Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters.
Summary: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.
A/N: I rewrote this chapter several times because I really want this to be a good story. I'm just letting you know it's not going to be as long as Learning to Fall and it's a fair bit different, but I hope you guys will like it. Thanks for clicking and giving it a go. Please read, review and let me know if you think I should continue :)
The sun is always too bright on a Monday and the days always start too early and go on too long and the weekend is too far away. School sucks on a Monday as well but despite this, I'm headed to pick Bella up and then we'll be heading to the hell that is known as Forks High School. Thank god we're seniors – and only three months away from graduating might I add.
"Hey Cullen, you're late," Bella teases as she jumps into the passenger seat of my Volvo. She looks fucking great considering I know she's hungover and was most likely up all night doing god know what with her fuckhead boyfriend, Jacob. She always looks great though. Well, to me anyway. "Someone looks sour today."
"Swan," I hiss, "I just can't be fucked today. Let's ditch."
"No, Edward!" She protests. "Three more months then we'll be done with it all."
"Well, for you. Only because you're my best friend." And I'm in love with you.
Yep. I'm in love with my best friend. My taken best friend. I first realised it last year when we were juniors and went to our prom together. I had an excuse to hold Bella in my arms all night and it seemed so right and she looked so beautiful and smelt so good that I saw her as a woman and not as my tomboy best friend. Sure, I knew I loved her, but that's the night I for certain knew it was in more than a friend-ly way. It's definitely fucked.
When we pull up in the parking lot, I park in between Jasper's beat up shit box and Emmett's jeep, then stroll into Forks High with my arm thrown around Bella's shoulder. James saunters over to us to greet us, Victoria by his side. Rosalie and Alice, my sister, pull up in Alice's porsche and now our little circle is complete. I know it's an egotistical thing to say, but the eight of us rule this school. We throw the best parties and get into all kinds of shit, but the important thing is – we never get caught.
Everyone is paired off with us – Alice with Jasper, who's my best bud. Initially I wasn't so supportive of him getting with my sister, but he treats her right so I've shut up. Emmett is with Rosalie, who's also Jasper's sister and then James and Vicky are together. It would seem like the natural thing for Bella and I to be together, except that she has a tendency to date assholes and I seem to be putting my dick wherever these days.
"Naughty shortarse," James says then pokes Bella in the arm.
"Shut up James!" Bella growls.
"Oh, No! Eddie doesn't know?" He chuckles, while the rest of us, bar Victoria, exchange confused looks. Clearly, I'm not the only one who doesn't know.
"Well I guess you screwed that up," Bella hisses, then frees herself from my hold and walks down the halls just as the bell is ringing. What the hell was all that about?
"What the fuck has she done now?" I question, but James shrugs and walks off with Victoria. Dick.
In Bio, I decide to confront her. She's already sitting at our regular table, her head in her hands. She looks sad, not positive like she did this morning when I picked her up. I move down the aisle and silently take my usual seat beside her. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing," she whispers. "I was fine until....it just doesn't matter, okay?"
"Why can't you tell me? Of all people, we tell eachother everything."
"It doesn't matter. It has no bearing on our friendship so it doesn't matter."
"If you're keeping things from me, then of course it has an affect on our friendship," I argue.
"Look...I just....Jacob. I slept with Jacob," she confesses, then hangs her head. "I know you hate him and I didn't want you to be mad at me." Bella is no longer a virgin. That fuckhead took it from her. A lot of people seem to think Bella is a slut, but really she's not. She told me she wouldn't ever sleep with a guy unless she loved him – her and I are somewhat different in that aspect of our lives.
She doesn't love this Jacob guy. She can't. She's too good for him and his Quileute ass.
"You...you love this guy?"
She doesn't look at me, she merely nods and then turns to face the front of the classroom. It's my worst nightmare confirmed. Sure, I sleep around but never have I ever felt any kind of emotion for the people I sleep with. None of them are Bella, but i'll keep trying. Maybe one day, one of them will turn out to be okay and I can get on with my life. I don't want to love Bella Swan, but I do and right now i'm hurting like I've literally been stabbed in the back.
"Is that why you seemed happy this morning?"
She hesitates, then whispers "yes, Edward." Something still seems wrong, she certainly doesn't seem happy now. Maybe she's one of those people who gets all angry post-coital. Or maybe that son of a bitch hurt her. I clench my fists and I swear to god - "Edward, stop fuming. I'm fine. I know you're getting angry," Bella says, interrupting my thoughts. "He didn't hurt me, no more than can be helped."
"You seemed sad or pissed off," I comment.
"I am. It's my personal business and James fucked it up."
"Why does he even know to begin with?"
"Just fucking drop it Cullen," Bella snarls and gathers her books, then storms out of the classroom door just as the bell rings. I pack my shit up then run out after her, calling her name but i'm stopped when I run into a short blonde and her things go flying. I bend down to help her pick them up when I realise it's Tanya Denali aka Junior year, back seat of the Volvo.
"Hey, Edward," she says and gives me an enthusiastic smile. Bella's now out of sight so I decide i'm not going to bother. I'm the one who should be mad – not her.
"Tanya," I nod. "Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."
"Chasing Bella? I think she went into the girls toilets. I can get her if you'd like."
"No matter, she's being a bitch. Hey, want to come for a drive?" I ask and then give her a charming smile. She accepts my invitation, just as I expect and before I know it, I'm back in the Volvo and she has my dick in her mouth. Normally, I wouldn't be up for more than one encounter but fuck it – I'm going to try harder to get Swan out of my system. I need to, especially if she's going to be going to Dartmouth like me. Can't still be pining over her in college.
So the plan is: Fall out of love with Bella before graduation. I like the sound of that. No more of this stupid shit. Besides, I'm Edward Cullen. I don't do relationships or love or any of that stupid, pointless less stuff. Bella isn't screwing that up for me.
Tanya finishes up, even takes my cum in her mouth like a nice girl, then she sits up beside me and I can't even think about what i'm meant to do now, i'm too caught up in my plan. "Um, thanks," I mumble, just to say something because Tanya's looking at me expectantly. I feel kind of bad for her, especially because she never tried to get me to take her on dates or anything like that. She's just given me what I want, when I want.
"You seem a bit lost," Tanya says.
"You just give good head," I say and it isn't a lie, except for the fact that that's not why i'm lost. She seems to find that quite complimenting and leans back into the seat, becoming more comfortable. Maybe she can help me through all this stuff. She could be a good distraction. "We probably should get back," I say and we get out of the Volvo after we've made ourselves look presentable, then walk back into the school.
I have history with Bella so I take off down the hall, while Tanya goes the opposite direction. Bella's already in the classroom and I sit beside her and decide to pretend she's not there. If she wants to stop being a bitch, then she can make the first move. She gives me a determined look and I can tell she's going to talk to me or do something.
She tosses me a piece of paper and I open it and it reads Edward, I'm sorry. Let's talk after school.
I scroll down Meet me at my car after last period, toss the note back to Bella and ignore her for the rest of the lesson. Just remember the plan Cullen: Fall out of love with Bella. Easier said than done.
She's already waiting at my car at the conclusion of the school day and she's leaning against it. It's a warm day for once so she's basking in the sun and she looks at ease. I walk over and she can hear my footsteps so she slowly opens her eyes and turns to face me, offering an apologetic look. I give her her favourite smile, the one she calls 'crooked' and unlock the car.
"So you disappeared today," Bella prods.
"Yep," I reply smugly.
"Why do you do it? I mean go and do whatever with whoever?"
"You've known me for how long and now you're questioning my morals?" It wasn't very Bella to go around asking stuff like that. She makes jokes about me, calls me a manwhore, but never tries to get into my 'psyche' so to speak.
"I just want to know."
"I like sex," I answer simply.
"It's nothing more than that?"
"Nope," I answer, popping the p. "I can't seem to forge relationships with girls, it just seems stupid to me."
Bella sighs at my admission then starts fidgeting with her seat belt. Like i'd really tell her I was trying to fuck away my love for her. "Why?"
"It doesn't matter," she sighs.
"Okay, go ahead and be cryptic. That'll work wonders for keeping me nice and friendly."
Bella groans, then speaks again. "I didn't have sex with Jacob."
"What?" I question and I'm so surprised I nearly swerve the Volvo off the road. "Why the hell would you lie about something like that?"
"It's hard to explain," Bella complains as we pull into my drive way. We walk to my front door together, where we're greeted by Esme.
"Bella, sweetheart. Lovely to see you," she says.
"You too, Mrs Cullen."
"Edward dear, where is your sister? It seems like I hardly see her around here anymore."
"She's at Jaspers," I answer. "I think she's staying for dinner."
"Oh well I do wish she'd tell me these things. Your father doesn't have to take up that shift tonight so he'll be home for dinner for once. I would've liked the whole family to be here, but nevermind. Bella you'll be staying for dinner, won't you?"
"Uh, sure," Bella answers, then Esme excuses herself to the kitchen and Bella and I head upstairs to the third floor where my bedroom is located. The bedroom where the only females who have been in it are Bella, Alice and my mother. I like to keep it sacred so I don't bring all my sexual partners here. It would turn it into a place I loathe rather than love and find solace in.
Bella plonks herself down on the middle of my king-sized bed and I sit down on the edge of it and wait for her to speak again, but curiosity gets the better of me.
"Why'd you lie about it?"
"James kept giving me shit," Bella admits.
"About being a virgin?"
"Well yes...no. Sort of. Can we just talk about that whole thing another time?"
"Sure," I say. James is a jackass sometimes, i'm sure it's nothing of consequence, just trying to stir Bella up. "So do you...I mean...want to have sex with Jacob?"
"No. We broke up. I don't love him and I kept trying to make myself love him but I think i'm just void of that emotion," she sighs.
"Are you okay?" I ask, but I'm dancing around inside because she broke up with the La Push Loser, as I fondly refer to him.
"Okay. Good. Does the questioning me about my sex life have something to do with this?"
"Well, I guess you could say that." She's obviously avoiding what she really thinks or wants to say and it's starting to really piss me off.
"Oh come on, Bella! Just tell me what you want," I groan.
"Well it's just stupid. I mean it's the most stupid thing ever, but then again it seems like the most logical because you're the only person I can trust and I don't want to trust anyone else with it but then it might ruin our friendship and then where would I be?"
"That makes no sense," I say.
"Edward, it's too embarassing."
"Bells, when has anything ever been to embaressing with us?"
"You'll say no and then everything will be ruined," Bella cries.
"When do I ever say no to you?" I question and then Bella takes a deep breath.
"Edward...I want you to....I want to....I want my first time to be with you."
A/N: So should I continue writing this story? Please let me know if it's any good.