Disclaimer: If I write a book I will let all you guys know. Right now everything belongs to S.M.
Sorry for the lateness. I suck at updating as you guys know, but my life is busy, and it keeps getting busier. I hope you guys will stick with me and keep reading. Back to Bella's POV! This chapter is unedited.
Chapter 12- In My Head
"You are a part of our family. My little sister and now Rose's too. Though she seems to see you as more of a daughter right now," he stated his face soft and his eyes showing his love and affection toward us, "we love you very much. What I had meant to say was… leave and I will kill you. I am not having our family torn apart and broken up again. I will not let you leave."
I looked at him wide eyed trying to comprehend what he said. Did he really want me to stay? He turned to Rose and said, "See Rosie, I am perceptive." With that statement Rose and I snorted and burst into laughter. I guess maybe Emmett did have a brain after all.
Our laughter had just subsided when I heard the door slam before opening and closing again, this time more softly. Rose turned to Emmett with a confused look on her face.
"What was that Hun?"
Emmett looked at her blankly for a moment before he seemed to remember something, "oh right! Edward was having another mental break down, but I left him with Esme when I came looking for you and I found two. See I rhyme! Get it? You and two! You and Baby Bells!" He said the last bit with a proud expression.
Rose looked at me before smacking her forehead with her palm. However, what he said about Edward stopped me from laughing.
"Emmett, what do you mean Edward was having another breakdown?"
"Oh right, sorry, he was trying to drown himself, but I guess he forgot he doesn't need to breath or something," he replied nonchalantly.
"He was trying to drown himself? Why?" I looked at Rose alarmed.
She just looked back at me solemnly before sitting on the bed and patting the spot beside her. I sat next to her and then she turned to face me and took my hands in hers. She just stared at me and I thought back to our previous conversation, before Emmett showed up.
*This is their conversation from chapter 5 it will be in italics so if you don't want to read it again you can skip ahead. I thought it would be a good refresher*
"Bella?" Rosalie asked me when she realized I spaced out. I think she also saw the look of confusion and doubt on my face, "I think that it is time I told you my story."
I nodded for her to continue.
"Edward," I winced when she said his name, "was a wreck when he left you. He locked himself in his room and only came out to hunt when it was necessary. He stopped listening to music and he stopped playing the piano. He just lied on his couch staring at the ceiling. He as humans call it was a "couch potato" except he didn't gain weight and he didn't do anything. He just lied there. We couldn't get him to talk and it got so bad that Jasper had to leave with Alice for a little bit because of his depressed emotions.
"He grew even more remorseful after he had driven them from their home but still did nothing! He was an empty shell. Living but not there. Alice and Jasper both got homesick and had to come back. Jasper felt bad because he thought that he was the reason for making Edward leave, and Alice was depressed because Jasper was depressed. The whole family was even more depressed about losing you because of Jaspers power! We moped all day long.
"Alice then decided to take drastic measures, drastic for Alice anyway, and took some of your old clothes out from where she hid them. By old clothes I mean the sweats that Alice hated you wearing and though she destroyed most of them, she felt the need to keep some of them. She wanted you to have some memory of your life before we came into it and how much of a fashion disaster you were. I am not going to apologize because she was right!"
I laughed a little at that but on the inside I was reeling. Was she joking or did they really miss me? Did they really want me and did they just leave because Edward didn't want me anymore and Edward was their first? But then why was Edward sulking?
"Alice gave Edward your clothes and just your scent made his mood brighten a considerable amount. He was still depressed but it made it a little more bearable for Jasper and everyone to be around him. But when we heard of your death he completely fell apart. He tried to go to Italy!"
Rose broke off choking with emotion. I was devastated. The thought of Edward killing himself terrified me. I remember one of the last moments of our time together was of him telling me about the Volturi. They were the ruling vampire family and made sure all the vampires followed the rule. This was only that they tell no one that vampires exist. He had said that when I die he would go to Italy where the Volturi lived and ask them for death. He said he would provoke them if he had to. I had told him then that he would never be allowed to do it. But of course he never listens to what I really want.
"He made it to the front door of the house before Emmett and Jasper tackled him. Alice had a vision of him going and our family wouldn't have it. We trapped him in the house for months until he finally admitted defeat. We were scared Bella. We were scared at how much your death was affecting our family. I was scared. I didn't realize how much you meant to me until we left and then even more until you died. I feel extremely guilty for being mean to you. I should have spoken to you more. I should have acted like the sister I wasn't. I am your sister Bella. I may have not acted like it, but I was and we were all family. You made us whole like we have never been. I felt extremely guilty for being mean and then for being jealous. I was being childish but I was jealous."
Rosalie looked down ashamed but I just giggled at that last bit. She looked up at me weirdly. After just confessing how guilty she felt and how broken her family was and I was giggling!
"I'm sorry Rosalie. It's just the fact that you were jealous of me of all people! Come on! You were jealous because Edward thought I was prettier than you. Don't you know that you are the most gorgeous female being in existence? I don't even compare to what you look like. And I already know you felt guilty about that afterwards. I have forgiven you long ago for being mean and I forgive you again now."
Rosalie looked at me confusion clear on her face, "How did you know all that? And how did you know I felt guilty before I told you?"
"I think it has something to do with my power, but you have to finish you story first."
Her confusion cleared up and she looked a little impressed and curious. "Well after he gave up he went back to Forks. He went straight to your grave and vowed that he will always be there to protect your remains and make sure nobody disturbs you. You can kind of call say that he makes sure that your soul will rest in peace in heaven. And then everyday he would put a bouquet of flowers over your grave an…"
I cut her off, "He is the one who is putting those stupid flowers on my grave?"
Rose looked shocked at my outburst, "Yes. He still does it today. Most of the flowers are always freesia but sometimes he will put some other flowers with it. We all moved back to Forks and have been here since. We would go to school and after we all graduated we would hide out in our house for a few decades then go to school again. But Edward has been coming home angry lately. He feels angry and upset that he can't seem to stop the person who is disturbing or so he thinks your peace and is destroying the flowers. Oh!"
Realization seemed to dawn on Rose as she spoke those words. "You are the one destroying the flowers on your grave!" I gave a little nod and a wry smile as a response, "but why? I think that it is sweet him. Why would you destroy the flowers, and how did you do it? He still hasn't figured out how."
I chuckled a little. Of course he hasn't figured out how I kill them. Only I can do it and only I know about it. Well not for long. "I use my power to kill the flowers, but you need to know my story first. Then I will tell you my power. Yes it is sweet of him. I didn't know it was him that left the flowers. But…" I hesitated. I didn't really know how to say this.
"Go on," Rosalie encouraged me, and then she gave a bright cheery smile and squeezed my hand.
"I didn't want to be remembered," I said bluntly. She was surprised and stiffened. I ripped my hand from hers and got up from the bed to stand in front of her. "I was dead before Victoria found me. I wanted to die. Edward leaving destroyed me! I would not eat, sleep, listen to music, talk, heck I didn't even talk to myself. Victoria changing me just encouraged all that. Did you know that this is the first time I actually came out from my change? This is the first time I have been around other vampires, humans, even animals. Everything avoided me in the woods, and I avoided everyone else. But after waiting 77 years for him and repeating his words in my mind, I gave up.
"I couldn't live that way forever, so I decided to finish school the way I did when I was human. Depressed and silent. I bought my old house and everything! Because it doesn't have any neighbors around it for miles I can do that. I went to my grave for the first time since I "died" and when I saw the flowers I lost it! I started crying and I had to run deep into the woods out of the public eye and I threw a fit! I destroyed trees and when I finally calmed down enough to sit down, I discovered my power. It was only part of my power, but it gave me a little something to actually be excited about. I tested it out later and will talk more about it later.
"Anyway, I went back to my grave and killed the flowers. I didn't move them but I gave them a quick touch and they died instantly. You see I didn't want anyone to mourn my death. I didn't want people to miss me. I didn't want people to love or care about me when I didn't even love or care about myself. I went back the next day and again the stupid, beautiful flowers were there! It annoyed me deeply and again I touched them and killed them. I went back to my grave everyday just to kill flowers! I…"
I got cut off by Rosalie throwing herself at me and crying. She enveloped me in her strong embrace and we both collapsed to the floor. I was crying along with her but not as hard. I really had not realized how much I had missed having someone around.
"Rosalie?" I mumbled while we clung to each other.
"Please don't leave me. I won't be able to stand it if you leave. I really missed you all a lot and I have missed have someone around."
"Oh Bella, I am so sorry. Of course I won't leave you. I wouldn't leave my sister, and Bella you are my sister and you now need me. We didn't know leaving would have this affect on you. We, well with the exception of Alice thought that leaving would keep you safe and from turning into one of us. I know that you wanted it, but as you probably already know I also felt jealous that you were human and had a whole life in front of you while mine was taken from me by force. You were just willing to give up everything you had and you didn't know how lucky you were to have had what you had! I know Edward said that he was leaving to protect you bu…"
I flinched at his name again and then cut her off quickly at that last sentence, "No! He said he was leaving because he didn't love me anymore! He said that I wasn't good for him! He…"
"What! What do you mean? He told us he told you that…"
Rose was cut off by a door opening downstairs with a bang. And then we heard talking from the open door.
*END of flash back from chapter 5*
I didn't believe her then. I thought she was just saying those things to make me feel better. But did he really leave to protect me? I know he thought that he was always putting me in danger, but does that mean he did love me? That he always loved me? Did he lie to me that day? Rose was shocked when she heard what he told me. Maybe there's hope after all. Maybe I have found my family again and maybe I will have my mate again. Now that hope is rekindled and if it is all a cruel lie I won't recover!
I looked at Rosalie with my face stained with my tears again and I conveyed my thoughts through my eyes. I was always an open book and I knew she could see this new revelation. She just nodded in the direction of the door and that was when we heard it, my lullaby. It sounded hollow and broken but it was still my lullaby. But it never finished. I head the player play it again and again but he couldn't get past the beginning. It was as if he was trying to play some long lost melody and couldn't get it quite right.
Rose then gave me a gentle shove towards the door and this time I didn't hold back. I walked slowly to the door, but before I opened it I looked at Emmett. He needed the freedom too. I looked my Brother bear in the eyes and grabbed his hands. I absorbed his pain, I felt and just knew what he had been through, like with Rosalie. Then I dropped his hand and ignoring his gasp I opened the door. I would let Rosalie show Emmett his new glow and let them bask in their joy in privacy.
I stepped out and then I headed towards the sound of the piano. I let the haunting noise guide me and soon I found myself staring at him, at my love, at Edward. I would not let fear overcome me, I would let my heart lead and I found myself walking closer to him as he struggled to continue with the song. I ignored the gasps of his family as I walked forward and then when I reached him I put my hand on his back. I needed to touch him, to make sure this was real. He froze for a second and I heard him inhale deeply. I could feel his muscles relaxing and he started to play again.
His playing brought back memories of when he played for me, with me snuggled into his side with my head on his shoulder. I couldn't hold back, I needed to feel him with me and so I sat next to him but my hand never left him. He finally got past the beginning and now I just listened to the haunting melody as I struggled not to cry. I kept my eyes trained on his fingers and then his face.
My God he was beautiful. My memory could never do him justice. His presence, his smell, everything brought back memories that I struggled to keep at bay. And then my lullaby was winding to a close. His face turned towards mine but he kept his eyes closed. I willed him to open his eyes, he had to know I was there; I had to know if he wanted me there. I could see his lips trembling, but we just sat like that, and he never opened his eyes. I leaned over and kissed his cheek but still he kept his eyes closed. I couldn't deny it now. He knew I was there and he couldn't look at me. I gave a small sigh of sadness before getting up and starting to walk away, walking away from my heart. It would always be his.
I hadn't even gotten a few paces away before I felt strong familiar arms wrap around my waist and pull me back to them. I managed to turn around before I went crashing into his hard chest and looked at his face. His eyes were open and they were burning into me. I could see the hope, the panic, and the love in his eyes. I stared into the eyes of my love, my heart, my mate and he was all I could see.
Another chapter for you guys. Again I'm sorry for my less than desirable updating skills. I'm not sure if I want the story to go on or if I want to make it short and sweet. Let me know if I should end it soon (tie up any loose ends) or extend the story (continue on with a bit of their lives).