A/N: This is me being Santa Claus. XD I wrote this for my epic friendling Emilie (MCRmy for the win!) because SasuNaru makes her life go around. X3 No, really. So enjoy, everybody! And expect more of me-playing-Santa oneshots later. :3
Disclaimer: Please don't arrest me, officer; I swear it's not my fault all the cool people die/there's not enough yaoi. It's allll Kishi's fault. I swear.
Your Fairy Dust Is Getting In My Eyes
"Um, Sakura, what the hell…?" His eyebrows raised and he held his present limply between two fingers. When he'd seen the package wrapped in brightly coloured paper addressed to him, he'd been ecstatic that Sakura had actually bothered to buy him a Christmas gift in the first place. Once he got over thanking her in all his hyper glory, however, and finally unwrapped it, he was nothing short of highly confused. "A fairy wand…?"
She grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "Well, you know how your luck with Sasuke sort of ends up with you on the bottom, right?"
Naruto snorted with sudden laughter. "Yeah, what does that have to do with anything? At least I'm the one who won in that area…at least I have a Sasuke."
"Hey, don't rub it in!" Sakura slapped him on the head, blushing a dark red. "Shut up."
"Owww, that hurt." He whined, wincing as he held a hand to his now throbbing forehead. "Geez, you're such a hormonal bitch!"
"And you're such an immature ramen hog." She shot back defensively, cracking her knuckles in annoyance. "Listen to me for once, okay? If you'd ever shut up I'd tell you what it's for. Got it?!"
"Nehh, you're mean." Naruto sniffed, crossing his arms across his chest and pouting childishly. "But fine. Tell me. 'Cause I am really confused right now. I mean, I know you think I act like a kid, but I don't play with toys anymore…especially not girl toys. Hey, you haven't been listening to Sai, have you?! Because no matter what he says, I totally have a dick! A nice dick! And I can prove it, too! Do you want to—"
"SHUT UP, NARUTO." Sakura whipped a hand to cover his mouth. "Do not say another word. I have no interest in seeing your dick, 'kay? I believe you; I'm sure it's there."
"Anyway," the kunoichi huffed, "If you're lucky and can get Sasuke to play along with a little make believe fairy dust-"
"Woah, hang on, this is so girly it's not even funny."
"Look, do you want to turn the tables on him for once or not?! Tap him on the shoulder or something with it and tell him he has to do everything you say because he's under your spell now. Maybe he'll play along."
Naruto looked down at the wand, unsure. She made it sound like a fucking sex toy. Eek. "Um, I really don't think he would. Sasuke's Sasuke. Like, he doesn't answer to anybody. It's physically impossible for him or something."
"Would you just try it? Come on, I spent five dollars on that stupid thing. On stupid you."
He rolled his eyes. "Oh, okay. But when he kills me for it, you are totally not inheriting any of my stuff."
"Do you think I want any of your stuff when you're dead?"
"Would you go already?! Go, go, get laid!"
Hm. That didn't sound too bad.
Grasping the blue wand, getting sparkles rubbed off on his hands, he sped off to find his yummy chicken butt-haired lover.
Yeah, this is so not going to work how Sakura thinks it will…
"Sasuuu!" He chirped, glomping him from behind and planting a playful peck on his cheek. "How are you, my little sugar plumb?"
"Sugar plumb…?" Sasuke repeated dryly, shrugging off the hyperactive blonde. "What the hell have you been smoking?"
"Umm…" Naruto blinked, trying to think of something cleverly romantic to say. Unfortunately he had no idea how to act seme-like and blurted out, "Fairy dust! I think? Maybe? I don't know, ask Sakura what the hell she's been smoking."
The Uchiha shivered. "That girl scares me."
"Hee. Oh, but she got me a Christmas present! Do you, ah, want to see it?"
"Awh…you're so emo. And mean. Why is everybody being mean to me today? Haven't you people ever heard of holiday cheer and peace on earth, damn it?!" Groaning, he tugged at his yellow hair in frustration. Seriously, he was feeling very unloved at that moment. But even if it was unintentionally, he was good at throwing his boyfriend on guilt trips. Sure, he sucked at being on top, but he was an expert at making himself look like a pitiful cat in the rain.
With a slight wince, Sasuke drew him into a tender hug. "Sorry. No, you're right. I'll be nice now. What did she get you?"
Almost reluctantly he drew out the wand. "She said I could poke people with it and make them do whatever I wanted…"
The look in Sasuke's dark eyes clearly said he found it to be the stupidest notion in the world, but he made his voice say otherwise. "Oh. That's…nice…I guess. As long as you're happy."
"I think it's nice too." He murmured, cuddling closer. It was warm with Sasuke despite the snow and wind of December. He liked it there; he didn't have to be the one who was in control all the time. Actually he really didn't feel like he even wanted to be, now that he gave it some thought. "Are you sure you don't want me to buy you anything?"
"Yeah. I don't need anything. But as for you, you need to hurry up and tell me what you want. It's sort of the Big Day tomorrow. Limited shopping hours left, you know. And a possible shortage of wrapping paper, too."
"Well," Naruto contemplated, raising the wand. Tapping it gently on Sasuke's nose, leaving a few blue sparkles behind, he grinned, "I command you to kiss me. Abra kadabra and all of that!"
Sasuke smiled, twitching his nose. "Okay. On one condition, though."
"And that would be…?"
"Absolutely no more calling me Sugar Plumb. That's creepy. Really."
He watched him warmly and leaned in. "…Alakazam."