Hitman: Codename Butters

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or the hitman series.

"Aaawww, what happened?" 17-year-old Leopold "Butters" Stotch was not having a good day. First, he woke up late for school, then he missed the bus, he rode his bike to school and got there in time for Cartman to run it over with his new car, then beat up Butters for scratching his car, he got in a fight with his girlfriend, Carrie, when he got home his parents grounded him for being late for school, now he's waking up in some room in a hospital gown, strapped to a table.

"Wake up my friend, it is time to wake up!"

"Eric? Is this another one of your jokes? Let me out of here!"

Butters looked around the room. It was padded, he was shackled to the bed, and the door had a series of bars crisscrossing it. Suddenly the cuffs holding his arms and legs in place opened, and the bars covering the door retraced and stopped blocking the door.

"Wake up, its time for you to go!"

"What's going on?"

"Wake up, its time for you to go!"

Sighing, Butters got out of bed and walked through the door. The next room was just as small as the first, except that this room contained a small table with a black suit on it. The suit was a simple white shirt, red tie, black pants, a black coat, some black shoes, and a pair of spotless black gloves.

"Get dressed my friend!"

Butters put on the suit and walked into the next room. It was strange; it had a strange ledge, a wire fence in the middle.

"Wow, this is sure elaborate, even for Eric's pranks."

"That's because it isn't one of the fat freaks plans."

Butters groaned, he knew that voice. "Chaos." Everyone knew that Professor Chaos was Butters' evil alter ego when he was eight, but what they didn't know was that Chaos was real. He was the dark voice in the back of Butters' head that told him when to do evil, but he also sometimes guided Butters when he was in need of advice.

"Yes, Leopold. I don't know the details, but the whale man wasn't behind this, this is way too much effort for him. Just follow what the voice says and maybe we can see where the trail of breadcrumbs leads."

Butters sighed again and went through the strange room, after which he entered an old elevator. It took him to the next floor, but there he found something he didn't expect. Fiber wire and five combat knives.

"What? What's this stuff for?"

"My guess would be that we'll find out soon enough, just take them and anything you can find."

Butters holstered the weapons and entered the next room. There, there were three guns and many boxes of bullets. Acting on Chaos' orders, he took the guns and holstered them in his coat, the first gun was a berretta 92, it was black, lightweight, and looked like it had a silencer attachment. The second gun was the classic dessert eagle XIX. Heavy, steel, and strong enough to put a hole in a person's skull through their spine. The last gun was different. A silver AMT 1911 hardballer. Light like the berretta, but strong like the desert eagle. Once Butters picked up this gun, he felt a bit attached to it. Holding it felt natural, it felt right.

He took the ammo and continued to the next room, it contained two SMGs. The first was the classic Heckler and Koch MP5. A lightweight black gun with good power and rate of fire, standard issue for SWAT teams. The next was an Israeli Military Industries UZI. Also light weight with good firepower, but lighter and more common. Butters took those and the ammo.

The next room was a shooting range. Butters ignored it and walked past, there was another elevator and it took him down another floor. This floor had another shooting range, but also a set of rifles and shotguns that the author was too lazy to describe. Butters took all the ammo he could find and passed the room to go to another elevator. This one took him up to the ground floor. There was an orderly there.

"Great, an orderly. Now what?"

"Simple my dear Leopold. Kill him."

"What? I can't do that!"

The orderly heard Butters talking with Chaos and went to see what happened. Once he spotted him, he activated his taser and charged Butters.

"Shoot him!"

"I can't!"

"Do it now!"

Butters took out his hardballer and a shot rang out. The bullet tore through the orderly's head and came out the other side. The orderly slumped to the ground, his blood slowly pooling around him. Butters did what any person would do when they realized the ended a life, he threw up. Butters had killed a man.

"You did what you had too, if he would of caught you who knows what he would of done."

"I just killed a man."

"Listen Leopold, you did what was necessary. It was him or you."

"I killed a man," Butters repeated.

"It's not the first time."

"I killed him"

"Listen! It was him or you! We need to survive! Some people have to live and some have to die! Remember this."


"No buts. If you want to live then you will do what is necessary. If you don't then that fat freak will win. He will have been right about you being spineless."

That snapped Butters out of it.

"Listen, things obviously aren't normal here, so you'll have to listen to me. First, when we communicate, just think, I'll hear it. Second, you will most likely have to kill people, don't hesitate or you'll die. Finally, when I give you an order, you listen. Understand?"

'I understand'

"Good, now take that orderly's clothes, I doubt he was alone. With that, people will think you work here and leave you alone."

Butters changed out of his suit and into the orderly uniform. He entered the next room and the disguise worked. An orderly on the other side of a cell door opened it for him. Butters walked through and left the building. Oddly enough, when he got outside, there was a car waiting for him.

"Get in Butters. We've been waiting for you"

Butters knew that voice.


"Get in, I'll tell you everything I know soon enough. But first, we have a job for you.

Butters entered the car, hoping he would be home and things would all be over soon. Unfortunately, things were just beginning.

A/N: There's the first chapter of my new story. How do you all like it? Who Carrie is, what's going on, and how Butters got there will all be explained later. Please read and review. Sorry about the poor quality, by the way. I'm still inexperienced in writing.