Here is the final chapter. If you think that the last chapter was the perfect ending, feel free to ignore this chapter. If not, read on or even better read the last chapter again and then read this one.
This chapter is dedicated to ToNightIamgone and MidnightInDecember. Also, I used Within Temptation's songs "Forgiven", "Bittersweet", and "Pale" to help inspire this.
Death was nothing. Then again, it was everything.
Washing over my body with its deafening roar. I didn't go looking for death, I couldn't. My life had been bought at a painfully high price, so I couldn't just wish the pain away and end things myself. No, I suffered. It was my penance.
Instead, death caught me in a flash of bright lights and the sounds of sirens. I wasn't scared and as the darkness swallowed me I didn't beg a non-existing god to give me more time. Fuck, I didn't want more time. Death wasn't the chilling specter in a hood and it wasn't the warm and gentle embrace. If anything, it was nothing. Vaguely, I felt a hand squeeze mine. Then, it was all gone.
When all things are reduced to naught in you
then you shall see God.
MU. Without nothing, there is not anything. In nothingness, there is nothing and there is everything. It is the womb of possibilities. To vanish, to join the nothingness and never be again. Or, to live again. To search and find. Everything seems so clear, something that the human mind could only pretend to understand. There was no heaven or hell, just MU.
My hearing stung from the silence, I couldn't feel anything. Every breath was of nothing, and I reached out and touched emptiness. The bittersweet taste of tranquility. The existence cannot be fathomed. It was so simple to just blend in with nothing, but my non-existent heart burned. The feelings had been permanently imprinted into my being, or lack thereof.
There were sins that had not been paid for.
In a moment it was all changed. Cold air. Bright lights. Voices. A very first breath all over again. "I love you."
Stretching my lanky form, a sigh slipped past my lips before I made my way up the creaky old stairs. My heavy boots clunked against each wooden step, but it was music to my ears. Just like the constant beat of drums. Thunk, thunk, thunk. Beautiful. The words played in my head as my fingers strummed inside my lint filled pockets.
"You did so much for me, like stabbing me to the core." Each word spilled out in front of me in wisps of fog. The whispered words echoed in my skull. "So rather than leave you untouched, I'd have you breaking some more."
The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of my door. Number 404 in rusted brass hung crookedly on the wooden door. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I slid my key (who the hell uses skeleton keys anymore?) into the lock, chuckling at how perfectly it fit. Just like we did.
Glowing red, the tip of my cigarette stood out in the dark room. The only source of light came from an abandoned laptop where the bubble screen saver danced merrily. Books, dictionaries, and piles of paper surrounded the lonely computer. Sliding out of my heavy jacket and dropping it carelessly on the floor, I began to search for an ashtray. He would be pissed if I just threw the cig in the sink again.
"You forgot to close the door," a voice chided from behind me. "Who knows what kind of creepy fuckers were getting a look at your skinny ass."
Looking behind me, I smiled when I saw the familiar figure standing in the doorway. "S'up?"
The lights were flipped on, making me squint. "I was out of chocolate. How'd your practice go?"
It was hard not to be hypnotized by the sway of perfect pale hips or the curious pools of turquoise eyes. "Fine. We'll be ready for out gig on Saturday."
"Pretty sure of yourself there, cowboy," his rich British voice taunted. I think I just orgasmed.
"I've got mad skills on the bass, love. No one beats me."
Finally finding a damn ashtray, I stumped out my cigarette and walked up to my lovely blond. My arms wrapped around his waist and our lips met gently. Slowly, sensually, our lips caressed and our tongues teased. It was like we had all the time in the world. With a happy sigh, I pulled away from the kiss.
"I'm the fucking best," I whispered.
Swatting my arm painfully, he pulled away and headed for his laptop. Dragging his finger over the touchpad with one hand, he let the other hand hold the limp plastic bag that held his precious chocolate. Supermarché was printed on the thin bag.
"Give me a sec, Miles; I need to finish this paragraph."
Yawning in reply, I sat on the bed before proceeding to strip out of all my clothes. Soon I was left in nothing but my boxer briefs and my retro-emo glasses. Leaving the clothe in a pile on the floor, I leaned back and watched my lover type away with one hand. His pink tongue peeked from between the devilish lips and the skin between his eyebrows crinkled in thought. Ah, he was so adorable.
Leaning back against the pale pillows, I couldn't help but let my mind wander a bit to the first time we met.
A writhing mass of sweating bodies contorted like a beast in agony.
He had stood out, and my breath was caught up.
Leather clad hips rolling, unreal eyes peeking out shyly.
As a matter of fact, I forgot the rest of the song we were playing. All I remember was watching him.
Lips beckoning me to join him in the depths of hell.
We had been together ever since, strangely enough. He hadn't been like all the other groupies. As a matter of fact, that was the first time he went to one of our gigs. Funny how my thoughts always drifted to our strange and intoxicating first meeting.
Soon enough, those deft fingers shut off the computer and the blond moved over to the bed. The bag of chocolates had been left on the small desk. I lifted up the blanket and patted the mattress in a clear invitation. Shuffling over to our bed, he sighed tiredly as he stripped out of his own clothes. Once he was in nothing but his snug bikini briefs, he slipped under the sheets and cuddled with me.
"You've got some chocolate smeared on your teeth," I snorted. "And your roots are showing. Damn, you're such a mess Mikael!"
"Shut up," he grumbled as his hand subconsciously stroked the fine strands of hair. "At least I don't smell like cigarettes and booze all day."
"So true," I sighed as I pulled his slender body against my own. Mmm, just being this close to him was giving me a boner.
"My deadline's coming up, so I haven't had time to touch up my roots," he explained as he shifted uncomfortably. He hated not looking his best.
"Is that why you've been scarfing down all those chocolate bars, fatty?" I teased as I pinched his side. "Afraid of being late for your deadline again?"
That earned me a slap in the face but it was worth it to see his indignant red face. Those perfect lips were pouting and his striking eyes were narrowed dangerously. Damn, I love that look on his face. It was what I lived for. That was a face that screamed "DANGER, do not fuck with me," but I knew that I was safe. Still, it was a breathtaking scene.
"Go fuck yourself," he hissed as he tried to crawl out of bed.
Giggling, I got a hold of him and tried to keep him in bed with me. Soon we were wrestling around under the covers. My glasses had been knocked off somewhere, but it didn't bother me too much. No, I was having way too much fun enjoying the feel of his rippling muscles squirming against my steel fingers. Several kicks from those perfectly shaped legs left me breathless, but he couldn't get out of my hold. A loud annoyed groan signaled my victory.
"Hehehehe (pant pant), whoo! Hey, my glasses fell, can you help me find them?"
"Gah, stupid bastard," he grumbled as he tossed the stifling blankets off and searched for my only pair of glasses. "If these damn things break, you'll be blind until we order another pair. You should fucking get a spare like I told you to."
"It's fine," I assured him as my hands roamed over his warm skin instead of the warming sheets.
"Do you want me to find them or not?" he deadpanned. Damn, that guy had nerves of steel.
With a sigh I leaned back and nodded. It didn't take much longer before Mikael found my glasses on the floor. Setting them on my nose, he looked down at me carefully before deciding that I would make a better pillow than the ones here at the apartment.
"I'm glad you're so comfortable," I teased as he poked my stomach and then proceeded to rest his head there.
"These damn French places are shit," he grumbled. "Why couldn't you want to start your music career in England like normal people do?"
"That's no fun, Mikael. Besides, France is my native country, so why shouldn't I start here?"
"Because these rooms suck."
I couldn't help but laugh. "They've got a bed, and that's all I care about. Besides, if you're so rich and famous, why the hell would you be staying here in a broken down apartment with a wannabe musician?"
"That's a good question," he yawned as he pressed a gentle kiss to my navel. "Maybe I should move out."
The thought of him moving out made me a little sad. Still, it wouldn't be too surprising. Mikael Afonasei, a fictional novel prodigy. Most of his books revolved around murder mysteries and all of them had won all kinds of awards. Born in Russia and raised in England, he was not only a talented writer, but he was a bombshell and a martial arts enthusiast. Me? I was born in France and raised in France, England, and the United States. I had no global recognition, no good looks, and I was so pathetic that Mikael couldn't even use me as a punching bag. Seriously, our bed wrestling was usually an attempt on his part to stroke my ego. The only thing I was good at was strumming my bass. A sad existence indeed. So what the hell was he doing with me anyway?
Noticing my change in mood, my lover look up and huffed against the white flesh of my grossly thin stomach. "I was just kidding, Miles."
"I know," I mumbled. "Still, it's true."
Rolling his eyes he pinched my side making me squeak childishly. "Don't say shit like that, kay? If you really want to know why I'm here in this trashy place, it's because I want to. I've got to think pretty damn highly of you, so take the compliment and don't question it. I hate whiners."
Smiling sadly, I ran my fingers through his soft hair and stroked his face. The look on his face spoke volumes more than his words did. He wouldn't leave me even if I did whine every day. Still, he would be miserable if I continued to wallow in my self-pity and inferiority complex. He was right, if he didn't want to be here with me, he wouldn't.
"Just admit it, you spent all your money on those fancy chocolates from Switzerland," I teased with a wide grin. "You'd be homeless without me."
"Oh yeah, that's righteous," he grumbled as he snuggled against me. "And don't complain, you ate half of them. I only eat them when I need the sugar boost for writing; you don't have any excuses."
"Sure I do! I ate them 'cause I was hungry."
"…fucker." After several quiet moments just listening to each other breathing, he looked up at me and broke the silence. "Hey, I thought up of a really cool line as I was writing today. It goes something like, 'I'm the runner up for the Old World, the best dresser who died like a dog.' (1) It's for my anti-hero character in my newest mystery novel.
"I don't know how you come up with such crazy ideas," I mumbled. "Maybe it's like, shit from your past life or something, Mika."
He swatted my arm and scrunched up his face. "Don't be silly, Miles. My muses give me inspiration, and there is no such thing as reincarnation outside the world of fiction."
"Hmph, I disagree."
"Miles, do you remember when we first met?" he asked, suddenly changing topics.
Green billowing grass, sparkling aquamarine eyes.
"Hell yeah," I deadpanned. "Fuck, just thinking about it makes me hard."
"It was so weird," he mumbled as his hand made its way to my fully aroused flesh. "As soon as I saw you, I felt that I had known you all my life."
Warm rich woods, soft carpet. Blond hair brushing quivering lips.
"You're just saying that because you're embarrassed that I fucked you as soon as we were alone," I teased before his hand squeezed my dick uncomfortably tight.
"Want to do this yourself, jackass?" he growled in annoyance.
"Ah, no. Please continue," I replied with a smile.
Small hands clumsily holding on, crucifix stroking skin.
Still grumbling, Mikael rolled onto his stomach and went under the covers. Groaning, I felt him stroke my hot flesh as he tugged my underwear down. As soon as the material was at my knees, his mouth attacked my throbbing member. Letting my eyes squeeze shut, I focused on that overpowering feeling. One cold hand teased my balls while the other one worked flawlessly with his mouth to drive me crazy. My thighs trembled as I drew my knees up and curled my toes in pleasure.
"Fuck, fuck yes," I groaned, clenching the sheets with my bony fingers.
The blanket slipped a little, revealing an orgasm-worthy sight. Mika's pink mouth was stretched out over my swollen organ and his hand was twisting at the base. Blond hair tickled the skin around my sex and his eyes rolled up to lock with my own. Pulling away slowly and with a soft "pop", he continued to watch my flushed face as he ran his tongue up the side of my very eager dick.
Not thinking that I could last much longer, I decided to move things along. In a swift motion, I was leaning over my beautiful lover, kissing him into next Wednesday. I took only a moment to moisten my fingers before pressing them into him gently. As usual, he tensed and squirmed uncomfortably, but I continued the gentle ministrations with both my fingers and my mouth. His tongue stroked the roof of my mouth making me tremble with pleasure.
How could someone so perfect exist?
For us, lovemaking was frequent and varied. Some nights were full of kinky tough love and other nights were slow and teasing. Tonight, it would be somewhere in between. Gasping for breath, I dragged my tongue down his throat and marked him with purple love bites. His steel arms clenched me tightly as I pressed my erection against the tender entrance, slowly easing in.
I could see his lips moving, panting and crying out for more. My mouth moved over his milky flesh, tongue capturing the dusky nipple and teasing it mercilessly. Ankles dug painfully into my back, but that was inconsequential. The plastic frames of my glasses helplessly slid down my nose and the lenses began to fog up. I didn't want to take the time to toss them off and I wanted to see him, but those damn things sliding down were going to eventually piss me off. Mikael said something about getting contacts. He threw them off a minute later.
Huffing, I continued to push into his tight hot body. My arms were braced on both sides of his head and my stomach quivered. His hips raised to meet my thrusts and his golden voice cried out sweet incense for our lovemaking. Sweat rolled down our skin, each breath raising goose bumps. Our voices drowned out the sounds of skin slapping skin and the feeling of his body clenching around mine overpowered almost all other senses. There was just him and me.
At some point, our fingers intertwined.
The closer to climax I got, the more my emotions began to brew. Not only pleasure and love, but there was always that regret and sadness. Why? Ever since I first slept with him, those feelings had bubbled up inside. It was like I had done something wrong, and each time I held him I was asking for forgiveness. Squeezing his hand tightly, I tried to push those feelings away just to feel the pleasure and the happiness. He was still here.
All too soon, blissful release swept us away.
"I love you," I panted, holding Mikael close. There were tears in my eyes and the horrible sinking feeling in my stomach threatened to unleash a flood of emotions. I felt like I would never see him again, that I would lose him.
"I love you too, Miles," he whispered, clinging to me tightly as well.
It was always like this after making love. The terrifying feeling that once the whiteness of climax was over, he would be gone. However, every time, he just held on. Mikael would never let go.
Smoke lazily drifted to the cracked ceiling. Red glowed with each inhalation, and more smoke with each sigh. The nicotine successfully soothed my nerves, making me feel like a human shaped mound of gelatin. It was nice. Lazily looking over at my lover, I choked on the smoke as I saw him reading my notebook.
"Mika! Stop!" I whined as I tried to snatch the unimposing thing away from him.
Naturally, he just held it out of my reach and pressed his foot against my stomach to keep me back. "What? You never let me read your lyrics willingly, so don't bitch when I read them without your permission."
"But they're not good!" I protested. Shit, I was freakin' embarrassed. My writing was at best pathetic and for an accomplished novelist to read them was humiliating. Ugh, I was going to need another cigarette.
"You did so much for me
Like stabbing me to the core
So rather than leave you untouched,
I'd have you breaking some more."
Dear Buddha, he was reading it out loud. Shoot me now.
"I'll have you begging for less or for more
You will be bleeding, the black blood of hell
My angel of madness, my unholy whore."
Raising an eyebrow he spared my tomato-red face a glance before skipping down to read a few more lines.
"Can you taste the coppery blood, your vermouth(2)
I will break fairness and power and our youth
I am a liar, and that is the truth
Feel my tender love, my obsession
So loathe me, resent me, and hate me
Well, that look's almost worthy."
"Please stop," I begged, feeling like crawling away into some hole.
"You're why I took part in this war,
The reason I fought, how I tore
My hands are all covered in gore.
It hurts when you break from it all
And shadows alone aren't cold
So please, love, just do as you're told."
He looked up right into my eyes as he quoted the final part.
"You're proud, so it will take some time
But I'll have you say that you're mine
And beaten and bloodstained, you'll shine
Like the stars that tore through my pain
There might come a day when you die
But don't fear; if so, so will I."
"Ok, I think that you've humiliated me enough," I whispered, looking down at the ashtray. "I'm…not even done. Gotta revise, you know."
"Who were you thinking about when you wrote this?" he asked softly making me blush even more.
"W-well, it's not literal, you know. It's kind of, like, figurative, and in a good way! I mean, I know it sounds bad and all, but I don't think badly of you at all, on the contrary! I-"
His chuckle cut me off. Sparkling blue-green eyes watched me blush even more than I ever thought humanly possible. "Don't be so unsure of yourself," he replied softly. "It's unbecoming."
Setting the notebook on the night table, he scooted closer to my side. Warm arms wrapped around my body and those soft lips pressed careful kisses to my ribs.
"Are you going to come to our practice tomorrow?" I whispered, trying not to ruin the moment.
"Do you want me to?"
There was no need to think that over. "Yes."
"Ok. Just don't suck too bad."
"I love you too."
Author's Notes: Afonasei is a Russian last name meaning "immortal". And Miles's glass are "retro-emo" because by this time, emos are a thing of the past. (1) That's from the DN novel if you didn't recognize it. XD (2)Pronounced ver-muthe; defines any of several white wines with aromatic herbs. As for the MU thing, it seems to be kind of a complicated concept, so if you are interested, google "MU nothingness" and some neat stuff should show up. -headdesk- Stupid fanfic won't let me format this page how I want to, so the part were Mikael is reading the lyrics is jacked up. Sorry about that.
The lyrics for Miles's song belong to MidnightInDecember. She wrote a very nice poem and was kind enough to let me use it in this chapter. I did make some changes so that it would fit in here.
So, this is the ending to Breaking Point. Sorry for this taking so long, but it went through MANY revisions (I lost count). I worked really hard to keep this in the mood of the rest of the story while still delivering the happy ending that you guys were asking for. Kiogy mentioned that he wanted their love to be new and refreshed and that gave me the idea of incorporating MU (from the ending of Death Note) and reincarnation. To me, it would have been impossible for them to have been truly happy after in their current life. Even if all was forgiven, they would never forget and things like that always tear apart relationships.
Well, I hope that you all enjoyed this series and this ending. Please let me know what you thought, and thank you all for taking time to read this. Much love to you guys!