Here's a little story. I just wrote it one day cause I was bored. isn't that the best reason for a fan fic?
I don't own Mario & co, nintendo does.


"cause if you've gots the poison I gots the remedy. The remedy, is the experience, this is a dangerous liaison…" Peach hummed along to her shroom-pod and skipped through her castle.

"Big finish!" she shook her hips and flourished her hands "Cause it all amounts to nothing in the end!" and she bowed. Peach looked up with a big grin on her face only to hear crickets. Of course she dubbed in the crickets in her head, but the sad truth of the matter was that no one was there. "Man, this castle is empty. I need to do something about this." she said with a pout.

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Zelda looked up from her cozy reading nook, suspicious. She quickly whipped the reading glasses off of her face and hid them in her magic pocket that only she could open. No one, not even Link knew she needed them to see anything closer than a foot. Then she noticed that the noise was coming from the pocket. It sounded like the music in the Gerudo desert. She realized with a hint of embarrassment that she was startled by her own cell phone.

She coughed into her hand and pulled out a blue cell with a triforce detail on the back. She thought it was kind of tacky, but everyone at the movie site got one so the cast could stay in touch. She wasn't one to throw out a perfectly good phone just because it was ugly.

"Princess Zelda speaking, how may I help you?" she said into the phone.

She was answered by a giggle "Zelda girl, you need to loosen up. Seriously who answers their cellie like that?"

"Peach? What's the matter?"

"Nothing, and that's the problem!" Peach wailed "Zelda, you've got to come over. It's totally boring over here in my castle. There's nothing to do!"

Zelda winced. Peach's castle was the worst place in the world in her opinion. It was all pink and frilly… just like Peach "Sorry Peach, I was thinking of going to the library today. Maybe some other time though."

"No, no, that's perfect! This castle is dullsvill anyway. How about we plan a girl's day out?"

"You would actually go to the library with me?" Zelda hadn't thought Peach had ever read anything but magazines.

"Sure! They have free copies of Nintendo Power. I want to see if that Pheonix Write guy is going to be in any more movies. He is so cute!"

Zelda knew it was too good to be true. "Well…"

"Come on… I'm totally bored. Oh, we can stop by the ice cream place on the way there! And maybe on the way back." She giggled again. Zelda hated when she did that. But it never hurt to be friends with another kingdom's ruler so-

"Alright I suppose."

"Yay! But we can't have a girl's day out with only two girls. How about inviting Samus?"

"NO!" Zelda bolted out oh her chair, fists clenched "I refuse to be in the same country as Samus! She's such a barbarian!"

"Whoa, sorry, sorry! Geeze, I thought you wouldn't have any gossip to share. I guess I was wrong" she chuckled knowingly "Well, that leave Nana, Jigglypuff, Charizard, and Lucario."

"Nana will never agree to come without Popo, it's like they're joined at the hip." Zelda said hastily to cover up her outburst. "And I would prefer to hang out with people, not a giant lizard and a marshmallow."

"I know exactly what you mean. Between Bowser and Mallow… well, we'll get to talk about all this stuff later. How about my castle at noon? O.K., Ciao!" and she disconnected.

You know, Zelda thought, this could be a good thing. I get to visit with someone who isn't Link for once. What could go wrong? Suddenly there was a cracking sound. She looked and the picture of herself that she kept on a side table. It was one of her favorites, she was holding a twenty pound Hyrulyan bass and Link was next to her holding a tiny minnow.

The glass was cracked right down the middle.

Oh great.

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Peach clicked her cell phone shut and gave a little wiggle of excitement. This was the first weekend without a smash brother's movie shoot planed and she intended to whoop it up!

Someone knocked on her bedroom door, and she had a sinking feeling she knew who it was. "Come in." she said with a sigh.

"Peach!" Mario came in with a basket "May I-a ask you to accompany me to a wonderful riverside-a picnic this afternoon-a?"

Peach snorted, but only silently. The meal would have been made by her own kitchen staff of course, and Mario would be more interested in her than the food. He had been trying to get her since the first incident all those years ago, but she wasn't having it.

Though, she had an idea. "Sorry, I already have plans with someone else." She said casually. "Maybe some other time…"

Mario looked crest fallen "Oh, with who-a?"

"None of your business!" Peach blushed on command "But I can tell you that it won't be the last time we see each other."

"A… A new…" Mario looked at her horrified.

"Yeah, a new friend. A close friend" she smiled wickedly "Sorry, but I've been telling you and telling you you're not my type. It was only a matter of time."

Mario was devastated. He had been deluding himself that Peach was simply hard to get. Now he knew she was out of his league. "I- I guess I'll-a be going then-a…" he said shocked.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, creep! She thought but said diplomatically "I'm sorry you didn't know Mario, but we can still be friends."

He didn't answer, but let himself out of the room. "Finally, I think I've got that loser out of my hair for good." She twirled around in a circle then started getting ready for her outing out with Zelda. This day was going to be great!

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Zelda had Farore's wind points scattered all over the world, including the Mushroom Kingdom. She warped in a few minuets early, expecting there to be a scramble as the mushroom retainers welcomed her graciously into the castle. What she didn't expect was Peach sitting on the steps of the castle filing her nails. She jumped up as soon as she saw Zelda with a squeal "Oh, that magic thing is so cool, I want one!"

"What are you doing?" Zelda said mystified. Peach was just sitting on the ground in a ballroom gown! And where were the retainers? When royalty from another country shows up you can't just ignore it! "Where's the welcoming committee?"

"That would be me." Peach said walking up to her "Come on Zelda, this is our day! You don't want a bunch of stuffy old farts fawning over us do you? We'd never get away." She hugged Zelda and gave her an air kiss. Zelda was mystified by this ritual and a little flustered.

"But we're princesses; we have to do that kind of stuff."

"Who says we have to? I certainly don't want to, so I'm not doing it." Peach grabbed her and tugged. "Come on, let's get a move on."

"We're walking?!" Zelda said, now definitely uncomfortable.

Peach rolled her eyes "I'm sorry, I forgot your royal feet will bleed if you walk six blocks to the ice cream parlor. Let me call my carriage"

"I-I'm just- no, it's O.K." such a strange girl, she doesn't act like a princess at all. Zelda thought uncomfortably.

"Alright then, let's go!" She Linked arms with Zelda and they walked down the drive towards town.

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Mario simply couldn't believe his eyes. He had positioned himself in a third story balcony overlooking the front of the castle, waiting to see who was coming to pick up Peach. He was seething, imagining Caption Falcon with his huge biceps, or maybe Ike with his cool sword but then-

Zelda had appeared! Oh my god-a, that has-a to be the reason why Peach doesn't like-a me, she's… he watched flabbergasted as Peach walked up and kissed Zelda, then they walked away arm in arm.

He slumped back against the castle wall dejected. Why didn't she tell him before? She had been stringing him along for all these years! She could have been honest with him, but no, she had to act like it was a big secret. That's it-a he thought furiously I'm going down-a there and giving that vixen a piece of-a my mind!

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"I simply adore your dress Zelda, It's so regal. I mean, I like my look, but sometimes I think it's just a little too girly. Your look is all like 'I am a princess and I am hot', mine's kind of like cutsy. You need to get me the number of your tailor."

Peach had been blathering on like this the entire time. Zelda was getting kind of tired of listening to her voice drone on and on about boys and dresses. Why couldn't they talk about important things like how to rule a kingdom? She guessed this is why they never spent much time together behind the sets in the Smash Brother's movies, they just weren't that similar.

They got to the ice cream parlor and placed their orders, Peach a strawberry sundae and Zelda a chocolate milkshake. The Mushroom people didn't seem too perturbed by two princesses walking into their shop. It was so strange that people didn't regard Peach with awe here like all of her own subjects did. She didn't know whether to be relieved or jealous.

Peach might have been the talkative one, but there was something Zelda wanted to ask. "Hey Peach, what is it with you and Mario? Are you two a couple?"

She waved her hand "He wishes. He saved me once, I'll give him that, but then he thinks he can get 'friendly' with me just because I owe him? I already let him live in the palace, and god I wish he didn't. He just keeps bothering me."

"He only saved you once? But I thought-"

"Yeah, Nintendo thought it was a big deal so they keep rehashing it in movies" said Peach angrily and she stabbed her ice-cream with her spoon. "Movie after movie of poor defenseless Peach getting kidnapped by mean old Bowser and rescued by her plumber in shining armor. The public ate it up."

"I know the feeling; I haven't had a decent part in a movie yet either. But what about you and the whole D.K. thing?"

"That was just some eight-bit actress, not me. I think Pauline is in rehab somewhere in Sarasaland. She never could handle being famous for one movie then loosing it all."

"So Bowser really only ever kidnapped you once." Zelda said in disbelief

"Oh, he tried more than once" said Peach with a sly smile "But after the first time I started brushing up on my judo."

"You know Judo?" Zelda said amazed. "I wouldn't think you would know something so… violent."

"I wanted to be in the first Smash Brother's movie, but Nintendo didn't take me seriously." Peach pouted and took a big bite of her strawberry ice cream. "I had to beat up one of the producers to get in on the sequel. But enough about me, what's the scoop on you and Link?"

Zelda blushed and slurped on her milkshake. Peach pressed on "You shouldn't let that guy go Zelda, he's such a catch. I saw him give you a bouquet of flowers one day when you guys were on break. He's so sweet."

"I know he's nice, and I really like him." Zelda said. She fidgeted as Peach leaned in expectantly "But really, I should marry to benefit my country. Maybe Prince Marth would be a suitable choice. Then I would have ties to the Fire Emblem Nation"

"Girl, you are insane!" Peach said horrified "Marth is such a loser, he's like the bachelor king! I have never seen that guy out of bed before noon and I hear he has bad BO. Besides, doesn't everyone in your country know you two are an item? They would love to see you get hitched!"

Zelda frowned and was about to reply when the door to the parlor was flung open. She turned to se Mario storm into the shop. Even though he seemed a little ticked, Zelda's politeness kicked in "Oh, Mr. Mario, would you care to join us?"

"I would-a like a word with you, Peach." He said, ignoring Zelda completely.

Peach looked pissed "Mario, get out of here, I'm trying to enjoy myself."

"No, I need-a to talk now!" he said hotly. "Privately" he shot a look of venom towards Zelda who was starting to see why Peach didn't like him.

Peach made an exasperated noise and said "Zelda hon, don't move an inch. I feel like I'm going to need another sundae after this." they moved to an empty boot across the shop from her and started whispering with each other. Zelda could have used magic to listen in, but she had a feeling that with Peach she was going to hear all about it anyway.

She calmly sipped her shake as she watched the conversation get more and more heated. Finally peach burst out "I can not believe you! You stupid -!" she said a word that made Zelda look quickly away. "You thought I was a lesbian, you idiot? Couldn't you tell I was just trying to get rid of you? How could you be so dumb and still walk and breath at the same time! You make me SICK you stupid little perv! Why don't you just crawl off and DIE" She stormed past Zelda and out of the shop door.

Zelda got up and said to Mario "I'm sorry, but Peach doesn't like you, end of story. Please stop hitting on her, it makes her uncomfortable." She always thought honesty was the best policy.

But Mario was having none of it. He smiled widely and said "No, no, it's-a O.K. I just had a little-a mix up, that's-a all. She'll cool down-a eventually. I still have a chance-a with Peach!" he left the shop and thankfully wandered off in the opposite direction of Peach. Zelda shook her head in wonder at the stupidity of men in love and hurried after her friend.

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She found Peach crying in the alleyway next to the library. "I-I'm sorry." She sobbed "But he's just so creepy and mean, and he just admitted to stalking me all day! And that horrible accent… Oh god I just hate him!"

Zelda hesitated, then hugged her. "Why don't you just kick him out?" She asked

"Because everyone loves him, and I'm supposed to love him. He's the big dashing hero. He's supposed to be MY hero" she cried into Zelda's shoulder.

"There, there, come on, he's not your hero, obviously. You can't just love someone because you're supposed to. If you really feel this way then you need to start dating. That will shut him up. I hear Luigi's free."

Peach gave a wet snort "Oh yeah, the brat with an inferiority complex. That'll be a great match." She pulled away from Zelda and got out a handkerchief. "But I'm not going to let Mario ruin my day. That would be letting him win. Come on, let's go in."

Zelda shook her head. "You can calm down for a few minutes if you want. You wouldn't want your subjects to see you've been crying."

"Why not?" she said, blowing her nose with a honk. "They know I'm human. I'm allowed to be sad."

Zelda was again reminded of the fact that Peach kept acting like a normal person instead of the next heir to the throne. She didn't understand why Peach was so close to the people she ruled. Zelda could never be so comfortable with her subjects, mainly because they kept treating her like royalty whatever she was doing. Once she was even playing a game with some of the palace servants and she overheard their parents saying they hoped the children threw the game so she could win. It wasn't much fun after that.

But Peach was looking a little less waterlogged so they decided to go into the library. Zelda had been hoping to find a new book on the history of the Koopa Kingdom. She thought it was fascinating that King Bowser ruled with an iron fist, but all The Koopas and Goombas still loved him anyway.

She walked up to the information desk. Strangely enough it had a high backed chair and the person sitting in it was facing away from them. "Excuse me, can you please direct me to the history section?" she asked the chair.

"Are you sure you want to ask a barbarian?" the chair whirled around to reveal a severe looking woman with long blond hair and wearing a skin-tight blue suit.

"S-samus! What an unexpected surprise!" Great, why was she here?! She instantly thought of what she and Peach said to each other on the phone. "You tapped our cell phones?" she said angrily, all politeness forgot.

"Don't get your panties in a wad, I only listen in when I hear my name." Samus leaned back and crossed her legs. "So, you and Princess Barbie over there were having a good laugh about me behind my back. Probably about how filthy common born people are."

"Samus what are you talking about?" Peach said, looking like she was on the verge of crying again. "We didn't say anything!"

"YET!" Samus shouted and slammed her fist on the desk "But you were going to! What the hell have I ever don to you twerps huh? Just because I'm not royalty I'm not good enough for you? Just because I work for a living I'm not part of your little clique?"

Zelda had heard enough "No, It's because you're a B-" Peach gasped but Zelda continued "All you ever do is get drunk and beat people up! I've tried being nice to you in when we work together, but you always just laughed in my face. Nothing I ever did was enough fun, so you always just blew me of."

"That's because you're Ms. I've-got-a-stick-up-my-ass! I always offered to take you to bars, maybe get you shagged for the first time in your pathetic life, but you've always been too good to hang out with the likes of me."

"Unlike you, I have a boyfriend, and he's not abusive like anyone you've ever dated. Besides, having sex isn't my one goal in life. I have a country to rule and I don't need to do it just so I know I'm needed."

Samus jumped over the wooden desk separating her and Zelda "Do we need to take this thing outside Princess?"

"Finally, you're addressing your superiors like you should"

"Princess is an insult in my book you B-"

"Guys cut it out!" Peach wailed "Zelda, just shut up and apologize. Ohh, this is like the worst day of my life!"

"You're Dang right it is" Samus shoved Peach away and she fell with a cry "Stay out of this Barbie, the adults are talking."

"That's it!" Zelda tapped into her magic, summoning up her alter ego. "You've gone too far!"

"Bring it" Samus screamed and she was enveloped in a white light. Soon Sheik and bounty hunter Samus were facing off, waiting for the other one to make the first move. Zelda saw Samus stick out her arm gun, preparing a missile. She reached for her needles, intending to blow the bomb up in her face. Then peach raced out in between them.

"You are both acting like little kids!" She said furiously "Well, little kids with a bazooka and magic. Seriously, we don't need to do this!"

"Oh, I think we need to do this" Samus said, her voice muffled by her suit "She's the one that started it, not me."

"It doesn't matter who started it, it's who's finishing it that's to blame!" She turned to Sheik "Come on, is your pride hurt so badly that you'd tear up a library to settle the score?"

"She hit you." Sheik said in her husky voice. "You weren't even doing anything."

"And I can defend myself if I want to, obviously I don't." neither one of them were backing down, so Peach threw her hands up in the air "Fine, you two a-holes duke it out. I expect you to cover the damages to the town equally. I'm outtie" she stormed out of the library.

They stood there for a second, looking at the door where Peach had left. Sheik sighed and undid her spells, returning to Zelda "Samus, I-"

WHAM! Samus had taken the second it took for her to turn back into Zelda to get close and hit her over the head with her arm cannon. Zelda fell to the floor. Samus kicked her in the ribs a few times for good measure.

"That's what you get when you mess with me, Princess." Samus left the library, leaving Zelda passed out on the floor.

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"Just relax, you're all right. Nothing is even broken." A kind voice was talking to her. Zelda tried to sit up, but a sharp pain in her ribs slammed her back down, feeling nauseous. "But I wouldn't move if I were you. You still have some nasty bruises. They'll be gone in a few weeks, but you'll be able to walk without pain today."

"Fairy" Zelda croaked. She needed a fairy fountain, and then she could go back and murder Samus.

"Ah yes, I have read about your country's use of magical animals as medicine. It's quite fascinating. But I'm afraid I don't have that kind of technology. You'll just have to settle for mushrooms."

She felt something touch the skin of her arm and vanish. The pain in her side and head subsided. She looked blearily up into the face of the person who was talking. "Mario?"

He sighed "Doctor Mario, thank you very much. No relation to the hot shot super hero."

"Oh, I know you. We were in Melee together." She tried to sit up again and managed to prop herself up on her elbows before the pain was too bad. Dr. Mario was, well, a doctor in the Mushroom Kingdom. He insisted it as just coincidence that he and Mario looked exactly alike and had the same name.

"Yes, please lie back down Princess Zelda, I can only give you mushrooms after a half hour of waiting. If you push yourself the pain will come back before the next dose."

Zelda lay back down, but that didn't stop her from asking questions. "What happened to Peach? Is she alright?"

He jolted a little when she mentioned Peach, and then cleared his throat. "a-hem, well, the Princess is pretty mad at you."

"What! Why?"

"Well you fought with Ms. Aran didn't you?"

"No, she jumped me! Peach made me realize how stupid I was acting and I was going to apologize. Then Samus came up and whacked me on the head." She gingerly felt her noggin as she said this. There was a thick white pad on the left side of her head.

"Hmm, that would explain why I'm not treating Ms. Aran for severe burns and lacerations right now, correct?" He said with a small smile.

"You've got that right." Zelda said fiercely. Then she paused for a second. "Dr. Mario, why weren't you at the Brawl movie shootings? You were a great fighter in Melee. If they let Jigglypuff back you should have been in there too."

Dr. Mario shook his head "Oh no, I've had my fun. They did invite me back, but I refused. I know that I'm a doctor, not a fighter." He smiled again, "Although that smash ball did sound like fun. I think I would have wanted viruses to appear and attack people."

Zelda smiled back. Dr. Mario certainly wasn't like the original. He was well read, polite, funny… she wondered if what she wanted to do was a good idea. "Umm, excuse me…"

"hmm?" He said, looking at a chart on his clipboard.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

He dropped the clipboard and turned bright red "Princess Zelda, I-"

"No, no, no, not me. Look, I have an idea…"

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Peach had run all the way back to the castle and up to her room. She locked the door and threw herself bawling at her bed. It just wasn't fair! How could her perfect day turn out so perfectly rotten?

She sulked in her room until dinnertime when a toad servant said that she had visitors. She told the toad to send them away, she wasn't feeling well. He said he didn't want to be executed for refusing a princess.

"What are you talking about, I'm your princess!" she said angrily

"But there's a princess downstairs too your highness, Princess Zelda!" he sniveled. "Oh man, now I'm going to be executed for sure!"

"Shut up, no one's going to execute you" she said disgusted. Zelda had come to apologize huh? Well she certainly wasn't going to forgive her. She would set Zelda straight.

She stormed down the stairs and threw open the front hall doors "Zelda just what were you thinking-" she froze "Mario?"

"Doctor Mario." he said. Zelda had brought him along with her. He was bright red and was holding something behind his back. "Umm, I'll just let you ladies chat for a bit. I'll be waiting here."

Peach frowned as Zelda came towards her "Have a nice cat fight?" she huffed

Zelda sighed. "Peach I know I acted, well-"

"Like an ass." she said acidly.

She winced "Well, yeah. I just want you to know that I was going to apologize to Samus before she beat the crap out of me any way."

"What? You two were about to kill each other!"

"No, I realized what you were saying was right, so I put my guard down. Then she pummeled me."

"Why that arrogant little-"

"I know! Anyway, I wanted to say I'm so sorry for ruining your special day. I tried to be a good friend, I really did."

Peach knew Zelda was sorry, and she certainly didn't enjoy being beaten up by a disgruntled co-worker. She gave her friend a hug "It's alright girlfriend. I was just so bummed out about Mario that I guess I lost it. By the way, what's he doing here?" she pointed over Zelda's shoulder to Dr. Mario, who was whistling and trying not to look out of place.

Zelda smiled slyly "Well I thought I would have to bring a peace offering."

"huh?"

"Dr. Mario, we're ready." She called over to him. He jolted and started blushing again as he came over.

"Umm, Princess Peach." He said in a squeaky voice. He coughed and started over again "Princess Peach, would you like to have dinner with me some time?" he took a large bouquet of flowers from behind his back and offered it to her, not looking at her directly.

Peach was amused "Wow, you're really nervous aren't you?" she said and he vehemently nodded his head. "Aww, I can't say no, that would just break his little heart. Sure Dr. Mario, Where would you like to go? My treat."

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Months later Peach and Zelda were horse back riding along the Hyrule plane. No matter how much Peach begged her Zelda wouldn't don breeches and ride normally. She preferred to ride sidesaddle even though it was less comfortable.

"Hah, I bet you rear hurts by now" Peach giggled as they turned to head back towards the palace.

"Well you won't be so joyous in the morning. Your thighs are going to hurt once you wake up." Zelda knew this from trying it once. Never again.

"Thanks a lot for inviting me over. This has been fun." Peach reached over to pat her horse on the cheek "Although I don't get why you showed me those weird pear things."

"They're Pehats, and they were nesting. I thought the babies were cute."

"If you like pears with razor blades on their butts."

Zelda shrugged and Peach asked "So how's the whole image counseling thing going? I can't believe your people don't know how nice you are."

"It was hard at first. I almost never went out of the castle. But as you instructed I stared going out every day and just talking to people. I couldn't believe how fast they dropped the 'your highness' act and started complaining about their lives."

She giggled "People just love to gripe and they'll do it to anyone, even princesses."

Zelda smiled and shook her head "Well my project is going great, but I want to hear about you. You've been avoiding the topic of you know who. Come on, talk."

Peach beamed "Zelda, I don't know how I could have missed him. He's funny and nice… and did you notice he doesn't have the creepy accent?"

"Yes, I knew that would be a plus."

"And he gets flustered so easily. It's fun to tease him." she paused a second and said "Mario's gone."

"What?"

"Mario has left the castle. He's decided to get a house somewhere in the woods." Peach bit her thumb worriedly "Zelda, what have I done? He's gone now. There might not be any more Mario sequels to the movies because I messed it up."

"Gone and good riddance" Zelda rode up close to Peach and put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't feel bad for loving one person and not the other Peach. Just feel happy."

She smiled again "I guess you're right. Hey, you know what? Now we can double date!" Zelda looked blankly at her. "Oh you know, me and my doctor, you and Link, we'll all go out to eat together!"

Zelda snorted "As long as you like pizza. That's all Link ever eats!"

"Aww no, I want to go to a nice restaurant!"

"He won't get dressed up either, all he wears is his tunic"

"I have the opposite problem; all Dr. Mario ever wears is his lab coat. I can't get him to wear anything casual!"

Zelda and Peach complained about their relationships together and knew that against all odds they had actually become friends.