Disclaimer: Zelda's not mine, I can't even write it well. Rest assured I am making no cash of this, Nintendo. Quote is Christopher Marlowe in Doctor Faustus.

Note: Arghle flarghle chapter four. Note (because this is a particular point of irritation/pride for me) that I know the difference between jealousy and envy. Linebeck, however, doesn't, because he has the dumb. Also Tetra is mean because it fits with the story. And I can't develop emotion for the life of me. This is BAD PLAN VERY BAD PLAN. Oh wells.


I am Envy. I cannot read therefore wish all books burnt.


On the fourth day, there is envy.

When Linebeck wakes up, his chest is full of a fuzzy, pleasant feeling he can't place, and doesn't suspect at all what today is going to be full of. He stretches his arms and yawns, and goes back to sleep, comfortable, warm and inexplicably happy.

An hour or two later Tetra enters his cabin with a bucket of water and hurls it over him, and the warm fuzzy feeling becomes little more than a shivering ball of fluff. He yelps and struggles, his blankets winding themselves round his legs, and he crashes to the floor.

Groaning, he hears Tetra laughing. "Get up," she says. "We need to move, remember? For that we kinda need our captain."

"Link's the navigator and you're more than capable of turning a wheel," Linebeck mumbles into the wet wood boards of the floor he's landed on.

"I want to talk to Link instead. So get up."

Something shudders inside him at the words 'talk to Link'. The image of it - him stuck at the back of the ship breezing them along their course with Link and Tetra up front, heads pressed together, plotting their new course, chatting and giggling together – makes the feeling growl. It flexes, eyes up the whimpering, soaked little fluff ball, and promptly eats it.

"Ugh. Whatever," Tetra is saying. "I'm going to go out and spar with Link. You stay on the floor as long as you like."

Linebeck's head drops onto the floor just as Tetra slams the door shut. The contact sends a sharp spike of pain through the bruise on the side of his cranium, and he yelps again, twisting himself to sit up right, rubbing the painful spot.

What is it with Tetra always wanting to hang out with Link? I mean, sure, Linebeck thinks, they're friends – but friends don't need to see each other this much, do they? Tetra's just being selfish because she doesn't have any other friends here, and Link can come and spend time with Linebeck if he wants. So she doesn't want him to, wants Link all to herself...

And Link, Linebeck realises, has made no queries against this at all.

Probably completely fine with it.

Probably enjoys it.

Probably –

The shuddery feeling inside him shudders again, and does the emotional-equivalent of letting out a low growl. At least, Linebeck thinks it's a grown. Could have just been his stomach. But he feels as if it gave a growl, feels as if it just told him that Link and Tetra...

Link and Tetra aren't just friends, are they?

A prickle of envy runs though him, and Linebeck tries to explain to himself that it's nothing. It's simply, he thinks, smug with knowledge, vague displeasure that Tetra's being so immature about keeping Link to herself. I mean, Linebeck thinks, what am I going to do? Steal him away from her?

If you had the chance, a little voice in the back of his head answers.

"No I wouldn't!" he says aloud, too loudly, before realising he's actually made a sound. "I don't – that'd be – that'd mean –"

You so would.

"I – well, fine, I probably would. And that's bad enough in itself, isn't it?" Linebeck doesn't care that really, he's talking to an empty compartment. "Like I don't have enough to deal with having the hots for a kid – a male kid – the male kid on my boat! Now it's gotta be that I'm getting jealous of his little girlfriend..."

He groans and presses a hand to his face. Four days, that's all it's been. Four days of maybe-sort-of-having-this-thing-for-Link, and now look where it's got him. He should never have dwelt on this. Never let it become more than that silly prickle of lust, because now –

Now, Tetra is on the deck talking to Link, practically dancing with him the way they do when those two swordfight, and he's here, this weird old guy with a perverted crush on the hero kid, sitting in his cabin with wet clothes plucking at his skin and a definite chill starting to creep up his legs.

You have problems.

"Tell me about it," he moans, and drops back onto the floor. The wrong side of his head hits the wood and he mutters an "ow".

And he goes back to sleep.

He wakes up eventually and goes out on deck. Link and Tetra have long since stopped their sword fight and Link is at the helm, bent over his sea charts. Tetra seems to be steering. Linebeck realises he could have slept in more and almost turns back to his cabin, before he hears Tetra shouting out some laughing comment to Link, who grins and gives her the thumbs up in return. Tetra's eyes linger on Link a while after he's turned away and Linebeck decides that dammit, he's going to stay.

He starts noticing, as they sail, as they make port, as they buy some supplies and Link customises his ship again, just how much time Tetra spends looking at Link. Link, he seems oblivious to this, and that gives Linebeck this tiny, ridiculous shred of hope, but...

Tetra, she's definitely looking at Link.

Tetra, with her stupid blonde hair and her stupid fiery attitude and her stupid femaleness. Linebeck bets Link likes all of those stupid things. Ugh, boys were so predictable.

Tetra monopolises Link's attention all day, and he doesn't look at Linebeck once. Not even when they're setting off from the island they landed on, not even to check if the silly changes Link made to the ship were okay with its captain.

They're not, Linebeck decides, and thinks he should tell Link this. Make him go back and change it with his precious Tetra. But then he sneezes – a bad effect from those ridiculous soaking wet clothes he'd been dumb enough to go back to sleep in – and Link does glance over, eyes full of concern and a touch of affection.

And Linebeck decides he can make what ever change he wants to the ship.

Tetra's already chiding him though, yelling at him for staying in those wet clothes (forgetting, of course, he thinks dryly, that she was the one who threw water over him) and probably making himself ill, because he was useless enough anyway so what good would he be ill?

Link glances at her reproachfully, and Tetra sighs, and shuts up. She moves over to Link and looks over his shoulder, studying the same maps he's studying. She's very close to the side, and Linebeck thinks that it would be so easy just to push her over. And no one would ever know...

Except Link.

Link would know.

Yeah, that plan's maybe not so hot, he decides.