A/N: Very short Christmas story. I don't know why I did it, but I still like it! Enjoy it, or not. I don't really care too much at the moment.
P.S.: Be prepared for a lot of Santa bashing!
It all started with a simple question. "Taicho?" asked Masumoto Rangiku, the 10th Squad's luteniant. "Why don't we ever take holiday vacations? We don't even celebrate Christmas!"
Hitsygaya Toushiro looked rather irritated. "Vacation? You hardly do work as it is!" he remarked angrily. "As for Christmas, I'm not to familiar with the holiday, as I've never celebrated it for myself."
Masumoto looked at her captain in surprise. "You've never celebrated Christmas?!" she asked in shock. "How could you not have?! It's the best holiday of the year!"
"It was probably because it was so close to my birthday, and I got gifts and parties anyway before I became a shinigami, so it's not a big deal." he stated blankly.
"But Christmas is so much more than that! It's a wonderful time of year! Almost magical! It's as if everyone's birthdays were crammed into this one day! It's like one big party! When I used to..." Masumoto continued on her non-stop Christmas speech, while her captain continued to do the paperwork his lieutenant never did.
"Let me get this straight." said Hitsugaya, a hour later. "Christmas is a Christian holiday where they are celebrating the birth of the Messiah, yet somehow, most people think of it as when Santa Claus comes to bring presents to everyone. And Santa is an old, obese pedophile, who stalks every person in the world. He then uses his elves as slaves to make toys for the children, while he gets even fatter off of cookies. Then, he forces his reindeer to fly in the middle of the night, carrying himself and all of the presents all over the world, even in restricted air space. He breaks into peoples houses, and leaves them gifts, which could easily be bombs. And somehow, every child idolizes him?! That is a bunch of crap!"
"Umm... Well..." said Masumoto, trying to turn the situation around somehow. "Santa... Er... Christmas...?"
"Did someone say Christmas?!" came a voice. A voice that struck fear into the hearts of many. The terrible beast know as...
"Yachiru-chan?" wondered Masumoto. "Is that you?"
"How did you get in the closet?" the young captain asked.
The pink-haired lieutenant leaped out of the closet. "I love Christmas!" she exclaimed, totally ignoring the captain's question. "There's candy, cookies, and lots of free stuff!" She skipped around the office. "Wait a second!" she said suddenly. "You're supposed to leave cookies and milk for Santa, right? I've got an idea!" She burst out of the Squad 10 barracks and ran off.
Several hours later, while most people were asleep, a small figure, dragging a sack larger than her, leaped from building to building, stopping at every one. She would grab a package out of the sack, and place it by every bed. She would also consume the cookies left there by the various death gods, who had managed to hear about Yachiru's plan. Unfortunately, Renji was not one of those people...
The cookie-less Renji was in the hospital for a couple weeks, complaining: "Why did no one tell me she was celebrating Christmas in August?!"
A/N: Poor Renji... He just happened to be the first person I could think of.