Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight nor any of the Broadway shows that are spoofed in this parody.

EXPLANATION: I always get my ideas when I'm driving. I actually drive for both my jobs so this means I can actually brain storm quite a bit. The other morning I was thinking of stories I wanted to read. I remembered that I hadn't gotten to [Restless to Climb]. [RtC] is a Twilight fan fiction with the characters on Broadway in NYC. I love NYC. I love Broadway. I love Twilight. I got to thinking what Twilight would be like if it was on Broadway. Then my mind went wacko and created a crackfic. I seriously want to know what the hell they put in the coffee at work. It's gotta be the coffee they make that did this to me.

Every musical has a Playbill, so the first chapter is the Playbill. I actually plan on making a graphic for this eventually. This may change slightly as time goes on, based on what I write. I figure it's no big deal though.

Keep in mind when you read this that it's a performance, not a novel. So, sit down and imagine that you're in a theater.

Disclaimer: I can't usually rhyme to save my life, so bear with me!


PLAYBILL

TWILIGHT: A MUSICAL PARODY

CAST

(in order of appearance)

Isabella "Bella" Marie Swan……………………………………….KRISTEN STEWART
Chorus…………………………...BILLY BURKE, CHRISTIAN SERRANTOS, JUSTIN
CHON, GREGORY TYREE BOYCE, GIL BIRMINGHAM,
TAYLOR LAUTNER, SOLOMON TRIMBLE
Eric Yorkie………………………………………………………………...JUSTIN CHON
Mike Newton…………………………………………………………MICHAEL WELCH
Jessica Stanley………………………………………………………..ANNA KENDRICK
Angela Weber…………………………………………………..CHRISTIAN SERRATOS
Tyler Crowley………………………………………………GREGORY TYREE BOYCE
Emmett Cullen…………………………………………………….……...KELLAN LUTZ
Rosalie Hale…………………………………………………………..……..NIKKI REED
Jasper Hale………………………………………………………JACKSON RATHBONE
Alice Cullen………………………………………………….………..ASHLEY GREENE
Edward Cullen……………………………………………………...ROBERT PATTISON
Charlie Swan…………………………………………………..………….BILLY BURKE
Jacob Black…………………………………………………………TAYLOR LAUTNER
Billy Black……………………………………………………..…….GIL BIRMINGHAM
Dr. Carlisle Cullen…………………………………………………...PETER FACINELLI
Esme Cullen…………………………………………………...…..ELIZABETH REASER
Sam Uley………………………………………………………….SOLOMON TRIMBLE
Laurent……………………………………………………………………..EDI GATHEGI
Victoria………………………………………………………..….RACHELLE LEFEVRE
James…………………………………………………………………...CAM GIGANDET

WHO'S WHO IN THE CAST

KRISTEN STEWART (Isabella "Bella" Marie Swan) has been in several movies before hitting the Broadway stage. She would like to thank everyone in the cast for their support.

ROBERT PATTINSON (Edward Cullen) is contractually obligated to appear in Twilight: A Musical Parody. "Its only saving grace is that I can sing, albeit, bloody horrible songs." Robert would like to thank his hair for never calming down and being his signature look. "They don't call me Spunk for nothing." Robert's big break was his role in two Harry Potter films as Cedric Diggory.

BILLY BURKE (Charlie Swan) would like to thank the writers of the show for remembering the character of Charlie. Billy has guest starred in several television shows along with his porn stache and tallboy.

KELLAN LUTZ (Emmett Cullen) has guest stared in several television shows such as CSI, 90210 and Heroes. He's also appeared in the movies Prom Night, Stick It and Generation Kill. He's happy to be on Broadway so he can show of his "mad dancing and singing skills."

PETER FACINELLI (Dr. Carlisle Cullen) would like to thank his wife, Jennie Garth, for allowing him to "participate in this flop of a show". Peter would also like to thank the members of the "Hot Bitch" crew for their nightly entertaining visits. Peter has guest stared in several television shows and movies; most notably Can't Hardly Wait, Riding in Cars with Boys, and the television show Damages.

JUSTIN CHON (Eric Yorkie), MICHAEL WELCH (Mike Newton), ANNA KENDRICK (Jessica Stanley), CHRISTIAN SERRATOS (Angela Weber) and GREGORY TYREE BOYCE (Tyler Crowley) are all excited to be in their first production. They collectively convinced Summit Entertainment that they should also be billed as the Chorus. It was strictly for the money.

TAYLOR LAUTNER (Jacob Black) is beyond excited to be in his first stage production. So much so that he has to be sedated every day. Taylor is best known for his role in The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl.

CAM GIGANDET (James) has been in several movies such as Never Back Down, Who's Your Caddy? and many television shows, most notably, The OC and The Young and the Restless. Cam has a black belt in the Israeli martial art of Krav Maga.

ELIZABETH REASER (Esme Cullen) was tickled pink when she learned Esme Cullen would be written in for the stage production of Twilight. Elizabeth is best known for her role of Jane Doe on several episodes of Grey's Anatomy. For a short time Elizabeth fronted her own show on CBS entitled The Ex-List. She last appeared onstage in Top Girls at the Williamstown Theatre Festival in Massachusetts.

NIKKI REED (Rosalie Hale) is a very versatile young woman. She co-wrote the movie Thirteen and has appeared in Lords of Dogtown.

ASHLEY GREENE (Alice Cullen) is quite new to the acting world, having only been in a few productions. She's guest starred on Crossing Jordon and has several movies lined up.

GIL BIRMINGHAM (Billy Black) is happy to be a part of the Twilight cast. He's appeared in Into the West and Dreamkeeper and several other roles as, well, a non-descript Native American.

JACKSON RATHBONE (Jasper Cullen) is also quite new to the acting world but has racked up quite a few credits. He's appeared on Close to Home, Beautiful People, The War at Home and The Cleaner.

SOLOMON TRIMBLE (Sam Uley) is excited about this first Broadway experience. Solomon is very multi-talented—not only does he act but Solomon has modeled and plays several instruments. Solomon has also tackled several dance styles including ballet, hip-hop and salsa.

RACHELLE LEFEVRE (Victoria) has been in several television and movies since 1999. Her most notable roles have been on Life on Mars, CSI, Eli Stone and Swingtown. She's excited to be in her first Broadway production "even if it's Twilight."

EDI GATHEGI (Laurent) has started to become a very in demand. He broke out with his role in the file Gone, Baby Gone and has appeared on several episodes of House, M.D..