I don't own it, just like I don't own "The Ice Is Getting Thinner" by Death Cab for Cutie.
Love them so much, and love this song.
Alright, another one-shot. 1x20 was a pretty good LP episode, we got a compliment from Lucas, and the LP friendship seemed totally on track. And then the shit hit the fan. This is my own tweak to 1x20.
It's mildly emo and there's no smut – so don't kill me for putting those two scenarios together LOL.
I'm a little unsure about the whole thing.
We're not the same, dear, as we used to be
The seasons have changed and so have we
There was little we could say, and even less that we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you
She doesn't do this. She isn't this girl. Her hearts always closed off and she's always guarded. Now she remembers why. Peyton lies on her side and stares out her window. Tonight was the night from Hell and she never saw it coming.
She and Lucas were getting along fine. She would have even gone as far to say that they were reconnecting.
She can feel a set of eyes on her and even though they're boring into her, she knows it's not a pair of blue ones that give her the feeling. She rolls over and meets the eyes of her best friend . . . ex-best friend.
She's still dressed in her clothes from the party. "Who knew Tutor Girl could throw such a rager?" she asks with a raspy laugh. Peyton smiles. She doesn't know why Brooke's here, but she won't question it.
She moves to lay flat on her back. "Who knew?" she watches as Brooke makes herself comfortable and thinks it's odd. They haven't been friends, haven't even spoken in weeks, but she feels like she can make herself at home here. It gives Peyton a small sense of hope. "So, thanks for sticking up for me"
Brooke nods and tears her head away from the blonde's direction. "Nikki was kinda my responsibility, it was probably a mistake to bring her." she whispers as she plays with her fingers.
"Ya think?" she quips, her sarcasm getting the best of her. She smirks softly and even Brooke's lips twitch.
"Judgment impaired by rage and cocktails, I admit it" she says while looking back at Peyton. There's beat of silence. Brooke used to live in a world where she would openly run into the Sawyer home and pounce onto the bed. Tonight she hesitantly walked the steps and counted to 10 before walking into this room. She wants to change that.
"I'm sorry", she says suddenly. "Wanna call truce? For all of it"
Peyton feels her heart clench and she takes in a breath; never would she have guessed that Brooke would say these things. "Friends again?" she asks hopefully.
Brooke stares at her and sniffles. She can't look Peyton in the eye and tell her no, so she looks back up at the ceiling. "Just not enemies anymore", she whispers and hopes Peyton doesn't hate her.
"I was thinking about Lucas", Brooke begins after another stretch of silence. "You know, he's just a guy . . . he makes mistakes just like all the rest of us"
Peyton internally shakes her head. Brooke's already contemplating forgiveness for that blonde boy, but she can't even fathom it. "Maybe . . . it just feels so much worse when you expect more from somebody", as soon as she says the words she knows Brooke will have a double meaning for it.
Sure enough, her former friend does. "Yeah, I know", she whispers and as her voice shakes she hates it.
Peyton looks over at Brooke and when she sees the lone tear trail down her face a sob raises in her throat. How did they get here? They always promised to never to a boy before their friendship. Hoes over Bros, they lived by that motto. They lost it all because of a boy. Peyton argues with herself.
Not a boy.
Brooke can feel her gaze on her and in an attempt – as weak as it is – to lighten the air she says; "So that Nikki bitch is crazy." Thankfully Peyton laughs and Brooke follows with her own raspy chuckle.
"You think it's possible you and me will ever get back the way we were?" Peyton needs to feel some sort of reassurance. She needs to know that Brooke can forgive her and that they can do stupid best friend things again. She misses having someone to call at any time of the night and she misses going to the mall every Tuesday morning.
"Doesn't feel like it sometimes", Brooke says honestly. She wants nothing more then to forgive Peyton wholeheartedly and stay up late tonight to gossip about the trouble Nathan will get into and the slutty ways of Theresa and another cheerleader, but she can't. She trusted Peyton with everything and she broke it.
"Yeah", even though Brooke's words hurt, she knows they're true. Peyton betrayed her and it's understandable. But, on the same level, Brooke betrayed Peyton. The brunette knew she had feelings for Lucas, but she went after him anyway. Peyton closes her eyes.
This isn't the time for those feelings.
"I'm so tired", she hears Brooke rasp and Peyton knows the double meaning her friend's using. She's just as tired. She's tired of fighting and hurting and feeling like shit. Peyton opens her mouth and whispers;
And she's tired of loving Lucas Scott.
We bury our love in the wintery grave
A lump in the snow was all that remained
But we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak
She doesn't know when she falls asleep, but she wakes up to the sound of something tapping against glass. She opens her eyes and tries to focus them through the darkness. She stares at her window and furrows her brows. She looks back at Brooke before slowly climbing from the bed and shuffling over to the window.
There he stands. Rocks in hand, head tilted towards her second floor bedroom.
She glances at Brooke and when another pebble hits her window she looks outside. Against everything she's thinking, she tiptoes out of her bedroom; closing her door behind her. She walks down her stairs and pauses before opening her front door.
After a deep breath she pulls it open and walks onto her porch. He hasn't noticed her yet and continues to throw the rocks into the air. He flinches every time one hits her window and she smirks. He's terrified to wake her up, but he wants to talk to her.
"What are you doing here?" she asks and it comes out softer then she wanted it to; she hates that. After tonight, she's meant to be strong and authoritative, but she melts in his presence. It never fails.
He recoils from shock before fixing his gaze onto her. "I needed to see you", he whispers.
She rolls her eyes and looks down at the ground. Peyton's suddenly hyper aware of the tank top and low slung sweatpants she wears and folds her arms over herself. "Brooke's here", she whispers. To her shock he nods.
"I know, I walked up into your room before", she raises her eyebrows and he blushes softly before continuing. "I saw her and left, which led to the terribly cliché way of getting you out here", he mumbles and tosses the rest of the pebbles to the ground.
"And what if Brooke came down?" she asks with a small smirk. He smiles back and pauses.
"I didn't think that far ahead", he admits with a soft laugh. She nods her head and he watches as her curls move with the bob of her head. Right now he wants nothing more then to lose his hands in her hair.
"Sooo", she drags out. "Why are you here?" she asks as she raises a brow. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Now or never.
"I just – we had a really great night. I gave you an album, you gave me a high five . . . I told you that you looked hot", his voice drops an octave as he says the last thing and it causes her to shiver. "I don't want that to get ruined . . ." he continues to speak, but Peyton blocks him out.
He's basically asking for forgiveness that he has not right to claim. He's claimed too many other things that he's ultimately thrown away. She's getting angrier by the second and finally she opens her mouth and yells, loudly;
"You broke my heart!" his mouth snaps shut and tears gather in her eyes. "Twice, you broke my heart twice, Lucas. You picked Brooke and then you slept with someone else. I can't just forgive that", she mocks how easy he makes it sound.
His heart pounds in his ears and he swears he's having a heart attack. He knew he hurt her, but he never heard her voice it. He knew he shouldn't have spoken to her. He should have just smiled and handed her the damn letter he wrote. The letter currently sits in the pocket of his jacket. It may not be very eloquent and he doesn't know if she'll read it, but he needs to give it to her.
It explains pretty much everything he's felt or experienced in the recent months. The hardest part was signing it. He wrote sincerely, and erased it. Then he scribbled love; that was gone a second later.
Finally, he decided on you're my forever.
"I was in love with you", she tells him gently which breaks him from his movements. He wants to smile. He wants nothing more then to smile, but he doesn't think it's appropriate. He's waited to hear those words leave Peyton Sawyers mouth since before he really knew what love was. He can't stop himself from opening his mouth;
"I lov –"
"But it doesn't matter", she ahs to cut him off. If she doesn't and she hears him utter those three words, she's a goner. "You're not that same boy, Luke. I don't know where is went, but he's not you", she whispers with sad eyes. "What happened to the boy who would sit at the lunch table with his friends from the Rivercourt and read an old, tattered book?" she asks rhetorically. "Because, I loved that boy", she says proudly.
She loved him in more ways then one when he was that person. He was kind and caring and interested. He could have a genuine conversation and she could laugh freely with him. He watches as her eyes cloud over and has the overwhelming urge – want – need – to pull her into his arms. But he doesn't dare to reach out to her.
"You", he says and his voice is so hoarse that he has to clear his throat. "You happened", he clarifies. He watches as her eyes narrow.
"Don't blame this on me", she says coldly.
"I'm not", he promises. "Peyton, I'm not blaming you for anything", he whispers. He doesn't really know what else to say and she knows this. Her shoulders slump and she bows her head.
Once again he reaches for that envelope. He really just wants her to have it; otherwise it'll end up in his old, hidden shoebox. He has it halfway out of his pocket before she speaks;
"I'm gonna go back inside", she whispers. She turns to walk away and when she's about two feet from him he whispers;
"I still love you", he quiet and raspy, but she hears it. She tenses for all of a second and bites her bottom lip. She'll keep those words, this moment, with her forever.
And when Brooke wakes her from her sobs in the middle of the night, she'll take the easy way out and say she misses her friendship.
And when spring arrived
We were taken by surprise when the flows under our feet bled into the sea
And nothing was left for you and me
It's early. Way earlier then he needs to be here, but he's here. He's been here for almost an hour now and he'll stand here for as long as it takes. Last night didn't exactly end like he hoped it would. He doesn't even know what he wanted to happen, but it definitely didn't involve her leaving him standing on her front lawn. At last, he sees her coming in his direction.
Whatever nerve he has flies away.
"Hey" he says timidly, God, he's just as nervous as he was the first time he spoke to her. She's fiery and angry and he knows he should have listened to Keith when the older man said to give her time to cool off.
"Hey", she replies and clearly has no intention of stopping to talk. He begins walking with her and sticks his hands in his pockets nervously.
"Look, I didn't know about Nikki and Jake . . . till I met her", he says softly. She frowns. Does he think that's what she's mad about?
"So, she was just some stranger from a bar you slept with?" she snaps at him. He doesn't respond so she stops walking and faces him. "Lucas, you don't need to apologize okay?" she has more to say, but doesn't know if she should.
She looks into his cerulean eyes and shrugs. She's already spilled her heart, what's once more. "It's just that, after all the stuff you and I had been through, where my head and my heart were at I couldn't have gone and just slept with some stranger", it's the second time she's alluded to loving him and he squints. He's really messed up.
"You know when you and I first met I was with Nathan and he was umm . . . and he was a pretty bad guy, if you remember?"
If he remembers? How could he ever forget? Nathan used to be a total ass. "Yeah", he says and nods for extra emphasis.
"I'm not doing that again", she says seriously. She pauses and he takes the minute to trail to his back pocket. His fingers curl around the edge of the envelope and he almost pulls it out. "Who knew you two would switch places", and before she breaks down she walks away.
He should call out to her. He should run after her. He should do a million things, but he doesn't. She's closed the door on them for what he can only assume will be forever, and he's never experienced a pain like he is now. Normally he would grin at the use of 'them' and 'forever' in the same sentence, but this time it makes his heart ache. She'll never give him another chance.
He's lost her before he ever even had her.
We're not the same, dear,
And it seems to me
There's nowhere we can go
With nothing underneath
And it saddens me to say
But we both know, well, it's true
That the ice was getting thinner
Under me and you
The ice was getting thinner
Under me and you
Let me know what you think!