20 Things about Uchiha Naruto

1. First off, everyone should know that Naruto is still the bottom. He is still the uke. And he is, most definitely, stillthe bitch. And anyone who says different can answer to Sasuke.

2. Naruto is also still the annoyingly upbeat, determined ninja that he's always been.

3. The blonde may be adorable, fuck-able and uke-like, but he's still a stubborn pain in the ass, as Sasuke will gladly attest to.

4. Naruto is veryadventurous in bed. He's read the Kama Sutra thoroughly and has attempted, with Sasuke, every physically plausible position in the damn book. He's introduced toys, food and role-playing costumes to their bedroom, but nothing seems to satisfy the horny bastard he shares his bed with.

5. Handcuffs are a uke's best friend. Naruto wholeheartedly agrees with this and always keeps a pair close by for those nights when he's too sore to be rashly pounded through the mattress by Sasuke, and would rather ride his boyfriend, setting his own, slower, pace.

6. Naruto is still a dobe. This fact with never, ever, ever change. He will always act without thinking in a battle. He still speaks without thinking, even when Sakura (and her fist) are within hearing range.

7. His love for ramen has not faded over the years. He still maintains that it is the best food ever. (Sasuke maintains that it can hardly be described as 'food'.)

8. Naruto has only ever been drunk once. And the unbearable pain in his ass that he woke up from was nothing compared to the throbbing in his skull.

9. Give him enemy ninjas, give him sex without preparation, give him Gaara on a bad day; but please, please, don't give him Sasuke on sex-drugs (courtesy of Sakura). His ass does not appreciate it. And he likes his ass; it is a rather nice ass, a sentiment with which Sasuke completely and totally agrees with.

10. Naruto still gives awesome head. Thanks very much.

11. Naruto still remembers when Sasuke decided to be a bastard on a level which no one has previously reached and went with Orochimaru. He also remembers kicking his bastard-ass and dragging him home by that gay little skirt-thing.

12. Naruto's hair is naturally that spiky.

13. No, his orange jumpsuit does not give away his position during missions because of his super-awesome-ninja-concealing skills.

14. No, the Kyuubi does not play a role in their sex life. Mostly because…ew. (Not that Sasuke hasn't tried to convince Naruto otherwise.)

15. Yes, Sasuke has convinced Naruto to wear that kinky maid outfit more than once during sex. That includes the frilly apron.

16. Contrary to number fifteen, Naruto does not, by any means, enjoy, cross-dressing. Except for when he does.

17. Their arguments are the best. This is because their arguments always end in sex. Usually rough, angry sex.

18. Naruto likes to entertain the notion that Sasuke is gayer than he is. He even has a list of reasons! Sasuke spends more time on his hair than Naruto does eating ramen (well, almost). Sasuke is a total bitch. And Sasuke can barely tolerate speaking to a girl (or anyone besides Naruto for that matter). When Sasuke found this list he would have laughed (but Uchihas don't laugh (often)) but he decided to fuck Naruto instead. Much more productive and pleasurable. Then Sasuke pointed out that Naruto not only takes it up the ass on a regular basis but also has an unhealthy love of neon orange jumpsuits. And who can really argue with that logic?

19. They later both agreed that number eighteen was a really stupid argument for guys who have as much gay sex as they do.

20. When Iruka learned of their not-so-chaste relationship, Sasuke was put through a rigorous test to determine whether or not he was a suitable partner for Iruka's beloved student. Sasuke pretty much failed, but Naruto's whining earned him bonus points.


A/N: Yes, it is purposely titled UCHIHA Naruto. Because Sasuke owns Naruto's ass. End story.

I hope you enjoyed this! It was supposed to be completed back in October for my birthday, but I suck and got extremely sidetracked. So…happy ridiculously late birthday to me?

I feel oddly accomplished. *facepalm* Let me know what you thought…

Okay, aparently FFN doesn't like the way my computer numbers my fics. So I edited it. The problem should be fixed. Sorry for any confusion. XD