Discalimer: Naruto does not belong to me. If it did there would be A LOT of hot sweaty man smex. Well no really, but gay people would be allowed on the show too. XP
Ok, some Naru/Sai and Gaara/Neji
Can I help you?
-Burger King, 10am-
I stare at the panting boy before me, and wonder why the hell he's late again. I can feel my eye twitch as he stands up, looking guilty. Sighing, I roll my eyes and say quite rudely, might I add, " Can I help you?" At my words he turns quite an interesting shade of red, hm… I wonder why…
" Ok Gaara, I can totally explain why I'm late to work again," he says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head like the idiot he is. Sometimes that habit of his really gets on my nerves. I mean you'd think he wouldn't have any skin left with how much he scratches that one spot.
" Look Naruto, I don't have time for your excuses." I say, swiveling in my chair to face the computer once more. Those schedules won't write themselves you know.
" No, no! It isn't an excuse this time!" he exclaims tugging my chair back round to face him.
Just for that I send him the deadliest death glare I could muster, which wasn't that bad actually. He still cringed, but even so he still went on to explain his stupidity, idiot.
" Well it was just a normal day…."
Naruto's House 8am
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
"…Five more minutes…*snore*…"
" Oh shit!" A blonde blur leaps out of bed and begins rifling through piles of clothes.
"I'm gunna be late, I'm gunna be late." He mumbles under his breath as he pulls his shirt on.
" I'm gunna be fucking late AGAIN!" he says as he pulls on his pants.
After about 10 minutes of getting dressed and doing his other morning rituals, he finally manages to exit his apartment and start off down the street.
" Damn it's cold," he says shivering, putting his head down and wrapping his coat tighter around his lean figure.
"Shit, Gaara's gunna kill me if I'm late one more time. First he'll tie me down and then he'll listen to my pain filled screams as he slowly guts-"
"Oof!" Naruto hit the ground, hard. " What the hell?!" He looked up to see…Sasuke? No, that's not Sasuke…who is that? Well whoever it is he's hot!
"Oh, I'm sorry." The man says holding out his hand and giving Naruto the strangest smile he ever received. And believe me, that's saying something when your friends with Rock Lee.
"Umm, no problem?" Naruto replied hesitantly, taking the mystery mans hand.
" So, is your penis still abnormally small?" he said casually as he pulled Naruto up.
Naruto stopped brushing himself off and stared at him for a minute.
" I asked if you still had a small penis." He said again with that eerily fake smile.
" Look buddy I don't know who yo-...No way… Sai?!" Naruto exclaimed suddenly, eyes bulging comically.
" You still haven't answered my question you know." Sai stated matter-of-factly, in a way that only he could pull off, being the creepy bastard he is.
Naruto's eye twitched, as he turned red with anger and embarrassment. "Stop talking about my penis!"
Sai just laughed and said, " Why are you getting defensive about it? It's probably because you know that your penis is unsatisfying."
" It's 7 and a half inches!" Naruto screeched angrily. Then he realized that he was in the middle of a crowded street. Where people could hear him. " Shit." He somehow managed to turn an even brighter shade of red.
" Oh, please! My penis is easily 10 inches." Sai said smugly, sauntering up to Naruto.
"So you know if you ever need someone to satisfy you, I'm not lacking."
Naruto spluttered in indignation. How dare Sai suggest that he bottom! I mean really that's just preposterous. With him being the manly man he is he could NEVER bottom!
"Who said I'd be bitch! I wear the pants in this relationship; you on the other hand wear the skirt."
(Tch. Keep dreaming Naruto, you'll always be Sai's bitch.)
" Oh really? Well we'll see about that." Sai replied with a predatory glint in his eyes.
"Umm… Sai? Sai?! No, not in publi-" Naruto was then cut short by a pair of lips covering his own. Sai was a surprisingly gentle kisser; he even waited for Naruto to open his mouth willingly. That's more than Sasuke ever did.
The kiss only last about a half a minute before Sai pulled away. " See, I told you I could satisfy you." But just to accentuate his point, he squeezed the prominent bulge in front of Naruto's pants.
Naruto let out a breathy moan. "...Nng…hah…Sai not in the middle of the street." He pushed away from him and straightened his clothes, which had become disheveled amidst all of the excitement. Oh, and don't forget the sex hair, not that it makes a difference with Naruto; his hair is always wild. Though strangely, Sai's hair was in pristine condition…hm, strange.
" Oh, so you wouldn't mind if we continued this in private?" he said suggestively, moving closer. He pulled Naruto against him again; of course by this time they had drawn a small crowd. " Looks like we have an audience." Sai said, chuckling lightly, glancing at the crowd.
Naruto looked up to see all of the people watching them and glared at Sai. " This is all YOUR fault you know." At just that moment, a whistle sounded in the background and the crowd parted to let someone through.
An old policewoman bustled through the crowd looking slightly harassed. " What's going on here?" she says eyeing the two men wearily. For of course through her eyes all she saw was two men. One being held against the other by the collar of his shirt looking like a disgruntled kitten, and the other looking pleased with himself.
Naruto pushed away from Sai hastily, and cleared his throat awkwardly, " Nothing, mam, he was just-"
" I was just showing my boyfriend some affection." Sai cut in, flashing her a smile.
" Hmmm…alright then, you boys have a nice day now," she says turning around to face the crowd. " Now all of you go about your business, there's nothing to see here!" The crowd slowly dissipated and Naruto sighed in relief.
" Phew! I thought she was going to arrest us or something!"
" Arrest us? Why would she arrest us?" Sai asked cocking his head cutely to the side.
"Umm…" Naruto said trailing off. The truth is he didn't know why he thought she'd arrest them. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, " Well, I don't really know myself, hehe."
Sai glanced down at Naruto's crotch again, and smirked. " Hmm…" he trailed off thoughtfully, walking closer to Naruto. " You still have a problem… can I help you?"
Naruto's eyes opened wide and shot down to his crotch, a dark blush coating his cheeks. "Umm…" he glanced at his watch. " Oh, Shit! I'm late!" He darted off down the street, then abruptly stopped and turned back. He took a pen out of his pocket, took Sai's hand and wrote his cell number on the back, " Call me at around 5 ok?" He then took off down the street again calling over his shoulder, "Seeya later Saaaii!"
Sai just looked down at his hand and smiled, tracing over the numbers thoughtfully. "Yeah… see you later."
-Meanwhile back in present time-
"…So yeah, and that's why I'm late." Naruto said sighing and slumping back against the wall.
I just stare at him blankly; I mean what am I supposed to say to that? "Umm… congratulations?"
He just looks at me wide-eyed and says, "didn't you listen to a word I just said?!"
"Yes, but I don't understand why you think flirting in the street is a plausible excuse for being late to work for the fifth time this week." I deadpan. He has enough brains to look guilty at my statement.
" I tell you about my emotional crisis and that's all you can say?" he asks almost pleadingly. I mean come one does he really think I'm going to sympathize with him?
"Look Naruto, you've taken up enough of my time with your story already, so get to work."
" But Gaara-"
"NOW, Naruto." I say forcefully, turning back to my computer and next week's schedules.
" Yes, Gaara..." he says sulkily, his head bowed and bottom lip sticking out as he exits my office. Really, does he think I'll fall for the wounded puppy act? If he does he has another thing coming.
Just as I was settling back into my task of schedule making, someone knocks on my office door. I sigh and exasperatedly mumble, " Come in."
And what do you know, in comes the biggest distraction possible, Neji Hyuuga. " Hey Gaara." He says closing the door behind him, and walking up next to me. " What are you doing?" He whispers into my ear. I shiver at the feel of his hot breath ghosting across my sensitive flesh.
" Next week's schedules…" I whisper, closing my eyes.
"Hmm," he says smirking evilly. " Well I think you should take a break," he then, swivels my chair around. And I can't help but think that for once, I'm happy for a distraction.
So this is my first story and I'm reeeally self conscious about it. So I'd like some feedback so I know what I should improve on and what I should keep doing (that's a code word for praise xD) I'm not really sure what this was but whatever it was it was amusing to write. I hope you liked it : p