Fox and Toad

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!
A/N: For smut's sake, we let Jiraiya live!

Also, jii-jii is a play on Jiraiya's name, because jii-san is grandfather. Get it? Get it? GET IT?

Good.
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They said, "Happy birthday, Naruto!"

He said, "Am I Rokudaime yet?"

Yamato ruffled his hair. "We're giving it a few more years," he explained, "To let the hormones drain out."

"Wake me up in a few years, then," he said, and closed his eyes. Sai and Sakura exchanged glances. They looked at Sasuke, who said, "I'll fill up the tub," and left the room to do so.

A few minutes later, there was a splash, a scream, and a lot of swearing.

"Happy birthday," Kakashi said as he helped the shivering blond out of his clothes and into a towel, "You should've woken up."

"N-nice way t-t-to t-treat the b-birthday b-boy," chattered Naruto.

"I got you a Venus fly trap!" Sakura declared, "I bred it, and genetically modified it to stink when intruders…intrude. And otherwise, it smells like lilies and rosemary and eats flies!"

"Uh, thanks," smiled the groggy teen.

"I drew you a collection of porn," Sai said, "Its you and me mostly. With a little bit of girl on girl thrown in."

"Oh, thanks," grinned Naruto.

"I'm going to give you back your hugging rights," Sasuke said, "No Sakura, not yours. Just Naruto's."

Naruto hugged his best friend. "Cool!"

Kakashi tugged him and shoved a new orange sweater at him. "Go nuts, Naruto. Its not every day a boy turns eighteen," he leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "Don't tell Tsunade-sama, but wrapped up in the sweater are condoms and a lube. Use them wisely, okay? No need to become a slut just because you can."

Yamato held out a grand box of chocolates, but the blond failed to pounce on it. There was a strange, unfocussed look in those brilliant blue eyes and his team peered at him in concern.

"You okay, Naruto?"

"I'm…eighteen," he said in disbelief.

"Uh, yeah."

As suddenly as he'd zoned out, he zoomed back in. "How long has it been since pervy sage showed up in Konoha?"

"Jiraiya-sama?" Sakura frowned, "Wow, I don't think I've seen him since Sasuke came home!"

"Do me a favor," Naruto grinned, "Ask Tsunade baa-chan to invite him for me. I want him to be there for my coming of age."

"I hear he's in Sunagakure," Kakashi frowned, "It'll take three days for him to get here."

"I can wait," Naruto said, thinking, I've waited three years already.

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Jiraiya was quite aware of what day it was. He was quite aware of why he wasn't in Konohagakure. He was quite aware of what would doubtlessly be going on through Naruto's mind as his friends dragged him to an fro various coming of age rituals.

In the shinobi world, only ninjas over eighteen years of age were allowed to breed. If was assumed that if you survived to that age, you were talented enough to stick around long enough to raise a child. Over the years, the age of consent was pushed to eighteen too. Eighteen was, as it were, the age to pop your cherry.

And Jiraiya had no doubt Naruto had made up his mind to pop it with him.

He'd last seen the boy seven moths ago at the home coming of Uchiha Sasuke. Between trying to hug his friend to death and protecting him from the council's accusations of treachery, Naruto had taken the time to corner Jiraiya.

"Seven more months," he'd leaned in to whisper in the sage's ear, "Seven more months and then I'm going to jump your bones...sensei."

Stupid cock teasing young brat.

So when the invite came from Tsunade, he knew who'd put her up to it. He knew he should stay the hell away. He also knew that he'd never resist temptation in the end, and spared himself the week of internal battle by packing up and moving out at once.

A whirlwind of pleasantries and chit chat later he found himself facing Naruto. At eighteen years, he was growing out of boyhood. The blond fuzz on his chin had been scraped off, but Jiraiya saw it in the loss of his baby fat, the deep conch of his neck, the burly build of a teen who does little but eat, sleep, and train.

"Heya perv."

"Hey brat. Happy belated birthday."

Naruto grinned in a way that suggested he could see Jiraiya's underwear. "Oh, very happy," he purred, "Now that you're here."

How could the idiots around them miss that lust loaded lilt in his voice? Well, maybe because they weren't looking for it. But Jiraiya heard, and Jiraiya shivered.

"I wanna show you my presents," the blond said, taking the older man's arm, "Come upstairs to my room."

Which rung in Jiraiya's mind as "I wanna show you my penis. Come upstairs and fuck me!".

Help, he thought. "No," he said.

Tsunade shoved him unhelpfully. "Don't be such an ass jii-jii. Let the boy bond with you!"

You wouldn't say that if you knew exactly how he wanted to bond.

"Okay."

"Thanks Tsunade baa-chan," Naruto said slyly, "I owe you one."

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The door clicked shut. Jiraiya wondered if this was how a calf felt in an abattoir. Naruto jumped on the bed and sat criss cross apple sauce, shanks of golden hair falling across his face and a contemplative silence hugging the air around him. It was nearly indecent, the way his was nibbling his lips as though they were someone else's. Sensually, as though stroking himself to arousal. Jiraiya fought off images of how his face would look when he was being stroked to arousal for real. It wasn't easy.

The sage cleared his throat. The student patted the bed.

"Come hither, sensei."

It was such a pathetic line that it had crossed the realms of laughable and plunged straight into the fires of hell. And yet, coming form the jinchuuriki's soft pink lips, his cerulean eyes dancing coyly in the half light of the room—the curtains were drawn—it sent tremors of want to Jiraiya's nether regions.

The white haired man turned around and walked right out.

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"I'm being pursued," he muttered to the stone effigy, "By a horny adolescent. What is the opposite of pederasty? Isn't this a crime? Now, I know I converted to Buddhism somewhere down the line, but Shinto was still my birth religion and I'm asking you because somehow I doubt the Enlightened Buddha would know what to do. Help."

"I'd be glad to," a sultry voice said in his ear. The pervert's eyes shot open and he whirled around, heart thudding painfully, to face his whiskered pupil.

"Has it occurred to you that in your desperate attempts to seduce me, you might kill me by cardiac arrest?"

"You're stronger than that," Naruto smiled. Jiraiya gritted his teeth in frustration.

"Boy, you cannot be serious! Do you realize what you're asking!?"

"Yeah," retorted Naruto, "I'm asking you to give in. You've liked me for years, and now I'm of age! What's your fucking excuse?"

Jiraiya set his jaw on stubborn. The last time the bijuu vessel had cursed in front of him, they'd kissed. A fifty plus old man and a fifteen year old boy. He still had nightmares about it, and a different breed of dreams too. But he'd told himself again and again why he couldn't touch the boy; now he just had to tell Naruto.

"I'm not going to sleep with you," he said, "Because I don't love you. Deal with it. I'm not even sorry. I'm not going to take your virginity when I have nothing to give."

'That's a great excuse," Naruto said. He looked hopping mad. "How much time did you take to convince yourself its true?"

"What're you talking about?" Jiraiya asked, regretting it in much the same instant because he knew.

"You don't want to sleep with me because you love me!" Naruto shouted, "You know you won't be able to stay away, you know you're in love, you're just a mean stupid ass who's being mean and stupid!"

And that straw broke Jiraiya's back, metaphorically, and his resistance, literally. He swept the distressed boy into his arms and hugged him so hard bones might've broken if it wasn't for the fact that the boy was hugging back even harder.

Then they kissed, and it was like they'd never stopped for three years. The feelings were just as fierce ad soft and rough. Jiraiya slipped his hands up the boy's shirt; finger's groping the alert nipples. Naruto moaned lowly, a sound that creaked against the older man in all the right ways. His fingers rubbed the nubs more insistently. For years, Jiraiya had dreamt of touching them, licking them and sucking them. To have his fantasy realized was almost too good to be true, and when Naruto arched out of his reach he thought it was. But then the jinchuuriki spoke.

"Not that I don't want to have sex with you as soon as possible, because trust me—" he rubbed the evidence of his non-boyhood against Jiraiya, "I do. But I don't think I want my first time to be in a temple. Its just…weird."

He stepped away, hard on straining against his pants as though reaching for the white haired man's embrace.

"My room," he said breathlessly, and zipped away.

Jiraiya set off in hot pursuit, hard as a rock under his clothes and only pausing to throw a thought in the direction of the gods.

Well that's one way of dealing with it.

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The door clicked shut. Jiraiya pounced his young lover to be. He forced the boy's legs apart and seated himself between the warm thighs so that their members could touch. Tearing off the black tee, he bent down to kiss the blond once more, tasting dreams and passion and something spicy that was—thank god—not ramen.

The taste of the not-ramen food convinced Jiraiya that he'd grown up.

Naruto pushed at the sage, calling out, "Oh, kami, oh yes, oh kami!" every time their boners brushed. Being continually addressed as a god made Jiraiya feel glorious, and generous, and powerful. Recklessly he bit against Naruto's skin, pinning him to the bed. But the teen was strong and fought for a little dominance. They wrestled back and forth, half naked, soft grunts punctuated with delicate kisses.

Naruto's infamous impatience won out; he was bottom again when he hooked his legs over the older man's shoulders and commanded, begged, "Take me."

Jiraiya greedily yanked off the troublesome jeans ensconcing the future Hokage's tan derriere. "Lube? Condoms?"

Naruto patted a sweater next to his head. Jiraiya nearly tore it in his haste and clumsily fitted the sheath on his cock and Naruto's as well. He squirted lubricant onto his fingers and slowly stretched the blond, who started mewling. "Oh yes, oh please, harder…ah—there!" he shrieked as Jiraiya hit deep into his prostrate. "Fuck…fuck…fuck…"

"Okay," Jiraiya said, and entered him. Naruto's breath hitched and stopped as his innocence was torn from him, one centimeter at a time. Then, suddenly, the sage was fully buried in him, and their eyes connected.

"I love you," Naruto said blankly.

"I know," Jiraiya panted, "I love you too."

The words held less meaning than the should've, maybe but they could work on that later. Right now Jiraiya had to move, he had to thrust or he would go insane. Naruto was tighter than anything he'd ever experienced before and he had a sudden premonition, the instinctive sense that he wouldn't experience anything but this. After Naruto, no man or woman, nothing could compare. Nothing would feel so heart haltingly good.

And Jiraiya had no problem with that.

They rocked together, paradise tantalizing them. Jiraiya licked the shell of the blond's ear, and the blond moaned loudly. Finally, the sage could take no more of the blond's body; he came with a feral growl of dominance. Naruto was able to stave off his impending orgasm long enough to wrap his thighs around Jiraiya's waist, pushing him in way too deep, his lips moving against the larger man's shoulders as he whispered, "I love you," in a fiercely joyous tone.

Jiraiya didn't let him out of his arms after that. They drifted off spooning each other.

Dusk came, bringing wakefulness and worry.

"The village is going to lynch me," Jiraiya said glumly.

Naruto chuckled into his shoulder. "Don't be stupid. They love me too much to not love you for loving me."

Jiraiya cuddled close to him, his ear pressed against the kyuubi vessel's reassuringly young heartbeat.

"If they don't," he yawned widely, "I'm going to kidnap you and run away to some sunny island where I can take you any time of day or night and no one will care."

Naruto bit at his lover's lips and chuckled. "You know what? I have less of a problem with that than I probably should."

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I'm getting so good at remembering contraceptives! 8D