Catherine Tate-The Grumpy Couple

Janice: So, we're on our way to Chatsworth.

Ray: Buy one get one free on the tickets.

Janice: But we get caught up in roadworks in Chesterfield.

Ray: Their only claim to fame is a bent church.

Janice: The police tell us that there's an overturned caravan.

Ray: Caravans are a waste of space in my opinion.

Janice: So anyway, there is no chance of us getting to Chatsworth now.

Ray: Typical

Janice: Then I remember our Catherine lives nearby.

Ray: God help us.

Janice: Her husband's Chinese, (widening her eyes) and dyslexic.

Ray: They don't need to know that.

Janice: So they tell us they've opened their own restaurant.

Ray: I've seen better.

Janice: So we sit down in "Canton Dreams" and the waiters aren't even Chinese.

Ray: Not what I'd call authentic.

Janice: We've had a look at the menu, and…. wor r they call it.

Ray: Aubergine stir-fry……. with dog.

Janice: And you'll never guess what.

Ray: Listen t' this.

Janice: Every thing they sell contained….dog.

Ray: Did they never hear about our Pookie!!!

Janice: I wouldn't have minded if it was cat.

Ray: This is in Chesterfield!

Janice: The dirty…evil…canine killing b*******

Ray: I'd had enough.

Janice: Chicken

Ray: none

Janice: Beef

Ray: None

Janice: Pork

Ray: None

Janice: They couldn't even be bothered to go out and buy meat.

Ray: They killed their own dog basically.

(The look at each other and then shake their heads in disgust)