Disclaimer: I own nothing. All things recognizable and not are property of JK Rowling.
A/N: Had this idea for quite some time...not sure if I've executed it well, but I haven't stopped writing since Friday, so we shall see. Inspired by a review I got once wanting a happy ending for Severus and the song Say It Right by Nelly Furtado. I don't know if this will have a happy ending or not, but in the beginning, I thought it might. So, enjoy or not and we shall see what happens.
She sat alone in the glade even after the sun had set. Her mouth was dry and her stomach churned like a windmill or flock of birds confined in a small space. She capped the bottle in her hands and tossed it to her side.
"Fine mess you've gotten yourself into now, isn't it, Lily?" she said, not as softly as she expected and giggled drunkenly.
Since the death of Lily's mum, she could not spend more than an hour in her parents' house without breaking into tears, hysterics or worse. And today was especially bad. Her father had left for a job in Scotland in the morning and Petunia---well, even if she was home, it wasn't like she was any real company for Lily.
And so, when her plans with Alice had fallen through, Lily had been bereft. She had nowhere to go.
She hadn't been thinking straight when she'd left the house and grabbed the small bottle of whiskey her father had left in the kitchen. She had held off drinking until she wandered into the glade by the river--her second home before Hogwart's, first for Lily and Petunia, then for Lily and Severus.
As Lily watched the sun set beneath a tree in the hidden spot, tears fell for all she had once had and believed in: a whole, loving family, a brilliant best friend and a wonderful naivete about the world. A belief in good...in doing the right thing. That no matter what, it would all just work out in the end.
Wallowing in her self-pity and mourning, Lily had sat and drank - well, tried to. The first few sips made her feel very warm...after a few more, she found it far easier to lose track of her thoughts and worries. From crying to giggling...it all flowed through her, like water over stones, eroding the pain.
She didn't hear the person making their way into the glade until Severus stepped through and stood frozen, his eyes riveted on her in the gathering darkness.
Despite the time gone by and the hurt shared, Lily found herself smiling at the look of sheer shock on her once-friend's pointed face. His gaping mouth revealed his crooked teeth and Lily found herself eerily transfixed by them.
There didn't seem to be a pattern behind his teeth, but there was something uniquely inviting about their imperfection. There was one tooth that drew Lily's eye over and over - on the bottom...it was nearly turned ninety degrees from it's appropriate place.
Severus must have noticed her stare, as his mouth slammed shut to a thin line and his eyes narrowed slightly, as if holding back something.
"What on Earth are you doing?"
She sat up a bit. "I was enjoying the sunset."
He gave her a doubtful look. "The sun has now set. You need to go straight home." He stepped nearer, keeping his eyes on her. The silence was thick as she held his gaze. She wasn't going to look away first.
His eyes darted away, to her side.
Too late, she realized he'd seen the whiskey. Severus easily grabbed it before she could, lifting the bottle close to his face and sniffing the cap lightly.
His expression brought giggles to Lily's lips and she found herself riveted by Severus. It was dark, but the shadows seemed to accent his traits. The arrogant posture, the careful face, his long limbs and hair...yes, Lily noted it all, but when she saw his hands, she inhaled sharply.
Thin, pale-as-milk fingers so tightly wrapped around the dark bottle - a bottle she was certain looked far larger in her hands - his knuckles were taut and white. She had never before noticed his hands. This surprised her, but then she also reminded herself, we've been apart...he is taller too. At the thought, she looked up and met his eyes. The look on his face gave Lily pause - she held her breath.
He is so different from James.
She couldn't help but compare them and she couldn't figure out, for the life of her, why. James was her boyfriend. Someone she had been very intimate with. Severus was someone who used to be her best friend. He was possibly a Death Eater. He was someone she didn't know anymore.
Her tipsy brain compared them anyway.
While she found enjoyment in James' rough, thick hands and he was wonderful to hug, being only a bit taller than herself. Severus' shoulders, hunched slightly, were so high above her and his hands so...delicate and graceful.
She found herself staring at his hands again and suddenly, the differences...the things that made Severus different seemed like good things...interesting things. Lily reached her hand out to Severus, lifting her eyes to his confidently.
She could only see part of his face, but the scowl was unmistakable even as his clammy hand gripped hers. She held it firmly for a second, trying to catch his eye, but he seemed determined to look everywhere, but at her.
She tugged on his arm - lightly, she thought - and he tumbled on top of her. She gasped - more out of reflex than actual shock, and he began to mutter and scramble to move away.
Lily put her hands on his shoulders, gripping tightly, and he stilled, finally meeting her eyes, his arms planted over her shoulders and his knees to one side of her waist.
He looked beyond frightened - sweat had broken across his brow, his eyes were wide and his body held a tenseness that had to be uncomfortable.
She couldn't help but smile at him, her brain still foggy, her movements erratic.
"You are beautiful, Severus."
He squeezed his eyes shut and made to move away, but when Lily tightened her grip on his shoulders, he stilled.
"I mean it. I know we don't speak...we are no longer friends, but you should know. You have the most beautiful hands I've ever seen and ---mmph"
His lips crashed onto her mouth, halting her ramblings and she relished the feel of his lips on hers and forced her tongue into his mouth; her only thought was rubbing the tip of her tongue against his crooked bottom tooth.
Before she could do it, he pulled away, up onto his palms instead of his elbows. "You're drunk."
She shook her head, smiling. "I'm not. Just a bit tipsy really."
He eyed her, but didn't say anything.
"Really, Severus. I...I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you." He still didn't speak or move. She fidgeted a bit. "I'm...I'm sorry."
His eyes narrowed. "For what?"
"For not accepting your apology. For giving up on you. For expecting the worst." She tucked his hair behind his ear, letting her fingers linger on his cheek. "I have missed you."
He stared into her eyes, searching for something.
Finally, she could take the waiting no longer. "Do you accept my apology?"
His eyes closed. "Yes, of course." His eyes opened again, his face close to hers. "Lily, I--"
She cut him off by kissing him. Her hands slid from his shoulders to his neck to his scalp. His hair was fine, but she could feel each individual hair under her fingertips, soft but firm. Despite the slightly greasy texture, she massaged his scalp, which also allowed her to draw him closer and deeper into the kiss.
Severus made no sound until one of Lily's legs wrapped around him and he suddenly pulled away, leaving her mouth agape, eyes closed.
"Lily..." Severus said, grabbing her hands and holding them down by her sides. He was surprisingly strong for such a thin person.
"What?" she asked, her face hardening. "Am I so awful?"
This had the intended effect - he loosened a bit and his frown eased some. Instead, his eyes searched hers as he held her wrists pinned at her sides. She wasn't putting up a fight though.
"You know it is not that." He sounded so sad. "You taste like whiskey."
At that, Lily blushed furiously and she couldn't help but notice the position she was in with her former best friend. She was glad it was dark...so he wouldn't see her flush and heavy breathing.
He sat very still for a moment and when his eyes opened again, Lily saw the shift. She felt the subtle tightening of his grip.
"I do not know if I can trust you. Is Potter or Black about to hex me?" He just stared into her eyes.
She smiled widely and leaned forward to whisper to him. "Don't you think he would have done so when you kissed me?" She laid back down. "He is where he belongs. As am I. As are you." She lightly pressed her lips to the bend of his jaw.
She heard him sigh and felt it against her hair. She knew he would not disappoint her. He would do whatever she pleased. For she was the lucky one. Maybe, she reasoned with her sodden mind, if I can show him the beauty - the unique thing that attracted her to him...maybe he could use it to attract others...
She didn't particularly care for the idea of others, but she tried not to think of what that meant.
His lips met hers and this time when she slid her tongue into his mouth, he didn't pull away, instead moving his tongue with hers, following her lead. A shiver ran down her spine. The newness, the scent of his skin, the emotions, the voice, the hands...nothing like James.
Should she worry about James?
She tried to focus on the idea, but suddenly her hands were free and she immediately looped them around her snogging partner to pull him atop her into a crushing embrace, his body finally pressed against hers.
She could've sword she'd heard a groan from him, but she thought that she might have imagined it in it's softness. There was no denying the hardness pressing against her in an enticing manner...a tangible reminder of how much he was enjoying himself. He kept trying to pull his hips away from hers though and Lily would use her legs to pull him back. After a bit of this, Severus was left nothing short of a panting mess and finally he had to stop her by pinning her hands again.
"I'm getting tired of this thing you have with holding my wrists."
He eyed her, still catching his breath, but she didn't look away. "I'm trying to protect you." He slid his hold from her wrists to her hands. "Better?" he asked sarcastically.
Lily giggled and threaded her fingers through his, then kissed the tip of his nose.
He glared. "Don't."
"Must I give you a reason for everything I say? We will be here all night if that is the case!"
"That is not an answer, Severus."
"I don't like my nose, okay?"
Lily eyed him. "I like it. It's unique. I bet only people in your family have that exact nose. Besides, I don't like my ears, but you can kiss them."
He was silent for a long moment. "I am under no illusions that I am, by any means, pleasant to look at, but---"
"No!" she exclaimed. "Honestly! I like that you're different. The way your hair contrasts against your skin, the way your fingers hold your wand...the spot where your jaw meets your ear...it's so angular...so... I don't know." She suddenly felt embarrassed and turned, stifling a giggle. "If only we could've stayed friends."
He turned his head, his hair spilling into her face, but his hands moved to her neck and he placed them there delicately, just resting on her bared neck.
She couldn't help but smile and wonder if Severus had ever read on Muggle psychology. Of course not, she chided herself, moving her free hand around him.
He was rubbing the pads of his thumbs over the thin skin of her neck. "I didn't know skin could be so soft."
She was pretty sure it was the alcohol, but Lily pulled her sweater and shirt up, exposing her stomach, then brought his trembling hand to her waist. "I bet this is much softer."
He locked eyes with her as his fingers slid smoothly over her stomach, stopping just short of her breasts. He paused, slid his hand slowly across the bottom of the left, then the right before withdrawing his hand.
"Lily, you've been drinking."
"So? I am curious with or without whiskey. Besides, this seems like a," words escaped her for a moment, "...a good way to say goodbye." She swallowed hard. "A better last memory of a dear friend than the one you left me with before."
She felt him tense and held to him. After a few moments, when she pulled back to see him fully, he captured her lips in a voracious kiss that left her breathless and on her back, her limbs wrapped around him. He propped up on his elbows with his hands in her hair, kissing her lips and then her cheeks, nose, chin, eyebrows. The wet kisses of enthusiasm, not of experience, made them all the sweeter. To see his desire for her overcome his fear, his wariness and his natural paranoia.
Lily had a feeling Severus might be a bit "different" when it came to her, but she wasn't really sure. She had heard rumors about him and one Slytherin girl, but she couldn't imagine him kissing any one else.
She let his hands roam and one hand soon returned to her stomach. She figured she was free to do the same and went for the waistband of his pants with both hands...intending only to untuck his shirt...
Severus seemed to think she had other ideas and grabbed her hands, pulling them to his chest. She started unbuttoning his shirt, but after two buttons, he was stopping her.
"Lily, please..." he did indeed sound desperate. It was now so dark they could only really see glimpses of shadows and light colors glowed softly in the dark. Mostly, they just felt each other.
"Lily, I..." he sounded surprisingly apologetic. "There are some areas where I have more self-control than others." A sigh. "When it comes to you; well, I have proven to have very little."
"Come now, Severus, I've grown and matured since we were friends, haven't I?" she said, pressing her body against him.
"That has little to do with it."
Lily couldn't help but be surprised. "Wait, are you saying I'm not attractive?"
"Oh stop that Lily. You know perfectly well you are far from ugly." He sighed again. "I was referring to..." he seemed to run out of words. Another sigh. He kissed her neck gently. "I've known you for so long. You mean so much to me."
Lily nodded and quickly found the spot where Severus' jaw met his ear. She kissed it, tongued it, breathed on it. By the time she moved to his actual ear, his grip on her had tightened and she knew he was enjoying himself.
"So you like the inner me---is that what you're saying?" she whispered, his hair brushing her cheeks.
He pressed against her further, but nodded into her neck.
"Yes?" she giggled.
He pulled back to look at her and for a second, she was frozen by the hurt there. He hid it quickly, but she had seen it all the same.
She wrapped her arms around him once more, pulling him tightly to her. "Severus, a gentleman would now kiss a lady."
He did. He seemed to be learning quickly and this time, Lily found herself truly pleased with his technique. Her eyes closed and she relaxed.
He did as well a few moments later and the two ex-friends snogged for a while before Lily fell asleep mid-kiss.
Severus pulled away abrupty, ashamed that she'd fallen asleep, that he'd kissed a drunk woman, that...but it IS Lily - his heart reminded him and he softened instantly, to see her snoozing quietly, her mouth slightly open.
He didn't know if she would want to go home. Severus had heard her mother had passed and he probably couldn't carry her that far anyway. Walking would be near impossible. So, Severus lay out her jumper and lifted her onto it carefully. He slid as close to her as he could and spread his thin coat over them both.
It must've been cold, because at some point during the night, Lily had fitted herself against his side, with her face right next to his. He was pretty sure he hadn't slept a wink. Just watched her sleep and tried to keep her warm.
But Severus did eventually doze off and awoke to lips on the tip of his nose.