Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride, Shakespeare, or any of his plays. And, sadly, neither do I own Iggy. Though he is incredibly awesome.
A/N: Yes, the latest in the "Why -insert random awesome character from random awesome fandom here- Was Not in Shakespeare" series! Featuring Iggy in all his awesome glory! :D
Why Iggy Was Not in Shakespeare
Iggy was not in Hamlet because he wouldn't have been able to see the king's ghost in the first place. He then would have become increasingly upset with the watchmen who would either have neglected to describe everything to him or just used too many stupid fancy words and refused to explain them, eventually giving up on the whole matter and throwing bombs at them all until they either shut up or told him what was going on. Or until there was no castle left. You know, whichever came first. He wouldn't have cared about his uncle becoming king because, let's face it, his parents were jerks and he always knew it, so why should he care? But, on the off chance that they decided to lock him up in a dog crate, he would have blown a hole the size of Vermont in the side of the castle and escaped. With Ophelia, because he's loyal that way and wouldn't have left her.
Romeo and Juliet
Iggy was not in Romeo and Juliet because he wouldn't have been able to see Juliet at the ball in the first place. Actually, he probably wouldn't even have been at the ball; he would have been out somewhere scouting for beach bunnies with a friend who would actually describe them to him properly. Had Juliet been brave enough to come up and talk to him, though, he would have been very impressed and likely hung around and talked to her as long as she was there. And as long as he wasn't being chased by evil flying mutant werewolves. He would have just blown up Tybalt and anyone else who dared to challenge him, and even if he had fought hand-to-hand, he still would have kicked butt. Because he's Iggy and he can do that. He would somehow have turned the ending into a happily-ever-after story which would likely have involved him flying off into the sunset with his girl. Regardless of whether or not she was also a mutant bird kid with wings.
Iggy was not in Macbeth because he would have been very confused by the three witches and their prophecy. After all, what should he care about becoming king when he's running for his life from people in white coats who want to dissect him? He also wouldn't have killed anyone unless they randomly morphed into a strange creature with lupine DNA and, you know, tried to eat him or something. His Lady Macbeth (or whatever she would be called… Lady Griffiths, perhaps?) would have known better than to try to make him angry. Not only would she probably get a bomb in a box as a present for their next anniversary, but she would starve because he would stop cooking. Iggy wouldn't have paid much attention to Duncan unless he was part of a conspiracy to kidnap and experiment on him, in which case he would have blown him up. Repeatedly. Along with the entire building and everyone in it, which would have included Malcolm and Donalbain and therefore eliminated that little story arc. He wouldn't have cared about Banquo, mostly because he never wanted to be king in the first place and probably would have turned the throne over had he ever acquired it in favor of the freedom of the open sky. But even if Malcolm had come back to kill him, Iggy would still have escaped by means of bombs, lock-picking, and his awesome ability to tell what color things are by touching them. Because we all know that always comes in handy.