My first attempt at writing crack fiction. The original idea was conceived on a Thursday night while working childcare. DO NOT DIS THE CHILDCARE WORKERS!!!!! My co-worker/ friend/ subordinate/ minion and I constantly hash out ideas on what would make funny crack fics. She can also be found on this site. X3 This was one of the many ideas. I usually write more serious stuff, but I thought this would be fun to try my hand at. This fic should not be more than four chapters long. There are implied pairings, but nothing serious.
I do not have a beta, nor have I had some one proof read. I can guarantee that there are numerous mistakes in here. You want to point them out, go ahead. I will try to fix them. If you don't like this fic, go ahead and flame. I honestly don't mind. If there is another fic out there like this, I haven't encountered it, so if you would be so kind as to send me the link that would be great. I do not intend to copy other peoples work. If there is one out there that this seems to copy, I will take this story down as to not insult the other person. If you like this, that's great.
"Kyuubi is talking"
Thinking to one's self
"Not telling who this is yet…"
"Hrm… I am so bored. What to do, what to do…" Naruto looks out his office window twards the Hokage Mountain and scratches his chin. Okay, I have finished today's paperwork, handed out today's chores and have already bothered Baa-chan today. What else can I do? He senses a familiar chakra source outside his door and smirks. "Come in Shikamaru."
The door opens and in walks Shikamaru with a disgruntled look on his face. "Do you enjoy telling people to come in by name before they even knock? Never mind, don't answer that. Knowing you, the answer is too troublesome. Here's the book you wanted on psychology." He then narrows his eyes and stares at Naruto, "Now why did our esteemed Rokudaime want a book on psychology?"
Naruto then smirks and replies, "Are you sure the answer to that isn't too troublesome Shika?"
Shikamaru then sighs. "The fact that it's you asking for a book on the mind, and how it works, is disturbing enough to make Madara run in fear. What are you planning?"
Naruto then gives a smile that hasn't been seen since the painting of the Hokage Mountain, "Oh just a little something that might make the old fox a little more agreeable."
Shikamaru then pales and shudders and turns to leave the office mumbling, "I don't think I want to know. I really don't think I want to know."
Naruto chuckles to himself and opens up the book. "Well now, let's see what we have here…"
Three days later…
Not even looking up from his paperwork, "Come in Shikamaru."
Shikamaru then opens the door and sighs, "I wish you wouldn't do that. It's creepy."
"That's why I do it Shika."
"When will you make up your mind on what you call me?"
Naruto looks up from his paper work and smirks, "Never if I can help it. By the way, I am done with the book. It's over there on the shelf by Baa-chans ugly mugshot."
Shikamaru snorts and says, "You're really troublesome, you know that right?"
"Of course I am. I take great pleasure in being so."
"Forever the prankster?"
"Do I want to know what you've planned for the fox?"
"It would make Ibiki and Anko cringe."
"Some. Yes I know. Now get out of here. I need to get my paperwork done. Besides, aren't you late for your date with Temari?"
"For the last time, we are NOT dating. We work together for the Chunin exams!"
"Yeah, keep swimming in denial Shika. Now beat it."
… This place needs a make-over. A sewer, the area that the seal takes in my mindscape just has to be a friggen sewer. At least I know why now. Time to rub it in an egotistical old fox's face, "Yo fox! Wake up!"
"Insolent human! I did not call you here, nor do I want you here. Now leave!"
"Sorry, fluffles. Not leaving. As a matter of fact I came here to see if you would change your mind and be more agreeable. You see, if you would let your chakra flow through the seal like it's supposed to, I wouldn't have so many problems with my control. So, how about? You going to stop being such a stingy bustard?"
"Like hell, meat bag! I will do as I please and you will never have the control that you wish!"
"You know, the seal here exists in my mindscape here. Since it is my mind, I can do whatever I want here. You might as well let things work the way they are supposed to. There are consequences for not following through with my simple little request."
"Fuck you hairless ape!"
"Very well then, let's see what to do…" Naruto looks up at the Kyuubi and snickers, "I just realized something. Your ears look very much like bunny ears."
"… THEY ARE NOT BUNNY EARS!!!!!!"
"Of course not, they are fox ears. But they look like bunny ears. Now we need to come up with the consequences for refusing my simple request."
The Kyuubi eye twitches at Naruto's response, "And what makes you think that you can change my mind?"
Naruto smirks and replies, "Three weeks is all I need fluffy. Three weeks."
Kyuubi snorts and says, "If you can break my will in that amount of time, then I will agree to not only allow my chakra to flow through the seal, but to whatever else may be able to come up with in that insignificant mind of yours."
Naruto continues to smirk and says, "I want that as a blood oath."
Kyuubi narrows his eyes, "What makes you think I have any?"
"It wasn't just your chakra and soul that was sealed in here you know."
"… Very well. " Kyuubi slices his right forepaw open and says, "I, Kyuubi, Lord of the Bijuu swear upon my blood that if my jailor succeeds in breaking my will in three weeks, I shall agree to whatever requests he may come up with, as long as it does not mean my destruction." He then glares down and sneers, "Is that good enough ningen?"
Naruto grins like the cat that ate the canary, "Perfect! Shall we beguine?"
"Do your worst insect."
"Very well. I figured we should start off with the one thing that can make an Uchiah run in fear."
"… And what pray tell is that?"
"Girly girls, fan girls, girls obsessed with giving make-overs..."
The next thing Kyuubi hears is a high pitched squeal and he looks down. Too his dismay there is a mob of human females with hearts in their eyes screaming kawaii. He snorts and turns to Naruto and says, "This is supposed to scare me?"
"Maybe you should look at what they are holding. By the way, I added a mirror so you could see what they do to you."
Kyuubi looks at the girls again and notices that they are holding brushes, combs, ribbons, bows, styling products, curling irons, curlers ext… "What is the point of the things that they are holding?"
"Oh, they intend to do the one thing that no strait male wants to fall victim to."
"And that would be?"
"A make-over." Naruto looks at the girls and says, "Have fun ladies. Oh, and before I forget, Kyuubi, the girls are indestructible. So no matter how hard you try to destroy them, they will never get hurt, or disappear."
Kyuubi snorts, "That does not appear to be mental torture. Besides, I am Lord of the Bijuu. I deserve to treated as my rank requires."
"Oh no, you misunderstood usagi-san, they intend to give you female type make-over. I'll be back in a week!"
Kyuubi looks horrified as the girls swarm him and howls, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Naruto looks over at the calendar and sighs. It's almost been a week. First stage will be complete by tomorrow night.He looks up from his paperwork and says, "Come in Iruka-sensei."
Iruka comes in the door and states, "You enjoy weirding people out don't you."
Naruto smirks, "Of course I do. I can't go around pulling pranks anymore, so I have to get my kicks from somewhere."
"You need a girlfriend."
"So do you."
They look at each other and both sigh.
"You should ask Anko out. She'll drag you out of your monotonous rut."
"When will you go out with Hinata? She could be the calming influence you need."
"When I don't have to run in fear from Neji or her father, since whenever I go near her they try to kill me in the process."
"Sucks to be you."
"What about Anko? Your changing the subject isn't going to let you escape from my question."
Iruka sighs, "You're not going to make this easy are you?" Naruto shakes his head. "Alright, alright. She's scary. She's intimidating… Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because your making excuse to not even try. I at least have a reason."
"True… By the way, I heard Shikamaru mention your name in the same sentence with reading and a psychology book. Care to explain?"
Naruto chuckles, "I intend to make the Kyuubi be a little more agreeable concerning his chakra. He's being an ass again and this time, he is preventing his chakra from flowing through the seal like it's supposed to. Which is screwing with my control."
"Are you sure that's a wise idea?"
"He agreed to do whatever I want so long as it doesn't destroy him in the process if I can break his will in three weeks. Got it under a blood oath to boot."
"Really? So what are you doing to him?"
"Right now he is undergoing a week of complete feminine make-over by girly girls that he can't destroy or get rid of."
Iruka shudders, "That is cruel."
"I know. His royal pain in the ass also has a mirror in his cage that he can't break either. That way every time he turns around, he will get a glimpse of what they have done to him. Oh by the way, I have a few ideas on what to do for week two. Want to help me out?"
Iruka smirks, "Do I ever…"
Yeah. Phase one complete. Wonder what Iruka and Naruto come up with for phase two?