Author: Jasmine Starlight
Word Count: 594
Universe: Law and Order: SVU
Disclaimer: What, bitch?
Warnings: mostly gen. Spoilers up to season 6 episode 19 intoxicated.
Time Started: 6:08 PM 12/6/07
TimeCompleted: 6:20 PM 12/8/08
A/N: Wow. I think this might be my new fandom. Yay! This fic is dedicated to AllAboutTheWriting, who made me feel like I was welcome and a decent writer. When I posted my first SVU fic, the first review I got made me feel angry and annoyed that someone could read my fic and totally misunderstand it. That fic was my first after a long hiatus from fiction writing of any kind. But then I got my second review and it made me feel much better. Thank you. Wow it took me a year to finish this fic!
"She's not you, you know." Dr. George Huang said conversationally as he slid into the booth that Olivia was occupying alone at her usual lunch place.
"What?" Olivia was jarred out of her reverie by the arrival of her colleague.
"Carrie Eldridge. You're not the same."
"That wasn't what--"
"Olivia, I'm a psychiatrist." Huang cut her off pointedly.
Olivia frowned and turned to stare out the window at the passerby on the street. There was a long pause between them where nothing was said.
When Olivia spoke again she said, "It's hard for me not to compare us. We're so similar. Alcoholic mother. Father out of the picture. Older boyfriend."
"But you didn't kill your mother."
"But I wanted to. I—every time she came home drunk, every time she threw something at me, every time I had to clean up her vomit on the carpet."
"It's natural to have those urges when you're abused--" This time Huang got cut off.
"She didn't abuse me." Olivia said plaintively.
"She didn't abuse me." Olivia insisted firmly, staring down the Asian doctor.
There was silence again. Olivia resumed staring out the window, thinking hard about the woman Serena Benson had been.
She'd been an English professor at NYU. She was brilliant in the classroom, and with students. Literature was her passion, her forte.
Motherhood, it appeared, was not. Serena'd had a difficult time of raising Olivia as a single mother.
It wasn't so much the single mother part. As the part how she became a mother. The fact that she'd been a child of rape had left lasting scars on Olivia. And Serena'd thought of her rape every time that she'd looked at Olivia. No doubt.
Serena drank to forget. She drank to fool her mind into not dragging up old memories of a life that could have been.
Again Huang spoke as if he could read her mind, "You're not alone. Like she felt. Are you?"
"What?" Olivia asked puzzledly.
Huang spoke up, "You can't feel as alone as she did. You have a lot of people who care about you."
She made a non-committal sound in the back of her throat.
"It's true. You have Cragen and Finn and Munch and Elliot. And Casey. These are all the people who care deeply about you." Huang continued without preamble.
Olivia was silent for a moment and all they heard was the beating heart of the diner they were in; customers talking, silverware clinking, and the ringing of the cash register.
She looked up to find Huang looking at her intently.
"You forgot someone." She said, her lips twitching.
"I have you too, don't I?"
Huang's sheepish grin was her only reply.