That's it, I said to myself, I can't stand this any longer. I just had to go back to her, my angel, my warm soft forgiving angel. My Bella. No! A voice in my head cried, you can't go back! Let her get over you. Let her forget. This was how most of my days went, arguing with myself for a little and then begin tracking. I had done it for her, my angel. Living so close to my world endangered her life, again and again so I decided to take my world out of hers. I hoped she would get over me. At least, part of me did. The part that wanted a good life for Bella. The other part just wanted some measure of life for me. At least I was able to provide some protection, play a role very unlike the one I had played when we were together. Now all I could do was track down the one that still wanted to hurt her. It hurt me too. It hurt that this was all I could do for her now. You could do much more if you went back, I reasoned. No! The voice shouted and I flinched. I thought back to that last moment we had together, that day in the woods. I had lied to her and, being as trusting as she was, she believed me. I had watched her big brown eyes widen and fill with pain as I told her I didn't want her anymore. It really and truly was the worst pain I had ever experienced. I wanted to shout at her, how could you believe me?! I would have said. I had told her countless times how in love with her I was and yet, all I had to say was, Bella I don't want you. And she believed me.
Bella I don't want you. That phrase swirled endlessly around in my head. Of course he didn't, I thought with a sob, staring out at the daylight sky. He was too good for me, I didn't deserve him. "Bella?" A voice behind me said. I gasped and whirled around to see my own personal sun, my Jacob. I ran to him and buried my face in his chest. "Oh Jacob" I sobbed. "Are you all right?" He asked, leading me to the bed and sitting me on his lap. I sniffed and wiped my tears away with the heel of my hand. "I am now," I said. "It's just that sometimes," I continued, "memories hurt." I could see in his face that he understood, there was nothing I couldn't tell Jacob. Even my long kept secret about Him- I winced and Jacob held me tighter. He didn't matter anymore, not because he had left but because Jacob was a mythical creature as well. I had no secrets from Jacob and vice versa. He was my safe harbor, my comforter and somehow, he always knew exactly what I was thinking.
The rational part of me had won the fight, again. If I went back now, everything I had done to protect her would be for nothing. I had moved on to the tracking part of my day. I was horrible at it but it was the only thing I could do for Bella now. I followed a trail into Seattle and panicked. That would bring her quite close to Forks Washington and in turn, my Bella. This time, it was the rational part of me that was urging me to go back. You have to go see if she is okay, I told me. For once, both parts of me were in agreement. I began to run.