A/N: This story is dedicated to my brother. He is the one who came up with the idea after all. I hope this suits you!


Ducky Has A Date

Ducky was finishing up a few last details in an autopsy report when he heard the distinct ting! of the elevator. He heard a few steps before they stopped in, what he assumed was, the doorway. Ducky quickly saved and printed out his report while the owner of the previously heard footsteps quietly waited.

"Thank you for being so patient, Jethro," Ducky said getting up from his desk and grabbing his coat off the back of the chair and his hat off one of the examination tables.

"What are you so dressed up for?" Gibbs asked in a friendly, teasing tone.

"I have a date in a little while. A lovely cardiovascular surgeon from Washington Memorial named Lynette. We met about a month back at that medical conference the Director urged I attend."

"Is this your first date?"

"At my age, Jethro, I should hope not!"

Gibbs chuckled. "I meant your first date with her, Duck."

"Oh. No, actually, its our third."

Gibbs arched his eyebrow. "Third, huh? You know what usually happens on the third date, right?"

"Oh, yes," said Ducky turning back towards his desk. "I am very well aware." He started rummaging through the bottom drawer. "Uh-oh," he said after a few seconds.

"What's wrong?"

"Well…."

"Well what?"

"I seem to have lost something. Something of vital importance." He opened the middle drawer, then the top drawer. He apparently had still not found what he was looking for.

"Tell me what is was. I'll help you look for it," said Gibbs walking up to Ducky at his desk.

"I seem to have misplaced my bottle of Viagra," Ducky said with a sigh.

"Your Viagra?" Ducky nodded. "Alright, let's get looking."

For the next 5 minutes, Gibbs helped Ducky go through everything in the morgue, though Ducky couldn't remember taking it out of his desk. "Jethro, I'm supposed to meet with Lynette in 30 minutes. I really don't want to be late."

"We need more coverage," Gibbs said pulling out his cell phone. "DiNozzo, I need you down in autopsy now," he said then hanging up.

Tony was downstairs in record time. Whatever it was Gibbs wanted him to do, he wanted to get it done fast. He was getting ready to skip out a bit early to see the opening of a new movie. "Whoa, Ducky! Looking sharp! Got a hot date tonight?"

"I sure do hope so," said Ducky solemnly. "I have unfortunately mislaid my Viagra…no pun intended."

"We have already looked all through here, DiNozzo. What I want you to do is go up to the squad room and conference room and see if it somehow ended up there. Time is an issue."

"You got it, Boss!" And off Tony went.

"Let's go check the van, Jethro."

"You go, Duck. I'm going to go poke around a few other places. Where else have you gone today?"

Duck thought for a moment. "I saw Abby this afternoon. Right before I went to lunch. I asked if she wanted anything. I was going to this charming little place on Williamston where I once saw-."

"Do you want to be on time for Lynette? Because if you do, we should probably skip the story and keep looking."

"Right you are, boy. Right you are."


Tony got up to the squad room. His first thought was to check Gibbs' desk, but since he didn't have a death wish, he decided to skip it. McGee, however, was also away doing God knows what God knows where. He slipped into the Probie's chair and started going through the drawers. Nothing really that interesting. Hold up. What's this? Tony thought picking up a picture that was laying face down in the bottom right hand drawer. Or rather 'Who' is this'?

"She is very pretty," said Ziva who had snuck up behind Tony somehow without him noticing. He nearly jumped out of his skin. "Another one of McGee's sisters perhaps?"

"McGeek only has one sister." Realizing he was at a bit of an advantage, he threw the picture back in the drawer and ran for Ziva's desk. She was so surprised that she didn't realize what had happened until he was already going through her top middle drawer where she kept her writing utensils.

"What are you doing?" she snapped.

"Looking for something."

"Looking for what?"

"Something!…..Ow!" Tony cried shaking his fingers. Ziva had slammed the drawer shut on them.

"Stay out of my belongings."


Abby was spinning in circles in her chair while AFIS looked for a fingerprint match. A blurred image of Gibbs passed by her and she stopped to make sure she wasn't seeing things. He was looking under her desk and table. "Hey, Gibbs! No match yet. What are you looking for?"

He stood straight up. "No match on what? We aren't working a case."

"Sorry. Force of habit. Jenson needed my help with a case."

"Oh," he said and started sifting through an evidence box.

"Gibbs!" she shouted jumping out of her chair and almost falling over, still dizzy from the spinning. "You can't touch that stuff!" She pulled the box away from him. "I still need to run fingerprints off of some things now your's are going to be all over it!"

"Where was Ducky when he was in here earlier?"

"We were in the office." Gibbs walked through the automatic doors and started searching the floor. "What are you looking for?"

"Have you seen a prescription bottle?"

"Prescription of what?"

"Viagra."

Abby laughed. "Lucky girl, Gibbs."

"It's not mine."

"Right. Of course it isn't."

"Its Ducky's."

"Oh! Well, let's see." She walked back to the entrance of her lab. "He came in here then walked over to here," she said walking towards her mass spectrometer. She looked on top of the table and under it. "Then, we went into my office," she walked in the office, "and he sat here." She sat in the chair across from her desk. She bent over and started looking on the floor beneath her feet. "We talked for a few minutes, then he left." She go up and walked straight back to the doorway. "He went straight out."

Gibbs plopped down in the chair where Abby had just been sitting after looking around the office. It's not here either. I hope I don't have to walk to the café. If it fell out of his pocket on the way there, someone probably picked it up by now and is already having a good ol' time. "Thanks, Abbs," he said getting up from the chair. "And tell Jenson that I didn't mean to contaminate his evidence," he said walking out the door.

"Is that an apology?" she yelled after him.


"Hello?" an elderly woman called from the entrance to autopsy.

Jimmy stepped out of the supply closet. "Can I help you, Miss?"

"Oh, my. It's been a while since anyone has called me 'Miss'; let alone a young handsome man like you. I'm Mrs. Graylag. I was told to come down here to pick up my husband, Greg's, personal effects."

"Oh, yes! Of course, Mrs. Graylag. I have them right over here." Jimmy walked to the desk and pulled out a small, silver bag. "Usually we don't handle this ourselves." He handed the bag to her.

"Do you mind if I have a look through here?"

"Go right ahead," he said gesturing towards an examination table.

Mrs. Graylag gently turned the contents of the beg out onto the table. She picked up her husband's wallet and gently ran her hand over the worn, soft leather. She picked up his watch next and held it to her ear. It was still ticking. Tears started to well up in her eyes. She saw one of her husband's prescription bottles laying in the mix. Leave it to Greg to carry his medication with him and still forget to take it. She turned it over in her hands to see which one he had with him. Viagra? "Oh my God!" she screamed, throwing the bottle back onto the table. She clutched her hands to her chest and quickly backed away.

Jimmy, who had fallen out of the chair at Mrs. Graylag's sudden shrieking, climbed to his feet. "What's wrong?" he said rushing over to her. "Are you feeling alright?"

"That cheating bastard!" she screamed, catching Jimmy off guard. "I can't believe him! He said he would never take those things!" She threw herself at Jimmy and started bawling.

"Mr. Palmer!" shouted Ducky walking into the morgue. "What is going on?"

Mrs. Graylag continued to cry. "Mrs. Graylag came in to pick up her husband's personal effects and found his pills," Jimmy said just loud enough to be heard over the sobbing.

"What pills? He didn't have any pills on him," said Ducky, the clues not clicking together.

"His…you know…" unable to say the words with the widow still clinging to him, he jerked his head towards the examination table where the belongings were spread out.

Ducky walked over and the prescription bottle immediately caught his attention. Uh-oh, he thought picking it up and turning it over in his hands to read the label. "Oh dear."

"Dr. Mallard, what is it?" Jimmy asked. Mrs. Graylag finally calmed down enough to realize there was someone else in the room.

"I am afraid there has been some sort of mistake," Ducky said walking over to Mrs. Graylag. "This does not belong to your husband."

She wiped her eyes on Jimmy's shirt, leaving a trail of mascara. "What do you mean?"

"These ended up in your bag by accident. They belong to me."

"To you?" she asked innocently. Ducky nodded his head. Mrs. Graylag pushed Jimmy away, knocking him over. "Well, then!" she said suddenly furious. "I would like to have you know that you have caused me great mental and physical duress. You will both be hearing from my lawyer. I would start looking for new jobs if I were you!" She stormed out of the room without her husband's things.

"That went well," said Jimmy climbing off the floor for the second time in five minutes.

"What was that about?" Gibbs asked entering the room. "You could hear her all the way down the hall."

"Found my Viagra," said Ducky holding up the bottle.

"Ah," said Gibbs as if that explained everything. "Well, if you leave now you should still get there in time."

"Yes, I suppose so." Ducky tucked the bottle into his pants pocket.

"Hope it goes well for you."

"Yes, well, suddenly, I am not in the mood."