Disclaimer – I own none of the Stargate franchise.
This is a short oneshot that came to me last night as I was going to bed. I offer it as a gift to all my friends in the Gateworld JT thread, as an apology for staying away so long (or for coming back, depending on their individual point of view…) As always, please let me know what you think of it!
Oh Weary Night
John loaded his spoon with oatmeal and then tipped it, watching the slimy, runny mixture fall back into the bowl in front of him. He hated oatmeal, but there'd been nothing else left by the time he'd got to the commissary. The perfect start to the perfect day.
John scowled at his dark thoughts and stirred his oatmeal with a little more force than was strictly necessary. He hated that he was so depressed, and so crabby, but he couldn't help it. He was ordinarily so good at burying his feelings deep enough so that they wouldn't bother him, but for the past few days he'd been fighting the urge to lock himself in his quarters, turn off the lights and get drunk while listening to Johnny Cash.
Of course, when other people were around he was better at hiding it. Right now, though, it was just him and his oatmeal, and there was nothing to stop him scowling.
He knew exactly why he felt like this. He'd been trying to deny it for months, but he was tired of bothering to do even that by this point. It was Teyla. Teyla and her son. Teyla, her son, and Kanaan.
It had been almost a year since they had got Teyla back, and with her Torren and Kanaan. A year since Teyla's perfect little family had been formed.
John dropped his spoon in disgust. What was wrong with him? God, why couldn't he just be happy for her? She was friend for crying out loud, and she had the right to be happy, to have a life. Just because he was an emotionally-stunted creep didn't mean everyone else had to be. It wasn't like he had any right to feel resentful or anything – he'd never made a move on Teyla, he'd never given her the chance to reject him.
Still, he did feel rejected. He couldn't help himself.
And now, weeks away from Torren's first birthday and the massive party they had planned for it on the mainland – a party he had absolutely no chance of getting out of – John just couldn't get past his own self-pity.
As if thinking of them had made them appear, the doors to the commissary opened and Kanaan and Teyla walked in, Kanaan carrying Torren in his arms. John picked up his spoon and shovelled some oatmeal into his mouth, trying not to pay them any attention, but he couldn't help but watch them, Atlantis' little family unit.
Kanaan said something to Teyla, a smile on his face, and Teyla nodded, smiling back at him. She held out her arms and Kanaan handed Torren to her, who was awake and smiling like his parents. John winced, but still couldn't bring himself to look away. So, he was still watching when Teyla shifted Torren onto her hip and then stood up on her tiptoes to kiss Kanaan.
With a start, John woke up. He was sitting bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily. He took in his darkened quarters, the moonlight streaming through the thin curtains, the t-shirt and joggers he wore.
John looked over his shoulder. Teyla was lying on her side, propped up on one elbow and frowning at him in concern. From the droop of her eyelids and the tone of her voice John could tell he'd woken her up. He shook his head and lay back down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"It's nothing," he said as she settled against his chest. "It was just a dream. A very, very weird dream."
The title is from Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'.