Maybe you remember a little spoof fic called Romeo and Juliet: What Really Happened. I loved that fic. I loved it so much that I am writing my own spoof based on my favorite Shakespeare play, Macbeth. I'd like to give a shout-out to the Almighty Ruler of Dragons, and I hope you all enjoy Macbeth: What Really Happened.


Act 1

Scene 1: Somewhere in Ireland, er, Scotland. Thunder and lightning, and a battle rages.

[Shakespeare sits offstage holding a bottle of aspirin in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other. He looks very nervous.]

Shakespeare: And now…on with the show.

[The witches enter. Center stage: Susan, a classically trained, stage actress enters. Stage left: Greta, a Goth girl, black hair, black make-up and black clothes, (she definitely looks like a witch) enters. Stage right: Lacey, a ditzy, blonde teenager, in a cheerleading outfit, (she looks nothing like a witch) enters.]

[The audience is confused by Lacey's outfit. Shakespeare takes a swig of Jack Daniels.]

Lacey: [Blushing] Sorry, I just came from the big game, and I didn't have time to change.

[Greta's jaw drops. She can't believe a high school cheerleader was cast as a witch.]

Greta: How did that happen?

[After the moment of shock, Susan clears her throat and begins.]

Susan: When shall we meet again sisters? In thunder, lightning or in rain?

[Lacey flips out her cell phone and checks her day planner.]

Lacey: How 'bout next Monday. I'm free all day. And how 'bout when it's sunny outside?

[Shakespeare takes a another swig of Jack Daniels.]

Greta: [balling her fist] Stick to the script, blondie!

[She turns back to the audience.]

Greta: We shall meet when the hurly-burly's done. When the battle's lost and won.

Lacey: [having a hard time reading the script] That will…that will be…err the set of suns? Who wrote this?

[Shakespeare takes another drink of Jack Daniels.]

Shakespeare: Lord, give me strength.

Greta: Don't embarrass me, flake! This is my favorite Shakespeare play!

[Susan stares at them both. They calm down, and she continues.]

Susan: And where the place?

Greta: Upon the heath.

Lacey: And we'll like totally meet Macbeth there.

Susan: [chuckles] Indeed. I come, Graymalkin!

Greta: Paddock calls.

[Lacey whips out her pom-poms and begins cheering.]

Lacey: Fair is foul, and foul is fair. Hover through the fog and air.

[Lacey does a split and there's a sudden burst of smoke. When the smoke clears, Susan and Greta have exited. Lacey is still out on the stage.]

Susan: [discretely] Lacey!

[She motions for Lacey to exit.]

Lacey: [Getting up] Go Pirates!

[She exits.]

[A young jock in the audience, Lacey's boyfriend Steve, stands up.]

Steve: That's my girl!

[Audience applauds.]

[Shakespeare takes some aspirin.]

Shakespeare: [sighs] This is gonna be a long night.

What did you think? Please read and review.