Author's Note: Hello, and welcome to one of the very first stories I ever finished! I wrote this waaaaayyy back when I was still in high school, under a different username to boot, and I still had quite a bit of developing to do as a writer back then. Lately, I've been itching to make some small, not plot-related changes to this story, as I'm still quite fond of it. This story will always be near and dear to me, and I think it can be even better with a bit of sprucing up.
KEY: Anything in italics are Riku's thoughts. Anything in bold italics are Sora's thoughts. Anything in bold is something Riku and Sora are thinking simultaneously.
So without further ado, welcome to the new-and-improved version of "Riku and Sora Make a Porno!" Enjoy!
Also, please make note that this is the censored version of the story. The uncensored version can be found on , at http:/ games. adultfanfiction. net/ story. php? No = 600084048 (just take the spaces out when you type in the link.)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Kingdom Hearts" or any related games or property. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money off of it.Chapter 1: The Idea
Riku came home to his apartment, which he shared with his best friend Sora in sleepy, quiet little Twilight Town, from the absolute worst day he'd had in a long time. He just wanted to collapse onto the bed and forget that going to work today had ever even happened. However, all thoughts of relaxation quickly faded when Riku opened the front door to find a security guard sitting on the couch inside.
Oh, God… Riku panicked, mind racing frantically. This…this can't be someone from work, can it? Not yet, anyway! Who called the cops on me? I bet it was that crazy old lady Touru downstairs…Her and her damn 27 cats…
"Uh…um…" Riku brushed a few locks of his long silver hair out of his pale eyes as he frantically thought of something, anything, to save him from a night in the slammer as some coke addict's new boy toy. "Bonjour, monsieur! Je ne parle pas anglais…uh…"
"Riiikuuu!" The security guard wailed. In a move Riku privately felt was very out-of-character for a security guard, the man flopped over onto his stomach and cried, 'I got fired today!"
"Oh…" Riku wondered briefly if he was being visited by a man who could possibly be more disturbed than the celebrities he saw on the news every night. "I'm…errr…sorry about that…" Privately, Riku hoped this man would get out of the apartment before Sora got home from his job as…
…What's Sora's job again?
Just then, the security guard tossed off his black baseball cap, emblazoned with the logo "Twilight Town High School," revealing a mess of spiky brown hair that couldn't be tamed by the world's best brush, and a pair of very sad blue eyes.
Riku dropped the umbrella with a loud clunk.
"Sora!" He cried, relieved that the apartment hadn't been invaded by a deranged security guard.
Unfortunately, that relief was short-lived. The shock and sick dread that set in after processing that Sora had just lost his job felt as if the bottom of Riku's stomach had just dropped out from underneath him.
"Yes!" Sora wailed again. "The principal fired me today, Riku! He said that the school was undergoing huge budget cuts, and they can only afford one security guard at night now, instead of one at night and one during the day."
"Hey," Sora was suddenly suspicious, those vivid blue eyes of his narrowing in Riku's direction. "You didn't forget who I was again, did you? Were you out drinking again last night?" Sora took in the mussed state of Riku's work uniform: his wrinkled blue sweatpants, dirty sneakers, and the suspicious stains on his Twilight town gym T-shirt, which smelled rather like vomit up close. All in all, it didn't make for a good impression on either Riku's boss or the teenage girls he taught basketball to at the local gym.
"Uh…" Riku seemed to be saying words like that a lot today. "I only had a few beers last night! I swear!"
"OK, you caught me." Riku sank into the ratty blue armchair next to the couch. "A few of the guys took me out drinking last night to help me get over Olette, and well…one thing led to another…and I came into work hungover today…and…" Riku's voice trailed off at seeing his own emotions, the shock and the worry at the realization that neither of them had jobs now, mirrored in Sora's own face.
"Do you mean to tell me that you were fired today as well?" Sora said, in the quiet voice he only used when a situation was very, very bad. Riku had only heard him use it once before, when his childhood dog Pluto had died.
"Look, I know it sounds bad, but I'll find something else soon, I promise! There are plenty of other jobs out there, I'm sure of it!"
"Riku, how are we going to pay the rent?" Sora really needed to stop using that quiet voice, it was making Riku's voice tangle up in knots.
"Oh, shit." As if things weren't already bad enough. Riku grimaced as he thought of his and Sora's landlord. That man was an incarnate of Satan, and would definitely not cut them any slack with rent money.
"Um…OK…uh…We can find a cheaper apartment! I mean, we do have savings…" Riku grinned at Sora with an enthusiasm he didn't really feel.
"We already live in a dump." Sora looked to be on the verge of tears.
It was true. Sora and Riku lived in a dingy, one-bedroom apartment down Twilight Town's seedy Back Alley, where all the local gangs, criminals, thugs, and general ne'er-do-wells hung out. They had to take turns sleeping on the couch at night as it was. Or Sora would just dump Riku on the couch if he was drunk.
"Hey, Sora." Riku sighed, now completely, totally, and utterly Out Of Ideas for the day.
"You wanna go to the bar?"
"I can't believe you dragged me down here," Sora grumped as he and Riku entered their (Riku's) favorite drinking spot, Seventh Heaven, later that night. "I'm not big on drinking, you know that. Not to mention, you just went out drinking last night! What kind of trouble did that cause, huh?"
"Come on, Sora," Riku rolled his eyes and dragged his best friend through the door and over to the bar. "Saying you're not big on drinking is like saying you're not big on life. Besides, it's not like either of us has to get up for work tomorrow or anything. And I'm just going to have two beers, I promise. Then we'll go back home. Alcohol always helps in tough situations like this. "
"Yeah…" Sora muttered in disbelief, and sat down heavily at the bar next to Riku. "Not like a little thing like work's ever stopped you from going out drinking anyway."
"Hey Riku, Sora." The bar's owner Tifa Lockheart, sauntered over, a sparkle in her dark brown eyes and a cheerful smile on her face. She cut a dramatic figure at the center of Seventh Heaven's bar, with her long, dark hair and all-black clothes. "What are we having tonight?"
"Two beers, Tifa," said Riku with a grin. "And…" He stopped and turned to Sora. "Oh, sorry, man. Did you want something to drink?"
"I might as well, since I'm here." Sora's chin rested on the polished wooden counter, and he still looked miserable.
"Then it'll be three beers."
Tifa sighed. "You drink too much, Riku."
"So I've been told by…oh, everyone." Said the silver-haired boy with a smirk.
"But what's up with you, cutie?" Tifa turned to Sora with a worried look. "It's not like you to be so down. Or, uh…drink. Plus, I usually only see him in here on weekdays." She jerked a thumb at Riku.
"We both got fired today." Riku explained.
"Fired!" Tifa cried. At a nod from Sora, she sighed again. "Seems like it's happening to everyone nowadays…but both of you out of work just makes things that much harder."
Sora nodded again, his chin banging against the wooden bar.
"Well. At this rate, you won't have any money to spend in here, and I won't be kicking Riku out of my bar for drunk and disorderly conduct anymore." Tifa grabbed three mugs from under the shelf and started pouring beer. "I'm gonna miss you guys…"
"Hey! I'm not that bad!" Riku exclaimed.
Riku looked like he was going to argue some more, but stopped at a cry from Sora. "Hey! Axel, Roxas!" Sora spun around in his seat and waved at the entrance.
"Oh, no…" Riku dropped his head down to the bar.
"You're in for it now," Tifa laughed.
Axel Pyru and Roxas Nomura were Sora's other best friends. Sora and Roxas had known each other since college, and Sora had been one of the few people who hadn't made fun of him for being gay. Roxas's boyfriend, Axel, whom he'd been seeing for two years now, had hit it off with Sora immediately upon their being introduced.
It wasn't that Riku didn't like them. He liked Roxas just fine. Roxas was a quiet kind of guy, albeit fiercely protective of the people he cared about, and Riku respected that. Axel, however, was a completely different story. Axel's sense of humor included lighting matches near flammable objects in his and Sora's apartment and teasing Riku about drinking, Olette, his hair, his job, his taste in clothing, and even his laptop. (Apparently, Axel didn't think too highly of people who owned Macs.)
Axel and Roxas were as alike as night and day. They were so different that Riku privately thought Fate must've been out taking a crap when those two had hooked up, and just hadn't bothered to correct the mistake. Axel was tall and skeletally thin, not to mention loud-mouthed and rude, and enjoyed burning things down when he could get away with it. His hair was an affront to nature-it was the brightest, most vivid red Riku had ever seen on a person, and it stuck up in long spikes behind his head to boot. Axel's eyes were the kind of green that reminded Riku of acid, emeralds, and the scales on a snake all at the same time, and tattooed underneath them in black ink were two small teardrops. The man seemed to have a permanent smirk, and lately he'd taken to wearing a long black coat he'd bought on sale everywhere he went. Along with the tattoos, this outfit automatically made the police give Axel shifty looks everywhere he went. Axel was also always the first person to be pulled aside for extra checks at airports as well. Both Axel and Roxas seemed to find this funny. Riku did not.
If Axel was like a fire, larger than life and blazing up into the sky, then Roxas was like a shadow, usually quiet and unobtrusive. Only the people who were close to Roxas understood that he was as clever and mischievous as anyone else, and probably even more so than most people. Roxas was a head shorter and a year younger than Axel, and his hair was a golden blonde, slightly spiky and swept up on one side like the wind had permanently decided to muss it. Roxas' eyes were a clear, cool blue, the color of the sky at twilight. He wore pretty normal clothing as well, sneakers and khakis and short-sleeved jackets and the like. Riku preferred him over Axel any day.
"Heeeeeey, Rikee!" Axel plopped himself down in between Riku and Roxas at the bar. "Fancy running into you here…" He snickered audibly. "How's the job going? Those twelve year-olds giving you a hard time?"
"Shut it, Axel, you fucking well know they're fifteen," Riku aimed a kick at Axel's knee, but Axel dodged, smiled widely, and slung an arm around Roxas's shoulders.
"So what's new?" Roxas smiled slightly in greeting. "We've been looking for places to open a gay bar at all day today. I'm beat."
"Yeah, but no luck," Axel drawled lazily, answering Sora's unspoken question. "All of 'em have rents higher than the number of times Riku's been kicked out of bars, so I guess we're screwed pretty good for now." Sighing dramatically, he pulled a cigarette lighter from his pocket and began flicking it and off.
"Axel, either the lighter goes or you go." Tifa had returned to their area of the bar after serving old Cid Highwind his usual grog, and was looking slightly peeved.
"Hey to you too, Teef. Martini, please and thanks." Axel spun the lighter around, still alight, creating a brief wheel of flames before pocketing it. Sora smiled widely and applauded, and Roxas again gave a brief grin.
Tifa rolled her eyes, but started mixing the drinks when Roxas slipped some money onto the counter and said, "I want a strawberry daiquiri, OK?"
"Just…be nice, OK?" Tifa said as she served up the drinks. "Sora and Riku both got fired today."
"WHAT!" Roxas turned to Sora in shock, eyes wide, pulling away from Axel. Axel, momentarily unbalanced by the loss of his boyfriend, fell off his barstool, which caused Riku to laugh and spit beer across the length of the bar.
"Niiice, Axel! You'll be signing up for the Olympics soon, I see. With that coordination, you can work yourself all the way up to Towel Boy!" Riku doubled over in laughter.
"Well Riku I can see. Who wouldn't want to be rid of him?" Axel picked himself up and grumpily settled back down. "But Sora here's a model employee! Who'd wanna fire him?"
"It's been hard for us too, Sora," Roxas patted his brunet friend comfortingly on the back. "I mean, we don't have enough cash to rent a place for a gay bar, and if it weren't for my mom sending us checks every month, we'd lose the apartment."
"God bless Roxy's mommy," Axel tipped back in his stool, sighing deeply.
"Sorry, about that, Roxas," said Sora, taking his second sip of beer. "I'm sure something will pop up soon."
"With my mad skills, it's bound to!" Axel gave a lazy, cat-like grin.
"Put the lighter away, Axel Pyru!"
"How she even knows I have it out when she's on the other side of the bar…" Axel muttered, as Riku laughed again.
"Thanks for your support, guys," Sora seemed to be in a characteristic mood swing, and was slumped on the bar again. "I'm just worried about paying the rent, though. I mean, we're nearly out of savings, we live in a dump, and we've got no job prospects."
"Well, duh. You have Riku. He's a jinx."
Riku glared daggers at Axel. "I'm going to kill you in your sleep."
Then Roxas said something that turned Riku's life into a living hell for the next week.
"Well, you could make a porno. I saw a sign in that Adult Video store off of Station Heights-they're buying homemade movies for some kind of contest. Pornos are easy to make, and if it sells well, then you have rent money until one of you gets a job."
Riku nearly spit more beer out in shock.
"HAHAHAAAHAHA! Are you crazy, Roxas! That's the dumbest idea EVER! That could never, ever work, right, Sora?"
Riku turned to Sora, expecting his friend to laugh and dismiss Roxas's idea as well-and all the mirth quickly slid from his face. Sora had on his thoughtful-eager look, which meant he was either seriously considering an idea or he was constipated. Riku was fervently praying it was the latter.
"I think that could work, Roxas! You're a genius! Would you tape it for us? I mean, you still have that video camera your mom gave you last Christmas, right?"
"Sora!" Riku couldn't believe that had come out of his best friend's mouth. "No way! I'm NOT making a porno in our apartment! I mean-we don't even have a girl to act in it, for one thing."
"Um…Tifa?" Sora looked over at the barkeeper, who was greeting the latest wave of customers at the other end of the bar.
Everyone gave Sora a Look.
"Sora…dude," Axel seemed serious for once. "Have you no sense of self-preservation? She's a martial arts master! How do you think she single-handedly runs this place without a problem? She will KILL you if you ask her to be in a porno. KILL YOU."
"Hey," Now Roxas had spoken up. "How about that lady who runs the flower shop near the old manor? She's nice, and attractive too, I guess, if you're into girls."
"Do you mean Aerith Gainsborough?" Riku snorted. "Have you seen her boyfriend? The guy's fucking built. He will kick all of our asses if we ask her to star in a porno." I can't believe I'm even having a serious conversation about this…
"Well, I haven't heard any suggestions from you," Axel gave Riku another annoying grin as he took a sip of his martini. "Didn't you and Sora know some girl back in high school?"
"You mean Kairi?" Now Sora spoke up. "She moved to Destiny Islands after we graduated. She wanted to break into show business, and all the big stars are on Destiny Islands. But Riku and me still get regular postcards from her. She's living with some waitress named Namine down there, and another girl called Yuffie who works as a stunt double in movies and has 'connections'…"
"OK, OK, we don't need to hear her life's story," Axel put up his hand for Sora to stop.
"What about that girl who lives in your apartment? What'shername…Larxene?" Riku asked.
"Larxene?" Axel shuddered. "She's a freakin' SADIST, man. I lock my door at night because I'm scared she's going to kill us in our sleep."
Roxas nodded fervently. "She'd want money, too, if we ask her. Which is something we all don't have a lot of right now."
"Well, I guess that rules out the whole porno idea." Riku couldn't suppress a small sigh of relief.
Roxas smirked. "Not quite, Rikee."
"What are you talking about? None of us know any girls who are willing to be in a porno, so…" Riku gulped down more beer, not liking Roxas's smile at all.
"Well…I don't know if you guys'll be into this, but…" Roxas's eyes shifted to the side.
"We're desperate! Just spit it out already!" Sora cried.
"We could make a gay porno."
Axel turned to Roxas, shocked. "I didn't know you were that perverted. I like it." He smirked.
"NO! OH HELL NO!" Riku yelled. "I'M NOT DOING GAY PORN!"
"Axel and me could film all the explicit scenes and Photoshop it so it looks like it's you two later," Roxas explained.
"C'mon, Riku. We really need the rent," Sora was doing his patented "puppy-dog eyes" now. "Plus it sounds like fun!"
"Only you would think doing gay porn is fun, Sora," Riku muttered darkly.
"Well, if you don't do this, you'll be moving back in with Mommy and Daddy after losing the apartment, Riku," Axel smirked and flipped his cell phone open. "Should I call Olette now and tell her you're a chicken? I do have a virtual phone book in here, you know…"
"NO!" Riku realized he was between a rock and a VERY hard place, and had no choice but to give in. "Alright, fine! But I'm not doing anything explicit!"
"That's a good boy, Riku," Axel smirked and pocketed the phone.
"Let's toast on it! To porn!" Sora cried, holding his beer mug (still mostly full) up high.
"To porn!" Axel and Roxas cried happily, clinking their glasses against Sora's and drinking deeply.
Riku sat back and crossed his arms. "I hate all of you…" he muttered.
Reviews are always welcome. :)