Title: Come Lie With Me
Pairings/ Characters: Slexie, with appearances by the entire Seattle Grace team.
Warnings: Sexual imagery, and some language
Summary: What happened after Lexie and Mark's night together?
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Those Slexie fans at ABC do.
A/N: Okay, so much explanation is needed. This story is based on the future that is depicted in my one-shot Unfinished. I wanted to write about Slexie from another perspective, and before I knew it I had written and imagined all of this back story for my one-shot, and I felt that it deserved its own story. So, if you want to know how Slexie ends up, you can read that one-shot, but this is the story of how they got there. It is definitely not necessary to read the one-shot first, unless you want to be spoiled. This will be a multi-chapter fic, and I will try to update it whenever possible. (Oh, and the title is supposed to have more than one meaning, get it?)
Mark considered the darkness to be a seductive thing. In the beginning, the darkness had been something to fear. It was a big and vast thing that his eight-year-old self could not control and not avoid. It came everyday and stayed for hours at a time. It had been his constant fear and constant companion. But as he had gotten older, those fears had retreated into the back recesses of his mind. He had begun to associate the darkness with sex, and it took on its present seductive quality. But still, there was that part of him that hated closing his eyes alone, which liked the presence of another person sleeping next to him.
This was why he was both grateful and terrified to wake up the morning after he had taken Lexie to bed. He had enjoyed every minute of their time together, and would treasure them always in that smallest corner of his heart which he reserved for impossible dreams, but now he had to confront reality. When he opened his eyes, it was still dark outside and there she was, lying next to him, curled up in a little ball with her feet pressed against his warm thighs and her back against his chest. Mark allowed himself to savor the sensation for a moment, but only for a moment.
He then eased himself away from her and walked to the bathroom. Under the hot spray of the shower, he began to feel that guilt creeping in. What had he been thinking? He shouldn't have done this; he should have been stronger. Derek had been so clear; Lexie was off limits. He had known this, but when she had been standing there with that vulnerable look in her eyes and her pleading words, his control had snapped. He hadn't wanted to be strong anymore. He was tired of denying himself one of the only things he had ever truly wanted. But now…
Now the guilt.
When he stepped out of the shower, Mark dressed quickly and grabbed a pen and paper from the desk. On the hotel stationary he wrote:
Sorry, Little Grey. I had an early surgery. Stay as long as you like and order breakfast. Until Later, Sloan.
Mark knew it wasn't fair, but he had to keep things as professional as possible from here on out. Lexie would understand; she had to.
When Lexie woke, she felt sore in all the right places. She stretched out her muscles and then turned to see a note in the place where Mark should have been. Reaching out, she picked it up and held it above her head. As she read its contents, a frown appeared on her face. If anyone else had come upon this note they would have thought it was as much a note between professional colleagues as lovers. Lexie didn't know what to think. She was back to Little Grey again? Did he think of her as nothing more than a tag-along little sister? And what did him signing the note with his last name mean? Lexie had never called him Mark except at the height of ecstasy, but still. What did this all mean?
These questions were running through her mind as she dressed quickly. As soon as she got to the hospital, Lexie was going to confront him. She promised herself this.
But that was not to be. When she got to the hospital, it was in an uproar because of a death row patient who was being treated. Christina immediately set her the task of running labs and Lexie was blown off course from her original intent of finding Mark. She did catch a glimpse of him at one point, but he was headed in the opposite direction. Her paranoid mind wondered it he had turned when he saw her coming, but she quickly dismissed that thought. Lexie knew it would be a tedious day until she could find Mark, so she instead spent her day going over the events of the previous night in her mind.
It had felt like a stranger had taken over her body the night before. Some force, and she knew not which one, had taken her from the locker room at Seattle Grace to Mark's hotel room without stopping. And when he had opened the door, all the feelings that she had ever felt in her entire life seemed to push her in the door and give her the courage to put it all on the line. But there had been that awful moment when all the insecurities that she had ever had came to the surface as he seemed to be resisting her.
She had hated herself for asking, "Come on, am I really so bad?" But that small vulnerability seemed to be what had propelled him into action.
Before she had realized it, he was there and she was in his arms. His lips had moved surely back and forth across hers and Lexie had not been able to think. Her pathetic attempt at seduction could never have anticipated this. He was hard and yet his lips were soft, coaxing a response from her own. The seducer became the seduced, and Lexie began to wonder how she had lived for so long without ever knowing perfection such as this.
Soon they had moved to the bed, their lips never parting. Mark had helped her removed her remaining clothing and only broke their kiss to remove his own shirt. When he had pulled it over his head, he had looked down at her and for the first time, Lexie had felt truly beautiful. The way he was looking at her made her feel alive, in a way that nothing had before. It was there in his eyes, and Lexie had been able to see it.
He wanted her. Her. Lexie Grey, rejected sister and enabling daughter and forgotten friend. She was desired.
"Lexie," He had whispered as he ran his fingers across her bare skin. She had blinked back the tears which sprang unbidden to her eyes and looked up at the man who was about to become part of her.
There were no words to describe this.
And when he had finally settled his naked body onto her own, Lexie had parted her legs, wrapped them around his waist, and felt as though the missing puzzle pieces which had seemed ephemeral her entire life were finally coming together.
Breath had hissed out of his lips as he had slid into her, and it had caught in her throat when he had begun to move. Lexie wanted to say something, anything, but his movements were robbing her of the ability to think and speak.
She hadn't known. No one could have. She had heard it whispered, but never could she have imagined that it could be like this. Like the kind of pleasure and passion that only existed in stories and books with naked and writhing bodies on the cover. She had experienced good sex, but that meant nothing now. Not when she was confronted with the idea that she had never even known what sex really was until Mark slid into her body.
She vaguely wondered if anyone else in the world could have known what this felt like. Lexie thought not.
And Mark seemed to feel it too. When they had both come in a rush of pleasure and screaming, he collapsed on top of her. His chest was expanding hard and fast as it struggled to get air back into it. He had laid there, crushing her, and she had loved every moment of it.
Finally, she had whispered, "I never knew…"
And he had replied, "Neither did I."
Lexie wondered briefly if they meant the same thing, but then she dismissed the thought and kissed his shoulder.
They had slept then, but woken many times through the night when one of them had turned to the other. It had been like living forever in the space of one single evening.
This was why Lexie had to find Mark now. She wanted to see him, no needed to see him. She could no longer contain the intensity of her feelings.
When she found him, he was coming out of surgery, the scrub cap still on his head. He was washing his hands, and had just turned off the water when she slid up next to him.
"Hi, there," She said, and small smile on her face. "How did your surgery go? I bet it went well. You do everything well." Lexie had blushed then, her entire face turning scarlet, "I mean with surgery, with the cutting. You do that well, not that you don't do other things well too…" Lexie trailed off, wishing she had planned exactly what she was going to say first. Instead, she felt like an idiot has he looked at her. Lexie bit her lip, and then decided to risk it, "About last night…"
"Lexie—" Mark cut in, "No one can know. In fact, it would be best if we pretended that last night never happened at all. It was a mistake, pure and simple."
Lexie felt as though she had been kicked in the gut, and she was so upset that she didn't notice the tortured look in Mark's eyes. "What do you mean? You want to pretend that last night never…"
"Never happened," Mark said. "Lexie, no one can know about this. I am your teacher, and that is all. We got carried away because we were excited that the surgery went well, but that has to be all. It didn't mean anything else. We have to forget it."
Lexie vaguely wondered if this was how all the other women who had slept with Mark Sloan felt. She grabbed the sink, the images of last night bubbling unbidden to the surface of her mind and assaulting her with their loveliness. "Do you know what it feels like to have an eidetic memory?" Lexie asked, her voice trembling.
Mark shook his head.
"It means that 'forgetting it' isn't really an option for me." Lexie looked at him and met his eyes. "I remember every time I have sex, until that image is improved upon. With images and knowledge, I retain everything. A photographic memory had its uses in school. But with experiences, it's different. I remember the best ones, the ones that mean the most. And I remember them in excruciating detail." A single tear ran down Lexie's face. "I won't remember anyone else after last night, Mark," she said, her mouth adding significance to his name. "You've changed it all. Whether you wanted to or not, things are different now. Every moment, every detail of last night is permanently etched on my memory along with all the emotions those moments evoked."
Mark looked stricken, though Lexie saw it only as guilt. She turned then, and left the room, the door closing behind her with a gentle swish.
Her mind was filled with sadness and anger, and Lexie knew that she had to get as much distance between her and Mark Sloan as she could. And before she knew it, she was running.
Self-loathing was hardly an adequate description for what Mark felt about himself in that moment. As he opened the door, Mark saw Lexie running through the hall, and could only guess about the tears that probably adorned her face.
This wasn't fair. Lexie didn't deserve this, and Mark hated that he had to hurt her like that. If there was one person in the world who didn't deserve to be hurt by him it was Lexie. What he had wanted more than anything else was to take her in his arms and tell her that the previous night had meant just as much to him, if not more. And that the idea of forgetting was as ludicrous as it was impossible. Not because it was etched on him mind like hers, but rather because the previous night had provided him the most amazing happiness of his life. There was no way he was going to forget that.
He walked over to the nurses' station and reached for a chart, anything to distract him from the chaos in his mind.
Mark reached up and rubbed the sore muscles in the back of his neck.
Mark turned and saw Derek, and then turned back to the chart. "No," he said curtly, hoping Derek wouldn't stop to chat.
"Then why are you so grumpy?"
"I am not," Mark mumbled, not looking at his best friend. This morning he had felt guilty, but now after seeing Lexie's face collapse, he was just mad at Derek. Damn him for putting Mark in this impossible situation.
"Okay, whatever," Derek said. "So Meredith this morning—"
"Not now, Derek," Mark growled.
"I can't take the further adventures of Meredith and Derek right now."
"Jeez, something is wrong. What's up, you can tell me."
Mark glared hard at the chart before him, resisting the urge to smack Derek upside the head. Finally, he looked up and said, "Why did you tell me to stay away from Lexie Grey?"
Derek looked surprised, but said, "I told you, Meredith had some concerns."
"Concerns about me," Mark said. "You said it was because Lexie was fragile, but I don't think that was it. It was because of me, wasn't it?"
"It is not that simple," Derek hedged. "I think Meredith feels protective of Lexie cause she is not like us."
"What do you mean?" Mark asked, frowning.
"Well, she is good, isn't she?" Derek said. "In a way that we aren't. She believes in the good in people and she wants what is best for them. The idea of hurting someone's feelings doesn't occur to her, so much so that sometimes she fails to stand up for herself even when she should."
Mark shook his head. "All that is true, but I think you underestimate her. And you are lying, too. It is not that Lexie is so good, but rather that I am so bad. I would ruin her. That is what you really mean," Mark slammed his chart down on the counter, making everyone in the waiting area and the nurses' station look at him, but he didn't notice.
"Mark, I didn't mean it like that…" Derek began.
"No, forget it," Mark said, his words hard and angry. "It's nice to know what you really think of me, Shepherd."
Mark stormed off, hating Derek and himself equally. He knew he shouldn't be surprised, he had never really given Derek any reason to think more of him, but still… it hurt. It hurt to know that his best friend in the entire world thought so little of him. And what's more, the only person who thought any good of him, he had pushed away.
Mark kept on walking, not wanting to talk to anyone.
"Dr. Sloan!" The voice called again.
Mark stopped with a sigh, and snapped, "What!?"
Sadie stood there with an unreadable expression on her face. "Lexie Grey is in the east stairwell crying." She paused. "Just thought you would like to know."
Mark watched the intern walk away, and wondered if the crazy girl with no appendix didn't have some redeeming qualities after all. She would be good for Callie, he thought as he walked swiftly to the east stairwell.
When he entered, he followed the sound of crying to the ninth floor where Lexie was sitting with her head against the wall, her face red, and tears rushing down her cheeks.
"What…are you…doing here?" She gasped out, still crying.
Mark said nothing, but went and sat down next to her. Though she resisted at first, he pulled her into his arms and began rubbing her back. "I'm sorry," Mark whispered.
Lexie just cried harder.
"I wish things were different," Mark said into her hair. "I wish we were different." He wished so many things. He wished that he had realized that there was something more with Lexie before Derek warned him away; he wished he had met Lexie long ago when it might have made some difference; but mostly he wished that he had known she was out there. Maybe if when he had been younger he had known that she existed, it wouldn't have been so hard to be better. He could have been a better person if he had known that she was waiting for him.
"But they aren't," Lexie whispered into his shirt, her tears subsiding. "And we aren't."
"No, we aren't," Mark whispered. She had stopped crying, but he didn't want to give up the pleasure of holding her.
They sat there in the stairwell for a long time. They sat there and tried to forget that just a few floors below them where concerned friends and oddly protective siblings who would never have understood them together.
But neither of them could think of that at the moment. They both closed their eyes and clutched the other tighter.