Maybe you remember a little spoof fic called Romeo and Juliet: What Really Happened. I loved that fic. I loved it so much that I am writing my own spoof based on my favorite Shakespeare play, Macbeth. I'd like to give a shout-out to the Almighty Ruler of Dragons, and I hope you all enjoy Macbeth: What Really Happened.
Scene 1: Somewhere in Ireland, er, Scotland. Thunder and lightning, and a battle rages.
[Shakespeare sits offstage holding a bottle of aspirin in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other. He looks very nervous.]
Shakespeare: And now…on with the show.
[The witches enter. Center stage: Susan, a classically trained, stage actress enters. Stage left: Greta, a Goth girl, black hair, black make-up and black clothes, (she definitely looks like a witch) enters. Stage right: Lacey, a ditzy, blonde teenager, in a cheerleading outfit, (she looks nothing like a witch) enters.]
[The audience is confused by Lacey's outfit. Shakespeare takes a swig of Jack Daniels.]
Lacey: [Blushing] Sorry, I just came from the big game, and I didn't have time to change.
[Greta's jaw drops. She can't believe a high school cheerleader was cast as a witch.]
Greta: How did that happen?
[After the moment of shock, Susan clears her throat and begins.]
Susan: When shall we meet again sisters? In thunder, lightning or in rain?
[Lacey flips out her cell phone and checks her day planner.]
Lacey: How 'bout next Monday. I'm free all day. And how 'bout when it's sunny outside?
[Shakespeare takes a another swig of Jack Daniels.]
Greta: [balling her fist] Stick to the script, blondie!
[She turns back to the audience.]
Greta: We shall meet when the hurly-burly's done. When the battle's lost and won.
Lacey: [having a hard time reading the script] That will…that will be…err the set of suns? Who wrote this?
[Shakespeare takes another drink of Jack Daniels.]
Shakespeare: Lord, give me strength.
Greta: Don't embarrass me, flake! This is my favorite Shakespeare play!
[Susan stares at them both. They calm down, and she continues.]
Susan: And where the place?
Greta: Upon the heath.
Lacey: And we'll like totally meet Macbeth there.
Susan: [chuckles] Indeed. I come, Graymalkin!
Greta: Paddock calls.
[Lacey whips out her pom-poms and begins cheering.]
Lacey: Fair is foul, and foul is fair. Hover through the fog and air.
[Lacey does a split and there's a sudden burst of smoke. When the smoke clears, Susan and Greta have exited. Lacey is still out on the stage.]
Susan: [discretely] Lacey!
[She motions for Lacey to exit.]
Lacey: [Getting up] Go Pirates!
[A young jock in the audience, Lacey's boyfriend Steve, stands up.]
Steve: That's my girl!
[Shakespeare takes some aspirin.]
Shakespeare: [sighs] This is gonna be a long night.
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