Deep in the forest, far from the lights and sounds of the faire and the riot within, a knight struggled to keep a delicate lady from gnawing his fingers off and spitting them into the leaves below their feet. "Shh. Quiet, Lady. The hounds of hell yet nip at our heels and they foam at the chops for our blood."

Words muffled by Seifer's hand, Quistis muttered, "Why the hell did you drag me off in the woods, Seifer?"

"To evade our pursuers, of course. I fear that they meant harm to my lady fair and I..."

"They didn't mean harm to me! It's your blood they want!"

Seifer removed his hand from Quistis' mouth so she could look at him. "Aye, but they saw you grace my most unworthy head with thine own bless'd hand, so thine precious life is now forfeit."

"It's a bloody damned faire! You're taking this thing way too seriously, Seifer!"

"Aye me! 'Twas once a simple faire, but the fiendish horde hath been possessed by mad spirits. I had to ferry thee away to a place of safety and solitude, else the foul beasts lay their violent hands upon thee."

True, Squall's fans were very, very unhappy to see their hero lose to the despised white knight, but Quistis didn't see how she had much to do with it. Okay, so maybe Seifer fought a bit harder when she favored him on the field and just maybe Squall's fans happened to see that she was the cause of his newfound fervor, but really! How the hell was it her fault?

Spinning around, her eyes absorbed the long shadows under the massive trees and the rapidly diminishing light from the setting sun. Such arboreal giants didn't get that size just over a season or two. These monsters looked to easily be a few centuries old and tall enough to make space exploration seem rather superfluous and silly.

She knew that they had been riding for a while, but she didn't think that they made it that far into the wilderness. "Well, you've certainly found solitude. I doubt humankind has been this deep in the forest since real knights were alive. How far did that horse take us?"

Seifer followed the direction of Quistis' gaze and noticed that they were far deeper in the shelter of the trees than he planned. Of course, the crowd coming after them with bottles and swords didn't really give him much time to plan much of an escape route, so he didn't think he was completely at fault. At the time, riding off into the sunset with his lady on the back of his war-horse seemed very romantic. Now that they were stuck in the woods with no shelter and no way to make it safely back to camp, it didn't seem like the wisest decision he had ever made. "Hmm. Yes, 'twould appear that we are lost."

"Seifer! I'll kill you! We're lost in the middle of nowhere..."


Quistis punched Seifer in the shoulder and promptly brought her stinging knuckles to her mouth. Punching him was one thing, but punching him while he was still dressed in his full suit of armor was entirely different. Wincing, she sucked her hand and moaned, "There's not a soul around! We could be out here all night!"

Seifer looked around and thoughtfully tapped his finger against his chin. "Aye."

Still furious that they were lost and alone, Quistis continued to rave about their situation. Pacing and jiggling, she failed to notice that Seifer didn't seem nearly as worried about their condition. "There's no way that anyone can find us until morning! Nobody to..."

Seeing her in that costume with the hazy half-light of early evening illuminating her hair, an idea occurred to the knight that had nothing to do with navigation. Seifer took her hand and pulled her close to his armored chest, smiling when she looked at him in surprise. "...interrupt us...or...oh...right..."

Oh dear...tell me, darling. Why the hell didn't we think of this a long time ago?

I have no idea, but I'm very glad he thought of it.

Oh well. Fuck it, love. We're lost and alone and there's enough fabric in this skirt to keep both of you warm until morning. I say it's time for a night under the stars, don't you? Or under him, rather. You know, whichever you like best. I'm flexible.

Yes, all that yoga is going to pay off, isn't it?

Well, I meant that I am willing to agree with you regardless of your opinion, but I must say that I'm impressed! You're turning into a regular lusty harlot, aren't you? I've taught you well!

Would you stop chattering so I can focus? I've never undressed a man in full plate armor before. There are all sorts of latches and's very confusing.

Oh! Right! Well, I'll leave you to it!

When he tore the laces from her corset, she smiled and hoped that he would just rip the damned thing from her shoulders. She hated that costume.

"True, milady. No pages or squires, no fools or fairies. None to interrupt us while you uphold your end of the wager..."

Grabbing a handful of scarlet cloth, Quistis pulled her costume together and frowned. Slapping his hands away, she asked, "Wager? I thought you said that I wouldn't have to wear this costume."

"I did."

"But I thought you canceled the bet when you..." Her eyes widened as she realized what the 'chivalrous' white knight meant when he spoke to her before the joust.

Oh ho! He outsmarted us, love! I thought he canceled it too. I suppose that means that you still have to uphold your end of the wager, darling. Though, he is being rather gracious, offering you a chance to finally get out of that costume instead of making you parade around for his enjoyment. Clever lad.

Yes, very clever. Remind me to slap the hell out of him later.

Certainly. But first...

Quistis raised an eyebrow at Seifer's devilish grin. Yes, he had won the bet, but she didn't plan on letting him claim his prize so easily. "Should I be concerned that I'm now alone in the forest with a villain dressed in white that is even now tearing the fabric from my body? What's a delicate lady to do?"

Green eyes widened. Of course! There was the honor of the lady to protect and he was acting the part of the lustful rogue instead of the honorable white knight! Seifer cupped her cheeks with his hands and forced her to look at his face. "A villain? Dost milady fear her knight? Say the word and I'll take thee back to yonder faire where..."

Darling? You better stop him right now. He's taking this knight thing so far that he's actually getting concerned over your bloody damned virtue! If you let him drag you back to that faire, so help me, I'll...

"Don't you dare! I didn't really mean to call you a villain, but then again..." Quistis smiled even wider and wrapped her arms around his neck. Gently brushing her lips along his jaw line, she whispered in his ear, "...I hope you aren't going to be a complete gentleman, either."


"Mmm hmm. I must admit that I'm curious to see how I'll fare against the champion of the Balamb Faire when I meet him in battle." Taking the leather-wrapped hilt of his sword, she playfully pulled it out of his scabbard and held the blade up to reflect the last rays of the setting sun. Dusky red light flickered across Seifer's eyes as she turned the sword in her hands and admired the mirrored silver and jade. "Hmm. Tis a fine blade, mi'lord. Pity that it shall soon meet its match against a most formidable foe."

She winked. "I fear the steel will never be the same once it passes through the fires of my forge, good sir."

Seifer swallowed hard. Not entirely sure if he could come up with a comeback to that, he tried to steer the conversation back to more familiar territory, where he was the witty one and Quistis was floundering for a response. "Umm...Should I show mercy on the lady when I meet her in battle?"

"Oh, I'd be very disappointed in my knight if he chose right now to be chivalrous." Quistis laughed when Seifer took his sword and slammed it back in the sheath. "Yes, 'tis best that you yield now."

"Yield? Ha! I yield to no man..." Quistis opened her mouth to reply, but he silenced her with a well-deserved kiss. "...but I'm a sucker for a pretty lady in a dress. And pretty lady, that's one hell of a dress."

"Good then, because I'd have you on your back much faster than any other warrior you've faced anyway..."

"Is that so?" Considering that his lady already had him down in the leaves and was tugging at his armor, Seifer decided that the battle was lost before it began. Ah well. Such was the life of a knight. "Truly, this is a battle unlike any that this knight hath..."

"God, shut up already." Quistis finally figured out how his armor was attached and freed him from his metal prison. Now able to wrap her arms around her knight instead of a tin can, she pulled him close and murmured, "Be silent a moment and find another use for thine silver tongue..."

"What the hell did you just..."

"You heard me, good sir knight."

Seifer smiled. He was getting tired of speaking like that anyway. "As you wish, milady."


Somewhere in the dark recesses of Quistis' mind (and parts much lower), a certain satisfied lady lit a celebratory cigarette and settled into a bathtub full of scented bubbles. Raising a glass of wine in one hand and the cigarette in the other, she congratulated herself as tendrils of smoke curled around her head.

Huzzah, darling! Huzzah, indeed. We'll have to do this again next year.


Note: Woo hoo! Holy shit! I've finished a multi-chapter fic!

Okay, I've used some more Shakespeare and Selphie had an Oberon moment with that love-flower bit. I always liked that speech between Oberon and Puck when they were planning a bit of mischief for Titania in A Midsummer Night's Dream, who should really kick their fucking asses for slipping her the fairyland equivalent of a roofie, but that's a whole different rant for a whole different time. Poisoned love flowers indeed...

Queen Mab's Revenge is a drink I thought up when I was still bartending. It has a bit of fresh mint, apple schnapps, a splash of soda water or Sprite, and a lot of white rum. Drink more than a couple and you really will visit Fairyland for a few hours before taking a screeching detour into Hangover Hell. They were very popular with theatre majors.

Anyway...Woo hoo! That whole fic was fun, but it was also much longer than I thought it might be when I started. Fuck it. I don't care how long it was. I had a blast writing it and playing with Seifer as a knight and Quistis as a chick that really-doesn't-need-a-knight-but-might-want-one-anyway. (which the game so should have explored a bit more, but I can go on and on about that...grr.)

Once more, a huge thank you and a round of drinks to those very kind people that reviewed this fic for me! I really, really appreciate it! Oh, you have no fucking idea how it makes me smile to know that people seem to like this fic!