Title: The Yearnings of a Heartbroken Person

Author: Loving Monday

Pairing: Black Star X Tsubaki, Black Star X Death the Kid

Genre: Angst, angst, angst.

Disclaimer: If this is mine the story would go my way.

A/N: I got this idea while rueing over my lack of Internet access, it is angsty and Black Star X Tsubaki centric. Written from Kid's POV, I hope this works. Review for my improvement?XD Sorry for character stomping, this is Kid at his most depressed state.


The Yearnings of a Heartbroken Person

From young, I was never a too sentimental person, nor am I over emotional. Feelings just don't make part of my life. People call me the perfect teenager no thanks to my obsessive compulsive disorder, but I still feel asymmetrical. There were just too many things to be precise on, like example the need to make a triangular shape out of the toilet paper in my toilet; sometimes I do not understand why people can just be so ignorant.

He was just like the rest of them; having no regard for perfection, precision or symmetry. In other words, he was a complete, utter, mess. Until today, I could not understand when did I started to have feelings for this person, feelings so strong it was still here in my heart after so long, I cannot forget.

I always remember the first time I saw you, Black Star. You were an overwhelming presence, telling the whole world about your non existent godliness and then breaking the lovely horns of Shibusen into two! Our first battle, I never removed from my memory; you were paired with Soul against me. Unfortunately the circumstances were so funny I could only say that until now, the image of your head being sliced by a scythe remained fresh like it just happened yesterday. Nevertheless, did you know that you really had pissed me off then? Or were you trying to snatch my attention?

Me and you, we were from different worlds, have different aspirations, but somehow fate had hell of a game in playing fun of both of us. Somewhere along the road we began dating, the serious type. I am not sure who confessed first, or even who kissed who first, but it happened, like it was natural occurrences. Not long after, our underground relationship was brought to the open, and to the knowledge of our friends and family. I knew what would happen from here, I really did, but I was stupid, I was hoping; just maybe we would be differently accepted.

I was wrong.

I never knew Maka and Soul to be homophobes, but it seems that they were, for the picture of shock on their faces was just too real to be faked. Father's reaction was even worse; he left before I even had a chance of explaining myself. Luckily Patty and Liz supported me; I guessed they always knew I am different from other teenagers.

I... I just did not think you would act the same way.

I did not mean to tell them about us, I accidentally blurted it out over a cup of wine or two, but you need not be that angry would you?

... Right?

I am sorry I was never that observant from the beginning.

I forgot about her. Tsubaki. Your weapon, your companion, always by your side through thick and thin. She liked you, didn't she? I was just too stupid to not notice that. Even now, I still curse myself at night; of course you two were dating! It was only natural, isn't it? Soul and Maka, Sid and Mira Nygus, and Maka's parents, they were all partners no? I am stupid, stupid, stupid.

Why did you let me fall for you that hard? Why kick me away once our relationship was revealed to the open? Am I such a burden to you? Am I disturbing you and her and your budding relationship?

You were too cruel to me.

Completely, wholly, totally heartless beast, that was what you are. You mind the eyes of the society? You minded about how others think about you did you not? Then please stop making me suffering, I beg you, please. And yet...

Why save me when I am trying to kill myself? Why comfort me that death would not solve anything? I do not want your sympathy, especially when Tsubaki was right beside you. What are you trying to prove? You are great helpful Black Star-kun? Go and rot in hell, bastard.

Black Star, until now I still could not believe you kept two relationships at the same time and kept her in the dark. Such unfaithfulness you have. Oh well, I was not informed about her either eh?

Stop caring about me or I will get Liz and Patty to shoot your balls and render you childless.

Look at me, look at me now. You were successful no? I'm more like a piece of rubbish waiting for clean up. I have lost a lot of things; Father's trust, Maka and Soul's friendship, earning only scorn and disgust of people who see me; I'm like a slut, I know. You're happy about that right? You were just such an imbecile.

But I still love you. I still love you my heart hurts so damn bad. Why dig my heart out and stomp it into pieces in the end? Why let me pine and let me see you and her at the wedding ceremony in the church, changing vows and rings and kissing? You and I once had a dream like that no? I have so many questions, but I did not, and would not, in the damn future, want to come and find you and ask. Why, Maka would ask, had you not ruin Black Star-kun's life already?

I am sorry Tsubaki, I am sorry for ever trying to pry Black Star off your fingers, I really am. He was yours in the beginning, the present, and even in the future. What am I to take him away anyway? Just a person he saw that could fulfill his awkward homosexual needs and dump away when I am no longer needed. I would not disturb him anymore, I swear. Take care of him, bear him children, and live a contented life with him. There will be no need to remember me, for I will never visit.

Why should I when his heart never had me in the first place?

end.