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I know, I added this story before and removed it because it was in my eyes even lamer than my other (doomed to remain an unfinished one-shot) story. and was ending up with more flames than positive reviews, But Metropolis Kid told me that, no matter how it seemed people were just avoiding it, I should give it a chance any way. Dear Person – whose – name – I - Forgot It seems that this story is not gone yet after all. If you really think it's such a waste of your time, do yourself a favor and don't read it again.

Seeing the Christmas days are coming up I decided to take a break on my current stories, Don't worry I'll work on them but I just don't feel like it now. The time calls for a Christmas story!

: 1 The nightmare before Christmas
Pairing: Alucard/Seras
POV Characters: Alucard
Genres: Humor, friendship
Rating: K+ (The same reason the movie "The Santa Clause" should not be appropriate for all ages)

Chapter: 1 The nightmare before Christmas

It was Christmas eve, that's what master called it. There should be a war but the our enemies stalled it. I should have been fighting now FREAKS are abound, causing a bloodshed with my police girl around. I can hear something out there, on the roof it comes climbing. "Damn it why can't my thoughts stop Rhyming!" What's wrong on my head, now really I've had it, There's a FREAK on the roof and he's going to get it!

Finally I managed to break out of my constricting cage of rhymes, I didn't know what it was. But I had trouble not to turn everything I thought or said into a sort of poetry. For the last couple of minutes there have been strange sounds on the roof, a FREAK thought it was a good idea to sneak into our base through the upper floor. I finally found the culprit, He stood there with a long list and checked it carefully. Then he glanced at me and smiled. "Excuse me, would you know if this is where Seras Victoria lives?" I inwardly growled, if you want a cute little police girl too, find one yourself this one is mine. That's what I felt like saying "Why do you want to know?" I answered instead, the man chuckled.. A rather fat man now I think of it.. "Well if you aren't Alucard? I know you, you're on my naughty list!" Naughty... list? What is he.. Oh no.. Naughty list... Weird.. frilly red suit.. Twinkly eyes with sparkles that could drive a strong contest with the police girl's shiny puppy eyes. I read about this on that site called fanfiction net, where they pair me with the Judas priest! This FREAK is a homosexual!

"Get away from me!" I all but shouted as I took out my Jackal and fired it blindly. He went down remarkably easy. There was not much time for me to get used to the calmness, because the next moment I heard a voice that would always demand my attention. "Master? Please do you mind telling, why wake me up? Why were you yelling?" Oh no, Not her too! I grabbed her by her shoulders and lifted her up to my height, which considering her size is quite a lift. "Police girl, no.. rhyming.. Please." Yes I said please. I was desperate to hold on to... whatever sanity I had left, so sue me. She giggled before her eyes drifted to behind me and widened in shock. "My God!" Since when does she have her own god? Nice for her, I'm not even allowed to partake in the favors of the one we all share. "What's wrong police girl?" I asked asI allowed her to shake loose and she ran past me. "Master. What is this?" She asked with a scowl on her face, pointing at the pile of clothes clothes left after the FREAK died, they were just lying on the ground as if he had discarded them and ran off, Strange, usually when I kill a FREAK their clothes would turn to ashes with them. "Why police girl, I think I just saved the male Hellsing staff, or at least myself from being assaulted by a homosexual FREAK, Although if my memory serves me well, he had interest in you as well, So I guess I saved you too." If it wasn't for the fact that my police girl's body denies all the laws of nature already I swear her lower jaw would have dislocated itself judging by how far it fell open.

"Master you Baka! You Killed Santa Clause!" Baka? I swear Police girl has been watching too much Anime, probably that Shoojo junk that has innocent girls fall head over toe in love with a boy. "Santa Who?" I asked her with a questioning glare and she face-palmed while letting out a growl herself. Then she started singing.."He's making a list, Checking it twice, Gonna find out who's naughty or nice Santa-cla" My eyes twitched "Not that I don't like your voice, police girl" quite the opposite... "But this is not helping me understand." She was now visibly trembling and I could see she was about to snap at me again, She picked up the coat and waved it in front of my eyes, "Santa Clause is the man that brings the good kids presents for Christmas, he was probably here to bring us gifts, and you killed him!" She was really furious, intimidating even, I took a step back.. if you think I'm exaggerating, tell me now, we can switch places. "Now who is going to bring the good boys and girls their presents?!" I saw a small piece of paper falling out of the suit and something told me that little piece of paper was my best chance to get her to stop before I lost face in front of her, not out of fear, but because her aggressiveness.... Turned me on, and it would definitely not go unnoticed if certain piece of apparel were to turn into a tent in front of her.

Quickly I snatched the piece of paper from mid-air and read it "If anything should happen to me, put on my suit, the reindeer know the way?" Reindeer? What the hell was this about? Seras squealed, into my ear.. Very loudly, My enhanced vampire senses did not like that at all. "Ohh Master! I think the letter tells you to take Santa's place and deliver the gifts! Can I come along? Pleeease?" I quirked an eyebrow at her eccentric behavior "No" I plainly answered. She instantly stopped her joyful bouncing "Why master? I promise I won't get in your way!" This is madness.. "Because we're not going!" She put her hands in her sides and pouted at my answer, Then the little cutesy pout turned into a wicked grin. "I wonder what sir Integra will think of that." She said before running off. As soon as her message got through I sped after her, and I for once wished she wasn't as good a pupil as she was, on our way we phased through chairs, tables, paintings, walls, even random staff members we came across on our race to my master's office. She was fast... Too fast. "Colonel Victoria! Alucard! What the devil is the meaning of this?!" Integra shouted as soon as I phased into her office, Seras already standing in front of my master's desk, sticking out her tongue, at me, her master! I often wondered why I allowed her this much freedom, I could just bind her to my will and she'd have to do everything I told her to, but no, that just wasn't what I wanted from her. If I wanted that I'd have taken a ghoul as pet.

Police girl grinned, looking at me from the corner of her eye, "Master, would you like to tell her or should I?" she asked, sounding much like the little demoness she was. "Come on, Master, What are you waiting for? CHRISTMAS?" I glared at her "Oh wait, no there won't be a Christmas, Because you ruined it!" My limit was almost reached, I started to breathe heavier and began to look from my fledgling to my master's desk and back, thinking of many delicious uses for the piece of furniture. That was until my master woke me up from my fantasies. "Alucard! Don't forget I'm still here. Don't get ideas." She knew me too well, On second thought my police girl was eying me suspiciously as well, was it so obvious? "Now if you would please tell me what had Colonel Victoria run in as if she was being chased by the devil himself." She glared at me with more than a hint of annoyance as she said those words "Then we could get on with this and get it solved, then I can go back to cleaning up the mess you made." After a few seconds of comfortable silence my police girl decided to ruin the moment. "He did nothing sir, He only Killed Santa Clause!" Another silence. An uncomfortable one, many thoughts went through my Master's head. Possible punishments and the like. A slight comfort for me was that I had caught another thought I could use to annoy her "What about the new skimpy uniform I asked him for Seras?"Straight as a board isn't it? Right, a board made out of veneer wood perhaps.

It was fun while it lasted, because as soon as I got to hear what the punishment was, I knew God really must hate me.


Please review, and if you're going to flame me at least be so nice to tell me what's wrong rather than "Your story sucks" or "This was a waste of my time"... thank you.