Gimme Shelter – spn fic chpt 1.
by – sifi.
Disclaimed – Sad necessity of life.
Loved – a cool and blessed Hallelujah.
"Hey...c'mon in," Bobby swung the door open, something tight in his expression that said more than any of his words might just yet.
"Thanks." She nodded heading directly into the kitchen, a place of comfort for them both. "I need your advice."
"Well you look like what you need is a beer and a shot," he nodded digging a bottle out of the fridge for each of them before rooting around in the cabinet for a half full fifth of Jack.
"Did you get the guys that were after your acolyte?" he asked sitting across from her, waiting awkwardly and wondering where and when this conversation was going to go.
She smiled, "They tried to take him at Krishna's temple, but we had a little surprise waiting for them."
He nodded knowingly, smiled that sly smile he had sometimes and 'clinked' their bottles together. "I'da thought you'd go right to the boys." He hedged.
Her eyes dropped down, her gaze steady into the amber liquid in the bottle in her hands, "I told you I need your advice."
Bobby tilted his head to the side, his eyes squinted at her but he said nothing.
Laura lifted the bottle to her lips, "About a week after I got to India I found out I was pregnant..." she let the information lay quietly between them for a moment before she smiled, "Imdugud told you."
"Yeah the son of a bitch told me, then told me you made him swear not to tell Dean." he half growled then reached across the table, a conciliatory gesture in taking her hand, "I'm sorry."
"Thanks," she nodded.
"How are YOU?" he asked.
She shrugged and favored him with a weak smile, "Physically healed."
"You said you want my advice... what you really want to know is whether or not either I or Imdugud or Sam actually TOLD him isn't it?"
She nodded faintly, "You may not believe it Bobby but I think he would've wanted it." Her lips pressed tight and tremulously.
Bobby felt his throat constricting, he'd done everything he could to put the whole parcel of information out of his mind, he didn't want to know, he hadn't wanted to bear that burden. And he sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to break that boy's heart. You're damned right he would've. Any boy that damaged would have wanted a chance to do it right in all the ways John never did for them!
"I don't know if I should tell him at all if he doesn't already know, I mean why would I ever want to hurt him like that y'know?" She sniffed against the tears and running nose that seemed to have started out of nowhere.
She slugged back another hit of whiskey, "It can't be changed, it can't be undone..." she pressed the tears off her cheeks, "I couldn't..." she shook her head.
"What about your hurt?" He asked.
She shrugged. Long moments later the movement was followed by a deep sigh, "It's woman's business... not something the man needs to waste energy worrying about."
Between them the room fell silent and the air itself seemed to still as the senior hunter's jaw fell open and his expression exploded into disbelief.
"Eh...uh... excuse me?" he finally stammered.
She slugged on the bottle again then sat back nodding, "He's got enough on his plate to worry about. His own son was abused and violated, made to spawn a deific evil that will make Lucifer look like a lapdog... the last thing he needs to concern himself with is whether or not I can hold my own..." she leaned forward, "My incompetence failed him once, I won't have any more harm brought to him."
Bobby couldn't really have said why what happened next did so, but then again considering what he and his own wife had gone through... well maybe it just brought back memories that had scarred his core in ways he'd never realized. His hand flew across the table, the thunderous crack of his open palm against her cheek seemed to explode into the air long after her head snapped to the side. He leaned forward breathing hard, fury burning in his eyes and a rage he hadn't felt in over twenty years storming in his head.
"Don't you dare try to take the blame for what that bitch did!" he warned then shook his head, "How dare you! Who the hell do you think you are? What right do you think you have to decide it's 'not his business'! Last I recall it takes two t' tango... what the hell right do you have to deny him that knowledge? It wasn't just yours y'know..." he was just getting a good head of steam rolling when she looked at him, something in those jade green eyes, identical to Dean's sent a shiver through him.
"She did it so there wouldn't be any challenger to the throne. Any child that comes from him would have first claim to the throne whether it be born before or after any that comes from his son." She explained.
"WOULD YOU STOP IT!" he stormed, "Sam's his BROTHER! NOT HIS SON!" he shoved himself away from the table sweeping his cap from his head and rubbing his hand through his hair then down his face surprised when it came away wet. He leaned against the counter, unable to look at her for the moment.
"It's not the body that matters." she explained.
"I thought all that... Babylonian shit was done." He grumbled, his eyes closed though his face was angled upward as if in prayer.
When she made no reply he turned locking his gaze into hers, anger radiating out from every pore, "I wish you'd never brought this to them." he turned away shaking his head trying to understand and to fathom exactly who was to blame, "I wish you'd never even..." but he stopped knowing that statement wasn't accurate either. If she'd never come into their lives Dean would have been dead for just around four years, as would John, and Sam would certainly have followed soon after them both. So no, in the end he couldn't even wish that.
But it was too late. When he turned around she was already gone, his last near-wish the last thing to slip into her ears.
Sam sprang up, his arms swinging while his body bucked and his throat snapped closed on a gasp of dry air, "...n't!" hissed between his lips before this throat opened again and a deep drought of air stuttered into him.
A bottle of water landed on the bedspread between his knees while his wide panicked eyes searched the room until they found what he was looking for. I gotta tell him. He cracked open the bottle and drew from it, the sweet crisp fluid better than any ambrosia he could imagine as it pried open his throat and gave him room to breathe.
"...anks..." he gasped a moment later.
Silent Dean nodded, his eyes just resting on his little brother trying to fathom the torments inside of him.
"It's poisoning you Sam." He finally said.
The younger man nodded. He was right, this burden he was carrying was toxic and the longer he kept from sharing the weight of it, the harder it was going to be on both of them, and the more deadly it was going to be for Sam.
A memory flashed through his mind from a couple years ago, he was driving, Dean was in the passenger seat of the Impala, they were on their way to South Dakota, trying to save Laura from a suicide mission. She'd recently failed to save several pregnant women and was on her way to find out what was killing them and why. When it came up that the common thread was pregnant women Dean had lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Oh man... don't tell me... she was... is..." he stammered, his eyes shining bright green and somehow lit from within as he gazed at Sam.
"Is she pregnant?"
"Who?" Sam asked not having made the leap just yet.
"What?! No!" Sam watched the older man's hope begin to fade, "At least not that was noted in any of her medical records as of this last surgery." He explained and suddenly his brother was just his brother again. That green-gold light that had seemed to explode from him for a moment was gone, leaving behind just a regular man.
"I'm sorry dude..." he never would have guessed that Dean might actually WANT to have kids some day. 'Course it does make sense though... someone to need him. Someone that won't leave him... I'm sorry Dean.' He remembered thinking.
"Lilith used me." He said under a shaky breath, his eyes downcast unable to meet Dean's even though he could feel the weight of his gaze, "She used Pipeline first, and then the Asag's pure venom to jack into my powers and use them to do..." he shook his head, "horrible... evil... things."
Dean nodded, "I know." he said softly. In fact this was exactly what he'd told Sam when he'd first come around back in the hospital. Dean could feel the pain rolling off and out of the younger man. He'd been inside Sam's mind, lived the experiences with him as the bitch used what he had to force others to kill.
"She can kill... pretty much anyone on her own, with her own power... except us... but she can't make someone else kill without help. She can't take away their free will..." he took another chug from the water bottle then continued, "refining the poison into the drug helped, it gave her access to their minds..." he noted Dean's furrowed brows and explained, "Asag's are demons of chaos and discord, their venom opens up psychic channels, opens up the potentials of the human mind... you know, that 90% we don't use?"
"Yeah, well it's like opening a spillway... people aren't ready for that, reality becomes what they think it is and since most folks have almost no mental control... it drives them insane."
"Okay," Dean nodded again, following what Sam was saying even though it wasn't anything he hadn't already figured out.
"When she... attacked Laura..." he shook his head wanting to crawl into a hole as what little determination the nightmare had stirred up suddenly waned. Instead he nodded, "But she's okay. That's what counts."
Dean felt something slam closed in the younger man and as much as he wanted to reach into whatever vault he had inside and yank it out into the daylight, he knew he couldn't. Whatever it was bugging the younger man, Sam was going to have to come to terms with it in his own way and his own time. All he could do was make sure Sam understood that Dean knew it wasn't his fault.
"I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I'll keep saying it as often as you need to hear it Sam, what happened to her is NOT your fault. You are NOT responsible for that bitch trying to kill her."
Waves of forgiveness washed over him, burying him in guilt and self loathing and in the same split second that his last bit of will to keep it all inside crumbled, the opening riff to some old AC/DC song came pouring out of Dean's phone.
"Lilith wasn't trying to kill her..." he breathed just as Dean frowned and slid the phone open.
"What do you mean?" he asked then answered, "Hey Bobby... what's up?"
"I mean it wasn't LAURA that Lilith wanted to kill..." Sam breathed shakily.
"Dean? I'm sorry son... I think I royally just screwed the pooch here." Bobby's voice shook on the other end.
"Well then who the hell was she going after? The Acolyte?" Dean asked innocently then returned his attention to their old friend, "What do you mean Bobby? What're you talking about?"
Sam watched Dean listen, then watched the color drain out of his big brother's face. He bounced out of the bed as the older man lurched stumbling for the nearest chair while holding the phone pressed to his ear, listening to the sound of part of his world crashing down.
Just outside the motel room window, a picture of Dean doubled over with his cell pressed to his ear shone on the back of a digital camera.