I don't own...anything! Nothing mentioned in this chapter is mine! Not until I buy it with my FABULOUS WEALTH!


If only...


Shawn lifted it to his mouth and took a long drag, that broke as smoke erupted from his nostrils and he hacked, barely keeping himself from keeling over.

"Oh, my god!" He muttered to himself, looking with disgust at the fagot. He waited a moment, then brought it up again, cringing his nose at the smell.

"Shawn!" He swung to face a furious Gus.

"Hey...Gus..." Shawn greeted weakly, looking guilty.

"You promised!" Gus shouted, grabbing the cigarette and stabbing it out on the window sill, before tossing it into the trashcan. "What were you thinking?!" Shawn shrugged. "Shawn. Please tell me that it's not because of the speech. Please tell me."

"Okay; it wasn't because of the speech." Shawn replied.

"I meant while telling the truth." Was Gus' sour reply.

"Well, that's slightly more difficult to do." Shawn told him with a smirk. Gus frowned.

"I'm being serious."

"Okay, Mr. Serious- what did you honestly expect me to do after seeing him up there?"

"Why do you think I came up here?" Gus replied with a weary smile. Shawn grinned.

"You know me too well!"

"Shawn. Serious, remember?" Shawn smirked.

"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot." At the glare he received, he rolled his eyes. "Dude-what? I mean, what else can I do? It's a challenge."

"A challenge?"


"A challenge?"

"Yes!" Shawn repeated, exasperated. "He's saying, 'How far will you go to get away from my stupid need to control?'. He's checking to see how tight a collar he's got on me!"

"And...if you smoke...the collar will be loosened?" Gus asked with a skeptical frown on his face.

"No! It'll come off, dude! I'll be free!"

"How do you know he isn't challenging you to challenge yourself to not challenge him?"

"Because he's evil, not smart."


"Okay, so he's pretty smart, too, but he wouldn't do that." Shawn replied confidently. Gus rolled his eyes.

"Why don't you challenge him in some other way that doesn't kill you?" Shawn looked at the cigarette, that had a thin line of smoke drifting upwards. He then turned back to Gus.

"It wasn't exactly as awesome as I pictured. It tasted like butt." At Gus' face, he grinned. "How could I not do that pun, man?"

"You did what?!" Shawn glared at Gus, quickly suspecting him for telling his now angry father.

"I didn't tell him!" Gus stated, innocently holding up his hands.

"You knew?!" Henry demanded. He shook his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What's the matter with you two? I go to your high school, tell the entire school directly how terrible smoking is for you, and you smoke?!" Shawn shrugged.

"On Gus' defense, he didn't smoke. He kinda killed my cig, too."

"Playing the hero won't get Gus out of trouble this time." Henry announced. "You guys are sixteen now. When you do things wrong, your parents have to know." Gus bowed his head in shame. Shawn wasn't so easily deterred.

"Dad! Gus had nothing to do with it. He's the one who said you were right."

"Do I look like I care?" Henry retorted. "I'm glad you're not going to the academy- trying to undermine authority wherever you see it! You don't deserve to go!"

"Why is everything always about that!? Is that what this whole thing is about? It's not about the fact I want my lungs to turn black- it's that I don't want to get shot thanks to some dealer!" Henry looked taken aback. Then his face hardened.

"So- you'd rather die in a bed coughing and hacking then give your life to the good of Santa Barbara?"

"Yes!" Shawn replied, his eyes uncommonly cold. "Come on, Gus." He grabbed his friend's hand, and stormed out.

"In that case," Henry shouted out the door. "It's a damn good thing you have no interest in the academy- they'd have no interest in a slacking punk like you!"

Ten Years Later...

"Dad!" Shawn stormed through the house. "Have you seen a comic book with a green beetle on the cover? Gus has been bugging me about it for fifteen years, and I'm giving it to him for Christmas. Dad!?"

"Good God, kid, use your inside voice." Henry muttered, walking down the steps. Shawn grinned.

"You know I never perfected that art."

"Practice makes perfect," Henry replied with a frown. "Now- what's this about a green Beatle?"

"Beetle," Shawn corrected. "It's a bug, not a mop-top. And it's called the Green Beetle VS The Evil Bug Spray, or something. I took it off Gus when we were younger, and tossed it under my bed."

"You know it's been fifteen years."

"Like you ever dared to try and clean my room," Shawn scoffed.

"And God knows you never did," Henry agreed with a shrug, gesturing to the stairs. "Suit yourself. When you find Ringo, or whatever the hell it is you're looking for, I'll give you a drink."

"A drink or a drink?"

"Son. To me, you'll always be underage." Shawn gave a heart-warming smile.

"That touches me, pop." He then scurried up the stairs. Henry sat at the table, nursing a beer, when a shout awoke him from his thoughts. He rushed up the stairs.

"What is it?" He demanded. He then found Shawn crouched over a cardboard box, his face beaming.

"Look what I found!" Shawn said excitedly, pointing at the box.

"A box. I'm proud." Shawn rolled his eyes.

"No. This is the most awesome box ever. I dumped all my stuff in it."

"You know, cool stuff- like toys I didn't want you to steal, girl's numbers, awesomeness in general..." Henry nodded.

"Ah, I see. All the evidence I could never find." Shawn grinned.

"If you want to look at it like that." Shawn stuffed his hand in, and found a wrinkled magazine with a poorly drawn beetle on the cover. "Ah-ha! The Green Beetle VS The Evil Lionman. Huh. I got the 'evil' part right. Okay, then. I'll gift-wrap this for Gus in some old socks or something- see ya!" He chucked the box into the closet, and left with a curt wave. Henry watched him leave, then went back to his beer. Then, his legs started moving, and he stood in front of the closet, a beer in his hands, and a hungry look in his eyes.

"All the stuff I never got him for." He muttered to himself, eying the old box behind the doors like gold. He finally ripped open the doors, and pulled out the box of contraband that was his temptation. His eyes washed over the contents. An opened pack of cigarettes. Only one was missing. A movie with the title sticker ripped off. Didn't really want to know. A comic book. Many toys. A...Barbie? A troll doll. A picture of Henry with Meanie written on it in slanted letters that seemed young. A picture of Henry with Ass written on it with more mature handwriting. Ah, how children change. A picture of Shawn's mother in a worn frame. She looked very pretty...A picture of Gus, with Gus' young signature in the lower right-hand corner. A baseball glove. A baseball. A baseball cap. All new. A picture of a young girl Henry didn't know, with a a phone number written on it. A few more like it. A broken record. A broken gumball machine. A street sign...he did that? And, at the very bottom, a crumpled piece of paper next to a bent frame. Henry plucked it up and smoothed it.

Shawn Spencer,

Congratulations! You have been approved to come to the Las Vegas Police Academy. We look forward to seeing you this winter.

Henry snorted as he scanned the rest of the letter.

"He would sent an application to Vegas." He vaguely recalled Shawn went to Las Vegas. He paused, then pulled another crumpled paper out from the mass of junk. It was a...certificate?

Shawn Spencer

Graduated Year 1999

Age: 17

You have successfully completed the course. Congratulations.


Henry stared, dumbfounded. Then he smirked and crumpled the paper, replacing it in the contraband that he never would have seen had it not been for a certain Green Beetle.

"Congratulations, Shawn Spencer." He muttered. Then he went back downstairs to drink his beer, his curiosity satisfied.

The End. I hope you liked this, and I know the ending wasn't much of an ending, but that was kinda the point. I was also thinking of writing a chapter for some of Shawn's contraband items. Any suggestions?

Anyways, exams tomorrow, or today, or yesterday, or a while ago-whenever I upload this- so good night!

P.S I didn't know what goes on a graduation form, or an acceptance letter. Sue me. Not really though.