as long as she wants me.

I shifted my head to the right so I was able to look down at Bella's sleeping form. My neck brushed against something solid and pointed, and I reached behind my head to reveal a large and rather butchered sliver of stained wood. Grooves where my fingers had made indentations were very prominent. I chuckled to myself at Bella's obliviousness to my savage attack on the headboard. I was reluctant to glance back at it, as Esme was sure not to be pleased with the destruction of her vacation home.

Steady and rhythmic, Bella's breathing was tranquilizing to my once frayed nerves. I closed my eyes and replayed my favorite moments I had had with Bella, starting at he the beginning. There were unquestionably enough to get me through the hours in which she slept, peacefully and beautifully next to me. Very human, just the way I liked it.

A/N2: Sorry for any mistakes, I was a bit eager getting this up ;)