This ties in with Angsty and is in place of "At the Beach". For everyone's great reviews, thanks so much! :-)
I've never considered myself a hateful kind of mech. Brooding and intuitive, maybe, but never hateful. Seeing the lives I've single handedly destroyed confront me every waking minute, knowing the death toll my hands are responsible for…I've long paid for my criminality without hatred or anger even touching me.
All the fighting I've done, all the killing I've participated in has brought me face to face with many hard boiled certainties – that maniacal power struggles are nothing but distorted passings of missed reality that should never be given the chance to breed in the first place.
Some would say that makes me an instant candidate for treason and that I have no business calling myself a Decepticon warrior. My ever fading popularity status has not escaped my observant optics. I think the only one I can trust sometimes is Skywarp and even that's a stretch some days with how mouthy he can be. But then again, to this date, he has never breathed a word of my insecurities to another living mech so I will forever remain in his debt. Primus knows true friends can never be taken for granted, especially when you're surrounded by overconfident, backstabbing mechs bent on using every opportunity toward future advancement that they possibly can.
It's not that I don't believe in what we're doing. It's just that continually heading down a defensive path with no clear objective is simply ludicrous – a harsh element that neither Megatron nor the Autobots seem to take stock in. War is inevitable. That much is true. But being at war should mean seeing a comforting balance in the end.
Call it brute selfishness on my part, but I want to believe there is something much more satisfying as to why we fight. As it stands now, there doesn't seem to be much more than egotistical whims guiding our way and that's something I can't align myself with no matter what outlandish propaganda is thrown my way.
Should I change all I am for the simple satisfaction of others? Should I succumb to the trickle on down mindset that's plaguing our entire army? Hatred is nothing but deviant emotion wrought on destroying and provides no constructive means to an end. This is what I've long believed and what I shall continue to believe. And perhaps, when the galaxy is at a calming point and the solar cycles last a bit longer, everyone else will adopt that mantra as well. Until then, I will continue to disrupt the hatred surrounding me and know that one day, it will all reach a clearing…eventually.